THE TYNESIDE SAGAS: Box set of three dramatic and emotional stories: A Handful of Stars, Chasing the Dream and For Love & Glory

by Janet MacLeod Trotter

‘It’s me life, Millie. One day I’m going to play First Division. I’m not going to stop down the pit like me dad or me brothers, be worn down at forty. I’m going to play for Newcastle United – be up there with the gods like Bill Appleyard and Albert Shepherd.’

  These were familiar names to Millie, who recalled Graham’s enthusiasm for Newcastle before the war, when they had been League champions three times and FA Cup winners in 1910.

  ‘Colin Veitch was me brother’s favourite,’ she said without thinking.

  ‘Aye, Veitch! I didn’t know you had a brother,’ Dan said, regarding her.

  Millie felt her stomach twist. ‘I – I don’t now,’ she said quickly. ‘He died in the war.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, squeezing her arm. And because of his sympathy and because she yearned to impress him, Millie could not stop herself repeating her fantasy about her brother’s heroics and his tragic, glorious death.

  All at once, they were outside the dance hall. They had been talking so much, she had not noticed. Ava turned on the steps to berate them for dawdling and they swept in past the two large potted palms in the entrance. This time they went into the main ballroom, its magnificent polished parquet floor feeling springy underfoot. The hall was already crowded and the band was playing. Even Ava had her mouth open in wonder.

  The evening sped by with dancing, supper in the buffet upstairs and then more dancing. Millie, awkward at first, soon relaxed as Dan led her around the dance floor and taught her the steps. She wondered how many other girls he had held in his arms and whether they had felt as strongly for him as she did, then pushed such uncomfortable thoughts from her mind. He was attentive only to her, planning future nights together.

  ‘There’s Bonfire Night coming up, and a fancy dress here next week. We can dress up Egyptian, seeing as you’re daft about all this,’ he teased, waving his hand at the decor. ‘We can hire costumes from that place on Dyke Road.’

  ‘I’d love that,’ Millie grinned.

  All too soon the evening was over and they were tumbling out into the cold night once more. It was then that Millie was stopped in her tracks by a familiar shout from the street.

  ‘Millie Mercer, is that you?’

  The steps were crowded and Millie wondered for a moment if she had heard correctly. Dan hesitated, glancing at her quizzically. Her heart began to pound as a girl thrust her way up the steps through the departing dancers. She pushed past Ava to reach her.

  ‘Millie, it is you!’

  ‘Ella?’ Millie cried, finding herself staring into the face of her old friend. ‘Ella!’ Instinctively they flung their arms around each other like long-lost sisters, gasping each other’s names in joy and gabbling in disbelief.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Millie asked.

  ‘Visiting me auntie,’ Ella explained. ‘I’m back for a week from London. This is home now since me mam died.’

  ‘Your mam?’ Millie gasped. ‘I didn’t know.’

  ‘Aye, two years back.’ Ella grimaced. ‘But how could I tell you, disappearing like that? No one would tell me where you’d gone – not even your Aunt Hannah. I heard rumours, mind, about your mam setting up with another man, but I didn’t believe it.’

  Millie felt panic. Ella was garrulous at seeing her; she would give her away.

  ‘Where does your aunt live, Ella?’ she asked, swiftly taking her by the arm and trying to steer her back down the steps. Perhaps no one else had heard Ella’s remarks in the general hubbub. ‘I’ll come and see you there before you go, explain everything.’

  Ella glanced over Millie’s shoulder at her handsome partner and the scowling friend who was eyeing her intently. ‘Yes, I’d like that.’

  Millie tried to block her inquisitive stares. ‘Eeh, Ella! You’ve picked up a posh accent,’ she teased. ‘You can tell you’ve been in London for years. I did write, at the beginning, but you mustn’t have got me letters.’

  ‘No, nothing,’ Ella said. ‘You could come back now to my auntie’s, just for a little chat. Bring your friends.’ Ella gave Dan and Walter an appreciative glance. ‘Thirty-six Dene Row.’

  ‘We can’t now,’ Millie said quickly. ‘I promised Mam I’d be back as soon as the dance finished.’

  ‘Are you not even going to introduce us to your friend, Millie?’ Dan intervened, following them down the steps.

