by Lauren King
“You can ask me anything, Lizzy.”
“I am sorry that I get jealous even at something that does not concern me, but…”
“But, what dearest?” Darcy figured that she was jealous. He knows that she is possessive of him; he does not mind it given that he is extremely possessive of her, too, thus he understands the feeling. However, he really wants to end these notions before they expand into something illogical and uncontainable.
“But…it concerns you and your love.” Elizabeth says worriedly and sadly.
“Lizzy, I said I did not love her. Sweetheart, I did not love her like I love you.” Darcy explains carefully.
“So you did love her – just differently?” Oh goodness, did he? She has to push the jealousy to the back recesses of her mind so that it does not overwhelm her.
Darcy knows Elizabeth is very clever and precise with her words. “No, it was not love like I was courting her. It was a…carnal relationship for me. I had never been intimate with anyone before her, but I was not intimate with her because I loved her. It was…” Darcy sighs because he does not want to admit it to his wife, but he must so that she understands. “…lust, Lizzy. There, I admit it; it was a young man’s lust; that was what it boiled down to. It was new and satisfying. I did not go into it thinking that I loved her and that we were going to have a future with each other. It was a day by day thing.”
Darcy sees Elizabeth’s eyes go wide, and he can figure that she thinks that he had sex with Mrs. Thurston every day like they do now. “No, I do not mean that we had relations every day! I just mean that we did not plan in advance that we would have a permanent future with each other. I was just like many other young men who finally are intimate for the first time. We think of the act as a way to get pleasure. We do not tie it to love, necessarily.”
“That means when we…” Elizabeth is surprised and distressed at his comment.
Darcy interrupts her instantaneously. “We are different, sweetheart. When we make love it is purely love that I give you. Everything that we do is tied to love because you are my love and because I love you, immeasurably. I feel everything for you when we make love – love, desire, lust, need. You know how much I desire you – how much I lust for you. I need you in order to function normally; without you, I am not myself. I cannot get enough of you; you are always in my thoughts. I want to be with you all the time; I do not care to be with my friends if it means that I will not be with you. Lizzy, you have to know that I have never before felt this way towards anybody.” Darcy stops so that Elizabeth can absorb all that he has said. He does not want her to doubt his love, devotion, and faithfulness to her, in any way.
Elizabeth gazes directly at William during his passionate discourse, and she knows that he is utterly sincere with his devotion and love for her. She is just jealous and afraid of losing him to any woman even though they are already married. He has never given her any reason to doubt his complete faithfulness and attention to her; hence, she should control her jealousy before she ruins their relationship and drives him to the arms of another woman. That would destroy her.
“Do you believe me? Do you understand, Lizzy?”
“Yes, I understand, and I believe you.” Elizabeth squeezes William’s strong loving hands. “I am sorry that I am so jealous. I am just…afraid of…losing any of your love. I cannot not spare any of your love.” She feels a twinge of pain at the mere thought of losing any part of William to any other woman.
Darcy pulls her onto his lap and hugs her tightly with his face buried into her neck as he says, “Dearest, you have all of my love – every last bit of it. No one has ever gotten any of my love; I have given it only to you – all of it.”
“I love you so extremely. I cannot bear it if you love someone else also.” Her voice trembles slightly.
“Dearest! I do not and will not love anyone else; only you! Please, do not concern yourself with something that means nothing to me. It was two months of a young man’s life experience; that is all.” Darcy emphasizes.
“Do you still see her?” She cannot help herself from knowing. Maybe if he answers all her questions and she knows all the details, then it will mean that it is not important to him; hence, not important to her.
“No! How could you ask me that?” Darcy hopes that she does not think that he has been seeing her still, all these years.
“No, I mean do you see her around London, and if you do, do you greet each other and talk?” Elizabeth’s jealousy begins to resurface at the mention of William conversing nicely with this woman; she can barely think of it. Lord, she hopes that it was all in the past, and they do not see each other, at all anymore.
“No, no, and no, Lizzy.” Darcy is emphatic so that Elizabeth is clear about him.
“Why did you stop seeing her?”
“Lizzy…” Darcy sighs but not out of exasperation; he just thought that he would never have to tell his wife this story. He fears that she will dwell on this knowledge once he tells her everything. However, he knows he has to answer all her questions or else she gets even more curious and will think that he is hiding something meaningful. He might as well just answer all her questions to her heart’s delight.
“I stopped seeing her because her husband almost found out who I was one day, and I did not want any trouble. If the affair was made known, it would have been most embarrassing and scandalous; my Father would have been very disappointed in me. I could not have that happen, thus it sobered me from the fun I was having. I had to end it, which I did.” There, that was not so bad.
