Played

by Tasha Fawkes

  I felt like a worm, a bottom-feeder, but for the sake of my son, I again convinced myself to continue with this plan. I would do anything for Ethan.

  Kelli and I left the house, climbed into her fire-engine red Corvette and sped out of the driveway. I barely managed to fasten my seatbelt before we were zooming away from the mansion.

  We didn't go far. She pulled the Vette over at a small park maybe a mile from Joel's place. I sat still, suddenly nervous, not sure what we were doing. I reached for my seatbelt, prepared to step out.

  "Leave it on," she said, staring out the windshield a moment before turning toward me.

  At that moment, I knew. Before she even opened her mouth, I knew.

  "Just a word of caution for you, Sarah, that you keep your hands and your eyes to yourself when it comes to Joel. Is that clear?"

  Gone was the smile. Gone the pretense of friendship. Embarrassment warmed my cheeks. So too did instant denial, but I clamped that back. A surge of anger hit me and I pressed my lips together, but gazed back at her as if confused. "Of course, Kelli, why—"

  "I saw the way you two were looking at each other in the kitchen this morning." Her gaze narrowed. "I already told you that he fooled around on me once, remember? I won't have him doing it again, and especially not when I'm so close to reconciling our relationship completely. He's going to ask me to marry him, I'll see to it. But I'm warning you, if I have any indication or even sense that you're getting in the way, you'll be back at the shelter before you know it. Is that clear?"

  "Yes, it's clear," I said, swallowing my anger, pride. "Honestly, Kelli, I'm not interested in Joel. I've got enough trouble on my own without adding more to it." I paused. "It was just that I was surprised to see him like that. That's all."

  She stared at me for several moments and then finally nodded. "Alrighty then. Let's go shopping."

  Several hours later, after a trip to numerous boutique shops, we returned to the mansion. To my surprise, Joel was out in the driveway, holding Ethan. It appeared that he was talking to him, pointing to a number of birds settled on a nearby bush. When Kelli pulled into the drive, the birds took flight.

  As soon as the car stopped, I opened the door, relieved to find Ethan cuddled comfortably on Joel's shoulder. Kelli climbed out and reached into the backseat to extract several bags.

  "Did he behave for you?" I asked, resisting the urge to reach for my son. I wasn't sure I liked the way Joel's hands cradled him, or the way Ethan's tiny fingers gripped one of Joel's fingers. My heart clenched, wishing I had someone like Joel in my life, someone who cared deeply for my son. Then disappointment hit when Joel didn't seem willing to relinquish my son back to my arms.

  He glanced at the bags, then at Kelli as she brushed past him with a broad smile, entering the house. He grinned and rolled his eyes at me, then his eyebrow lifted in surprise. "You didn't buy anything?"

  I shook my head, gazing at Ethan’s assessing eyes. "I have everything I need."

  Twelve

  Joel

  Sitting at my desk at work, I stared at the paperwork Eric handed me, my heart thudding with anger. “How is Graphica this close to gaining a majority in our stock portfolio? How could this be?”

  Eric, with a subdued expression, ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up on his head. He looked as surprised as I was at the numbers. For the first time, I had to wonder if he was on top of defending my company against the takeover. In the past couple of weeks, he’d missed several days of work without explanation.

  I had also been distracted, but determined to focus on the here and now with this issue. I checked and double-checked the numbers.

  “This just didn't make sense,” I mumbled. An awful suspicion had crossed my mind, one that I kept trying to discard, but now… “Eric, do you think it would be possible that we have a spy in the company? Someone fudging information or feeding that information to Graphica?”

  Eric’s eyes widened. “I—I’m sure that’s not the case.”

  I didn't need this. “I thought we'd been successful in gaining traction discouraging this takeover.”

  Eric cleared his throat, staring at the surface of my desk.

  “What is it?” A fiery knot formed in my stomach.

  “Rumors are floating around the design department that Graphica is trying to woo some of our best people over to their company.”

