Through The Window

by Wendy Campbell

  When he had her pinned, he leaned close, let her feel his breath on her face. They stared at each other, and then the fight simply drained out of her.

  “Are you ready to listen now?” His voice, so accusing and hard just a moment before, held a note of entreaty he hoped she could hear.

  “It doesn’t matter.” She closed her eyes, and her defeat nearly undid him.

  “It does to me.”

  “If I listen, will you let me go?”

  “Yes.”

  She opened her eyes. “You will?”

  “Yes.”

  “You won’t call the cops?”

  “No.”

  “Deal. Now get off me.” She tried to heave him off.

  “Not a chance,” he said with a dry chuckle. “When I’m done, you can go. If you want.”

  She let out an exaggerated sigh. “Then can we get started? I have a cramp in my side, which wouldn’t hurt so bad if you weren’t sitting on me.”

  A huge spider crawled through her hair. Spiders were the only thing he’d ever seen scare her. He better get rid of it, before she freaked.

  “Hold still.” When he loosened his grip on her left wrist, she jerked loose and took another half-hearted swing. He easily captured her hand. “If you don’t mind that big spider crawling in your hair, it’s fine with me.”

  “What?” She jerked her arms wildly, but he wasn’t about to let her go, not when he was so close to getting through. “Get it off me!”

  “Then hold still.” When she froze, he let go of her arm, flicked the spider away from her hair, and smashed it.

  Her body jolted, and she stared at him through glassy eyes as he wiped his hand on his jeans.

  “Gross,” she whispered. “You have spider guts on you.”

  He was torn between laughter and tears. Spider guts seemed so insignificant in the face of things, but she stared at the smear on his jeans like it was going to spring at her. Her defenses were down. He had to tell her now, while she’d listen, and before he could chicken out.

  “After college I went to California and, you’re right, something did happen. I fell in love with a woman named Sophie, who had a one-year-old daughter.” He felt her look at him, but he couldn’t meet her gaze. “I was in deep, head over heels. Sophie and her daughter Emily became my life. We got an apartment.” Those were the good memories. “It was the best year of my life. I had a reason for being, for living. The day after Emily’s second birthday, I took the plunge and bought an engagement ring.”

  Now that she was getting answers she probably wouldn’t leave, so he released her and got to his feet. She ignored the hand he held out and scrambled up. Needing fresh air, he stood in front of the window and caught the scent of lilacs, but he couldn’t see through the wall of his past, the one he’d been hiding behind.

  “On the way back from the jeweler’s, fire trucks raced past me, but I didn’t care. I was too busy rehearsing my proposal. When I got to the apartment…”His throat tightened and he swallowed. “It was fully engulfed in flames.”

  “They—the firefighters—wouldn’t let me inside. I lost it, even cold-cocked a captain before they finally convinced me I was taking men away from the search for survivors. I couldn’t do anything, but wait. I’ve never felt more helpless in my life.” He brushed a finger along the windowsill and finally let the old memories take over.

  ****

  Mel couldn’t tear her gaze off Jordan.

  “Sophie was…dead when they found her. Part of me died right then, and I would have gone crazy, but they hadn’t found Emily.”

  The flat tone of his voice might be necessary to help him through telling her this, but Melanie could hear the heartbreak under it. Her own problems, the ones that haunted her life, suddenly seemed so small when compared to the death of a loved one. She found herself holding her breath and praying for little Emily, even though it happened years ago.

  “Two men ran to the building,” Jordan continued. “Another raced out, carrying Emily. I knew by their frantic speed that she was alive. By the time he put her down, I was there. I had to get to her, help her.”

  After a long moment of silence, Jordan leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. “But she died. Right there in front of me. They wouldn’t let me touch her, not until it was too late.”

  “Oh, Jordan. I’m so sorry.” Tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks. She couldn’t stand the naked misery on his face, nor could she turn away. When she took a step toward him, he held up a hand, and she stopped.

  “I don’t remember much after that. I woke up in a place I didn’t recognize, and for a while, I became someone I didn’t know. Booze, drugs, I tried it all, but nothing took away the pain. Then Roger found me and slapped some sense into me.” He gave a dry, humorless chuckle and finally met her gaze. “Actually, we beat the crap out of each other, but it did the job. After that, I forced myself to live by making two promises.”

