My Beginning With Mr. Darcy - Book Two

by Lauren King

“Oh God, Lizzy; I am very sorry. Please, forgive me for leaving you there alone; I did not mean to. Were any of the men ungentlemanly towards you?” The guilt sets in and he is extremely furious at himself, right now.

  “No.” Elizabeth ploughs through it after taking in a shaky breath. “It is not as if you could not hear the music starting or not see me standing by myself. I figured that conversing with Miss Juliet and her Mother was more interesting than being with me or dancing with me. Or perhaps you simply forgot that you had asked me for the supper set after being captivated by Miss Juliet’s fascinating company.” The words burn her throat as she voices them.

  “No; no, Lizzy. I am sorry, my love.” Darcy responds quietly while shaking his head repeatedly in disbelief and frustration as to the simple mistakes that he made which led to Elizabeth’s current distress and decision. He squeezes his temples with his hand while still shaking his head in negation.

  She is unstoppable at this point. “And then Richard asked for your help, again? Was his ignorance genuine? Did it not appear wrong to him that your continued conversation with Miss Juliet would send signals of fickleness and rogue behavior to anyone paying attention? I could not have been the only one to have deciphered these actions. His thoughtlessness was what urged me not to consider him a close friend any longer. He has offended me deeply. A true, close, good friend would never encourage my betrothed to entertain a young lady who was hopeful for my betrothed’s attentions, even though it was in the past. Did he forget that you were betrothed? Richard may not have known that Miss Juliet and you had a past with each other, but he should have known, still, that it would not look right for you to dance with any unattached young lady because of your past eligibility. You dancing with any eligible young lady would only bring false hope to them. Could neither of you not see this simple concept?”

  Elizabeth moves right along. “Why do I have to even remind you of the fact that you are betrothed already? If I have to remind you or anyone we know of that fact, then there is something wrong. How could Richard think that I would accept my betrothed entertaining another young lady? Anyone was able to see that Miss Juliet was coy, coquettish, and impish with you when she was in your presence. She was beaming with joy. I recognized it easily because I am blissful whenever I am with you.” Elizabeth’s voice decreases to a whisper as she looks down at her hands on her lap; her joy with William will be no more. When William apologizes again, Elizabeth snaps out of her self-pity.

  “She was very smart not to overdo her concentration on you so that she could still appear a respectable young lady while flirting with an engaged gentleman.” What more can she say? Elizabeth takes a deep breath. “I was surprised that you did not want to explain to me immediately. The more you asked me about dancing and contemplating helping Richard, the more I believed all that I had heard and seen.” Elizabeth’s voice and tone is sad and pained.

  Darcy cannot believe all that Elizabeth suffered during that time. He already knows that her mind is quick, sharp, and discerning, but this is very comprehensive and logical. Goodness, he is very glad he did not agree to leave this until tomorrow. Undoubtedly, Elizabeth would have convinced herself that they breaking up would be the best solution. Moreover, her jealousy and misunderstanding would have overpowered her sensibilities and that would have led her to definitely break off their engagement.

  Darcy takes a deep breath and rubs his face while closing his eyes briefly to control his disappointment in himself. “Lizzy, please allow me to explain my side. You can stop me and ask me anything you want at any time.” Darcy is serious, but he is happy inside because he can explain all that has happened to fix their problem. He will not allow this to break them apart – he cannot!

  “Please, let us not drag this out and make it more difficult.”

  “Lizzy, I insist that you let me explain my side; it is only fair.”

  Elizabeth sighs but just sits there silently to comply with William’s request.

  After a deep breath Darcy elucidates, “I know Miss Juliet from five years ago when I was visiting with Andrew and Richard at the Davenport’s estate in Gloucester. She is first cousin to Sarah. I saved Miss Juliet from…well, she fell in the large pond there when she was two and ten years old. I happened to be riding my horse nearby, and I saw her fall into the pond while the other kids were playing at the other end of the large pond. They had not noticed her fall in, thus no one went after her when she was struggling to stay afloat. I noticed her distress and immediately ran into the pond to fish her out. With my height, the pond was not a problem for me, but she was much shorter than now. She got tangled into some of the vegetation in the water while she was floundering about. Anyways, I got her out and carried her to the house while she sobbed because she was so scared. She thought she was going to drown to death. Why there were not servants with all the kids that day at the pond, I did not understand. That is how I know Miss Juliet.”

