Loving Her In The Shadow- Sovereignty

by D J Parker

  Just as I had wrapped up the last case, a knock pulled me away from the computer screen. “Come in.”

  Bianca entered my office. “Hey, I know that you’re leaving early today, but there’s a woman by the name of Victoria Spillmore here to see you.”

  “Did we have an appointment?” I asked, looking away from the screen to stare at Bianca.

  “No, but she insists on meeting you regarding an open case.”

  Against my better judgment, I agreed to meet with her. “You can send her in.”

  “Good afternoon, Ms. Spillmore,” I said, extending my hand when she entered my office.

  The woman gripped my hand. “I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me. Please, call me Victoria.”

  “What can I do for you?”

  Ms. Spillmore, a tall and lean woman with emerald green eyes that made her pale skin and red hair appear more vibrant, looked like she could be a model.

  “I have information about the Italian mafia.”

  I leaned back in my chair. “Are you, by any chance, familiar with Tommy Neglia?”

  Her lips curled up with distain. “We’ve been in contact, but I wouldn’t say he was trustworthy. I reached out to Tommy because he was listed as an associate for the five families.”

  “Didn’t Giuliani dismantle the mob with the RICO act back in the 80s?”

  “It was all a front.” She stopped searching her bag long enough to look up at me. “The real masterminds—the heads of each family—fled the country before they could be linked to any crime.”

  “How were they able to rebuild and come back into the states under the radar?”

  “Blackmail and payroll. That’s how these five families have remained powerful.” She pulled out a flash drive from her bag and slid it across my desk. “These five families are linked to powerful figureheads. Politicians, judges, attorneys, NYPD, CIA, FBI, and commissioners. They have a hand in every enterprise you could imagine.”

  “You keep mentioning these five families. Who are they?”

  “The Pistones, DaVecchio, Capparelli and the largest of them all…the Balducci family.” She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Everything that you need to know—payments, loan sharking, tax evasion, creative accounts to hide money, the name of every member and their associates are on this flash drive. We’re talking about information stretching back to the last fifteen years. I spent a great deal of time converting all the hardcopies into pdf. My father kept the originals in a storage unit.”

  I stared at the flash drive. “Who was your father to them?”

  “Their accountant.”

  “If this is true, your father could be prosecuted too.”

  “I’m sure he would have been had he still been alive.”

  “You waited until he died to expose the families?” I asked as I fought hard not to raise an eyebrow.

  Victoria Spillmore’s emerald eyes narrowed to slits. “No.”

  I leaned forward and clasped my fingers together. “Then why are you doing this now? What do you hope to get out of this?”

  “My father was murdered by these people.” The pain was all in her eyes. Revenge had been her motivation.

  “Why not hand this over to the Organized Crime Task Force? They have offices all throughout the city. You could even report as anonymous.”

  “I don’t trust anyone.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “And you trust me?”

  “I don’t trust anyone. But, from what I can see, you can’t be bought.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Tommy Neglia is the brother-in-law of a high-ranking member in the Balducci family. One thing that is for certain about the mob, they look after their family. There’s no way in hell they’d allow one of their own to serve such a hefty sentence. Judges would be paid off, evidence would go missing, there would be murders, and deals would be made before a family member saw a cell. It’s been how many months and Tommy is still behind bars. He didn’t even make bail.” She pushed the flash drive further toward me. “All I’m asking is that you look at the documents. If there’s a case, I trust that you’re going to exercise the full extent of the law.”

  I picked up the flash drive and looked at it. I could look into the files while I was on leave. “I’ll take a look. But I can’t guarantee anything.”

  “Thank you.”

  I walked Victoria Spillmore to the door and sat back down. An unsettling feeling came over me as I rolled the flash drive in my hand. For some strange reason, I believed her. I believed the mafia was capable of regrouping and returning to the states. I believed that the mafia could blend in with society and had operated under the radar because of men like the previous district attorney, Michael Scappa. Perhaps the investigation the governor’s office had conducted revealed these kinds of shady dealings.

  What I couldn’t understand was why the governor did not open an investigation on everyone involved. Why was Michael Scappa given a slap on the wrist and encouraged to resign? He and every corrupt official were not above the law.

  My cell phone’s chime pulled me away from my thoughts. I reached for my cell phone and glanced at the screen.

  My heart began racing as butterflies roamed the pit of my stomach. It was Nicolai.

  “Hello.”

  There was a long pause before he said, “Hello, Reign.”

  “Long time no hear,” I joked, trying to crack the tension that still lingered between us. But when silence met me, I continued, “I’m sorry about—”

  “You make this place a home. Without you, it’s just a cold box.”

  “I miss you too.” I sunk into my chair and closed my eyes. I imagined he was there with me, watching me with those beautiful blue eyes that I often got lost in.

  I could hear him exhale, like a weight had been lifted off his chest. “Come home.”

  I want to more than anything. These past few nights had been tortuous. Last night, I woke up crying. It was like my body was throwing a tantrum. Nothing felt right about being in my apartment. Though Keith slept in the guest bedroom, I felt guilty that he was there. I felt like I was cheating on Nicolai.

