Powerless (Power Series Book 1)

by Lauren Cooper

  “What about your father?” he murmurs against my hair.

  “I never knew him. My mother would tell me I was like him, but not in the good way”

  We stay like that for a few minutes before Liam inhales, his damp chest rising beneath my head.

  “Come on, let’s get you to bed” his voice is a hushed whisper against my hair.

  I get into my plush bedding, removing the oversized pillows scattered across it. I overindulge on the soft furnishings to make up for the lack of them in my past, when I notice Liam lingering. Panic sets into my chest at the thought of him leaving. “Please don’t leave” I whisper quickly, sounding more desperate than I’d like to. A flicker of pain flashes across his beautiful face, and I hate that I’m putting it there repeatedly. Walking over to the bed he places a gentle hand on my nape before placing a kiss on my forehead. “I won’t sweetheart” he whispers against my skin. If I wasn’t so wound tight I know those three words would have melted my insides. I nod briefly before I lay down and get as comfy as my bruised back will allow. Liam walks towards the wingback chair in the corner, before turning to face me.

  “Do you mind if I strip down to my boxers? I’m soaking” he huffs.

  “Oh, Of course! Sorry, I have a dryer if you want to stick them in there?” I smile apologetically. This is not the way our first night together should be going.

  “Thank you” his voice is gruff in the darkness. I watch him silently as he unbuttons his shirt. Why the hell did I tell him it was okay to strip? I absentmindedly chew on my lip as his gorgeous body comes further into my view. Damn this man is a fine specimen.

  “Stop it” his scolding voice cuts through my wondering thoughts like a butter knife.

  “What?”

  “You know what” His piercing eyes glitter in the moon light through the window. After kicking his slacks off he heads out to the kitchen where I hear him turn on the dryer. A soft whirring noise filters through the flat, before he shuts the door to my bedroom. Silence fills the air as he walks back towards the chair, grabbing my throw from the foot of the bed and sitting there quietly. If my mind was quieter I would have loved seeing him naked. Or the best part of. But I can’t bring myself to enjoy his fine physique when I don’t feel sexy in myself.

  “You can sleep here if you want?” I whisper. Hoping that I don’t sound too desperate. Or needy? I don’t know. I just know it isn’t good guest etiquette to leave him sleep in an upright chair all night.

  “Go to sleep Amelia. I’m fine” I’m sure I heard him growl too.

  “Thank you” I croak before he gives me a small smile. “Go to sleep I’m right here if you need anything”. I close my eyes knowing I’m safer than I have been in years, the darkness consumes me, exhaustion taking over, and I fall into such a deep sleep I dream of nothing.

  Chapter Twelve

  Stirring in bed, I keep my eyes closed. My head is pounding with the aftermath headache from my panic attack, and the urge to stay here all day almost consumes me.

  “Good Morning”

  I jump at the sound of his voice, jolting upright in bed and springing my eyes open. I instantly wince as the early morning sun streams in through the window. I yank the covers up higher, although I’m wearing an oversized top, I feel exposed from him being in my bedroom. Turning my gaze towards the direction from which his voice came, I see him. Wearing last night clothes that are now dry, sat in my armchair with his arms crossed over his chest. My subconscious had forgotten that he was here, but I hadn’t expected him to actually stay. Mahogany hair a slight mess, dark circles beneath the vast oceans of blue, did he sleep at all? My mind jogs the memories of last night and I instantly feel ashamed.

  “Did you stay here all night?” my voice is cracked from sleep, and dry from not having anything to drink.

  “There’s coffee there for you” he says, pointing at the steaming mug on my bedside table and ignoring my question. I shuffle a little before grabbing it, cradling its warmth between my palms.

  “Thank you” I take a sip, savoring the slight burn it leaves around my mouth.

