Saved by Love

by Christine Kingsley

  But she’d done it anyway. She’d faced her fears and went out in the water. And ultimately had what seemed like the time of her life.

  She shook her head, almost imperceptibly if not for the brush of her hair against his chest. “Don’t say that, Ethan. I’m glad I did it. I’ve been hiding behind my fears for a long time. And the last couple days have taught me a lot about myself.”

  She turned and met his gaze. “See, when I married Derek, he thought that I was too wild, that I needed to grow up and act like an adult. It was hard, but I pushed all my desires for adventure aside. For him. We weren’t right for each other. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him, because I did. Deeply. But I’ve also rediscovered who I am over the last few weeks. And most of that is thanks to you. I never would have tried this if not for you. And I’m so grateful for that.”

  She lowered her eyes. “But I can’t lie and say that what happened today doesn’t scare the hell out of me. Do you understand now? Why I’m so afraid of everything? I hate that about myself. I put the fun-loving daredevil that you say you see deep inside me to rest when I was married. Then when he died, it was all too easy to let my fears take over. I’d lost him. Then I lost my mother. I hid inside the walls I made, thinking I was safe.” She looked at him, and a small half-smile lifted her lips. “Then you came along and insisted on taking a hammer to them.”

  Ethan brushed his knuckles along her cheek, trying to find the words to tell her how strong she really was. She’d been through more than he ever imagined. The fact that she was moving on with her life, was taking a chance on him, facing her fears…all of it was inspiring.

  “Baby, you’re the strongest woman I know. You may have built those walls, but you would have torn them down yourself after a while. I just sped up the process. That woman I see inside? The one who craves adventure? That’s you. I don’t think she would have stayed in the box you put her in for too much longer anyway.”

  Abby shook her head again. “You have too much faith in me.”

  “A lot more than you have in me if you think one good wave is all it takes to bring me down.” He grinned.

  “You’re impossible.” She smiled back, but her eyes clouded over again. “Ethan, I don’t know what I would have done if something happened to you. I’ve already come to care about you so much.”

  Her words made his heart simultaneously swell and crack. He wanted to be the one she cared about. But she’d just vocalized the one thing he’d tried to ignore since he met her. He had the power to hurt her again. Not that he would ever do it on purpose. But his life was dangerous. And now he understood her aversion to danger more clearly than ever before. She wasn’t just overly-cautious. She had a legitimately valid reason to be careful.

  He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, never wanting to let her go. They sat for a long time in silence, Abby relaxing against him, seeming to be at peace again in his arms. But the feeling of dread only grew bigger the tighter he held her. She was strong, but could she handle the kind of pain that she’d been through once again? If something happened to him, would it break her?

  He’d only brought heartache to himself and Marissa when his attitude toward danger had cost them a child. The idea of Abby having his child had never entered his mind before, but now he couldn’t get it out of his head. He wanted everything with her, to be everything for her. But he couldn’t promise her that. Every time he walked out of the house to do his job, he risked never coming back again. Was he willing to give that up for her?

  He’d thought not, but the idea of causing Abby any amount of grief was enough to make him rethink everything. The sun was starting to set and the orange and pink in the sky contrasted against the turquoise waters. It was breathtaking, no doubt. One of his favorite parts of going to the beach. He tilted her face up to his and studied her. The beauty of the sunset had nothing on her. Leaning down to kiss her, they both poured all the emotions of the day into a kiss that said more than they were yet willing to say with words.

  He couldn’t imagine his life without her now, even though she’d only been in it a few weeks. But he had to protect her. Did he have the strength to let her go before he caused irreparable damage? He honestly didn’t know.

  ***

  The next few days flew by for Abby, and the trip was over before she knew it. She’d spent hot days on the beach with Ethan, and even hotter nights in his bed. She had fallen for him. Hard. She was pretty sure he felt the same way about her, though neither of them had vocalized it. The way he kissed her was full of passion and tenderness, as though he cherished everything about her.

  She sighed in content as she cuddled up next to him in bed the morning they were supposed to leave.

  “I’m not ready to leave this place. It’s magical,” she said.

  “It really is,” he agreed. “But duty calls.”

  She smiled against his chest as he ran his fingers lightly up and down her back. What would things be like with them once they got back? She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she felt like they’d come really far this week.

  “What’s your typical week like?” she asked him. She’d gotten spoiled to being with him twenty-four seven and knew their work schedules were drastically different.

  “Typically I work ten shifts a month, each twenty-four hours. The days change.”

  Another thought crossed her mind. “How often do you get called out?” She hadn’t intended for her voice to sound as strained as it did.

  His hand froze on her back for a second before resuming the soft strokes. She wanted to look at his face to see what he might be thinking, but she was also afraid to. She’d tried not to think about it, but after the incident at the beach, she couldn’t keep her mind from going there. His job was dangerous, no question about it. Probably one of the more dangerous things he did.

