‘Oh cool,’ Caitlan jumped off the bed exuberantly. It was her favourite place in the whole world and though I did not quite share her passion, a change of scenery would definitely help.
We spent the next hour packing our suitcases to leave. Mom booked the flights online and hurried us along as we packed the car up, destination, Colorado.
Sitting at the airport while Caitlan and Seth picked magazines, I tried to catch my mother’s eye. Completely enthralled in her Danielle Steel novel, I wandered over to the magazine stand, fingering each publication without actually reading any of the covers.
‘Lex, I got you covered,’ Caitlan grinned with an array of magazines and candy under her arm, I could not help but smile as we boarded the plane and took our seats. Maybe this would not be so bad after all. Buckling my seat belt, I turned on my iPod and lost myself in Nelly Furtado as the wheels tucked away and we soared across the sky.
‘Mom, go for the SUV.’ Seth grunted, pointing at the vehicle opposite. He was not happy with the initial car hire choice and after securing our vehicle in the parking lot, we started the two-hour journey to our final destination.
Peering out into the distance, Caitlan’s eyes were glowing as we turned the last corner.
The Thomas ranch was spread across thirty-six acres of land with two residences, twelve acres of pasture, stables and unobstructed 360-degree views of the surrounding hills. It was breathtakingly beautiful and I could see why Caitlan loved it so much.
I loved the city with its nonstop noise and entertainment twenty-four seven. I could appreciate the tranquillity and seeing my grandmother coming to greet us, I could not help but smile.
‘What a lovely surprise, Sabine, it is so wonderful to see you,’ my grandmother embraced her daughter affectionately, but I swear she gave my mom a knowing look, shooting condolences, like paper hearts flying in the Autumnal breeze. ‘Seth, look how much you have grown.’ That was Seth’s favourite thing to hear, being shorter than most of the boys in his class, he was now catching up and his eyes lit up with gratification.
‘Hi, Grandma, it is so great to see you,’ I fell into her arms easily and cherished the warm embrace, like a well-lit fire on a stormy cold night.
After all the welcome greetings grandma bought us all inside and served afternoon tea. She was the best cook and tucking into her homemade strawberry tart, I was definitely glad we came.
Caitlan and Seth went riding with our grandpa, mom went for a walk with grandma, no doubt to discuss everything that had happened and I stayed back, just sitting on the porch swinging. The scent of pine and wild flowers danced all around as I lay back and closed my eyes.
‘Hey, room for one more?’ Caitlan filled the seat beside me and we wordlessly floated through the air.
‘How are you feeling? I mean I can tell obviously, but is there anything I can do aside from call him every beastly word I can think of.’ Smiling, she was my sister. How did I get so lucky?
‘Tell me about Lucas and don’t miss anything out.’ Her face lit up. She was positively radiant and listening to her narrate it all, seeing clearly how much it was making her happy; losing that journal was the best mistake I ever made.
‘He asked you to be his girlfriend? Oh wow, I am so happy for you.’ If her expression saying those words could have been bottled, they would be the, true happy pills.
‘I wanted to tell you so badly, but with everything that was happening with you, I didn’t want to be the selfish sister, revelling in my happiness when you were so miserable.’
‘Hey, don’t be ridiculous, this is your moment and you deserve all the happiness in the world, Caitlan, he is one lucky guy.’
‘You know he has a brother,’ a mischievous grin slid across her face.
‘I’m good, but thanks for the thought. I’m going to have a shower before dinner. Love you, sis.’ Succumbing to her bear hug, I proceeded to the bathroom with my toiletry bag in toe. Taking my contraceptive pill my thoughts drifted to Christopher and the night we spent together. I loved him so much, but now everything was different and I could not change it back. We both needed to move on with our lives and planning what I was going to say in my head I dried off, grabbed a pen and paper and began writing the hardest letter I had ever written.
Sealing the envelope shut and attaching the stamp, I hoped with all my heart he would find someone to make him happy. Lying down on the bed, I pulled the comforter my grandma had made us when we were born around me.
So many demons put to rest, or were they? My mother wanted to forget, to move on, I needed to honour and respect her wishes, but I would never be able to look my father in the eye again after this. He would hate me even more than he already did. Toying with that knowledge for a moment, I flicked it across the room. Watching it skitter over the floor, before it was sucked into the, forgotten drawer. I needed to move on too and my eyes closed involuntarily, so exhausted from the last few weeks, finding peace in Colorado; just like Caitlan always did.
I awoke several hours later to the smell of a deliciously pungent aroma filling the room, roast and something else, something sweet and mouth-wateringly divine. Closing the door quietly behind me, I re-joined the rest of my family to play monopoly while grandma perfected her gravy recipe. Serving us the most amazing dinner feast, my belly so contentedly full, the nausea had all but gone.
As Seth and I cleared the table and Caitlan started stacking the dishwasher I watched grandma and mom chatting together about her latest strawberry crop and grandpa read his paper, stoking the fire that was about to serve as a toaster for our marshmallows when the telephone rang.
Grandma answered and came back to the kitchen shortly after, her face a little paler than normal.