  “Yes, I stayed. I didn’t want to leave you”

  “You didn’t have to do that” I reply, keeping my eyes firmly away from his. I know what I’ll see there, and I can’t bear the thought of him pitying me. A few seconds pass of me avoiding his gaze and pretending like the coffee in my hands holds more of my interest than he does.

  “Amelia, look at me”

  I close my eyes, wishing for nothing more than for him to disappear. How could I have let myself be so vulnerable last night? I hate myself for ever telling him so much, for giving him so much ammunition to use against me.

  “You can go”

  I hear him suck in a harsh breath, shuffling in the fat silence that’s filling my bedroom.

  “Amelia, don’t be like that” his commanding voice sounds too loud in this already full space.

  “Please Liam, just go” my voice is breathless, but it comes out harsh. I hate how bitchy I’m being, but I can’t deal with his pitying eyes today. Why the hell did I ask him to stay last night? I see him stand out of the corner of my eye, and I want nothing more than for him to tell me to stop talking and hold me. But I need to hold on to some of my self-respect. My stupid mouth not wanting to cooperate, has already said the words and I instantly regret them. I see him move but if I look I know I’ll falter and ask him to stay.

  “I’ll leave, but don’t think I don’t know that you really want me to stay. Call me if you need anything” he urged that last part before turning on his heel and walking away. The slam of my front door alerts me to his exit and I instantly start to cry. Why did you ask him to leave?

  The buzzing of my phone snaps me out of my thoughts a few minutes later, hope settles into my chest that it’s Liam. I want nothing more than to plead with him to come back. Grabbing it from the side table I see it’s Becca. Of course, it isn’t him, why would he call me after I threw him out. I suck in a few breaths, dry my tears with the sleeve of my top and answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Where the fuck have you been?” she yells so I pull the phone away slightly. Reminded instantly that I hadn’t text her last night.

  “Shit” I sigh, “Sorry, I totally forgot. I’m fine” I take another swig of my coffee and hear her pull in a breath on the other end of the line.

  “Mia?” she asks quietly.

  “I had a panic attack” I say, almost instantly bursting into tears. Becca knows how much they piss me off, and how each one seems to get worse. No amount of anxiety pills or magic potions seem to help them.

  “Oh, Mia. Do you need me to come over?” she questions, I can hear the sympathy in her tone, but she knows better than to be that way around me.

  “No, honestly. Liam stayed the night” I offer, not knowing what that really means. Why did he stay? Wouldn’t the average joe have run like lightening in the opposite direction? What man wants such a broken woman anyway?

  “Oh?”

  “Nothing happened. We talked, after he helped me through my attack. God, he was so nice Bec, too nice”

  “Well, I think he’s turned your view of him around” she says quietly.

  “I told him to leave this morning, why did I do that? He was too fucking nice to me last night. I couldn’t stand the way he was looking at me”

  “Mia” she admonishes. “Don’t worry about that now, you can deal with him later. Did he at least make you feel any better?” she questions.

  I don’t tell her about the whole shower situation, I don’t want her to know just how pathetic I am, I don’t care if she’s my best friend. I huff out a breath and recall how he held me. If he’d wanted to have sex with me he would have pushed for it wouldn’t he? Like those men that use women when they’re at their most vulnerable. But he didn’t. He stayed, cuddled, listened to everything I had to say. And I sent him away.

  “He did, he helped a lot. He was kind, and I sent him away like it meant fuck all to me”r />
  “Well, maybe you can send him a text or call him to explain later. Right now, you’re a big girl, get up, showered and just chill out for today. You call me if you need anything”

  Her last words merge into Liam’s and I feel even worse. But Becca’s right, I need to get up and move to get over this funk.

  “I will, thanks Bec. I’ll speak to you later” I hang up, throwing my phone on the bed and placing my now empty cup to the side.