  “Well, you know Willow Valley is small, so if you mean fires, not a lot. We get a lot more calls for accidents, and believe it or not, the random saving the cat from a tree. But we are out in the country, and things do get dry, so there are occasionally some big issue fires that we deal with.” His voice sounded a bit strained to her ears too. Or maybe she was projecting her worries onto him.

  “Hmm,” was all she could think to say. She didn’t want him to know that the idea of him going out to fight a fire had her stomach turning flips. And not in the good way.

  “Abby…” He turned on his side so he could face her, and the look of trepidation on his face was something she absolutely didn’t want to see.

  “Forget I asked.” She searched for a way to change the subject. She didn’t want to ruin their last morning by talking about it. “What time do we have to leave?”

  Ethan glanced at the clock on the wall. “I’d say we have at least an hour before we even have to get out of bed.”

  “Whatever will we do to pass the time?” She managed to make a perplexed face without even a hint of the wicked grin that wanted to break through.

  “I can think of a thing or two,” he said, flipping her onto her back and tickling her until she was gasping for breath.

  When he finally stopped, and she managed to catch her breath again, her stomach hurting from laughing so hard, she gave him a taunting smile. “Is that the best you can come up with?”

  “You have any better ideas?”

  This time she did let the wicked gleam show in her eyes. “I can think of a thing or two.”

  They only just managed to make it to the plane on time.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “I can’t believe you’re keeping all the good details to yourself,” Lissa hissed as she chopped vegetables with Abby in the Kincade kitchen. It was Sunday afternoon, and Lissa, Jesse and Abby were over helping prepare lunch for what looked like was becoming a family tradition.

  Abby just smiled. “I’m not sure what exactly you want to know.”

  Lissa groaned. “You are no fun at all.”

  Suddenly a siren sounded on the street outside as an eme
rgency vehicle flew past the house. The knife Abby had been holding clattered to the floor as she stared out the window.

  “Are you okay? You look as white a sheet,” Lissa said, her eyes full of concern.

  Pulling herself together, Abby picked up the knife and took it to the sink to wash it off, but her hands were shaking so badly she cut herself. Cursing, she stuck her finger under the running water.

  “Can you grab me a Band-Aid?”

  Lissa started rummaging through one of the cabinets and pulled out a box of multi-sized bandages. “Abby, what is going on with you? I swear, you’ve been distracted all day.”

  She sighed. “Ethan is working a double shift this weekend. I don’t know what my problem is. Every time I hear a siren I jump out of my skin.” She grabbed a paper towel and pressed it against her finger until the bleeding eased up.

  Lissa unwrapped the bandage and wrapped it around her finger, then didn’t let go of her hand until Abby met her eyes. “Does this have something to do with the bomb you dropped on me before you left?”

  Obviously she meant Derek. “Yes.” What else was she supposed to say? And before she knew it, she was spilling the whole story to Lissa. The day they went surfing, the revelation about Derek’s death, and—much to Lissa’s satisfaction—the fact that Ethan and Abby had more than made the most of their time away.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  Abby rolled her eyes. “That’s got to be a first.”

  “Oh, I have plenty to say about you doing the deed—good for you—but I mean about your…Derek.” She gave her a look that wasn’t quite pity, thank goodness, but it wasn’t too far off.

  “Here’s the thing, Liss.” She looked around the room, making sure what she said would remain private, but Denise and Jesse were in the other room catching up. “I care about Ethan. Like, a lot. And not like with Derek.” She squeezed her eyes shut, then peeked through at Lissa. “It’s different, and somehow…more.”

  “Oh my God, Abby, that’s awesome! And I know he feels the same way.”

  “That’s just the problem. It would be a lot easier if this were one-sided.”

  “What would be easier?” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “And don’t say you’re thinking of breaking it off.”

  When Abby remained silent, Lissa turned an unnatural shade of red and seriously looked as if smoke were about to come spouting out of her ears.

  “Abigail Stewart. You have got to be kidding me. Nope. I won’t let you do it.”

  “It’s not like you have a say. Lissa, I don’t know if I can do it. You don’t understand. It’s like every time I think about him going to work I can’t think about anything but the possibility of him not coming back. It’s no way to live!”

  “No, it’s not. But the man loves you. You’re just going to walk away from that because you can’t deal with his job? That’s crazy.”

  “You don’t know what it’s like. You haven’t lost someone that was your whole world. It nearly killed me. I can’t go through that again.”

  Lissa looked like she wanted to whack her over the head with a frying pan. “You are being ridiculous. I won’t listen to any more of this nonsense. You aren’t breaking up with him, and that’s final.”

  Abby rolled her eyes. It wasn’t like she had already decided to or anything. She was just having a really hard time accepting that she would always be living in fear. She was done with that part of her life. She thought she’d made a breakthrough and was moving forward. She didn’t want to be that woman anymore. But it was almost worse now that she knew she was head-over-heels in love with Ethan.

  It would only get harder the longer she stayed with him, the closer they got. Sighing, she went back to work chopping vegetables. She either had to find a way to get over it and deal with the risks he took or she had to call it off. The problem was she didn’t know which would be the hardest choice to live with.