  “Come home, Reign. I promise I won’t shut down again.”

  Tears welled in my eyes. “I can’t.”

  “Is it because of him?”

  “Yes. I mean...no.” I took a moment to collect my thoughts. “I’m taking a leave of absence for the next three months. I’ll be back in D.C. with Keith.”

  “I knew that you were married. I didn’t give a fuck because it didn’t concern me then. It concerns me now. Whatever it is, we deal with it together. I can’t take another day without you here. I tried, but I can’t.”

  As tears slid down my cheeks, I tried to build a wall around my heart. It would be selfish of me to tell him to wait. Not any more selfish than it would be for me to leave Keith when he needed me the most. No matter what, my decision was both selfish and selfless. Hurt was inevitable.

  “This is a family matter that my husband and I are going to deal with together.” I swiped my tears away from my cheeks and found the courage to continue. “I was wrong for getting involved with you. I took a vow to be faithful to him. I failed at that. Now, it’s time for me to repair the damages I’ve caused. Make things right.”

  There was a long pause on his end. I flipped my phone to see if he was still on the line. He was. I wanted to say something, but there was nothing left to say. Our arrangement had come to an end. Yet, even in the tense silence, I felt more connected to him than I had ever felt with Keith.

  “I know that I left some stuff at your place.” I glanced down at my watch. I really wanted us on the road while we still had the sun. “I’m heading back to D.C. tonight. I can make arrangements to come pick up my stuff when I come back to New York.”

  “In three months?”

  “I can pick it up sooner than that if you need me to.”

  “Pick it up tonight.”

  “Nicolai…”
The rest of the words got lost somewhere between the truth and fear.

  “You made your decision. I will honor it. I’ll be back at the house around nine. You have a few hours to gather your stuff.”

  Before I could respond, he ended the call. As reality set in, I struggled to find the peace I secretly wished for him. How could I find peace when my peace was with him? How could I rebuild the ice walls around my heart when he’d melted them away the first time?

  I wrestled with my tears, trying to hold them back as I worked on my cases. Don’t cry, I willed myself. There was no way I was going to be strong for Keith if I couldn’t be strong for myself.

  By the time four o’clock rolled around, I was halfway out the door. So much for leaving early, I thought as I passed my colleagues. Everyone in the office was aware that I was going on leave but very few knew of the reason. Ms. Mabel, a devoted Catholic, gave me prayers that she picked up from the chapel she prayed at during lunch. Bianca had written me a thoughtful email and left a daily mantra specifically created for caregivers of cancer-fighting loved ones on my desk.

  I tried not to look back as I walked out the front door. For the next three months, I needed to be present for Keith. I needed to make every moment with him count.

  I was his wife.

  Nicolai

  A part of me, the pragmatic side, urged me to leave before she got here. And so, I did. I left my bedroom and walked down the long hallway with abstract paintings covering the walls. I walked past each bedroom but stopped at the bedroom I’d declared as hers. It was the second to largest room in my suite.

  I had plans of converting the rest of the room into her at-home office. I had started off slow. My intentions had been not to frighten her. But, there was no way I was going to let her run everytime my forwardness scared her. And though she had her apartment still, she couldn’t out run the truth. Her home was with me. I wish I could say these emotions frightened me, but I’d be lying. I’ve never been more at peace in entire life.

  Still, I remained patient. I found a way to accept her pace. So, I started off slow. The first thing I did was build out her walk-in closet that was now filled with her clothes, shoes, bags, and makeup.

  I’ll never forget the way she looked when I led her into the bedroom and walked her to the closet. Fear made a home in her gaze when I told her that I had customized the closet just for her. She seemed apprehensive and had taken a few steps back while she mumbled some excuse as to why she had to leave.

  That night, I tried to go to sleep, but nothing felt right. Soon after, I found myself driving to her place. She didn’t get two words out before my mouth crashed down on hers and I pinned her soft body against the door, wrapped her legs around my waist and fucked her against her apartment door. As I slammed my cock in and out of her, I made her promise not to run everytime she got scared. I made her agree to come back home with me. She held me close as she moaned her promises into my ear. That night, I helped her pack two suitcases full of clothes and shoes and brought her back home. She’d been here ever since.

  But now she was running again—running back to her old life. It was easy to chase her back to her apartment. Hell, it would be nothing to pluck her from D.C. and toss her over my shoulder as I brought her back home, but there was the matter of her husband. Violent thoughts crept into my mind, but then it was Reign’s face that reeled me back. She wouldn’t forgive me.

  So, I had to strategize.

  Against my better judgment, I wrapped my hand around the door handle, twisting and pulling it open. Her custom blend of amber, spice, and a subtle intrinsic aroma met me at the door. I inhaled, taking in as much of her as was humanely possible. This was the first time I had opened the bedroom door since she left. I understood at that very moment why I had avoided opening the door. I should’ve kept the bedroom closed and continued walking toward the front door.

