I will be at the gate waiting for you. Please take care and get to me in one piece. I could not bear it if anything happened to you. Can’t wait to hold you in my arms. I love you, my sweet girl.
xxx.
Sneaking out of the house undetected was a breeze, descending the backstairs, grabbing the hire car keys off the hook I limped as fast and as quietly as I could to the car. Starting the engine up, I slowly pulled out the drive and turned onto the road that would lead me to Lucas. I was running away into his arms and I had never felt more alive.
lexi - missing
He was sitting on the sofa, warming his hands around a cup of coffee. I could smell the black espresso beverage from here and my stomach turned. He was wearing his dress uniform and rose, standing in front of the fire, briefly blocking the heat source with his large frame, before throwing another log on and edging towards me.
It was freezing and folding my arms across my chest in a defensive, but also practical position I looked outside. The snow had fallen considerably over night; at least another foot and I noticed the hire car was not parked on the drive. Dismissing it as quickly as an irrelevant observation, I turned back to face the man I was supposed to love, my father.
‘Hi, Dad,’ finding my voice, albeit a weak version of one, I walked to the kitchen, grabbing myself a glass out of the pine cabinet and turned the faucet on. Taking a large gulp of water, I steadied myself; I could do this. Turning around, I strolled as confidently as I could, taking a seat next to the large wood burning fire, the centre piece of the open spaced living area and looked straight into his eyes.
‘Lexi, I don’t want to fight,’ his posture submissive, running his hands through his hair. ‘I just want to move on and forget the past. It is over with her. It has been for some time on my side, she just doesn’t want to accept it.’ I stifled a huh and tightening a grip around the crystal white glass with its palomino horse galloping into the fray, I searched for my voice to respond.
‘I want to move on too,’ clearing my voice and lowering my head. I really did. Whether it was possible or not, who knows? But with every fibre of my being, I didn’t want to fight anymore.
‘Okay then, a truce?’ I had never seen him so uncertain before and walking over to me, he shakily stuck out his hand. Reaching mine up tentatively, I grasped, and we shook, just like that.
A smile slowly swept across his face and he excused himself, to no doubt find my mother. I lay back in the brown leather chair, feeling the heat from the fire penetrating my bones. It felt so good.
‘Lexi, can you make me pancakes?’ I opened my eyes, it felt like seconds, but checking my watch, I had slept for a further two hours.
‘Sure, Seth,’ ruffling his hair as I stretched my arms up to straighten out the kink in my shoulder. Heading to the kitchen, we measured out all the ingredients together, and I started melting the butter in the pan.
‘Here, I will do that; you go watch cartoons with Seth.’ Grandma had already gotten dressed and set to making the breakfast, putting the grill on for bacon and toast. Seth watched Scooby and I pulled out an old ragged copy of Little Women from the bookcase, turning the first page and getting lost in the chapter, not hearing my grandmother’s voice until Seth poked me.
‘Ouch, what?’ rubbing my side, annoyed at the disruption.
‘Can you go get your sister, Lexi, breakfast is ready and your mom is sleeping in this morning.’ Climbing the stairs, I marvelled at the snowfall, glistening under the sunlight that was penetrating through the pink marshmallow clouds and opened the door.
‘Caitlan, breakfast is ready, wake up, you should see the snow and dad is home,’ trying to sound enthusiastic I pulled the curtains open and turning around, froze. The bed was completely empty and made. Reaching across to the note that had been left on the nightstand, I opened it, shaking.
Lexi, I have gone to see Lucas. I have to do this. Call you later.
Love Caitlan.
Reaching for the phone, my stomach in knots, they were going to freak. Dialling Caitlan’s cell and it going straight to voice mail I stood in her room immobile. What the hell was I going to say to my mom and dad? Hearing the floorboards creek outside the door, I turned, throwing the note into my pocket and closed the door quietly behind me.
