by Zoe Lynne
Some lady dressed in a plain black T-shirt and black skinny jeans stood at the front of the classroom, where she introduced herself as Michelle Swanson, head of the art department at the university and program director for the LGBT group. She had a warm smile and a soft voice, and Cassidy immediately liked her demeanor.
Until she asked if any new people wanted to introduce themselves.
Nuh-uh. Cassidy was so not gonna stand up in a room full of people and be all “Hi, I’m Cassidy Rivers and I’m a lesbian.” Nope. It wasn’t gonna happen. That kind of stuff was for people in rehab groups or those who needed a psychologist to sit around in a circle with them and share feelings. For what might have been the first time in her life, Cassidy sank down into the chair and wished she could disappear.
Brynn, on the other hand, must have channeled all of Cassidy’s bravado. Pinky stood up, albeit reluctantly, and introduced herself. “Hi, I, um… I’m Brynn Michaels.” She paused, and Cassidy watched in amazement as that lovely shade of rosy red filled Brynn’s cheeks. “I’m seventeen and I, um… well, I guess I’m a lesbian.”
Everyone in the room let out a startling “Hi, Brynn.”
Brynn glanced down at Cassidy, who cleared her throat, then gently shook her head. She might have sunk a bit lower into the chair too. Brynn ignored her and gave her wrist a little tug.
Lovely. Pinky had found her voice. Well, at least she was proud of her for doing what Cassidy’d sworn not to do. Since Brynn had the lead, Cassidy might as well follow. She rose from her seat, smiled shyly, and said, “I’m Cassidy Rivers. Eighteen, totally a lesbian, and Brynn’s girlfriend.”
There. That wasn’t so bad, right?
Right.
The people in the room once again sounded out in a welcoming “Hi, Cassidy,” and before she knew it, Brynn took her seat again, with Cassidy planting her butt back down. Nana leaned over and whispered that she was going to go outside and make a few phone calls, then exited the room. Probably to give them some space and a little more room to be themselves.
Cassidy looked over at Brynn, still at a loss over what to do at this type of thing.
THE woman in black—the head of whatever, Brynn couldn’t remember at the moment—started talking about everything the school had going on in terms of LGBT student affairs. None of that had anything to do with Brynn, and she was still so unsettled and nervous about even being there, she couldn’t really concentrate on what the woman was saying.
The lady then went on talking about community events. Some of them got Brynn’s attention. They sounded fun for the most part, but then she offered the floor to the people who’d come out, said they could discuss whatever they wanted to, and if anyone wanted private counseling, mentors were available.
Brynn started to wonder why Nana had brought them out to this thing. She was too scared to raise her hand and ask questions, even though she had a million and twelve of them. The idea had kind of been for her and Cassidy to travel this road together, to learn and grow from each other. Not a bunch of strangers. But there they sat, staring straight ahead, but clinging to each other’s hands.
“Hi,” a soft, petite but somehow masculine voice said from beside them. Cassidy and Brynn both turned their heads and found a tall, skinny—too skinny—guy sitting down beside them. “I’m John,” he said, offering his hand. Cassidy was the one brave enough to sit up and give it a shake. “I’m a mentor, so I’m here to listen if you need to talk.”
“Cool,” Cassidy said. “Can you answer questions too? ’Cause I think we might have a couple… or twenty.”
“I can,” John said with a smile as he sat back in his chair. He crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap. “Anything you want to talk about.”
“Are you out?” Brynn blurted, making air quotes when she said the word “out.” Cassidy looked over like Brynn had lost her freaking mind.
“Yes, I am.” John laughed lightly. “I came out to my parents when I was fifteen.”
That must’ve had Cassidy curious, because she piped up and asked, “How did it go? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I don’t. And it went better than I thought it would. My mom hugged me and said she loved me. My dad didn’t take it as well, but he didn’t freak out completely. He just needed some time to warm up to the idea of his only son being gay, I think.”
“What did he do?” Brynn asked.
