by Zoe Lynne
It was the same worn-down expression Cassidy’s mother donned when her father up and left them, taking his Bose sound system in one arm and a suitcase full of designer clothes in the other. The same sorrow-filled look to her eyes. The same questions probably clouding her thoughts. Why had this happened to her? What had she done? How could she fix it? The situations were on opposite ends of the spectrum, but the results were the same.
Cassidy opened her mouth to speak but was promptly interrupted by Nana, who broke their little circle of strength and walked over to offer Mrs. Michaels a hand.
“I’m Sylvia Donovan, Miranda’s mother and Cassidy’s grandmother. Your daughter is a beautiful young lady, Mrs. Michaels. Both inside and out.”
Brynn’s mom smiled politely, gave a small flick of her wrist, and said, “Thank you. That’s what I’m here about,” before turning her gaze to Brynn. “Do you two mind having a seat? There are some things that I need to speak to Brynn about, and I was hoping you would sit in as well, Cassidy.”
Brynn nervously looked at Cassidy. Cassidy gave a small shrug and nodded. She led Brynn to the couch, where they sat down beside one another. Neither one released the other’s hand, and neither one spoke.
Cassidy’s mother sat on the opposite end of the couch from them, smiling and picking at a fingernail. Brynn’s mother shifted and Nana… well, Nana cleared her throat, sat back in the lounge chair she’d taken up residence in, and said, “Well, this isn’t The View, so let’s get on with it, shall we? These girls have had a long day.”
Chapter 31
“I BROUGHT your laptop, phone, and some clothes to you. Your favorite hoodie is in your backpack,” Brynn’s mom said. Her voice had a nervous waver to it. “Your school books are all—”
“Wait,” Brynn interrupted, bolting up from her spot on the couch beside Cassidy. “Are you trying to tell me I can’t come home?”
“Brynn….” Her mother lowered her head. She sniffled once, wrung her hands, and then looked up at Brynn again. There was so much sadness in her eyes Brynn almost didn’t want to be mad at her… almost. “Your father doesn’t agree with what you’ve chosen.”
“Chosen? Chosen!” Brynn tightened her jaw and crossed her arms over her chest. “You think I chose this? Do you honestly think I would willingly choose something so freaking hard? So scary? I can’t help that every time I look at Cassidy I want to kiss her. I can’t help wanting to be around her. I’ve never felt that way about a boy.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right boy yet,” her mom quietly offered, as if she wasn’t really sure she should be saying what she did.
At that point, Brynn saw Cassidy jump up from the couch, but Nana must’ve reached over and pulled her back down because she didn’t stay on her feet long. Brynn felt something prickle on her neck, making the fine hairs at her nape stand on end. She glanced over her shoulder, back to her girlfriend, and saw Cassidy staring daggers at her mother. The fizzle of energy grew stronger the longer Brynn stood there without taking up for herself, as if Cassidy’s powers were totally ready to take over.
Brynn looked back at her mom and said, “There won’t be a right boy. Ever. I love Cassidy.”
“Brynn, you’re seventeen years old. You don’t know what love is yet.”
“Obviously, I know better than you and Daddy.”
“Brynn Michaels!”
“Okay. All right.” Nana stood, pressing her palms to the air to back everyone down. Brynn didn’t know if Nana was taking charge for her sake or Cassidy’s, because the more Brynn’s mom spoke, the more Brynn became aware of her very witchy girlfriend. “How about we take a step back and look at this a little more rationally?”
Nana shot a glance at Brynn. Brynn lowered her head. Then she turned that same commanding stare on Cassidy, and the fizzle of energy filling the room immediately retreated. Nana looked to Cassidy’s mom, who gave her a curt nod, as if giving her the go-ahead to keep heading down the path she’d started on.
“Mrs. Michaels,” Nana said. “I think you might need a little guidance on this. Now, don’t take this as an insult or anything, but it’s sorta hard to know what’s going on in a homosexual child’s head when they first realize how they feel. I would suggest talking to parents who have been through this with their kids before you try to have a talk with Brynn about it. Because frankly, you’re coming off a bit judgmental and ignorant.”