“My Father had spoken to me before about getting caught up in those types of situations because it would tarnish my name and reputation. Furthermore, I could have claims of illegitimate children thrown at me and not know if they really were mine or not. If they were mine, then how could I abandon a Darcy to live in disgrace and poverty, and what would become of an illegitimate child? Moreover, how was I going to deal with being considered a no-good rake if I do not accept the responsibility of a child that I might have fathered? One other thing that made me rethink about continuing with her is the possible diseases I could get from it. I had heard of a friend of an old classmate that got the French disease; it was so disgusting and painful that he wanted to die. He suffered with it for a few years. I do not know what became of him, but my classmate said that his friend no longer saw anyone and the disease was taking its toll on his health; that was about eight years ago. I thought that I was removed from something like that, but the more I heard about the diseases, the more worried I got. Therefore, it was also another driving factor that made me end the affair and never got into another similar situation again with anyone else except my wife.” Darcy waits for Elizabeth’s reaction.
“Do you still think of her and your time with her?” She knows she is stretching his tolerance, but he said that she has a right to ask him anything. This is an important subject because she does not want to be left wondering. If she knows about it all, then she will not speculate on it; she will be able to put it out of her mind. It will no longer be a mystery.
“No, Lizzy!” He is not surprised with her direction of questions; she is quite possessive of him. “I have not thought about her for all this time. I do not wish to think about times that could have damaged my life and reputation. She was merely a very small part of my past that I do not think of. There is no reason for me to think about her.” Darcy caresses Elizabeth’s back up and down until he feels her bottom and then he squeezes it seductively. “I do not want to think about her or that situation anymore. Do you have any more questions?” Darcy nuzzles her neck and kisses it. “I love you, Lizzy. I do not want to think about anything or anyone else other than you and us.”
“I cannot bear to think that you have thoughts of her. You had intimate experiences with her; I can barely endure those thoughts. I will not be able to abide it if you still think of her in any way, whatsoever.” She wants William to understand her side fully so there is no misunderstanding as to wha
t she will tolerate.
“Lizzy, this is the first time I have thought of her in years, and it is only because this subject came up. I do not sit around thinking about her. Is that what you think I do?” Darcy is surprised but is not that surprised by her line of reasoning; they are much alike. Thank God, Elizabeth has never had any experience with anyone else other than him. It would have disturbed him greatly.
“No, but I just wanted you to know where I stand pertaining to that.” Elizabeth caresses William’s chest before continuing. “It is only fair that I do not make a big fuss about this because it is nothing to you, and it was so long ago. I will not let it bother me and trouble us. Thank you for answering my questions and volunteering the information, darling. The curiosity would have niggled at me and perhaps my jealousy might have grown ridiculously.” Elizabeth hugs William’s upper body tightly as she sits on his lap freely.
“I would never hurt you intentionally or hide things from you. I love you too much to do something like that.” Darcy tries to assure Elizabeth; he knows she is sensitive to these matters.
“I love you more than anything I have ever imagined. The emotion is so strong that it frightens me to think that I could lose your love. It would completely devastate me.” Elizabeth hides her face in the nook of his neck. She just wants to remain in his safe, loving embrace forever.
“Lizzy, you are not going to lose me. The only one that can take me away...” Darcy ceases his comment and gently guides her face out of his neck so that he can view her eyes directly. He wants no doubts as to how strongly and how serious he feels on this subject matter.
Elizabeth stares tenderly at him. She is eager to hear his comment.
“…is God.”
Elizabeth lightly gasps. “Please, do not say that, darling; please!” Elizabeth cups his cheeks and kisses him all over his face while saying, “It scares me to think that you could be taken away from me. I do not want to think about this or talk about this anymore or ever, actually.”
Darcy grasps her face and devours her lips as one of his hands runs under all the layers of her dress. He finally reaches her private spot and he starts to rub it as he says, “I love you, Lizzy – only you. Do not forget it, love.” He rubs her faster and a small moan escapes from her – music to his ears. He moves her legs wider apart, and then he rubs her special spot more vigorously until her regular moans can be heard. “I want to hear you, love.”
As she pants, moans, and breathes heavily he stares at her alluring face; this is his wife, his lover, and his best friend; she will also be the mother of his children one day. She is his life; unequivocally, there is no question about that.
Elizabeth cannot hold back her moans any longer; William likes for her to be loud about her pleasure. The sensation is building, and she wants him to love her completely. “I need you, William!” She pants. “William!”
Hurriedly Darcy says, “Love, I have to get your dress and my things off. Help me, quickly. I need to love you.” They both swiftly and rapidly take off their own clothes until Elizabeth needs help with hers. William moves right over to remove everything off and throws in on the floor. He picks her up and deposits her on the middle of their bed as he starts to suckle and pull on her nipples. He nips at her neck as his hand rubs her special spot again. Then his mouth is back on her breast enthusiastically as she moans louder. “I need you now, Lizzy. Do you want me now?”
“Yes, yes!”
“Oh, love!” Darcy groans with pleasure as he speedily moves in between her opened legs and thrusts in to the hilt in one push. The thrill is always amazing; the sensation of having her wrapped around him completely is absolutely fantastic – nothing surpasses it!
They love each other passionately just like they always do. There is no difference in their actions due to the new knowledge that has been revealed. Elizabeth’s fear of William wanting another woman from his past is forgotten. Love, adoration, and devotion are clearly present. Elizabeth is convinced of William’s honest love for her. She will tamp down her jealousy so it will not permeate into their marriage and possibly hurt it.