  I sighed and closed my eyes, searching for calm. “Post a reminder in the breakroom of the non-compete agreement everyone signed when they were employed. There isn't much I can do about that. I don’t understand why Graphica would be out to get this company so hard.”

  My company was steadily growing, but it certainly wasn't the largest or the most lucrative in the country. The projections looked good, no doubt about it. In regards to the future? Who knew?

  “I can't figure out Graphica's intentions, other than gaining more stockholders through the merger of both companies,” Eric said.

  The software I designed and developed was not so different from that provided by Graphica. We both created financial tracking products and business products involving invoicing, budgeting, and payroll software, database software, and even asset management software. And like other companies, we also had a few popular multiplayer gaming forums and several MMORPG brand products. But so did Graphica. I just couldn't figure it out.

  I got up from the desk and went to the window, then paced back. “Is it possible that someone is being paid off, or coerced by someone on Graphica's staff?” My mind ran the gamut from blackmail to simple greed.

  “I don’t know. I’ll see if I can find someone to ask around.”

  I nodded and rubbed my forehead as Eric left my office, trying to erase a headache that‘d started between my eyes and had now spread toward my temples. In addition to the troubles at work, I was also having a few personal issues at home — issues that had seemed to grow more prevalent in the past few days.

  I knew I wasn’t imagining the definite change in Sarah's behavior around Kelli. It seemed to have started shortly after Kelli had come in that morning when I stood in the kitchen with Sarah, trying to act nonchalant in my underwear. I’d shrugged the whole episode off. Ever since then, however, Kelli seemed to be much more aware of where Sarah was and what she was doing, at least when I was around. For Sarah's part, it seemed as if she tried to avoid Kelli as much as possible. She was more subdued, less cheerful. She doted on Ethan, nothing in that regard had changed.

  I found myself growing closer to the baby on a daily basis. Over the past few weeks, I’d made it a habit to try to get home before Ethan was fed his pre-bedtime bottle. I took great pleasure in holding him in my arms, watching him suck down the formula, his tiny hands groping for the bottle, warm fingers grasping mine.

  I supposed it wasn't very manly of me, but my heart seemed to soften, my emotions calm when I held the boy in my arms, even in spite of the drama going on here at work. When I held Ethan, my worries melted away. I also realized that some things were just more important than work. Now, I was motivated to bust my ass to prevent the company takeover for Ethan, for his future, but if I were to be completely honest with myself, I knew I could always start over.

  A short knock sounded on my door and Eric stepped back into my office.

  Surprised, I frowned when I glanced at the clock and realized he had been gone for less than ten minutes. "What's wrong?" I asked automatically.

  He seemed to hesitate a moment, then softly closed the door and approached the leather chair in front of my desk and sat. "I was going to ask you the same thing. I let it go, but when I got back to my office I changed my mind. I think it's better to just let things out in the open, don't you?"

  "What are you talking about, Eric?" I sighed.

  "Let's face it, Joel. I know you. You're distracted. It's not just the takeover. Things not going well at home?"

  I shrugged. Why would he think that? "Things are going fine."

  "The idea of being a father hard to sin
k your teeth into?"

  "Not at all." I leaned forward, folding my hands together as I rested my elbows on the desk. "On the contrary, I'm finding it quite enjoyable. Ethan's a sweet little boy. I find myself growing more attached to him every day."

  He nodded as if he didn't quite believe it. "And Kelli? How are things going with Kelli?"

  I rarely talked about my personal life with others, even Eric, but he knew me better than anyone. "Not as well as I had expected," I admitted.

  "Give it time," he said. "You know better than I do that it can take Kelli a while to adapt to any change in her life."

  "That’s true, but…" I hesitated to bring it up, but I needed to talk to someone. "But she doesn't seem to be bonding very well with Ethan."

  "How so?"

