Blindness

by Ginger Scott

  “It was last year. I had a feeling…I mean, I kinda knew for a while. But I just wanted to make sure. So when he left for a trip, I booked a flight right after him. I waited outside his office all day, then I followed him home. I kept wishing—wishing like hell—that he’d turn into an apartment in the city, call out for some take out, and go home alone. But he kept driving—wayyyyy out to the suburbs. It’s such a typical goddamned house, too—white picket fence and all that shit. I parked down the street, but I could see everything.”

  Trevor’s trembling a little, and I reach for his hand, but he backs up even more. He’s almost in a trance with his memory. “I just sat there, Charlotte,” Trevor says, his head hanging low, and his posture slumped and beaten. “I sat there, like a fool, and watched them all sit down for dinner.”

  He turns to Cody, and for the first time since I’ve known about the two of them and their relationship, he’s looking at him like a brother, like they have a common thread—and they do. “He looked…happy. That bastard looked fucking happier than he ever does when he’s here,” Trevor says, shaking his head. Cody just grimaces in return and nods in understanding, dropping his gaze down to the floor and folding up his legs.

  “Trevor, oh my god. I’m so sorry,” I say, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. I turn to Cody, and he’s looking at our touch, his eyes pained. I want to desperately reach out to him as well, but I can’t. “Cody, I’m so sorry,” I say, my words full of double meaning.

  Cody stands up and shrugs, tossing the wrench he was holding in a toolbox and walking to the back of the garage to the sink. I look back at Trevor, and he pulls my hand up to his mouth to kiss it, squeezing it tightly. I think about it only a millisecond before he speaks—my ring is still in my pocket.

  “You’re not wearing your ring? Are you…did you…?” Trevor asks, his face suddenly flush. He can’t seem to find a way to finish his thought, and not wanting him to say any more out loud, I reach into my pocket quickly and slide it on my finger. His smile shows his instant relief, and he reaches for both sides of my face to pull me in for a kiss. I close my eyes, wishing time would freeze to give me a moment to think—or escape. But the world keeps moving, and then he says it.

  “I thought I lost you, that you weren’t going to marry me because of what I did, and what I said. Charlotte, I can’t lose you,” Trevor says, and my stomach sinks. I hear clanking in the back of the garage, tools slamming, and I see Cody’s back as he’s walking away, heading for the back door for his escape. I wasn’t ready for him to hear about our engagement yet—I wanted to be the one to tell him. I’m terrified he’s leaving, but I’m also grateful for a little time to think.

  “Cody, wait up, man. You and I—we need to talk,” Trevor says, his voice stern, that professional tone he gets when he’s in a meeting. Just when I think I can’t feel worse, more anxious, I do. Cody freezes at the door and turns around to face him, his eyes not looking him straight on. It’s the same distance he uses when he steps foot in the Appleton house—like he doesn’t let himself truly be there. He takes a deep breath, and then lets it out slowly.

  “What man?” Cody says, clearly mocking Trevor’s words. “What could we possibly have to talk about?”

  Trevor keeps walking up to him, undeterred. That’s the thing about Trevor—he’s fearless in the face of conflict. I don’t know how much about him Cody knows, but I feel sorry for him if he thinks he’s going to be able to slide out of here without having the exact conversation Trevor wants to have. Trevor doesn’t lose.

  As Trevor gets closer, he reaches his hand out to Cody for a shake. Cody steps back at first, his brow pinching together, completely unable to mask his surprise and distrust. If this were a game of poker, Trevor would mop the floor with him. Cody slides his gaze to me for a moment, and I nod to reassure him. Trevor’s also not one to trick. This is genuine, and if anything comes out of today, I hope it’s a real moment between the two of them.

  Cody chuckles a little to himself and finally reaches forward to grasp Trevor’s hand. He gives it a short shake, and Trevor reaches around to hold their clasped hands together. I know what he’s doing—he’s forcing Cody to stop and listen by taking control. He’s a master, but I just hope he doesn’t fan Cody’s flames, because I get the feeling Cody’s not opposed to resorting to throwing a punch or two if he starts to feel a power shift.

