EX

by Novoneel Chakraborty

The next second she slapped me hard across my face and said, ‘Miss newcomer, don’t you screw with my boyfriend.’

  I later learned the girl’s name was Avni, Neel’s girlfriend.

  Chapter 6

  WILL NEEL INTRODUCE TO NIVRITA?

  ‘How is it?’ Neel asks Titiksha holding the printout of his manuscript with a sense of excitement. The four chapters, after all, are his first attempt at realizing his dream of becoming an author. And who better to share it with than his long-time girlfriend?

  As Neel gives Titiksha the pages, he switches on the stopwatch. He is clocking her to divert his mind from his nervousness. He has an inkling Titiksha will praise and encourage him, but he wants to block the thought lest it makes him too excited too soon.

  ‘What bullshit is this?’ she says surprising Neel.

  He presses his stopwatch. It reads one minute thirty seconds.

  ‘Read it completely and then comment. Please.’ Neel didn’t want to use the last word but he does, like always.

  ‘I’m done reading it,’ Titiksha darts back.

  It is 9 am. Neel and Titiksha are sitting in the drawing room. There is a small round table in the centre of the room on either side of which they are seated. Atop the table there is one Real fruit juice, two hard boiled eggs on one plate, and two separate plates containing a couple of grilled toasts. Titiksha has the printouts of the chapters Neel wrote last night, while she was asleep, though he knows she was messaging someone from inside her blanket because he did notice her mobile phone’s light blink a few times. But if she has nothing to hide, why did she keep the mobile phone on silent mode? She never did that before. She was more open before he went to Jaipur. Neel thinks for a moment—even he was more faithful before he went to Jaipur.

  ‘One minute and you’ve read all the four chapters? Am I supposed to believe that?’

  ‘Doesn’t that say something about your writing? And why have you given that protagonist bitch of yours my name? And it’s I who play the guitar but in the story you show that Neel’s character plays the guitar. What nonsense is this!’ She has consumed the entire egg by now and is gobbling it furiously. She takes a sip of the fruit juice to shove the bolus further in.

  ‘She isn’t a bitch by the way.’ Neel has half stuffed the hard toast inside his mouth and hence sounds funny.

  ‘Why is she after someone else’s boyfriend then? I anyway don’t care what she is. And I don’t care if you used your name for the protagonist. But why did you use my name?’

  ‘Relax! These are not my characters, damn it!’

  ‘Then?’

  It is a slip, Neel is quick to realize. He can’t tell her about Nivrita. Much like she isn’t confessing about the other guy Neel thinks Titiksha is seeing. He isn’t telling her about Nivrita because he isn’t serious about her. He is only playing along to get himself published. But what are Titiksha’s reasons of not telling him?

  ‘Don’t tell me you plagiarized someone’s work,’ says Titiksha standing up.

  ‘Won’t you have the toast?’

  ‘Answer me. Don’t avoid the question.’ She keeps her hands on her hips ready for a confrontation if need be.

  ‘Do you think I would do that kind of a thing?’

  Neel uses the following silent seconds to finish his breakfast.

  ‘I don’t know. Even if you have, it still doesn’t change my reaction: bullshit is bullshit is bullshit.’

  Has she even read any book? Ever? Neel wonders and says, ‘I know why you are saying so.’

  ‘Why?’ Titiksha squints her eyes looking at him. She does so whenever she is ready to launch her angry self on Neel.

  ‘You don’t want me to become an author and hence you are intentionally discouraging me. But I won’t give up.’

  Titiksha comes close to him and laughs on his face.

  ‘You are such a kid, Neel. I am telling you the truth. Of course I’m discouraging you because I don’t want you to make a fool out of yourself in front of the whole country by printing this shit. Plus who will publish this shit anyway, my dumb teddy bear?’ she says pulling his cheeks in a patronizing manner.

  Neel can feel his rage rising inside. He decides to do what he always does whenever he is cross with Titiksha. He goes inside the bathroom, locks himself in, puts his head under the tap, and turns it on. The water slowly drenches his head and calms him down. A trice later, he smiles to himself in a sadistic manner wondering how wrong his girlfriend is about the ‘who-will-publish-it’ part.