  But now, I found myself entering the fully furnished bedroom with neutral colors. Two full outfits that she must’ve put together for work the following morning were laid across the bed. The closet door was halfway opened. I should have left, but I found myself walking toward the closet door. Her clothes were arranged in a certain way that spoke of her type-A personality. Her vanity, which she insisted on dusting every other day, had a coat of dust on the glass top.

  I inhaled deeply, clinging to deflated hope. Anger severed the sane parts of my mind and soul, dragging me into a familiar place, a room I functioned and thrived in. It was a place I used to escape during the years of training with Salvatore. And yet, when I entered that space, Reign was there illuminating the dark room with her light.

  I’d spent the majority of my life outsmarting every enemy. But how could I outsmart my feelings? How could I think that it was not going to come down to this? She was married, and I didn’t do relationships. Yet, with her, I was willing to rethink everything.

  No matter how much I had consciously tried not to confuse our arrangement for anything more than what it was, something beyond my conscious effort could not stop the inevitable. I thought that I had over indulged and pursued her until she became my habit. But she had become more than a habit. She was the most natural part of me.

  “Nicolai…”

  Reign

  “Nicolai…” I stood in the doorway of the walk-in closet staring into cold blue eyes that caused all the hairs on my body to rise.

  What is he doing here?

  He was supposed to be gone for the next few hours. I left work early enough to reduce the chances of our paths crossing, but there he stood, seething like a beast that had just been set free. His hair was brushed into a man bun. A five o’clock shadow covered his cheeks and chin. I could tell he hadn’t been sleeping.

  Are the nightmares back?

  Guilt crushed my heart at the thought. He never spoke about the nightmares. The one time I asked him about his nightmares, he gave me a short answer and offered nothing else.

  I’d had my fair share of nightmares over the past two years. Sometimes it would feel so real that I’d wake up crying. Over the year, my nightmares reduced from almost every night to only a few times a year—mainly around the anniversary of her death. I never felt comfortable enough to tell Keith or anyone else about my nightmares. So, I knew not to pry.

  Somehow, I felt compelled to ask him what was going through his mind at that every moment, but I was too nervous to go through with it.

  He said nothing, just looked at me with impassive eyes. Our eyes, the way we could read each other, was one of the many ways we’d connected. Now, the frequency between us was off. Though there were only a few steps between us, I never felt so far away.

  What am I waiting for? I wasn’t sure why I waited a minute longer or why I didn’t just turn and leave immediately after seeing him standing in the middle of the closet.

  I gathered my jumbling thoughts in a bunch and muted them. I could hear my heart beating against my ear drum as I stared at him.

  “I’ll come back later.” I backed out of the closet, turned around, and headed to the bedroom door.

  He followed me out to the hallway and grabbed my arm. Before I could gather my thoughts or words, he pressed his lips against mine, kissing me in a way I’d only dreamed to be kissed. And I kissed him back, moaning into his mouth as he pinned my body against the hallway wall. I moaned into his mouth while his hands left my face and rubbed along my body. I wished I could bottle up the moment and pull it out whenever I felt lonely. But, it was impossible. What I wanted and what he wanted could never see the light of day.

  When he finally released me, he breathed heavily against my lips. “Stay.”

  “I can’t.”

  He let me go. I power walked to the front door, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand.

  Please don’t follow me.

  With each step, I could hear my heart beating against my ear drums. It was beating hard and fast—loud enough to drown my thoughts. And still, as I reached for the door handle, something compelle
d me not to open the door. Another tear slid down my cheek.

  Of all times to fucking cry, why now?

  I wrapped my hand around the door knob, determined to open it and put as much distance between Nicolai and me. But in the midst of my racing heart and cloudy thoughts, a feeling came over me, causing me to turn around and face him.

  I swallowed hard. I was starting to become uneasy at the truth. The sane part of me scolded my heart and body for being so weak.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect any of this to happen.” I turned away again. I was determined to walk out the front door in one piece.

  I wrapped my hand around the handle and twisted it, opening the door slightly. But then the door slammed shut, causing me to jump back into a stonewall chest.

  “What—what are you doing?” I asked, looking up at the arm extended above my head.

  “You don’t get to come into my life and fuck it up.” His cool breath brushed along my earlobe.

  “I’m so sorry for hurting you,” I whispered as I focused on the door in front of me.

  “Fuck your sorry.”

  A chill ran down my spine as his lips moved to my neck, as if he knew where each sensitive nerve had been.

  Nicolai dropped a kiss against the start of my spine. I shivered against his lips. God, this is so wrong.

  I nervously licked my lips, trying to gather my thoughts in between each kiss he dropped along my shoulder blade.

  “Nicolai, please…”

  “You made me feel things that I never felt before.” The back of his knuckles grazed the side of my arm, causing my body to shiver.

  My pulse pounded even harder against my eardrum. I should have left, but my body remained still, entrapped by my selfish desire. I cut my head to the side, his lips grazing my cheek. I leaned back into him, my body melding with his. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to his body. I felt every hard, rigid muscle against my back. His hard length stabbed my back as his lips pressed kisses into my skin. He always knew how to awaken all my senses.