  “What did you promise?”

  “I promised Sophie and Emily that I’d do everything I could to prevent their fate from happening to others. I couldn’t help them, but I needed to help someone, so I went back to school and studied fire science. I worked with an arson unit for a while, then switched to public relations, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to be there, on the front line, in the thick of things.” He took a few steps, rested a hip on the edge of the desk, and ran his hands through his hair.

  “What else?”

  “I promised myself I’d never fall in love again. I knew I couldn’t survive going through that again.”

  It was better to know. She would have spent the rest of her life wondering. Still, it surprised her that her heart could break all over again. “Thank you for telling me,” she managed a choked whisper.

  “I should have told you before. I meant to, but I couldn’t find the right time. Maybe things would have been different if I had. Maybe you would have trusted me.”

  “No. I couldn’t trust anyone. Goodbye, Jordan.” She gave him a small smile and headed for the door.

  “There’s just one more thing.” The soft pull of his voice stopped her. He walked over, put his hands on her shoulders, and looked her right in the eye. “I couldn’t keep my promise.”

  “Of course you did. You’re a firefighter. A good one.”

  “Not that one.” The silence was so heavy, she could barely force air in and out of her lungs.

  “Melanie, I fell in love with you. I told myself it wasn’t real, that I wasn’t capable of loving you. I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t. When the office building burned, everything came back. I was so afraid for you.”

  The memories of flames, smoke, and charred rumble were burned into Mel’s memory, but no one had died. “Jordan, I wasn’t in there. You know that.”

  “It didn’t matter.” He started to pace. “The arson was directed at you. I could feel it. You wouldn’t be safe until we found the person responsible. I couldn’t let the fire steal from me again, but you wouldn’t tell me who was behind it. And you knew.”

  Gripping her shoulder, he gave her a little shake. “I tried to make you talk, but you’re so damn stubborn. I told myself this was different. This isn’t California, and you aren’t Sophie, but the nightmares started again. The flames, the burning heat, and I could never get to you. You died a hundred times in my dreams. I couldn’t stop them, so I pulled away. But I couldn’t let you die. That promise I had to keep.” He took a deep breath and dropped his hands. “You’re safe now. That’s what matters.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about them?”

  “I couldn’t. Talking about it, hell, just thinking about it brings everything back, and I’ve tried so hard to forget. But after I read your letter, I knew you had a right to know…about them.”

  The anguish on his face said more than words ever could, and she knew she had to leave so he could finally start healing.

  “I’m sorry, for you and for them.” But not herself. That would have to come later, when she was f
ar away and could indulge in a good crying jag. “Goodbye, Jordan.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek and walked out the door.

  “Mel, wait. Please?”

  Slowly, she faced him.

  “Give me one minute. For old time’s sake.”

  Why did he have to say that? Now she couldn’t leave without diminishing everything that once existed between them, but she needed to get out before she fell apart.

  Jordan took her hands, held tight. “I’m sorry for what I said about standing up to your father. I didn’t mean it. I just didn’t know how else to get through that wall you had up.”

  She didn’t trust herself to speak.

  “Mel, I don’t think anyone could have stood up to your father, and for so long. I’m sorry. Really.”

  “Okay. Apology accepted.”

  “Good.” He smiled. “Melanie Quinn, will you marry me?”

  The first things to melt were her hands. They slid limply from Jordan’s, and he made no move to hold onto them. Her knees turned to rubber and she sank to the floor. Last to go was the shield she’d built around her heart. All her protection, all her misery, dissolved into tears. Then Jordan was sitting on the floor, holding her in his arms.

  “This isn’t,” she sniffed, “the way a woman’s supposed to react…when the man she loves asks her to marry him.”

  “So it’s not past tense?”

  “You moron.” She wrapped her arms around him and laughed through her tears.

  “Moron isn’t the word I want to hear.”

  “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  “Then you can have this.” He pulled the most beautiful ring she’d ever seen out of his pocket and took her hand.

  Dazed, she watched as he started to slip it on her finger.

  “Melanie.” His gaze snapped to the side of her head. “Hold this.”

  He pressed the ring into her palm and smashed his hands together right next to her ear. She jumped so hard she tipped over backwards. Struggling back into a sitting position, she opened her mouth to let out a snappy comment, but he was wiping his hands on his pant leg again. Her skin started to crawl.