  The call bell rings. Neel shouts out and asks Titiksha to open the door. Titiksha shouts back at him to do so himself since she is changing. She seldom uses the word ‘please’ anyway. This is no exception. Neel, with water trickling down his head, reluctantly comes out of the bathroom, and goes to open the door.

  Standing in a purple sleeveless kurta and a pair of black jeggings is Nivrita. She takes out her black Ray-Ban and perches it on top of her head with a you-thought-I-don’t-know-where-you-live smile on her face.

  For the past few seconds, Neel has been simply gaping at Nivrita wishing intensely that her presence is unreal. He closes the door, opens it again, wishing there’s no Nivrita. As he tries to close the door, Nivrita puts her leg forward and stops him. How the hell she came to know about his address?

  ‘Water sports at home, huh?’ Nivrita says noticing the water drops going southwards from his head.

  ‘How do you know I live here?’

  ‘I have been following you.’ She suddenly lowers her voice and continues, ‘From the day we landed in Kolkata.’

  Neel doesn’t know if she is speaking the truth. He hopes not. She raises her voice to say, ‘Won’t you invite me in?’

  ‘Please come in.’ An unsure Neel moves aside to make room for her. Nivrita gets in and he closes the door behind him. He can hear his heartbeats so loudly that for a moment he assumes the heart has popped up from his chest to his mouth.

  ‘Small but a cute place nevertheless.’ Nivrita looks around and sits on the half-folded mattress by the window.

  ‘Who is it Neel?’ Titiksha screams out from the bedroom.

  ‘Give me a moment.’ Neel excuses himself and goes inside the bathroom and locks it.

  He doesn’t reply to Titiksha because he doesn’t know what he should tell her. For the first time, another girl besides Titiksha has come to his place. Running away from a situation has been Neel’s hallmark way of handling anything. Inside the bathroom, he dries his head with a towel trying to listen if Titiksha has moved into the drawing room and discovered Nivrita for herself. But he can’t hear anything. He is sure they are talking right now else Titiksha would have continued to shout till he replied, or would have banged the bathroom door, or had done something out of the ordinary. But there is only silence. Should he open the bathroom door and see what’s going on between the two women? What if he sees a violent cat-fight between the two? He won’t be able to handle it.

  ‘Damn!’ Neel punches the tiled wall of the bathroom hard. What if Nivrita ends up telling Titiksha everything? Neel turns and opens the door in a flash and pauses seeing Nivrita right in front of him.

  ‘She is gone,’ Nivrita says and pushes Neel inside the bathroom.

  ‘You met Titiksha?’

  ‘Yeah. Nice girl. Not the jealous types.’

  Neel wonders how a smart girl like Nivrita can arrive at such a false conclusion about Titiksha. Only he knows how she has never let him meet, talk, or even see another girl right from the time they were in a relationship. And now he hears she is not the jealous types? What a joke!

  ‘I told her we fucked each other real good in Jaipur, and all she asked me was if you had a protection on while doing me. That’s a cool girlfriend you have.’

  What should Neel do: smile, cry, or faint? Nivrita has told Titiksha about their fuck-session? And the latter didn’t react? Really? Why? Is it because she already has someone more important than him in her life right now or she doesn’t care what or whom Neel does?r />
  ‘Chill dude! I didn’t say any of that. She asked who I was. I said I’m a junior where you used to work and need to get some papers signed by you. She said she was getting late for her office and excused herself.’

  Finally Neel relaxes. He hates Nivrita’s sense of humour, and that’s the first thing he would tell her on her face once the book is published.

  ‘Now get yourself a shower. You are stinking of sweat,’ she says, and opens the knob. As the water cascades down Neel’s body, she pulls up his T-shirt getting her arms wet in the process. Neel puts his hands up without resistance. She hurls his T-shirt at an empty bucket nearby, and runs her fingers from his throat down to his chest to his tummy and finally to his knickers. She pulls its elastic and releases it instantly. The elastic hits Neel’s waist hard.

  ‘I would love to watch you take a bath.’

  No, I won’t do that. Who do you think you are? I’m not your toy, okay? So please go out and let me bathe alone. Neel thinks all this but before he can put it across to Nivrita, he hears her say, ‘When I told Titiksha you have some papers to sign, it wasn’t a lie. Your debut book contract is waiting in the drawing room. I’m sure you won’t waste much time now.’