  “Cody, I’m sorry. I have been nothing but a dick to you. I blamed you—you and your mom. My dad went to Chicago a lot, and I told myself it was because he was trying to get away from you. I convinced myself it started when he married Shelly—when he had to deal with you. I blamed your business, bought into his lines about what a fuck up you were, and kept him on that stupid pedestal,” Trevor says, his voice growing quieter the more he confesses.

  “I never let myself really think about it. And I probably never would have if Charlotte hadn’t forced me to. But I’m pretty sure he’s had that second life for a while—probably before he married your mom. I wasn’t fair to you, Cody, and I’m truly sorry. Can you ever forgive me?” Trevor says, my heart almost warming at his reaching out despite this twisted situation it seems to be caught in.

  I study Cody, and his eyes actually flinch as Trevor speaks. He’s chewing the inside of his cheek, and I can tell he’s considering everything he’s just heard. Trevor waits him out, as I knew he would, and finally Cody nods once. “Okay,” he says, and he slides around Trevor, back to the car he was working on, kneeling down in front of the hood, probably to meet Gabe’s eyes and look for help from who he feels is his only friend.

  Trevor comes back to stand by me, and he leans into me softly with a kiss on the cheek. I think he was probably hoping for a bigger reaction from Cody, but I also know he’s not going to get one, and that he’s probably lucky he got what he did.

  “Hey, you do those?” Trevor says, leaning over me now and reaching for my sketchbook. My heart speeds up, like I was caught somehow, and through my drawings, Trevor knows about everything that’s happened between Cody and me. I blink my crazy thoughts away and turn to him and smile.

  “Yeah, I was just waiting while Cody was working and thought I’d mess around with the building. It looks pretty cool like this, no?” I say, flipping through the book for him now, showing off the detail drawings I did.

  “It looks amazing,” Trevor says, honestly looking at them and thinking hard. “Hey…Cody. Did you see these?” Trevor says, startling Cody, who was still buried under the hood of the car, hiding.

  Cody gives in and walks over, grabbing the rag at the end of the table to wipe the oil from his hands. He smiles faintly as he gets closer and leans in from the other side of the table. “Yeah, I told her they were good. That’s what my dad’s shop used to look like, you know?” Cody says, and you can see the pride in his eyes when he says it, the love he has for his father’s shop and his memories.

  “You know…this gives me an idea,” Trevor says, laying the book down in the center of the table and pressing his palms on either side. He flicks his gaze up to Cody in a second, and Trevor has a big smile on his face—which must give Cody the same worried feeling it does me, as we both turn sideways to look at him, sucking in our lips.

  “Geeze, relax you two,” Trevor chuckles, and we both exhale, though I can tell Cody still has a guard up—an enormous one. “How close are you to paying off the loan?”

  Cody’s eyes shoot wide, and I look down to avoid him. I don’t want him to know how much I shared with Trevor, and I’m not sure where Trevor’s going with his questions.

  “Come on, just tell me. I can dig through my dad’s files and find out on my own, but I have an idea that could help you, so how about you just tell me now?” Trevor says, a little bit of his old attitude toward Cody slipping out.

  Cody seems to brush it off, though, as he pushes his lips tight in thought. “Sixty grand,” Cody says, and I choke a little at the amount. I knew it had to be high, otherwise Cody would be able to pull together enoug
h cash to pay it off, but I didn’t think it would be that impossible.

  “Okay, okay,” Trevor says, tapping his finger to his lip, thinking. “What’s your drop-dead date?”

  Cody shoots his gaze to me, and I just shrug and mouth “Sorry,” admitting my part in Trevor’s insight to his personal finances.

  “I’ve got this month, maybe a little more,” Cody says, his voice sounding defeated.

  “Perfect,” Trevor says, and both Cody and I stare at him, not understanding. “Man, you two are so negative!” Trevor laughs. He flips open to a blank page on my book and starts to list out some bullet points. When he’s finally done, he tears out the page and folds it in half, putting it in his pocket.