  ‘Ella Parks,’ Ella smiled, and held out her hand, seeing that Millie was quite tongue-tied. ‘Millie and me grew up together.’

  Dan shook hands. ‘I didn’t know Morpeth had so many pretty lasses,’ he winked.

  Ella’s fair face blushed. ‘Morpeth? No, we come from Craston!’ She nudged Millie. ‘Have you been trying to make us out as posher than we really are, Millie Mercer?’

  Millie froze in fear. She had spent three years trying to erase the past from her mind until she had almost convinced herself it had never been. Craston belonged to the lanky, childish Millie, someone who no longer existed, who would never have been courted by the likes of Dan Nixon. But Ella continued in her usual indiscreet way, unaware of Millie’s predicament, while Millie stood paralysed, not knowing how to stop her.

  ‘How is your mam, by the way? I often used to think about you and wonder why you left. Mind you, I suppose she’d had enough. With all that business over your Graham and no one speaking and your dad locked out the pit. Do you ever see your dad these days?’

  There was a stunned pause as everyone turned to stare at Millie. She was suddenly aware of Ava beside her.

  Ava questioned, ‘From Craston, did you say?’

  ‘Yes.’ Ella smiled obligingly, then caught the look of horror on Millie’s face. ‘Have I said something wrong?’

  Ava rounded on Millie. ‘Have you been lying to us all this time, Millie? You and your mother? Pretending to be someone you’re not! Who exactly are you?’

  Millie shrunk away from her spiteful stare, looking to Dan for help. But he was baffled too. ‘Millie?’ he asked. She began to shake, unable to answer them.

  Ava pressed her. ‘And what’s this about your father? You told us he was dead. Is he, Millie? Or is that another lie? To think my father took you both in thinking your mam was a widow! What sort of woman could lie about a thing like that? It’s disgusting! If he thought she was still married, he’d throw her out!’

  This vitriol against her mother was too much. Millie met Ava’s look as defiantly as she could. ‘Yes, I am from Craston, and I’m not ashamed of it,’ she said, trembling. ‘I only kept quiet about it to help Mam.’ She looked around at the shocked faces. They might hate her now, but they were going to hear her side of the story; she had nothing to lose by telling it. ‘Me dad was on unofficial strike – they were cutting wages and we had nowt to live off. I went to bed hungry every night. Then the bosses brought in scabs. They were going to evict us.’ She challenged them with her look. ‘Me mam wasn’t going to wait for them to hoy us out in front of all the neighbours, end up on the beach like the others. That’s why she left me dad. To stop us starving!’

  The steps had emptied, people hurrying away from the argument. As the doorman came over to see what was going on, Dan shifted uncomfortably. But Ella spoke up.

  ‘But we would have helped out if we’d known, Millie,’ she insisted. ‘Why didn’t you go to your neighbours for help? That’s what they’re for.’

  Tears sprang to Millie’s eyes as she faced her old friend. ‘Because they despised us,’ she hissed. ‘They wouldn’t have lifted a finger to help. You know very well what it was like for us after Graham died.’ She turned to the others, seeing the embarrassed looks on the men’s faces, the stony expression on Ava’s. ‘My brother was no war hero,’ she croaked in humiliation. ‘He was shot for desertion. A coward! It finished me dad. And now I don’t even know if he’s alive any more . . .’ Tears flooded her eyes. She glanced at Dan, hurt by his silence. ‘We came here with nothing, me and me mam. Just common Mercers who no one in Craston had the time of day for. Mam was just trying to make a
new life for us, that’s all. Was that too much to ask? Was it!’ she sobbed, pushing her way past them all.

  The next moment she was running up the street into the darkness, desperate to be away from them and their accusing stares. What a fool she had been to think life was any different in Ashborough, that people would understand what her mother had done and forgive their covering up.

  ‘Millie!’ It sounded like Dan shouting after her. ‘Millie, wait!’ But she did not turn around or lessen her pace. The evening was ruined and her secret was out. Things could never be the same between her and Dan again, and she was too ashamed to turn back now. She ran on through the smoky, frozen air until she thought her lungs would burst. The steps of the runner who had tried to catch her up slackened to walking pace. She still heard them at a cautious distance, making sure she got home safely, but reluctant to catch her up.