  “You were her savior.” Elizabeth states quietly as she stares at her hands on her lap. Saviors always receive immense, deep, loyal gratitude – even love – rightfully so. She can imagine that a young girl would have romantic imaginations of her savior.

  “That is probably why she has admired me all this time. I looked at her like a little sister; she is only one year older than Georgiana. I never had any type of relationship with her at any time, Lizzy. I saw her again at the beginning of last year at a dinner party, and she had grown quite a bit and played the piano forte very well, so I complimented how her parents must be proud of her accomplishment. I joked that she must be able to maneuver through the Davenport’s pond expertly now that she has grown much taller. She thanked me again for saving her, and I told her that she has thanked me enough, thus I just want her to be careful around deep waters and always have someone with her that could help her.”

  Seeing that Elizabeth is still listening, Darcy continues explaining. “She was not yet out until this past season when she turned seven and ten. That was when I danced with her at several different balls but only once at each ball and never the first set. Of course, her parents, especially her Mother, have always been grateful for my helping her that day in the pond. Mrs. Barrington always spoke very nicely to me; I thought that was just out of gratitude. I did not take it for anything else because I never saw Miss Juliet in that light. Yes, when we danced those sets she was engaging and we laughed, but I never encouraged her for anything more because I only saw her as a little girl – like Georgie. If she thought that she could entice me and thought that I would court her, then she was mistaken. I never did anything other than dance with her under the impression that I knew her from when she was a little girl and now I considered her a friend due to the accident that I saved her from. That is how I saw her, and it is how I still see her – nothing more. She and her Mother are mistaken with their assumption of my interest in that quarter.” Darcy stops and waits to see if Elizabeth has any comments or questions, but she says nothing. He can tell she is processing it all.

  “It was a mistake on my part; I could have been sterner and stopped the conversation with Mrs. Barrington sooner. You are correct that I could hear the music start, but she was so eager to talk to me and Richard again, and she kept thanking me. I did not want to belittle her gratitude by abruptly ending our conversation; therefore, I just let her talk, but then I redirected her conversation to a different topic so she would stop thanking me. Of course, since I started a different subject then I had to let her finish her comments on that.” Darcy sighs heavily. “That is why I missed our dance set. I would never have missed it deliberately. Do you think that I am such a rake who would ignore my betrothed so I can be with another woman?”

  Elizabeth sighs and then answers candidly. “I did not think that, but I had heard all the other things said about you and her; therefore, I…I thought that maybe it was possible when I saw you…dance with her and talk so easily with her. Anyone could see the delight in her face while you two were together.” Elizabeth looks down at
her hands again and then says softly, “You usually are not that…friendly with other ladies but you were with her…so…”

  “So, you thought that I would treat you in that most abhorrent manner. You thought that I would ignore you and disrespect you. We are one week away from our own wedding, and you thought that I would be such a lowly, despicable man to do that to you – not to say that time matters.” Darcy lowers his voice so that only Elizabeth can hear him. “After all that we have shared emotionally and…physically, you still do not know how much I love you and how much I am devoted to you. I have given you all of my love, and by this time next week I will have given you all of myself in every way, yet you still think that I could withdraw from our relationship in order to be with another woman. My word is nothing to you?” The hurt coursing through him saddens him and cuts him deeply, but he is sensible, thus he can understand why Elizabeth has come to her conclusion. Mrs. Barrington’s words were persuasive to anyone that did not know the whole story.