‘She isn’t feeling well, grandma, I have given her some paracetamol, for her stomach cramps and she said she is going to sleep a bit longer,’ my high pitched squeaky voice almost giving me away, but the distraction of my grandpa coming in from feeding the horses and wanting his breakfast was my saving grace.
I picked at my breakfast, trying desperately to think of excuses to explain Caitlan’s absence and coming up blank. There were only so many reasons I could give, before someone went to check on her and watching both my parents eating their breakfast and making polite chitchat, I audibly sighed.
‘Everything okay, sweetheart?’ My mom, ever observant asked nervously. Nodding my head and smiling a pathetic fake grin plastered across my face I busied myself with my breakfast, and helping clean up, before Caitlan was mentioned again.
‘I will go take her up some breakfast,’ my grandmother confirmed, preparing some muesli and coffee on a white wicker tray.
‘I’ll take it up to her, Grandma. I need to ask her about our homework anyway.’ My dad’s ears pricking up at the mention of school, but he remained silent. If he hadn’t have ruined my interview I would have been packing for school now and that thought sent a bitter note through my throat, swallowing to try to eradicate it, I carried the tray upstairs to an empty room.
Setting it down, I once again called Caitlan’s cell, still switched off. I was pacing the room when I saw the doorknob turning. Oh, crap.
‘Caitlan, sweetheart,’ standing in the doorway, completely perplexed, my dad stared at me. ‘What’s wrong?’ his forehead furrowing with confusion.
‘I, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what to do,’ wringing my hands and shaking my head, the tears brewing in my eyes. What had she done? He walked across the room in one stride and grabbing my arms, gently, but firmly, he pulled me to face him.
‘Where is your sister?’ clear and concise as though he was talking to one of his men. I on the other hand was an emotional wreck and shaking my head, the garbled words rolled off my tongue without any thought process or logical sequence.
‘Lucas, the guy from our camping trip, I don’t know, she is with him I think,’ letting go of me he flew out of the room and I followed.
‘What is it? Is it Caitlan?’ Both my mom and grandmother repeated in unison as my father was searching for his keys and jacket.
‘Lexi, what is going on?’ my mother demanded, her voice pitched at the level I always knew to avoid. Stumbling to respond I handed her the note.
‘You stupid girl,’ not sure if she was referring to me or my sister she grabbed her boots and jacket and both my parents were gone within seconds, neither of them looking my way.
Oh, Caitlan. What have you done?
The next two hours dragged by, my grandmother demanding gently all the information and looking at me so disappointedly. Why had I not just told the truth? Sisterly obligation, I don’t know, but knowing how hurt and betrayed my parents would be I shuddered, snuggling closer to Seth, who was as white as a sheet. Caitlan had gone, and we had no idea where she was, the fear was all-consuming,
The telephone ringing sent both my grandparents in an Olympic race to answer. I jumped up with Seth at my side watching their expressions, and trying to gauge what was being said.
‘You have her. Oh my heart, she is okay, right, see you soon. Drive safely,’ my grandmother placed the old style receiver down and confirmed the news.
‘Your sister was at the airport, her flight had been delayed due to the weather. They have her and are coming home now,’ she reiterated like rote, then proceeded to her chores as normal. Seth resumed playing with his computer game and I headed to get showered and dressed, terrified of the outcome of my sister’s actions.
‘Leave her and go help your grandmother,’ my father ordered, back to his old self, this morning’s appeal of moving on, as far away as Caitlan had tried to run to. Nodding I assisted my grandmother cleaning and preparing the corn she was planning to make for lunch without saying a word.
My mother had followed my father upstairs and the slamming of doors and raised voices ceased to complete silence. I was trying to concentrate on helping my grandmother, but every part of my being wanted to run up the stairs and demand to know what Caitlan was doing and how she could do that to me. Not say anything at all and just leave. That was what I did, not her, I was the screw up in my father’s eyes and catching his eyes as he walked downstairs, the ice had returned and they glazed over me, returning to answer my grandmother’s interrogation.