  I sighed. "It's almost as if she avoids anything to do with his care. She doesn't even seem to want to hold him. He fusses when she does hold him, like he senses her nervousness or something. He's perfectly content with Sarah feeding, changing, and holding him, but with Kelli, he kind of goes stiff.” I shook my head, not sure how much to say and not wanting to say too much. "Do you think she has that… what do you call it? Postpartum depression?"

  Eric stared at me a moment, then offered an encouraging smile. "Could be, but have you talked to Kelli about it?"

  I shook my head. "Not yet. I know that some new mothers don't bond right away, and they get depressed, but she doesn't seem depressed, you know what I mean? It's like she just wants to pick up right where her old life left off."

  I wondered if I was being too critical. Maybe even judgmental. Some women probably took longer to adapt to motherhood than others. Especially a woman like Kelli, used to coming and going as she pleased. Her photo shoots were not always scheduled in advance, and some only took a few hours while others could take her away for days, depending on location. Of course, it would take longer for someone always on the go like she was to get used to needing to be at home all the time.

  Eric shrugged. "That could be depression, but I doubt it. She's probably just adjusting. But this Sarah… what's she like?"

  "You should see the way she takes care of Ethan, the way she looks at him, the way she holds him." I smiled just thinking about it. "It's amazing."

  "Well, I suppose as a nanny she would definitely have more experience than Kelli. I suggest you just give Kelli more time. It's only been what, four months since the kid was born?"

  I nodded.

  "That's all that's putting those worry lines in your forehead lately? Not the potential takeover, not the fact that your father…” Eric cleared his throat. “Is it just Kelli?"

  I thought about it. "I can handle dealing with the takeover, and I don't mind being a father. I look forward to spending time with Ethan. I just wish that Kelli… I don't know, I guess I expected her to change, but she hasn't."

  She still wanted to go out and party, while I wanted to stay home with Ethan. Yesterday morning, she’d suggested that we drive down to Dana Point, or even San Juan Capistrano, stay the night in a ritzy hotel, wine and dine. She’d been disappointed when I’d said no. I felt somewhat annoyed with her that she didn't understand my decision not to just pick up and leave like before. Between the trouble at work and my preference to relax at home and take care of Ethan, I didn't feel like just dropping everything and leaving town. While we had done that often during our first go around, I hadn't much enjoyed it, knowing that come morning I would more than likely have nothing to show for it but a hangover. But I’d gone along to please Kelli. This time around, I wanted to see what she was willing to do for me.

  Eric stood. "Well, you do know that if you ever need to just talk about it, I'll listen. I don't have any answers for you, but I'm willing to listen."

  I looked up at him and nodded. "Thanks, Eric, I appreciate it."

  He gestured at the papers on my desk. "Those make any sense to you?"

  I huffed. "Not really." I began to gather them up. "In fact, I think I'll just take them home. I can't concentrate here. I'll give you a call later, all right?"

  "Will do. Hang in there, buddy," Eric said, then left the office, closing the door softly behind him.

  What I hadn’t told Eric was that increasingly, I found myself drawn to Sarah. She was pretty enough and had a great figure, which I had not gotten out of my mind since that morning in the kitchen. Still, my attraction to her was much more than that, more than her great body. It was the way she looked after Ethan. Looking after him was more than just a job to her. Seeing them together was a wonder. The way she looked at him so tenderly, you'd almost think that he belonged to her. There was no doubt in my mind how fond she was of Ethan. Unlike Kelli, who seemed to be more interested in what she called her daily retail therapy, or her next spa treatment.

  I shook my head, trying to focus on the task at hand, which at this moment was trying to figure out the next step to take to protect my company. I wasn't sure what to do next, and I had a sinking feeling that it was possible I could lose my company. I decided that I would call an emergency board meeting by the end of the week if things didn't look better.

  I couldn't concentrate on work with the pressure of all these changes in my life happening at once. Uppermost in my mind was the annoying feeling growing stronger every day that things between Kelli and I were not going to be much different than they had been the first time around. The only change seemed to be the presence of her son. My son.