  Elizabeth can hear and see the hurt in William’s voice and face. She has, coincidentally, offended him as well, but she has to make it clear to him. “By your actions, I thought that you were still interested in her. Therefore, I wanted to let you know that you could still pursue her if your heart remained with her even if you were only partially interested. Or if you felt that you missed out on an opportunity with her and you wanted to pursue that route now, then you can. Due to all the things that I heard and saw, you cannot blame me for believing in them. You knew her first; I did not want you to regret that you did not get a real chance with her, now that she presented herself to you.” Elizabeth says quietly but with poise.

  “Oh, Lizzy, I am very sorry that dancing with Miss Juliet caused this misunderstanding between us. I will say it again. There was absolutely nothing romantic between me and Miss Juliet. There still IS NOTHING romantic between us. I will no longer acknowledge her if that will make you feel better. As a matter of fact, that is what I will do, especially knowing now how devious and manipulative her mother has been even though she knows I am betrothed already. I do not want her. I have never wanted her. I do not care about her over you or over us – never! I care only about you. I love only you. I only ever loved you. I was not lying when I told you that I have never really loved anyone before you. It has been only you, Lizzy.” Darcy’s emphasis is genuine and sincere. He wants to hold her hand, but he does not want to disturb her and have her reject his touch. That would wound him profoundly.

  William would not lie to her; she cannot believe that he would lie to her. She believes that he loves her very much, but does he have any feelings for Miss Juliet; that is the important question. Just because there is nothing romantic between them does not mean there are no feelings between them. Is this merely another case of a young lady wanting more and misinterpreting William’s attentions?

  “So, you do not have any feelings for Miss Juliet?” Elizabeth asks softly to make absolute certain.

  “No, dearest; I only saw her as a little girl that I helped from drowning, nothing more.” Darcy gladly answers Elizabeth’s questions. He would do anything to convince her of his devotion only to her.

  “How about when she got older? Did you ever have any understanding with her or any residual feelings for her?” Elizabeth just wants to cover all aspects.

  “I never had any feelings for her at any age. I do not have any understanding, whatsoever, with her. There are no residual feelings because there never were any feelings to begin with.” Darcy looks intently into Elizabeth’s eyes. He does not let her look down; he gently lifts her chin and removes his hand immediately. “I love you with my entire soul, Lizzy. Please, do not let this misunderstanding make you suspicious of me. I know how you are and if that should happen, then our relationship will be doomed. Please, Lizzy; I was no more friendly with her for this dance set than any dance set that I have ever had with anybody else other than you. Anyone that knows me will know the difference of how I look and act when I dance with you as opposed to any other young lady; there is no comparison. You clearly are my one and only love.” Darcy will not hold back any longer; he reaches for her hand. If she pulls away from him, then he will know that their relationship is in trouble.

  Thank God she does not pull her hand away from him.

  “Lizzy, you have to see the difference of my conduct and reactions to you in comparison to others. Please, tell me that you know and you see the difference.”

  Elizabeth misses William’s touch; she lets him hold her hand while they continue to talk. It is not that she does not believe him, but she is hurt from seeing him being friendly with Miss Juliet and the other ladies yearning for him so much. She knows that it is not his fault; he did not do anything inappropriate. He is a nice person; thus, naturally, he would speak nicely with an acquaintance or a friend. Mrs. Barrington trapped him into their conversation; she could not tell that William did not wish to pursue their conversation.

  “I guess you can say that I was…insecure. After all, she knew you first. They made it sound like you had a special connection with her that could be easily retrieved because you both wished for it but were denied the opportunity.” Elizabeth pouts and sulks. She trusts William because he is steadfast about his feelings for her; therefore, she believes that he does not have any feelings for Miss Juliet. Mrs. Barrington and Miss Juliet were just wishful-thinking and misinterpreted his graciousness when he asked Miss Juliet to dance in the past. Elizabeth looks up at William and then looks back down shyly.

  Darcy is relieved that Elizabeth seems to have calmed down more; her cute pouting is the sign. He caresses her hand and kisses it. “Dearest, you will always have my undivided love and devotion. You never have to feel insecure about that. I love you so exceedingly that it hurts to think that you would even consider ending our relationship.”