  After I shower and change I head into the living room, binge watch some rubbish Sunday Tv and by late afternoon I’ve successfully eaten my body weight in ice cream and wallowed in enough self-pity for the whole of London. Why did I divulge every little secret to him last night? No amount of doctor’s visits, suggestions of counselling, pills and no pills have fucking helped my attacks. No way was I going to sit in a room with some, know it all shrink and spill my dirtiest secret. Maybe I can just avoid him forever. Are you kidding? He’s going to be avoiding you now you head case. Grunting I push out from the nest I’d created on the sofa, sick of feeling sorry for myself. Going to the window, I watch as the world continues to spin.

  The city is basking in an orangey hue from the nearly setting sun, lights starting to flicker in the buildings surrounding mine. I wonder where he is, what he’s doing? People mull about on the street below, cars whiz past as if nothing has happened. The world doesn’t stop moving because something shitty happened to you. Karma doesn’t work like that. My blood begins to boil at the thought that I’m still allowing myself to suffer from the life I was handed. You changed that, look around you. The same voice wills me into my room, changing into my running gear and psyching myself to get the fuck over this episode.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Breathing heavy, I stretch out my sore limbs in the lift on the way back up to my flat. My lungs burn from pushing myself too hard, but my body feels deliciously languid. My cheeks are flushed from the ice-cold wind mixed with my too high body temperature, and loose strands of my dark hair that have freed themselves from my ponytail stick to my sweaty face. Guzzling the whole bottle of water, I’d grabbed from the fridge, I head back to my shower, letting the steamy water burn my skin, washing away any of the panic attack that was left. I’d shoved the images of Liam on the tiled floor to the side, not wanting to remember how nice he was to me. I know I sound stupid and ungrateful, but the truth is I’m terrified of the opposite. Afterwards I felt slightly more in control again, just where I needed to be. My aching muscles wanted nothing more than an early night, and I couldn’t be happier to oblige. Back to normal tomorrow, back to ruling my empire. Everyone could fuck up, everyone did. The only thing that ever really matters is you bouncing back. Well here I am.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Monday morning, I woke up earlier than usual to fit in an early run. I’d forgotten how peaceful it was to run Hyde Park at dawn before anyone was awake, and I made a mental note to start doing it every day. Just me, the asphalt beneath my trainers and my panting breaths mixed with the soft tweeting birds nestled into the bare branches of cherry blossom trees. Bliss. After a steamy shower, all thoughts of the weekend escaped my mind as I prepared for another week at court. I’d carefully applied my makeup to the small cut on my neck, not wanting to draw any necessary attention to it and headed out. By four o’clock I was back at the office, none of these court cases seem to last a full working day of which I’m grateful. It gives me more time to assess other cases and the details for this merger – if it’s still bloody happening. Throughout the day my mind wandered to the way Liam was before Saturday, squeezing my eyes shut I try to forget about our kiss. The way his lips felt against mine, the way he tasted. My skin flushes and my core tightens as I remember his hands in my hair, oh how badly I wanted more. Stop it!

  “Hey! Are you free on Saturday night?” Becca’s chirpy voice brings my head up from my computer.

  “I’m not going out Bec” I tell her as dead pan as possible. Did she forget that I was attacked already?

  “No, Silly! Jason and I have found a venue and we want to stay the night, see what it’s like you know? I was wondering, as my maid of honor if you would come with us? There’s a gorgeous Spa there” she tells me with an excited twinkle in her eye. Now a Spa I could do with.

  “That sounds great actually” I reply with a smile.

  “Awesome, I’ll send you the details” she goes to turn away, but I stop her.

  “Bec, I’ll book it for you. I’m the maid of honor – let this be my first duty” I say far too excitedly, grateful to finally have something else to take up my attention.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course!”

  Clapping her hands together she saunters out of my office. I smile at how excited she gets sometimes. But I guess this is her wedding, and I should expect her to be worse than usual.

  An hour later, I get on the phone to the country manor Becca emailed me.

  “I’d like to book the executive and bridal suites for Saturday night please”

  “The bridal suite is available, but the executive is not, I’m sorry” the chirpy lady on the end of the line tells me. Huh. Double room for me then.