“Mom!” Cassidy’s mother gasped.
Cassidy smirked.
Brynn sunk down in the couch. Unfortunately, she didn’t have her faithful hoodie to hide behind this time.
“I don’t think name-calling is conducive to this situation,” Brynn’s mother stoically offered.
“Oh, I’m not calling names,” Nana said. “If I was calling names, I would’ve said—”
“Mother!” Cassidy’s mom popped up from her seat. “Mrs. Michaels, forgive my mother. We think she’s going senile.”
“I’m not senile,” Nana declared. “I just think the woman could be better informed. Don’t you, Miranda?”
“Okay. Fine,” Brynn’s mother said as she stood from her seat. “Help me be better informed. Contrary to what you might think, I only want what’s best for my daughter.”
“That’s a great answer,” Nana said with a smile. “Tell you what. The place where I took Brynn and Cassidy today also hosts a local PFLAG chapter—”
“PFLAG?” Brynn’s mother frowned.
“Parents, friends, and family of lesbians and gays.” She paused, apparently waiting for some response from Brynn’s mother. Besides a silent “Oh,” Brynn’s mother didn’t say a word. “The people in that group are good people. Some I’ve known half my life. They’ve all been through, or their parents went through, the same thing you are. Maybe they can offer you a little insight, help you make rational decisions? Your husband is welcome to go too.”
“Right now, I don’t think he’s interested,” Brynn’s mother confessed.
The words ripped Brynn’s heart right out of her chest. Save for the thumping of her pulse in her temples, Brynn didn’t hear another sound after that. Was her father so close-minded he didn’t want to understand how she felt? Had she really disappointed him so badly he didn’t want to ever see her again?
Was being a lesbian really that bad?
Brynn lowered her head and began fidgeting with her shirt. If she counted the stitches at the hem, maybe she would forget how badly this whole situation hurt; maybe she wouldn’t cry again. She thought if she could just keep her mind busy, the pain of letting her parents down wouldn’t be so hard to bear.
“I would like to go to this meeting,” Brynn’s mother said, and Brynn’s head darted straight up.
“Really?” Brynn breathlessly asked.
“Yes, really. Brynn, I do want to understand. Even if I don’t like it, I want to understand how you feel, and I don’t want to alienate you. You’re my firstborn, sweetie. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
“That’s great,” Nana said with a glowing smile. “They meet on Thursday nights. Would you like me to go with you so you won’t be alone?”
“We’ll both go,” Cassidy’s mom offered.
“Thank you,” Brynn’s mother replied.
So maybe this whole being out thing could turn around. Maybe her parents would come to understand. That wasn’t too much to hope for, was it?
Brynn felt Cassidy’s hand on hers again. She found Cassidy giving her the softest, calmest smile. There was a new feeling of hope and light, not the tense, angry fizzle she’d felt from Cassidy before. She genuinely had the support system she’d so desperately wanted, and that seemed to make dealing with everything a lot easier.
“Why don’t we give Brynn and her mother a moment alone?” Cassidy’s mom suggested.
No. She really, really needed to keep holding Cassidy’s hand. She needed it so bad her fingers instinctively tightened around her girlfriend’s. Please don’t go. Please don’t go.
/> “Everything will be fine,” Cassidy whispered. “I’ll be right upstairs waiting for you.”
Cassidy leaned over and kissed Brynn on the cheek. The feel of her soft, strawberry-scented lips against Brynn’s warm skin made Brynn close her eyes. Reluctantly, she let go of Cassidy’s hand, and only then did she realize her palm was sweating.
She watched as the three women she now considered her family left her alone with her mother. At first, Brynn couldn’t make herself look up at the woman who’d given her life. She feared seeing the hurt and sorrow in her mother’s eyes. She feared the disappointment. But she didn’t have to look up. The cushion beside her dipped down, and she felt her mother’s arms around her, then she was being pulled into a hug.
“Sweetie,” her mother said, “we’ll get through this. Don’t you worry, okay? Miranda says you can stay here as long as you need to, and I’m working on your father. He’s just… scared, okay?”