  “Okay, here’s the deal. I need to get my eyes on that contract, but I’m pretty sure we can fix this thing. We’ll need Charlotte’s drafts, maybe a few more, and a business plan that will show Jim how much more money he stands to gain by partnering with your assets rather than buying you out completely. We’ll show him a planned re-opening, market studies—which I can help with—and renovation plans,” Trevor says, his words coming out so fast it’s taking Cody and me both several seconds to catch up. I see the reluctance in Cody’s eyes the moment I come to the same conclusion.

  “But…I don’t want to be Jim’s partner. No offense, Trevor, but I don’t want anything to do with your dad,” Cody says as he folds his arms in front of him, bracing himself for Trevor’s disappointment. But it doesn’t come.

  “Absolutely. That’s the catch; my dad always puts a drop-dead date in his contracts. But if we can get him to change that—either buy you more time, or void it completely—before you sign the new agreement, then you can walk away and only have to deal with the debt—no deadline,” Trevor says, waiting for us to understand.

  “But I’ll still owe him?” Cody asks, shaking his head.

  “Right, you will,” Trevor says. Both Cody and I are waiting for him to continue, unsure of what the growing smile on Trevor’s face means. “It’s brilliant, really, and I think it’s going to work. He’ll have to submit a new timeline for your payments as part of the investment, and, as long as we make the payout more appealing our way, it will be a no-brainer for him to sign.”

  The garage is completely silent while we all just look at Trevor. I’m nervously picking at the corners of my fingernails, and Cody is rubbing the back of his neck trying to work through the math in his head and make it match up with Trevor’s legal loopholes. Our silence is stunted by the jarring sound of a heavy hood thumping to a close, and we all turn to see Gabe standing in front of us, engine oil smudging his hands and face.

  “Well, asshat, what are you waiting for? Makes perfect sense to me,” he says to Cody, who just throws a towel at him in response.

  “Asshat?” Trevor asks, looking at me.

  “Yeah, apparently, it’s a hat you wear on your ass, and it’s what you call someone when they haven’t earned full asshole yet,” I say, and the garage erupts in laughter as soon as I’m done. My cheeks are red, and I’m trying to retrace my words, when finally Gabe lets me off the hook.

  “She’s right. That’s what it is—but goddamn is it funnier when she says it!” Gabe says.

  The laughing round continues for another minute, then Trevor looks at Cody. “Well, asshat?” he asks, and I hear Gabe’s stifled laugh behind him. Cody looks at me for confirmation, and I smile. This is what Trevor does, and there isn’t anyone better—even his own father. And it might just be Cody’s only shot. Cody seems to understand the look in my eyes, and he reaches for Trevor’s hand again, giving it a firm shake this time.

  “Okay. What the hell do I have to lose? I’m in,” he says.

  I wait for the awkward to settle in next, but it never does. Trevor pulls up a chair and starts asking Cody a million questions about his shop and the business, ripping more pages from my book to make notes. Cody goes back to work, talking to him like it’s normal—like things between them have always been this easy. I catch Gabe’s gaze once or twice and try to gesture to him, but he just shrugs me off. Finally, when Trevor and Cody are deep in a conversation, Gabe comes over to stand by me and look through one of the boxes.

  “Just let it play out, sister,” he whispers from the side of his mouth, so Cody and Trevor can’t hear. I shake my head at him, unsure of everything—how can he be so calm? “That’s what I told Cody to do. See where this goes. He needs this—he needs something.”

  I understand. And since I can’t be that something, I know I need to help Cody have this—his shop and his memories of everything he’s ever loved.

  Chapter 11: Rules of Engagement

  Trevor stayed in the garage with Cody until the sun came up, and I ended up napping on a small leather couch in the break room. I startle awake when I feel arms sliding under me, lifting me. I almost whisper Cody’s name, thinking it’s him, when I open my eyes and see Trevor’s familiar jawline and chest. I stop myself just in time, and instead snuggle into him while I rub my eyes and try to get my bearings.

  “Morning, sunshine,” Trevor says, lifting me to a stand.

  I stretch my arms over my head and look around, wondering if Gabe and Cody are still here. I hear the sound of a soda cracking open and turn around to see Cody, looking tired and disheveled behind me. “You guys up all night?” I ask, knowing they must have been.