  “Was that—”

  “A spider. Sorry. I don’t know where they’re coming from.”

  She jumped up and swatted at her hair. “They’re your stupid spiders,” she yelled, frantically brushing at her clothes and hair. “They got me when I walked around your house.”

  “There’s only one way to make sure they’re all off.”

  He got to his feet, and she caught the gleam in his eye, but she was so preoccupied it didn’t register. With a smile, he pried her fist open and put the ring on the desk. “We’ll come back for it.”

  “But—” Her protest was cut off as he swept her into his arms and carried her to the bathroom. He set her on her feet in the shower and joined her. Then he turned the water on full blast.

  “Jordan!” Cold water hit her dead on, and she ducked behind him. “You could have let me get undressed.” After the water heated, he turned them so she could stand in the stream.

  “This is the only way,” he said as he lifted the hem of her shirt, “to make sure no spiders escape. Besides, undressing is half the fun.”

  Torn between cursing and laughing, she helped him pull her shirt off. Then she wrapped her arms around him, amazed at where she’d ended up. “This night isn’t turning out like I planned.”

  “What did you have planned?”

  “A lonely drive, to a far off place.” Realizing how depressing that sounded, she tried for a lighter tone. “After I retrieved a hat and a letter, of course.”

  Jordan leaned back, just enough to see her face. “You took long enough. I was starting to think you wouldn’t show.”

  “You were here?”

  “Yep, and it was all I could do to not race into town and hunt you down. “

  “Why didn’t you?”

  He kissed her on the forehead. “I had to wait for you to come to me. Roger figured you’d be here last night, but you didn’t show.”

  “He told you?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “The key he gave me didn’t work.”

  “It’s not my key.” He grinned. “It’s melodramatic, I suppose, but I needed to know if you were serious. If you were, I figured you wouldn’t leave town without my baseball hat. You’ve kept it a long time.” His fingers skimmed her cheek. “I told myself I could let you leave, but I can’t. I love you too much to let you go.”

  “It’s my hat.” She kissed him. “You gave it to me, and I love you, too.”

  Hours later, free of spiders and sexually exhausted, they lay in bed. Melanie’s head rested on Jordan’s chest, and she tilted her hand back and forth, admiring the diamond and rubies on her engagement ring. As his fingers stroked her hair, she thought nothing could pull her from this unbelievable dream.

  “Mel, do you want to stay here?”

  Surprised at the hesitancy in his voice, she turned over to face him. “I never want to move.”

  “I mean, do you want to live here, in the Valley?”

  “What do you want?”

  “To be where you are. I love Cedar Valley, but if you don’t want to stay, we can find another place.” He gave her a rueful smile. “Where there are people, there’s a need for a firefighter. I’ll go anywhere, as long as we’re together.”

  “What about Maui?” She kept her face perfectly straight.

  A long silence followed her question. “Is that where you want to go?”

  “Carley suggested it. She wants to visit.”

  “Maui.” He pulled her on top of him. “If that’s what you want, that’s where we’ll go.”

  Her façade crumbled, and she smiled. “For a honeymoon maybe, but not permanently. God, doesn’t that sound wonderful? A honeymoon.” She wiggled up until she could look him in the eye. “Jordan, I couldn’t take you away from here. It wouldn’t be right. This is your home.” She took a deep breath. “And mine. Knowing you love me will give me enough strength to handle the gossip. Besides, I’ve had to deal with the gossip most of my life, but you’re Mr. Goody-two-shoes. It’ll be harder for you.”

  “Goody-two-shoes?” he asked incredulously. “You can’t be serious.”

  “You didn’t know?”

  “Oh, God.” His head flopped back on the pillow. “I can never show my face in town again.”

  She chuckled. “You’re more worried about being known as a goody-goody, than being the husband of a thief?”

  “Hell, yes.”

  Melanie Quinn burst into laughter and kissed her fiancé.

  A word about the author...

  Wendy Campbell grew up in the Pacific Northwest and still lives there with her family. Having traversed Snoqualmie Pass on foot, mountain bike, and horse, having rafted the rivers and flown over the jagged peaks, it’s no surprise that she chose that location for her first full-length novel.

  She's a member of Romance Writers of America and the Olympia Chapter of RWA.

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