“And I’m not?” Brynn blurted, raising her head to meet her mother’s stare again. “You have no idea how scary this is for me. It feels right to be with Cassidy, to see her the way I do. And yet, I can’t help feeling like I’m doing wrong because of everything I was taught. Mom, I can’t help how I feel about her. I really can’t.”
Her mother didn’t say a word, and maybe that was strictly for the sake of not arguing.
The hug loosened, and Brynn sat back on the couch. Things felt… awkward, to say the least. She didn’t know what to say to her mom and how to act. She wanted everything to be normal again, but it appeared “normal” wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Well, at least her mother had taken the first step, and that alone was better than anything Brynn expected to happen. That alone showed potential.
“I’m going to head back home,” her mother said before kissing Brynn’s forehead. “Get some rest, and I’ll see you Thursday night.” Brynn nodded. “I love you, honey.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
Brynn watched as her mother left the room. She hugged herself tightly. Even though she knew better, it felt like her mother was walking away from her for good. It made that tiny flutter of pain in her chest grow stronger. What she wouldn’t give to be going back to her own home. Not that she didn’t love spending time with Cassidy and her family. It just wasn’t the same.
At the foot of the couch, on the floor, sat her backpack and another bag probably packed with clothes. Seeing them there hurt, but Brynn tried to make herself not read into it too much. Things would go back to normal. Eventually, she would be welcomed into her home again. As long as she kept telling herself that, she didn’t feel so lost and hopeless.
She grabbed the bags from the floor, then headed into the kitchen. She found Cassidy and her matriarchs sitting around the table with a single blue candle lit in the center. She smelled some sort of incense, though she couldn’t put a name to the scent.
“What are you guys doing?” she asked.
“The blue candle is for healing,” Cassidy’s mom said.
“And the eucalyptus is as well,” Nana added.
“I don’t normally do this crap, but they thought it would be a good idea…,” Cassidy said with a shrug.
“Thank you—” Brynn smiled. “—for everything.”
Chapter 32
WAKING up with Pinky was something Cassidy could get used to. It wasn’t even so much the feeling of waking up with her girlfriend or her mom being so cool about it all, but it was like having her best friend living with her. What girl wouldn’t totally love that? Plus, she was elated to have her car back. The rental was okay, but she loved her car. She loved being able to drive Brynn to school even more.
“Green light,” Brynn said from the passenger seat, stirring Cassidy from her reverie. She smiled over at her and punched the gas pedal.
“What’s got you smiling like that?” Brynn asked.
“Just thinking of how awesome it is to have you at my house. I mean, it sucks about your dad and everything, but it could be worse, ya know?” Ugh. Another red light. It was a conspiracy to keep her from zooming into her usual parking spot at school and showing off her shiny car to that cow, Laura, sans her hideous artwork.
“It’s pretty bad, right? What could possibly be worse?”
Cassidy frowned slightly. “Um, well it could be a whole lot worse. My mom could’ve freaked and kicked us both out. Nana could not be in town to help guide your mom. Your mom could totally not have even bothered to try and understand. Don’t you think all that’s worse?”
“Yeah. You’re right. I wasn’t thinking about all that.”
“You gotta look at the cup half full, my little emo queen,” Cassidy said with another playful grin.
Finally, a steady stream of green lights had her zipping through town on a direct path to the school. By the time she cleared the gates of the Majestic Hills High parking lot, she was practically bouncing in her seat.
She cut the engine, reached back for her large Burberry handbag and folder, and sprang the seatbelt free. “School time!” she declared happily, eliciting a curious quirked brow from Brynn.
Pinky didn’t say anything, just leaned back, grabbed her own backpack, and slowly exited the car. Her pink head bobbed up just as Cassidy looked over to see her friend Tara’s Escalade pulling up beside them. She thought about going over to say hi, and that’s when she realized the extent of her weird joy.