CHAPTER 10
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SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22nd
Finally, William’s birthday has arrived, and Elizabeth tries to distract him from getting any ideas of a surprise birthday dinner party.
“Happy birthday, darling.” Elizabeth whispers into her husband’s ear as she seductively strokes his chest and then moves down to his manhood where she knows that he loves for her to stroke him. They had made love last night until it became his birthday, and she had wished him a happy birthday already. However, she still wants to pamper him all day today. She is grateful that he was born, and she is now blessed to have him as her husband for all of her life. “I love you more than I can say.”
She kisses his cheek, moves to his ear lobe and sucks on it, kisses and nips at his neck, and then kisses his lips voraciously while she makes her way to lie on top of his gloriously naked body. She slowly undulates her body and then suggestively rubs it against his. She wants to try to be bolder because she knows that he enjoys it when she is not shy during their love making.
All the meanwhile, Darcy basks in the bliss that Elizabeth is exuding. He certainly will accept and enjoy any love that she bestows upon him at any time for any reason. Her touch is rousing, and her kiss is avid – exactly the way he likes it. This is her first time devouring him like this, and she does it quite well, too. His desire is already heightened, and he just wants to be buried deep inside her love to give them both the pleasure they seek. He lies still in total contentment at her ministrations. Goodness! She is suckling his left nipple and then moves to the right one. Afterwards, he can feel her suckling hard at the skin above his left nipple. She is marking him! He does not mind, one bit. As a matter of fact, he takes delight in knowing that she wants to do that. He already knows that she is possessive of him. After a minute, she finally releases his breast and admires her work; she giggles adorably.
“Good morning, my love. Am I marked as yours now?” Darcy grins gratifyingly.
“You were marked as mine the first day of our marriage; do you not remember?” Elizabeth pouts prettily.
Darcy grabs her body and hugs it tighter towards his own as he chuckles gleefully and says, “Definitely, I remember; how can I forget? You were very happy that you were successful in leaving your mark on me, and I was tremendously happy that I wore your mark of love.”
“Thank you, darling. That was the first time I ever did that, so I was determined to be able to do what you did to me.” Elizabeth smiles impishly and then snuggles her face into William’s neck as she breathes in his natural manly scent of which she is very fond. She lies contentedly on top of William’s strong, naked body.
“I am very glad that it was your first time leaving your mark of love. I want all your intimate firsts with me.” Darcy grins with satisfaction; he can be very possessive, too.
Elizabeth says quietly, “They are – all of them. You showed me everything pertaining to love. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else besides you.”
“I should hope not, dearest; it would kill me if you did think of someone else.”
“Never! I love only you, Fitzwilliam Darcy. I cannot be without you.” She snuggles closer to him as his hands roam all over her body. He takes time to squeeze her bottom and touch her private area to ascertain if she is ready for him to love her.
After a most passionate love-making birthday morning, the newlyweds spend time with each other doing whatever pleases them. Elizabeth tries to contain her excitement about the surprise birthday dinner and her gift for him. She strives to be casual throughout the day by not mentioning anything about his birthday, but she could not hold it in, thus she decides to give William his first birthday gift when they get dressed for dinner. She had embroidered two additional handkerchiefs for William’s birthday. One has a big heart in the middle of the handkerchief with their initials inside of it; the other has a small r
ed heart in each of the four corners and blue letterings that read:F.A.D.– 02-22-1811 at the bottom of the handkerchief. She thinks they are cute enough; she hopes he likes them.
“It is just a little gift to celebrate your special day, darling. I hope you like them.” Elizabeth smiles brightly as she stands next to her vanity.
“I will like anything you give me, dearest. Thank you for always being thoughtful of me.” Darcy pulls her in for a tight embrace and then kisses her luscious lips.
Elizabeth hugs William around his waist and gazes up at his beautiful blue eyes while stating most sincerely, “Of course, I will always be thoughtful of you; you are my life.” She could not say it any other way.
Darcy kisses her nose affectionately. “You are everything to me; my life would be barren without you. I cannot imagine it.”
Elizabeth pouts adorably and then says, “I do not want you to imagine it; just like I will not imagine my life without you. That horror petrifies me. Please, let us not think about those things on such a happy day for you, darling.” Elizabeth lovingly caresses his face with both hands.
“I am happy because you are in my life – forever. I am happy because you are my wife. I am happy because I have your love. Thank you for my gift, dearest.” Darcy kisses her lips sweetly. “Now, I wonder what my gift could be?” Darcy teases; he can guess that they are handkerchiefs.
“I am certain that you have already guessed what it is, darling, but thank you for being excited, nonetheless.” She grins joyously.
“I will always be excited for any gifts you wish to bestow upon me. Your gifts are a true treasure.” Darcy smiles brightly.
Good Lord, William is handsome, and when he smiles like that, it is dazzling! “Thank you, darling.” Elizabeth is on her toes to reach William’s delectable lips that she wants to kiss so much. She is free to kiss him any time she wants and he will not consider her unlady-like.