  When Millie reached the hotel, she burst into the kitchen in a panic to reach her mother before Ava could fling her accusations. She found Teresa sitting by the fire in the hotel parlour with Moody, alone like some old married couple silently content in each other’s company. Millie collapsed at her mother’s feet and burst into tears.

  ‘What in the world’s the matter with you? What’s happened?’

  But Millie was incoherent as she tried to confess what she had said. Moody rose, stirring from his torpor by the fire.

  ‘Has the lad harmed you?’ he demanded.

  Before Millie could answer, Ava ran into the room, a cold draught following her.

  ‘Tell him,’ she demanded. ‘Tell my dad what you told me, you little liar!’

  Millie felt her mother’s arms go round her protectively. ‘Hold your tongue,’ Teresa scolded.

  Ava advanced on her like a predator smelling blood, and Millie knew then that this was the opportunity the girl had been waiting for all these years to put them in their place.

  ‘I’ll not hold my tongue – not for you, Mrs Mercer from Craston.’ She spat out the name.

  Moody stared in incomprehension. ‘Ava?’

  His daughter went to him. ‘They’ve lied to us, Father. She has!’ she said, stabbing a finger at Teresa. ‘She’s no respectable widow from Morpeth. She’s married to a sacked pitman from Craston – walked out on him because they were going to be evicted! Common as muck they are, the Mercers,’ Ava sneered, slipping her arm through her father’s in solidarity. ‘They’ve made fools of us, Father,’ she continued, seeing Teresa’s devastated expression. ‘And that’s not all. You won’t see her son’s name on the roll of honour at Craston war memorial. Do you want to know why?’

  Teresa gave out a howl of pain. ‘No!’ she gasped. ‘Millie, you didn’t say ...?’

  ‘What?’ growled Moody, quite dazed by the revelations.

  ‘He was shot as a coward,’ Ava said in triumph, ‘a disgrace to his family. Millie said no one would speak to them in Craston; that’s another reason they came here. To think you took them in out of the goodness of your heart, and all the time they were living a lie. To think we were taken in by all those stories of a dead father and a hero for a brother. But bad will out, I say!’

  Millie watched her mother’s anguished face as if she had been physically struck. But seeing the effect on Moody, she felt fear shoot through her body. He was livid.

  ‘Teresa!’ he roared. ‘Is it true? Have you lied to me? Are you still someone else’s wife?’ He drew up his large, bulky body in a menacing posture.

  Her mother stood her ground. ‘I was when I first came here,’ she said trembling, ‘though if he’s still alive, God only knows.’

  ‘See,’ cried Ava, ‘I told you.’

  ‘You’ve come to my bed, knowing all the time you were committing adultery?’ he thundered. ‘Like a common whore!’

  Even Ava gasped at the savagery of his words.

  But Teresa was not cowed. ‘So it was all right to bed a defenceless widow, but not another man’s wife, was it?’ she answered with contempt. ‘You were nothing until I came here, Joseph. No one else stayed five minutes with you and your spoilt daughter. Maybe I used you, but you’ve done the same with me. And I’ll not apologise. I’m a mother first and I’d rather have died than see Millie thrown out on the street or be locked up in the workhouse!’

  Moody let out a cry of anger and shoved Teresa away from him. ‘Get out of my house! You and your brat, get out!’

  Teresa stumbled against the horsehair sofa, but came back at him.

  ‘Don’t be so daft! Who’s going to run this place for you if we go? Who’s going to see to the guests upstairs in the morning? Ava doesn’t lift a finger, and neither do you. You can’t do without me, Joseph, and you know it.’

  Moody wavered an instant, his hand raised to strike.

  ‘Don’t listen to her, Father,’ Ava pleaded. ‘We can manage on our own. We’ve got Elsie.’

  ‘Elsie won’t stop another day if we leave,’ Teresa countered, ‘she’s always said as much.’ She could see that Moody was confused. She knew he was a weak and lazy man who would get over the blow to his pride sooner than look for another housekeeper. She appealed to him. ‘We’ve made this into a respectable hotel, Joseph, one that decent folk like to visit. When I came here it was no more than a rough bar. Are you going to throw all that away?’

  ‘You lied to me,’ Moody accused, still red with anger.

  Teresa bowed her head. ‘I know I did, and I’m sorry. Not sorry for what I did, but sorry you had to find out like this.’ She gave Millie a furious look.

  ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ Millie whispered. ‘We bumped into Ella Parks.’

  ‘That lass!’ Teresa let out an impatient sigh. ‘Never anything but trouble.’

  Ava stamped her foot in petulance, seeing her advantage over the Mercers slipping away. ‘What about me, Father?’ she railed, working herself up until tears came, as Millie had seen her do many times to get her own way. ‘Do you care more about that woman than me?’

  ‘Of course not,’ Moody answered in agitation. He turned to his daughter, looking defeated. ‘But Teresa’s right, I can’t do without her. You’ve never been interested in running the hotel like your mother was. All you care about is shopping and dancing and lads.’

  Ava howled. ‘You don’t love me any more! You care more for Millie than me!’

  Moody looked stricken. ‘Of course I don’t. I care about my little treasure more than anything,’ he crooned, putting his arm about her shoulders. ‘Please don’t be upset.’ She turned into his burly hug and allowed herself to be comforted. ‘This has been a shock for us both,’ he said wearily, ‘but we’ll just have to learn to live with it and get on.’

  ‘Not me!’ Ava threw Millie a hateful look. ‘I refuse to carry on sharing a room with her. I want my own one. I don’t trust her and I don’t like her any more.’

  ‘Millie can share with Elsie in the attic,’ Teresa said quickly, giving her daughter a warning look, defying her to object. Moody nodded.

  Millie winced at the open hostility. She pulled herself up from her half-crouched position on the floor. No one was going to stand up for her, she thought in painful realisation. Her mother might be able to overcome the humiliation of being found out at last, but she would blame her for the crisis. It was now impossible to remain friends with Ava after such a personal attack. There was no place for her here any more and no reason to stay now that Dan knew the truth about her and must surely despise her for pretending to be better than she really was.

  ‘I’m not stopping here,’ she told them bluntly. ‘I’m not blaming you, Uncle Joseph. It’s only right that you take your Ava’s side.’ She looked at her mother. ‘I’m sorry, Mam, that I’ve brought all this on you. But I’m glad I don’t have to lie any more, and if people can’t accept me for who I am, then that’s a problem for them, not me.’ At this she gave Ava a pitying look, then walked calmly towards the door. Glancing back, she added, ‘I’ll go to Mrs Dodswell’s on Monday and ask her to find me a job away from Ashborough.�
�� Then she left.

  They listened in silence to her footsteps mounting the stairs, growing fainter as she climbed to the attic. Teresa’s heart ached to think of her daughter back in the room they had shared on their arrival. She had been so dignified in her quiet denial of them, so painfully reminiscent of her dead brother in that regretful backward glance. She wanted to rush after the unhappy girl and tell her it did not matter what she had said. But she could not go now and risk igniting Joseph or Ava’s volatile tempers again. She had stood up to them, but only just. She was secretly aghast that Millie wanted to leave, but maybe it would be for the best until things calmed down with Ava. Later she would sneak up and make sure Millie was comforted. Now she had to look after herself.

  She turned and smiled apologetically. ‘Let me get us all some cocoa before bed,’ she said briskly. ‘In the morning this will all seem a fuss about nothing.’

  Chapter Six

  The next day the atmosphere was tense around the hotel. Moody kept to his room and Millie’s mother seemed wary of speaking to her. After completing the morning chores, Millie escaped from Ava’s malicious looks and asides and went to the Presbyterian church. The only person she knew who would understand her situation was Effie, and she longed for her quiet advice and stoical humour. She did not often attend the cavernous black edifice on Myrtle Terrace because she was usually making the Sunday dinner, but today Elsie volunteered to do it. ‘You make yourself scarce,’ she ordered and shooed her out of the hotel for the morning.

  So she hurried through the icy rain that was blowing inland from the sea, head bent and fingers numbed. Inside she squeezed into a pew at the back and craned around for Effie. There was no sign of her in her usual pew on the left-hand side, four rows from the front, where she liked the view of the pulpit. Millie sank back, allowing the fug from the stove to envelop her and thaw her out. Why was Effie not there? she worried. She had been tired and listless these past few weeks and her hacking cough had come early this year. But she always managed to drag herself to church, however bad she felt. It was no surprise that her family were not there, for her sons had not accompanied her since they were boys. Millie had gone in the safe knowledge that she would not bump into Dan.