Cassidy didn’t ever approach anyone just to say hi. Matter of fact, Cassidy never approached anyone, period. People were always coming up to her with greetings and salutations, presents and gossip. Somewhere along the line, something changed. And while it momentarily confused her, she decided some changes simply needed to be made.
She walked around the back of her car, smiling at Brynn, who stood at the passenger side, between both vehicles. Tara stood with the hatch of her SUV open, digging through books and piles of clothes.
“Hi, Tara,” Cassidy said, coming to stand beside the brunette.
Tara’s hazel eyes widened slightly, sculpted brows shooting up for just a second before she must have realized she looked like a deer in headlights and wiped the expression clean, replacing it with a smile.
“Hi, Cassidy. Are you okay? You were absent yesterday.”
“Oh yeah, I was fine. Just had some family stuff to deal with.”
“Oh, okay. Um, glad you’re okay,” Tara said, glancing over at Brynn before looking back at Cassidy. “Have… have you heard the, uh….” Those doe eyes looked down at the Mary Jane shoes adorning her feet, and Tara sighed. “Do you know what’s being said about you?”
Cassidy almost snorted. She’d been waiting for Laura to start rumors, knew it would happen eventually. While she was prepared for ways to handle Laura, she wasn’t so sure Brynn had it in her to deal with even more disappointment and embarrassment.
Cassidy looked at Brynn. She stood there, white-knuckling the straps of her backpack and intently peering back at her through the ever-present part in her pink bangs. Obviously, she was listening to the conversation, so Cassidy decided to approach it in the most aloof manner she knew how.
“Don’t tell me. Let me guess….” She looked up at the blue sky, pretending to be lost in thought for a moment, tapping the tip of her slender finger at her chin. “I’m a lesbian.”
It wasn’t a question.
Tara nodded shyly, glancing away for a moment before turning back to Cassidy with a small smile. “It’s cool with me if you are, you know? I mean, it’s none of my business… or anyone’s really, but if you are, it doesn’t mean anything.”
While Cassidy wasn’t really looking for approval, she quickly realized she much preferred Tara’s reaction over some judgmental sneer or a sideways, disapproving stare. Hell, she was even smiling—genuinely, at that—back at Tara.
“Thanks, Tara. That’s really cool of you.”
“You’re welcome,” she promptly replied, perking up a bit. “The whole cheer squad is cool with it too, so don’t worry, ’kay? I hafta get
to class, but I’ll see you at practice later.”
Whoa. The whole cheer squad knows?
Wednesday had just proven to be a little more challenging than Cassidy originally prepared for. Tara was cool, but were the other cheerleaders really all okay with changing in a locker room with a lesbian?
Probably not.
“Um, okay. Thanks again, Tara. See you later.”
“You bet,” Tara said. She closed the hatch and turned to walk away but stopped for a moment in between cars and smiled at Pinky. “Hi, Brynn. I didn’t see you there. Love your outfit.”
Would wonders never cease?
If Tara were dressed in a Klingon costume and had just spoken in some far-out language, Brynn couldn’t have looked more surprised. “I… uh… hi, Tara… and thanks….”
“Sure thing. See you guys around.”
Tara bounced off toward the school building, leaving Cassidy and Brynn standing there, exchanging WTF faces. Brynn closed the gap between them, stalking over to the rear end of Tara’s massive SUV.
Thumbing over her shoulder in the general direction Tara had just bounced off to, Brynn asked, “Okay, seriously, did that just happen?”
“Erm, yeah, it did. Did you hear what she said about the cheer squad being okay with it? I dunno. I find that hard to believe,” Cassidy said as she took Tara’s lead and turned around to head toward school, all prior thoughts of rubbing her car in Laura’s face temporarily forgotten.
“Cassidy,” Brynn huffed. “You’re missing the point. What if the whole school knows?”
“What if they do? Is it really all that bad, Brynn?”
She understood why Brynn wanted to keep it a secret. She knew her girlfriend wasn’t comfortable with attention, that she preferred to just blend in the crowd or disappear right into it. But on the other hand, this was all new to her, too, and she didn’t think hiding it was the best way to approach their new relationship. Especially since their parents already knew.