‘That was your father, he will be here by morning.’ I froze and the nausea that had once settled came biting back, ready to pounce.
‘Yay,’ Seth called out, he always missed dad when he was away. I, well the thought of him coming here tomorrow sent daggers spearing my heart and shredding it, before starting on my soul. Running to the bathroom with Caitlan following behind I once again plastered the toilet bowl with my despair.
‘Sweetheart, everything okay in there?’ Grandma quietly entered the room clutching a bottle in her hands. ‘Here take this, it will fix you right up,’ handing me the peppermint scented bottle and taking a spoonful, she was right. It lined my throat and soothed my stomach almost instantly and I went to lie down with Caitlan at my side as she filled me in on the updated Lucas information at my request.
I fell asleep to the sound of her voice, lulling and calming me along with the sound of the rain lightly coating the window, a layer of frozen water forming shortly after. A storm was coming this way and I longed for it to arrive before my father did, securing me another day of bliss without him.
Waking up the next morning, I peeked out of the window, holding my breath in anticipation. At least four feet of snow had fallen and the road would be impassable.
We were snowed in and my father would not make it today. My prays were answered. Reaching to wake Caitlan and show her the wintry wonderland, I felt free. There was always hope, even in what seemed perpetual darkness.
With that thought pulsing through my veins, I proceeded to wake my brother; it was snowball fight time.
Walking down the stairs, the hushed voices dissipated, turning around into the living room I forgot to breathe.
‘Hello, Lexi,’ he was here, my dad was here.
caitlan – no place like home
Being back in Colorado was the best thing, or it normally was. This time though Lexi was miserable from breaking up with Christopher and sick. Mom was acting the strangest I had ever seen her and grandma was happy smiley, nothing is wrong face constantly.
Firing up the laptop, I opened my email account, reading the awaiting message.
Hi, baby, hope you’re having fun in Colorado. Everything is fine with my grandfather and my mom has returned to a semi Satan state. How are you doing? I miss you
. Write soon.
Love always Lucas xxx.
Clutching onto the silver bracelet and twirling round and round the initial I had declared related to Lucas, despite the fact he had given it to, Lexi, I pondered. Wanting so badly to meet him and be held in his arms, rather than just virtual hugs. I sighed and hit reply.
Hi Lucas, I’m so glad everything is okay with your grandfather. Things are still area 51 top-secret member’s only in the know club here. My sister is so upset after breaking up with her boyfriend and my mom is all sorts of crazy weird behaviour. I don’t know what to think anymore. The rehearsal is next week and I am not ready at all. Wish you were here.
Love me xx.
Wanting to distance myself from Lexi’s name, I had started to sign from me, rhymed with C and just made me feel like I was less of a perpetual liar. Of all the things to lie about though, surely a name is the least harmful. Hoping with all my heart he would understand, the audible ping of a reply uncoupled my worrying train.
Baby, you have no idea how much I wish I were there with you too, in my arms and together we could get through this and figure everything out. As for next week, you will be amazing, I know it and if they don’t offer you the part they are insane. Lexi… we could meet. I would fly down any time of the day to be with you. Just tell me when okay?
Love me too xxx.
I pictured him agonising over whether to say the last sentence and unconsciously began wringing my hands together in anticipation of the reply I would draft. With all of my being I wanted to say come, right now, I will pick you up at the airport.
But seeing Lexi and how heartbroken she was over Christopher I couldn’t. Not strong enough to face the reality of rejection I felt the tears starting to build. My eyes betraying me with each word. Choking on the truth and drowning under the lies.
Lucas, there is nothing more that I want for you to be here with me, but this is not the right time. When my sister is devastated, to then go and say, look here is my boyfriend seems beyond torture. Then there is the thing with my mom, God knows what that is about, but I want you to be here so badly, trust me.
Love always me xxx.
Hitting send, another email penetrating through, distracted my attention momentarily when I saw the sender.
Cat, I’m coming back early, tell your mom I will see her later. I know you’re in Colorado.
See you soon
Love Dad xx.
Holy crap, I bit my lip hard and having to grab a tissue to soak up the blood, I tripped over the chair leg and fell down hard on my ankle. A burning, tearing pain shot through my foot and hopping up onto the bed, I surveyed my injury.
Testing my manoeuvrability, I squealed in pain, this was bad. I had sprained my ankle once before and it had taken weeks to heal. With the audition for the school recital next week, there was no way I was going to be able to compete now.
Letting the tears flow free and soak the crotched blanket hung loosely on the bed, its sunflowers encircling me, I never would forget this week.
Sitting up and wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my now tear stained blue shirt; I opened the last email from Lucas.
I totally understand and will be waiting with my bags packed for whenever you’re ready. Have to finish this paper for college, but I can’t wait to talk to you later.
Ps, I love to see the words, your boyfriend.
xx.
I closed the computer down and hobbling to the door, I needed ice and fast.
‘Oh, sweetheart, what happened?’ My mom rushed to my side as I hopped, wincing in pain descending the stairs and to the kitchen.
‘I fell and I think I sprained my ankle. Mom the audition is next week,’ trying desperately to swallow the lump in my throat that was sure to bring the floodgates with it I sat down, searching her eyes for solutions.