  “I did not want to ever think of that, much less say it to you, but I was very worried that what was said about you was true. It hurt me astoundingly to think that you could or would love someone else. I cannot help being so possessive of you.” She presses her lips together.

  “I do not mind your possessiveness, but you must know with absolute certainty now that I never even thought of her.” Darcy is filled with hope that this is now resolved. He will have to keep reassuring her of his complete love, devotion, loyalty, and faithfulness unto her only.

  “Yes.” Elizabeth says quietly and then breathes with relief. These feelings evoked in her tonight were awful, and she never wants to experience them again.

  “I love only you. It has only ever been you, Lizzy.” Darcy emphasizes ardently as he squeezes her hands in his.

  “I love you more than I can say.” They both fall into each other’s embrace. Elizabeth squeezes William’s back tightly with her face in the nook of his neck. One of his hands holds the nape of her neck, and his other hand presses her back closer to him. They both breathe excitedly and feel more secure.

  Darcy does not care if anyone walks in on them at this point; they will marry – he does not care if it is tonight or in one week. He just wants to hold her and reassure her of his love. He needs to feel her warmth. He can feel her melting into him; their tension is released and they are, once again, relaxed in each other’s embrace. His face rests on her head as he breathes in her enticing scent to which he has gotten addicted.

  “Please, do not doubt me again, dearest. My heart almost stopped when you said that you wanted to retreat from our engagement.” Darcy releases their embrace slightly so that he can look directly at Elizabeth; his hands hold her arms securely.

  “I am sorry. My heart was so pained. I did not want to doubt you.” Elizabeth caresses his cheek tenderly. “I will know better now.”

  Darcy leans into Elizabeth’s soft palm and then reaches out for her face to bring her lips closer to his for a tender kiss. He has missed kissing her today; he thought that it would be the worst of his troubles tonight. He never imagined that their relationship was at risk of dissolvin
g. It was a horrible notion. Thank goodness that it is resolved.

  Elizabeth is always loving towards William and that does not change. She loves him immensely; she cannot stay upset at him after she heard his explanation and found him artless. Everyone makes mistakes; fortunately, it was realized early before anyone could really gossip about it. Elizabeth truly hopes that others did not seriously consider that William was responding to Miss Juliet’s flirtations. Elizabeth should not continue to begrudge this problem or else resentment will build and become uncontrollable.

  The next few days pass by with Darcy and Elizabeth spending all their time together reassuring each other of their love and devotion. They grow even closer and learn more details about one another. Darcy is greatly relieved that their situation at his cousin’s wedding breakfast did not spiral into a breakup. Without delay, he spoke to Richard the morning after the wedding breakfast and told Richard what had transpired with Elizabeth. When Richard learned that he had offended Elizabeth so grievously and she no longer wished to continue her close friendship with him, he was shocked. After some minutes of reflection, Richard proclaimed his thoughtlessness and stupidity and then rushed to call upon Elizabeth to apologize and explain his inconsiderate denseness. He was angry at himself for his careless actions.

  Elizabeth reluctantly but serenely let Richard apologize. She trusted that Richard’s apology was genuine, but she was still hurt by what he did. It will take some time for the hurt feelings to dissipate, and then they will travel back to where their friendship used to be. She did not want to lose his friendship, either, but she was not going to tolerate such thoughtlessness from a man of his stature and intelligence – from any friend, actually. She accepted his apology because she recognized that everyone makes mistakes, and they should be given a second chance, especially if they were repentant.

  Richard said that he sincerely did not think about people misconstruing William’s dancing because everyone knew that William was already engaged to be married. To him, it was a given that William was not interested in anyone other than Elizabeth. Darcy was only dancing with someone he knew from long ago with no romantic inclinations. Richard apologized profusely; he did not mean to disregard Elizabeth’s feelings. Richard looked so sincere and sounded so genuine, thus Elizabeth accepted his apology although she did not let him see how easily she accepted his apology. She wanted to stress upon him how serious she was with his thoughtless actions. She was comforted to have her friend back; she wanted to move on from this situation. She was back to her normal cheerful self after she spoke to Richard.