  “That’s okay, I’ll take the bridal and a double”

  “Lovely, Name?”

  “Amelia Bellucci, and I’ll supply you with my card on our arrival” I hate using my full name, but legally it is my name and the one that’s on all my credit cards. I should get around to changing it properly then I wouldn’t have to hear it.

  “All done, Amelia. We will see you Saturday”

  “Thank you”

  I figured if they hired this place for their wedding they would want to see the Bridal Suite too. God, I hope she likes it, the price they’re charging is extortionate. I laugh at my own thoughts. I know I don’t need to worry about money, but it doesn’t mean I like throwing the stuff away.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  On Wednesday I headed over to the new office, I wanted to see how the interior was coming along. I knew it was a possibility that I would bump into Liam, but I had to get over it. We would be seeing each other every day soon. I hadn’t heard from him, so I took that as no news is good news and assumed the merger was still going ahead. Positive thoughts. Most of the floors are complete, except the top three where new paint is being applied to plasterboard walls and new flooring is being installed. I head to the top floor to see how our offices are looking.

  The walls and floors up here are complete, there’s just some finishing touches for the kitchen and bathrooms to do. The new furniture we ordered is covered with plastic wraps to safeguard them from any decorating damage, but the space looks great. The top floor is where Liam and I will be, along with his assistant and Becca. The lift opens into a large space where a new receptionist will be, and then a long hallway that splits into two. I was certain the plan had three offices originally but since David is longer working here, I can only assume that Liam changed them. On the left is my office and, on the right, is Liam’s, with a conference room in the middle. The floors are a stark white and grey polished marble, and floor to ceiling windows allow natural light to enter the space. It’s similar to Bellucci’s office now, but starkly different to what Liam’s used to. Curiosity gets the better of me as I head down to his office. Liam has already been in here; his furniture isn’t covered in plastic and some personal items have been added. It’s nice to see that he’s keen. I notice some framed pictures on the far wall above his desk and decide to be nosy cow.

  Their all of buildings, more specifically nightclubs, bars, and houses. I wonder if these are all the ones he owns? Turning I notice an open magazine on his glass desk and the photo immediately catches my eye. Leaning over I read the article.

  ‘Liam Hadleigh, CEO Hadleigh Solicitors, feeds malnourished child in SA’

  Liam is on his haunches holding a bottle up to a tiny, horrifically thin baby and my heart catches in my throat. Liam looks as if he’s covered in sweat but smiles sweetly at the naked lit
tle boy. I read a few more lines.

  ‘Liam donated an undisclosed amount to the charity and visited the village to help volunteers. Hadleigh is an active member in numerous charities and has been thanked for all of his support’

  Well. Shit. Doesn’t that just make me feel worse for kicking him out? Why is he so bloody nice? My chest aches at the image in front of me, and I can’t help the soft smile that spreads across my face. I flick to the front page of the magazine and realize it’s not yet been published, that explains why it never came up on the FBI search that Becca conducted. It’s humbling to see that he uses his money wisely, like I try and do. But I’ve never had the guts to put myself out in the field like he has. After seeing the photo of him at the Innocent Addictions gala, I was happy to see us both supporting charitable work. Not many men in this line of work would think to donate some of their millions to a better cause. I have totally misjudged Liam, and I owe him a big, fat apology.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Thankfully, the rest of the week flew by. I hadn’t heard off Liam and I was marginally thankful by Saturday to get out of the city for the night. I hadn’t plucked up the courage to call him and apologize yet and decided I would start a fresh on Monday. Jason had picked me up from my flat in his black sports car, and we headed out to the hotel.

  “You do realize you’ll need a bigger car when you have kids right?” I laugh from the back seat, where I’m squashed between Jason’s seat being so far back due to his long legs and our overnight bags. Who buys a car that doesn’t have a boot?

  “Nope” Liam is dead serious in his reply.