  Wasn't four months a long enough period for a mother to make a bond with a child? I didn't know. Sarah might know, but I didn't want to talk to her about that. Didn't want to drag her into it.

  I leaned back in my chair, staring idly out the window, my thoughts revolving around Kelli. Maybe I should just mention it to her. Ask her if there was any way I could help her bond with the baby.

  That brought me to another question. Why had I bonded so easily with the little guy? After only one day taking care of Ethan, he’d tugged at my heart. I had grown to love Ethan. I looked forward to watching him grow up. I wanted to do the things with him that my dad never did with me. Play catch. Go to the Dodgers games. Teach him to surf. Whatever he wanted to do, I wanted to be the one to show him how, and teach him that life was about love… about security and a stable home environment.

  All the things I had grown up without. That's what I looked forward to. While I had hopes my dad would be a good grandfather, he hadn't been much of an emotional support to me growing up. I wanted to be that for my son.

  My concern was that Kelli might never develop a bond with the baby. Maybe she was still too immature. I wanted to settle down, get married, and raise children. Maybe she didn't. She was just about the same age as Sarah, but the two were so different. Then again, I didn't know anything about Sarah’s background. Maybe it was time I found out. The thought appealed to me, but she never talked about herself. Now that I thought about it, it was odd that I knew very little about her other than what Kelli told me.

  I sighed, confused and torn. The more I thought about the lack of romance and connection in the rejuvenated relationship between Kelli and I, the more I couldn't help but wonder why she had wanted to reconnect. Since she'd moved back in, I could count the number of times a we'd had sex on one hand. She still seemed emotionally distant, as if resisting the attempt to get too close.

  I could understand, to a degree. We'd both been hurt. She'd screwed around on me and I supposed I was still holding that over her. It was something that kept me from committing fully.

  We were both walking on eggshells around each other. It had been a month this way and I was beginning to have serious doubts that suggesting Kelli move back in with me so quickly after I'd learned about the baby had been a good idea.

  Thirteen

  Sarah

  Ethan slept on the bed beside me. He'd been a little fussy, gas maybe, so I’d brought him into my room and stretched him out on the bed beside me as I sat, contemplating my situation.

  It was quiet in the house. Joel had
gone to work and Kelli had gone on an overnight photo shoot up near San Luis Obispo. I was grateful for the reprieve. Since our conversation the other day, I felt increasingly uncomfortable around her.

  She wasn't overt or mean, but I felt as if she were constantly watching me, especially if Joel was around. She couldn't possibly think that I was interested…

  At first, her warning pissed me off. Royally. I was the one doing her a favor. Of course, I was getting paid for it, but without my agreement to this plan, without using my little baby as her hook to get Joel back, where would she be?

  After I’d slept on it, I decided to let it go. She was obviously not nearly as confident of her reunion with Joel as I had supposed. Of course, I didn't really know what went on between them behind closed doors. When they were around the house together, I pretty much stayed in my room or in the nursery with Ethan.

  After the confrontation with Kelli, I’d begun to have doubts that Joel was the bad guy she made him out to be. That bout of jealousy, the warning I had gotten afterward, left me not knowing what to believe anymore. More often of late, I even began to doubt whether Joel had cheated on her at all. I didn't see Joel as the type of person who would cheat on someone, but then again, what did I know? Most of his attention was focused on Ethan. He seemed much more involved with Ethan than with Kelli, even when she was home.

  Of course, it gave me pleasure to see the way he had taken to my son, but with every passing day, my concern grew. And not just for Joel's sake. Over the past week, I had noticed that Ethan bubbled with delight when he heard Joel's voice. Of course, I wanted my baby happy, but each time I saw his baby smile, the cooing sounds he made when he heard Joel talking to him, the worse I felt. I wasn't feeling like a very good person lately. More often, I wondered how I was going to get out of this.