‘What was she thinking? Who is this boy?’ my grandmother demanded, her face turning redder by the minute with anger.
‘It doesn’t matter now, Cecile, she is grounded and trust me, will not be pulling a stunt like this ever again.’ My heart ached for my sister; she had never been grounded before let alone had my dad raise his voice since we were little kids.
Terrified, but at the same time desperate, I edged slowly over to him, like a mouse about to come face to face with a lion.
‘Dad, can I please go see Caitlan?’ I kept my head down and waited for his response.
‘You may, but make it quick,’ he huffed, reaching for the newspaper and dismissing me.
Knocking on Caitlan’s door I opened it slowly, finding her wrapped on the bed in the crocheted blanket our grandmother had made for us, the topaz blue a mirror image of our eyes and ran towards her.
‘Lexi, I’m so sorry,’ she garbled incoherently between rasping sobs and I clung to my sister as though we had been parted for years. Soothing her and stroking her back as she cried in my arms.
‘What happened?’ turning her to face me, I handed her a tissue. I had never seen her so upset before, except when Skippy the hamster had died when we were ten years old.
‘I couldn’t take it anymore, no one would tell me what was going on and I just flipped. I wanted to see Lucas so badly, I could not think straight. I took the car and got to the airport, but my flight was delayed. I knew I couldn’t go back, so I just sat in the departure lounge like the biggest loser ever.’ She wiped her hand across her eyes and I could not help but smile.
‘Wow, sis, you really did a me didn’t you. No, I think you did an apocalyptic you.’ We both giggled and hugged each other close. The ramifications of her decision to leave and me covering for her were yet unknown, but in this moment right now, locked in each other’s arms, I had never felt closer to my sister.
Holding her while she slept, no doubt exhausted from today’s events, I grabbed my cell phone and was just going to switch on iTunes when a reminder popped up on my phone.
Opening the message, I read the words, but did not process them for the longest time, and then I read them again.
I had installed an app on my phone to remind me and it was now like a red neon sign, waving and dancing around accusingly.
I was late, my period was late.
**
caitlan - bombshell
It had been three months since that night when I had stolen my mother’s hire car and drove to the airport, ready to board a flight and meet Lucas.
Looking back now, I knew it was the most insane thing I had ever done, but I would not change it. The fact that Lucas knew I cared enough to go to those lengths, our relationship had deepened because of it and was worth the extreme grounding I had to endure.
Monitored every minute of my time at home, school had become my only sanctuary and having been banned from using my laptop, the school computer library was my new home.
The grounding was due to end today and the thought of having my laptop and phone back and being able to contact Lucas whenever I wanted sent shivers of joy down my back and the biggest grin known to man across my face.
I hadn’t noticed the guy opposite staring at me, but suddenly realising I grabbed my books, stuffed them into my bag and left as fast as my legs could carry me. The thought of not having to endure this any longer was pure bliss.
I could not see Lexi at the school gate and obviously having no phone, couldn’t message her. I walked home alone completely engrossed in my thoughts of Lucas and how I had reacted when my father had attempted to forbid me to contact him.
‘You will not contact that boy again, do you hear me?’ Never having heard my dad react like this, I was initially taken aback, until the destitute thoughts of life without Lucas attacked and I did something I never would have in a million years thought possible. I argued back to my father.
‘No way, Dad, will I ever stop speaking with Lucas. I don’t care what you say or do to me, I will always have Lucas in my life,’ flushing a shade of puce, I shakily cleared my voice and watched his expression change from anger to utter astonishment.
‘Well, you are grounded for three months, no computer, and no phone. Now let’s see how you will do with Morse code, as that’s the only way you will be speaking to your boyfriend. Get out of my sight; I have never been so disappointed in all my life.’ Closing the door quickly behind me, but not slamming it, as I would have loved to do, I ran upstairs to my room and flopped onto the bed. Lexi opening the door made me jump, but the tears flowed regardless.