  The girl is a hunter and she knows exactly how to corner her prey. Neel wants to smell the book contract; pronto. He also would like to see Titiksha’s reaction whenever he gets to show her the contract.

  ‘I won’t waste time,’ Neel says and tugs down his knickers with his underwear. Nivrita sucks in her own cheeks slightly trying to focus her gaze on his groin. Neel turns around.

  ‘That’s a cute one,’ she exclaims.

  Neel takes the quickest shower of his life. He knows Nivrita is watching him, and he turns to see her every once in a while. The way she stares at him standing by the bathroom door is condescending. Her look says she owns him. For a total of three times she remarks that Neel has a soft and cute butt. And every time she does so, Neel’s male ego feels challenged. He isn’t enjoying it. He relaxes by reminding himself that the only weapon hapless people have is patience.

  Once done bathing, Nivrita tells him she wants to take him to another place before letting him sign the contract.

  When he inquires about the place, Nivrita replies with a counter question, ‘Doesn’t a kite belong to the thread that ties it to the earth as much as it belongs to the wind that wants to blow it away to unexplored spaces?’

  Who is the kite? Who is the thread? And who the hell is the wind? Neel remains quiet wondering how a kite came into their discourse. Nivrita, thankfully, cares to explain as he dresses up in front of her.

  ‘Meeting Titiksha I felt she is the thread you are tied to. And I’m the wind who will blow you away. Won’t you like it Neel? To be blown off to places which exist within you but you have not had a chance to explore with Titiksha?’

  Neel gives her a standard stupid smile, and puts on a shirt that she selects for him. If Titiksha is a control freak then Nivrita probably is her mother in that regard. Had it not been for the book, he wouldn’t have agreed to anything this girl told him. But had it not been for the book, he wouldn’t have gone to Jaipur either and got himself a publishing deal.

  The moment he is done dressing up, she comes forward. Neel is serious while she has an odd smile on her face. He takes a step back and she takes a step forward. They continue doing so till Neel’s back hits a wall. Nivrita takes a small step to reach him and raises his hands up, forcefully pinning them on the wall on either side. He isn’t ready for anything physical at the moment. All he has in his mind is the book contract. He wants to make love to the bundle of paper than to her. Nivrita takes out a cologne from her sling bag and sprays it on his arm pit.

  ‘When you are with me, you ought to smell my favourite.’

  They are inside a taxi now. Neel tells her he could have asked his father to send their car, the one with black windows. He finds it difficult to travel in a car with transparent windows. He did so in Jaipur but that was an exception rather than the rule.

  ‘Now you are with me Neel,’ Nivrita replies. ‘All the exceptions of your life will become the rule, and all the previous rules will simply have to fuck off.’

  Neel is benumbed. Nivrita—there’s something about her. He wishes he had the guts to fuck her then and there in the taxi. Like crazy-mad-hard. He thinks by doing so she will become submissive to him. Neel is unaware that it’s his typical male chauvinist mentality speaking. To tame a woman, fuck her. To fuck a woman, love her. To love a woman, tame her. It is true he wants to control her the way she is controlling him. There’s a sadistic pleasure he will derive if he can make Nivrita kneel in front of him, look into his eyes, and ask…no wait…beg, for sexual mercy. All this is in his mind. In reality, though, he knows he doesn’t have an inch of courage to even touch her without her permission. She is as unpredictable as the weather and as unmanageable as nature.

  The taxi comes to a halt near a bus stop. They get down. Though Neel insists on paying the fare, Nivrita doesn’t allow him.

  ‘Which place is this?’ Neel asks looking around. There are not many people around. He can see a few shops, all shut except for a chemist shop opposite the bus stop. Neel takes a few steps and then realizes that he is walking alone. He turns to see that the taxi has left and Nivrita is standing on the footpath looking at him. Neel raises both his hands as if asking what the matter is. Nivrita walks down to him.

  ‘I’m a bit lost. Can you tell me which way to go Neel?’

  ‘What? I don’t know this place. I don’t even know why we are here! How can I help you? You’re the one who brought us here, remember?’