  “Yeah, we got a lot done. I think this is going to really work,” Trevor says, confident as always. “I’ve gotta get to the airport though, take back this rental. I sort of wasn’t planning on being out this morning.”

  The guilt on his face hits me hard, and I hug him tightly, my awareness still not completely caught up after my sleep, and my mind not remembering everything that’s pulling at me in a million different directions. “It’s okay. Thank you for coming. And…thank you for…” I gesture over my shoulder as I whisper.

  “No,” Trevor says, holding his fingertips to my lips. “Thank you. I owe him this. And I’m going to work my ass off for him.”

  I know Trevor means it, and I’m proud of him for doing something so right, making this hard choice. I keep reminding myself that Trevor’s lost something, too. The illusion he’d created that kept him tied to his father, believing in his father, burst the minute I confronted him about it.

  “Do you have time to take me home?” I ask while I gather my things.

  “I can’t. My flight leaves in less than an hour. I’m going to have to bolt if I want to make it as it is, I’m so sorry. Cody? Do you mind getting her home?” Trevor asks, and Cody just nods yes behind him, his eyes avoiding me.

  Trevor leans in for one more kiss, then he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it right against the ring. Seeing his hands around mine, his ring on my finger, and knowing Cody is right behind me is hard, and I’m not sure how to feel—about anything.

  “Okay, I’ll be back…soon.” Trevor says, picking me up and swinging me around once, before grabbing his jacket and the scraps of paper with his notes. “Cody, I’ll call you. Let’s get together next weekend when I come back, okay?”

  Cody half waves and nods, not really showing any emotion, but Trevor seems satisfied with his response. He climbs in the small rental car and pulls around the driveway back on to the main roadway.

  With Trevor gone, I suddenly feel out-of-place, just like I did the first day he left me alone at the Appletons’. I zip my bag, pull it next to me, and stand at the edge of the table waiting for Cody to give me direction—to tell me what to do. He’s still not making eye contact and is instead busy cleaning things up around the shop, wiping down the hood and window of the car that he and Gabe worked on all night.

  “You guys finish that last night?” I say, desperate to find our way back to easy.

  “Yep,” he says. Nothing more. Easy is a long way away, and I press my hand deeply into my pocket, wearing what I know is the main reason for this new block between us.

  “Hey, if you don’t have time…I mean, if you’re busy…
I can totally just call a cab,” I say, fumbling with my purse and bag, not sure whether I should sit or stand—or pull my phone from my purse.

  “No, I’m good. Come on, let’s go,” he says, purposely turning from me again and walking the long way around the car as we exit the garage. I step outside on the main driveway and watch as he reaches up and pulls the sliding door down, locking the latch in place, letting out a heavy sigh while he crouches down. He sits there briefly, his hand against the door, almost like he’s adoring it, showing it affection.

  We get to his truck, and he reaches for my bags, our hands touching when he does, his fingers grazing over the diamond. I feel him jerk away—and his reaction halts me, leaving my heart heavy and knocking the wind out of me.

  “Sorry,” I say out of instinct, but meaning it more than he knows.

  “It’s okay, here. Let me get your bag,” he says, his eyes down at the ground, avoiding me. I hand my bag to him and climb in the truck, mostly to escape the tension. I shut my door with care this time, embarrassed by my angry slam from yesterday. I push his mirror a little, straightening it back in place. I pull the visor down and smile at the plastic mirror that’s stuck to the underside with Velcro. My smile fades when I realize he probably put that up there for a past girlfriend—Kyla, I bet.

  I’m about to flip it back up when I catch a glimpse of Cody at the back of the truck, reaching into the truck bed for a sweatshirt. He raises his arms over his head and pulls his dirty T-shirt from his body. I’m unable to look away. I’m entranced by the swirling tattoos and words that wrap up both arms and wind onto his chest—which is somehow tanned and chiseled in a way that’s so different from Trevor’s. Cody’s body is hard from work, from pushing himself to the limit, from the life he lives. Trevor’s body is the result of discipline and nightly trips to the gym—the result of privilege.