‘Oh, darling, I am so sorry, but you won’t be able to compete like this. I know it is the last thing you ever want to hear, but you must let it recover otherwise it can cause further injury.’ My mother was a physiotherapist, working on the military guys before she met my dad. I nodded, though unable to contain the disappointment and anger any longer, the tears breached their holding pattern and flew mercilessly down my face, without regard.
My mom iced my foot and helped me over to the sofa to rest, providing an array of pillows to prop my ankle on. Grandma busied herself making dinner and would send condolence smiles in between sautéing vegetables and roasting meat. Seth was out riding with grandpa and Lexi was taking a nap upstairs, still under the weather from the bug she had gotten.
Remembering the reason for the fall in the first place, I felt a searing pain in my foot when I jumped to announce my revelation.
‘Ouch, oh, Mom, dad emailed to say he is coming here and will arrive late tonight.’ The colour drained from my mother faster than the green water emptying from the colander my grandma was using to strain the spinach.
‘Oh, okay. Don’t mention this to your sister, I want her to get some rest and you keep resting that foot. I’m going to lie down.’ Kissing me on the forehead, I watched as she paced, talking in hushed voices to my grandmother, unable to process what they were saying as my mother had turned the TV on with the volume up to the extent I could not make a word out. Closing my eyes, the pain easing slightly with the ibuprofen my mom had procured for me from grandpa’s medicine cabinet and thought of Lucas.
Smiling I accepted his proffered hand, and he led me up to his bedroom. The stars shone vividly through the sky light as he lay down next to me, our hands entwined. Neither of us spoke, just watched the stars as they pirouetted around the skylight in pairs. Our eyes meeting for the first time, he leaned across and kissed each of my fingers in turn. Then swooped me into his arms, pulling me astride him and kissed me so passionately.
I woke up and felt my lips to see if it was real.
Wow, I had never dreamt about a guy in that way before. Fantasied to a certain point, but that was so real, so vivid and felt so right. The desire to be with him, to feel his arms encircling my body was growing each day and the thought of not being able to make this a reality, tugged at my heart, nipping it and sent winces of unfulfilled longing through my veins.
‘Caitlan, dinner is ready. Shall I help you to the table?’ Grandpa had arrived back with Seth and was standing in front of me, cheeks flushed with the chilled air that was now penetrating my bones. The opened front door sent icy blasts across the room and he stretched out his hand.
Joining the rest of my family, including Lexi, who looked like she could eat a horse, I inwardly smiled. Sending knowing glances my way and condolences for my ankle, I watched as she hungrily tucked into her food, so thankful she was feeling better. I had barely made a dent in mine when the announcement that my father was coming to visit sent Lexi skittering off upstairs and me hobbling behind her as once again she was sick to her stomach.
Getting ready for bed, I struggled into my pyjamas, brushing my teeth and hair before climbing into bed, next to my laptop. Ready to feel anything, but what I did right now, confused, hopeless and sheer disappointment. A message was waiting.
Hey baby, how was your afternoon? I finished my paper so I’m all yours for the rest of the night. Can’t wait to hear from you.
Love Lucas xxx.
Smiling, despite my predicament, I hit reply and proceeded to tell Lucas everything about my dad coming, Lexi and my mom’s reaction and of course my ankle.
Hitting send, I closed my eyes. The only thing I wanted to do right now was board a plane and go see Lucas. Logging into my savings account I checked the balance. There was enough there to buy a return ticket to New York and feeling impulsive, but also desperate, I loaded up the flight-booking page.
Oh, baby, I am so sorry, I wish there was something I could do to help make you feel better.
There was and writing the words I thought I would never say, a rush of adrenaline coursed through my body. My hair was standing on end, the static pull of Lucas so great. The decision was
made.
Lucas, I’m coming to New York, tonight. There is a flight that leaves in a few hours. I can be there late tonight/early morning. If you want me too?
Hitting send, I suddenly panicked. What if he did not want me to and was just saying it because he thought it would never happen. The adrenaline leaving my body so quickly, I felt like I could collapse at any second. The response pinging into my ears and pulling me from the despair I had just fallen head first in it. I held my breath and opened it.
Are you for real? Of course I want you to come, right now.
Tell me your flight number and I will be waiting at the gate for you. Oh, baby, you have just made me the happiest guy alive. Let me know when you have booked the flight.
Love you! So much!
Reading his message knocked me back into oblivion, though this was heaven on Earth, floating wrapped in Lucas’s arms, the best and only place I ever wanted to be.
Taking another deep breath, I transferred my savings money over to my PayPal account and booked my flight ticket.
Holy crap, I would be seeing Lucas tonight. Climbing down off the bed, I grabbed my bag and threw some clothes in, jeans, t-shirt and underwear. My toiletry bag and hairbrush were next and I quickly changed into a pair of leggings with a long jumper. Struggling to put my socks and shoes on, my ankle still very swollen, I reached for my boots instead and securing them into place replied back to Lucas confirming my flight details.
I was really going to do this. He replied almost instantly.
The Beginning (The Butterfly Series Book 2) Page 6