  ‘I know but…’ Nivrita seems genuinely confused as she looks around. They are standing at a crossroad where four different roads lead to four different places. One of them would take them to their destination.

  ‘Try your instinct,’ she suggests. ‘Till then let me ask the chemist.’

  Neel gives her a helpless sigh. Nivrita goes to the chemist shop across the road while Neel stays where he is, staring at the four roads one by one. All of them look similar. As if out of four similar looking women he has to identify which one is his wife. And precisely then he pauses seeing a particular road. A boy and a girl are traipsing along. The boy is walking with his bicycle on one side and the girl on the other. This particular image does something to Neel. The feeling is too convoluted for him to decipher anything. He is sure he neither knows the boy or the girl. He hasn’t even seen their faces and yet he thinks he knows where they are going. Why? It then strikes him that a similar scene has happened in the story Nivrita narrated to him. He wrote it himself in one of the chapters of his manuscript. Only it was night when Neel and Titiksha in the manuscript were traipsing along. Should he choose the road they chose in the story?

  ‘Okay, I got it.’ Nivrita has come back. Without even looking at her, Neel raises his hand aiming at the girl and the boy who by now have almost disappeared around the bend of the road and says, ‘That way.’

  ‘How did you know?’

  Neel looks at Nivrita as if he has shit in his pants.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  Neel walks ahead. This time Nivrita follows him. She stops him when they reach an old house. It looks like an odd place because most of it is covered with the branches of two huge trees on either side. The gate makes a terrible noise as she opens it and moves in. Neel follows visibly astounded as if he is dream-walking through all this. The place seems familiar, but ironically enough he doesn’t know why is it so familiar. Is this what they call déjà vu?

  When they reach the main door, he sees a lizard making its way out from the cracks of one of the windows. He doesn’t look at it again but notices there are multiple cracks and black patches smudged on its walls. Nivrita has managed to open the wooden door with a key which she puts back in her bag. Before moving in, she switches on the lights inside from the switchboard beside the door.

  As they enter, a pungent smell welcomes them. Nivrita is
quick to open the windows in the hall. With sun rays entering scantily from one side, Neel can now see how the room looks— empty. There’s a thick layer of dust on the floor. He can see Nivrita’s footprints on the dusty floor wherever she goes. She takes the spiral stairs up. Nivrita turns to look at him once and says, ‘Come along.’

  Neel takes small steps and every time turns to notice the imprint of his shoes on the floor. There’s something about the imprints. They add importance to a journey. Once a journey completes, people lose their importance. Sometimes even the journey loses its significance with time. But the imprints remain.

  Neel takes the stairs and climbs up. The stairs lead him directly to the room where he has seen Nivrita go. He goes in and notices her sitting by a window with an old bass guitar in her hand. As he enters the room, she plays a tune on it to perfection. Neel stands mesmerized. He wonders: this girl is full of surprises. But there’s something else that has caught his attention. His throat dries up.

  ‘This tune…Titiksha plays this tune. How come you know it?’ Neel sounds spooked.

  ‘This was his tune.’

  Neel comes close and looks at the guitar closely. There’s a small ‘paintbrush’ painted on its face and immediately he recollects the school band’s name he wrote about last night in his manuscript.

  Titiksha’s name was carved in a bench in the school Nivrita took him to the other day. Now Nivrita has brought him to an old house where she plays the same tune that Titiksha often plays in her guitar. And now the guitar has a ‘paintbrush’ painted on it! What’s happening, really?

  ‘Come, sit beside me. You can check out the book contract later.’ Nivrita makes some place for Neel. ‘Let me continue the story as of now…’

  FROM NEEL’S MANSCRIPT

  5

  It was during the Chemistry practical class in the laboratory the following day, after the lunch break, I found Neel standing right beside me performing the experiment that we all were doing. The echo of Avni’s slap was still ringing loud in my ears. I wanted to wear my bitch-suit and slap her back harder but I couldn’t because I didn’t want Neel to think wrongly of me. But why did I care what Neel thought about me? This goody-goody-girl-nature never came naturally to me until that day. I held onto this new avatar of mine only because of Neel. One night of traipsing on a lonely road, and I was more concerned about his feelings than mine. Yo-didun never said love was also about digging your own grave with a stupid smile.