‘It will be okay, Caitlan, I promise,’ she cajoled, stroking my arms gently. ‘He will wait for you and I will do whatever I can to help, sending your letters. I will open another post-box for you, it will be okay.’ Lifting my head, I cheered slightly at her creative suggestions. All was not lost and grabbing her into a bear hug, I mused.
‘You should have seen his face, Lex, dad, he was livid,’ a slight smile crept onto her face and her eyes suddenly lit up mischievously.
‘I’m so proud of you,’ she whispered and I could not help but smile in return.
Chatting for a while, about anything and everything, until dad knocked and told Lexi she needed to go to bed, I grabbed the stationary set Lucas had bought me for my birthday and drafted a three-page letter. Giggling to myself at the thought of my dad and his new defiant daughter. Though this would be short lived as generally being the people pleaser suited me. I was not interested in confrontation, much more eager to blend into the background. Except with this, nothing would stop me when it came to Lucas.
It had been a week since my torturous grounding had ending and busy chatting to Lucas on the computer I had not seen her walk in.
‘Caitlan,’ her voice was so feeble and her face completely crumpled. Holy crap. What was wrong?
‘Lexi, oh, what has happened?’ closing the laptop, I immediately sat up and gestured for her to sit down on the bed, wrapping my crocheted ballerina blanket with its satin tutus sparkling under the white light around us both.
‘I’m late, my period,’ she virtually whispered, voice clearly ragged from an immense amount of crying.
‘Late? How late?’ Not completing understanding the situation. We were both virgins, or so I thought.
‘Three,’ she replied like rote, wrapping the tassels on the blanket around her finger absentmindedly.
‘Three days? That is nothing, Lex, you are probably just stressed with school and finals, don’t worry. I’m sure it is nothing,’ trying to sound as reassuring as possible.
‘Not three days, Caitlan, three months.’ My jaw dropped to the floor like one of the cartoon characters Seth watched when not on his playstation.
‘Three months? I don’t understand have you, you know?’ not wanting to say the words for fear of the reply and seeing her drop her head into her hands, all my fears were consuming. Taking a deep breath and trying to compose myself, I needed to focus and pull out just the right words from my twiste
d, garbled vocabulary. She didn’t need the, why did you not tell me? She needed support and non-judgement.
‘Have you taken a test?’ Not wanting to process the outcome of this, I watched her expression change and a foreboding switch in the air around us was making it difficult to form the words to speak. Each feeling stifled by the disaster that was looming mercilessly over us.
She shook her head, a resounding no and my heart fluttered. There was still a chance everything would be okay and my heart soared. Grabbing my coat and shoes from the closet, I knew what I had to do.
‘Stay here and rest, I will go to the pharmacy and be back soon okay?’ She just nodded wearily and lay back on my bed, pulling the blanket over her head. It had to be negative, the thought of anything else and my dad, oh my dad. Shaking my head wanting to dispel the memory from permeating further, I slung my purse across my body and walked to the pharmacy. My blood pooling at the mere thought of it. Lexi having a baby.
Entering the pharmacy and hearing the audible beep, I jumped out of my skin. Scurrying around the aisles I found the pregnancy test supplies and perusing the shelves as if I knew what the hell I was doing I picked up a test and headed to the cashier. Keeping my eyes low, I paid for the item and shoving it into my bag ran as fast as I could out of the store, trying to erase the disapproving looks from my memory that would be Lexi’s future.
Everyone at school, our friends, they would all be thinking one thing and it would not be true. She made a mistake and I would support her no matter what, besides there was still a chance. Everything could go back to the way it was and that cheering thought followed me home. Negative would be the result and we could laugh and joke and eat ice cream like we always did on a Friday night.
Climbing the stairs, my lungs were feeling constricted, as though the test was attacking its way out of my bag and strangling me in the process. Opening the bedroom door, I watched as Lexi rose up from under the covers, absolutely terrified and my heart ached for her.
The Beginning (The Butterfly Series Book 2) Page 7