  ***

  Ethan came home Monday morning completely exhausted and dropped into bed, hoping he could get enough sleep to be able to see Abby when she got off work. It had been a hard weekend and he’d worked more than back-to-back twenty-four hour shifts because there had been more brush fires. It was so dry this time of year and people didn’t seem to get that their fires could rapidly get out of control if they didn’t stay right on top of them and take proper precautions.

  He hadn’t seen Abby since Thursday, and he missed her like crazy. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, and he woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing. It was Abby texting to see if he still wanted to hang out. He opened the message app and texted her back.

  You better believe it. Get your sexy self down here in the next ten minutes.

  He jumped up and took a quick shower, barely having time to throw his jeans on before the doorbell rang. He answered the door without his shirt, still toweling off his damp hair. The look on her face was totally worth it.

  “Come here, you.” He grabbed her and pulled her into the apartment, pressing her back against the door once he shut it and kissing her like he was starved. It felt like it. After five days and nights together, the last three had seemed extra lonely.

  When he finally let her catch her breath, she smiled up at him and said, “Nice to see you, too.”

  “I would apologize for ravishing you, but I’m not gonna lie. I liked it.”

  She laughed, but it didn’t seem quite as genuine as normal. He looked at her strangely, but she just gave him a smile. It seemed a little too forced.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Just a long day. How was your weekend?”

  He walked to his bedroom to get a shirt, and she trailed behind him. “Long. We had a lot of calls.” He pulled the shirt on over his head and turned around just in time to see her face. She looked tense. “You sure you’re okay?”

  She just nodded, looking like she was debating with herself. Then she said, “What do you want to do for dinner?”

  He loved that she just assumed they’d have dinner together. He could settle into a cozy domestic routine with her without even trying.

  “Let’s stay in?” he suggested. “I’m still a little tired. But we could have Chinese delivered or a pizza. Or I could cook something?”

  She arched an eyebrow at him.

  “What, don’t you trust that I can cook a decent meal? Frozen food does get pretty old.” He smiled at her, then pulled her in for another kiss. “Though I have to say, I’d much rather spend the time doing this than cooking.”

  Just as he was about to convince her how much better staying in could be, his phone rang. He groaned. It was the ring tone for the fire department.

  Abby frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s work. I guarantee they want me to come back in, even though I’ve just worked more than a double. I’m sorry, I’ve got to get this.” He kissed the top of her head as he reached past her for the phone on his nightstand.

  Yep, it was the chief asking if he minded helping out. They were getting more calls than usual again and didn’t have enough guys on duty to cover the increase.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket. “I’m so sorry, babe, but I’ve got to go.” He clenched his jaw in frustration. “I was really looking forward to our night, too.”

  Abby didn’t say anything, didn’t even meet his eyes.

  “Hey, are you mad? I don’t have to go…” He ducked down to try to catch her gaze.

  “No! You have to go. It’s your job, Ethan. They need you.”

  “Yeah, but I need you.” He smiled suggestively at her, but she didn’t smile back.

  When she finally lifted her eyes to his, what he saw there made his chest tighten. He saw doubt. Fear. But what he saw most of all was heartache and regret.

  “Abby?” he said softly.

  She forced a smile. “Go. It’s fine. They need you,” she repeated.

  He was ready to call the chief back and tell him he’d have
to find someone else tonight. He told her as much, but she shook her head.

  “Please don’t do that on my account, Ethan. I don’t want to be that girl.” The way she said it sent a chill down his spine. That girl? Or his girl? But he didn’t have time to ask her because she gave him a quick hug and turned for the door. “Goodbye, Ethan.”

  He knew she didn’t mean it that way, but why did those words have such a ring of finality to them?

  ***

  Ethan came back to his apartment the next morning much as he had the day before. He was even more tired now, not having gotten enough rest in the past seventy-two hours for all the work he’d put in. Abby’s car was already gone. Part of him had hoped he could catch her before work.

  Part of him was relieved, though. He’d spent every minute that he wasn’t helping the crew thinking about Abby. He didn’t like the look on her face when he’d had to leave her. Everything he’d been feeling that day on the beach when she told him about her past had come right back to him.

  He was causing her pain, whether he meant to or not. The question was what was he going to do about it?

  He couldn’t sleep, and the hours until Abby came home from worked seemed to drag on. He had to talk to her. They had to figure this out. He had finally found someone worth committing to, and he was already hurting her. It was just what he’d been afraid of.

  He knew exactly when she got home because he was pacing back and forth by the front door still trying to figure it all out. He threw the door open and rushed out, stopping her before she could go up the stairs.

  “We need to talk.”

  She sighed, and when she met his eyes he saw defeat. “Yes, we do.”

  That look wasn’t promising. At all. Well, he’d just have to let her know that she was too important and he wouldn’t let her give up on them.

  “Come for a ride with me?”

  She nodded. “Just let me change clothes and I’ll be back down in a minute.”