“He didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t speak to me for a few days. He made himself pretty scarce to everyone in the house. Then one day, I was sitting at the kitchen table doing my homework, and he sat down across from me. I was terrified. I thought he was going to yell and scream and tell me to get the hell out of his house.”
Brynn’s throat tightened. Just hearing John repeat what had happened to her took her back to last night. She could still see the disappointment in her father’s eyes, and she could hear the disgust in his voice. It sent a chill down her spine, a chill so cold it made her shiver.
“What did he do?” Cassidy asked, tightening her fingers around Brynn’s hand.
“He told me he loved me. Said he may not agree with my lifestyle, but I was his blood, and he loved me no matter what. I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I was.”
If only Brynn’s father could’ve reacted the same way.
She lowered her head the second she felt the sting in her eyes. The idea of those people, those strangers, seeing her cry hurt almost as badly as reliving that horrible, hateful moment with her father. The more she thought about what happened between them, and the more she wished she’d had it as easy as Cassidy, or even John for that matter, the harder it became to fight the tears.
Cassidy sat up and said, “Brynn’s dad kicked her out last night when he found out.”
Brynn would have freaking killed her for saying that out loud, but she couldn’t really be mad at Cassidy for trying to help. Even less so when her girlfriend leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to Brynn’s cheek and whispered, “We’re here for you to try and get solutions. Don’t be afraid, ’kay?”
Brynn nodded and kept trying to hold back the now slow stream of tears that burned her cheeks.
John released a soft sigh and shook his head. He unlaced his fingers and placed a hand over Brynn’s, patting it consolingly. “I’m sorry to hear that. Truly. If that happened just last night, give him some time to warm up to the idea. All parents handle it differently. Some are accepting, others, not so much. Do you have somewhere to stay in the meanwhile?”
“She’s staying at my house. My mom’s okay with my sexual preference.” Lucky Cassidy. If Brynn’s mother could at least accept it, maybe it wouldn’t be so heart-wrenching. But her mom hadn’t. She’d just sat there, looking as disappointed as her daddy had.
“Thankfully there’s that.” John reached into his back pocket and pulled out a stainless steel card holder, from where he retrieved a business card and leaned over to hand it to Cassidy. “My phone numbers and e-mail address are there. Brynn, if at any time you think you might benefit from having me speak to your parents, please don’t hesitate to call me. Also, if either of you have questions, I’m always available.”
“Thank you,” Brynn said, trying to control the tremble in her voice. “I, um… I think I want to go now.”
Clearly Cassidy didn’t have to be told twice. She sprang from her seat as if someone had sparked a rocket under her butt. “Okay, we can go now. John, thank you for your help and for talking to us,” she said as she offered an extended arm to the mentor.
“It’s no problem at all,” John said as he shook her hand. “That’s what we’re here for.”
He gave Brynn a sorrowful smile, and that’s all Brynn could stand. She lowered her head and walked away from them both, not slowing down for Cassidy to catch up. She just needed to get out of there… now!
Chapter 30
BY THE time they made it to the car, Brynn had somewhat managed to stifle her tears. Maybe for Nana’s sake more than anything. Wha
tever the case, Cassidy’s grandmother hadn’t asked any questions when she’d seen Brynn’s puffy red eyes. Another point for Nana’s timing.
In the car, Cassidy worried about Brynn. Normally she’d tell her to chillax and remind her that everything would be okay. She could hold her hand or kiss her tears away, but it didn’t seem like that was what Brynn needed. Frankly, Cassidy didn’t think what Brynn needed had much to do with her at all, and so it left her rather quiet for the ride home. She did, however, still hold Brynn’s hand and sit super extra close to her, just so Pinky could feel the warmth of her presence at her side.
The ride back home seemed to take a whole lot longer than the ride to the college had taken. On their way there, they’d stopped for lunch at a small, outdoor cafe. They’d laughed the entire time. They’d smiled over silly things, and everything had been so freaking fine. If Cassidy could take that same mentality and channel it into Brynn, she would, because her girlfriend was totally not fine at the moment. Actually, she was everything but fine, and the long car ride didn’t help to ease the discomfort Brynn obviously still felt.
Cassidy resorted to counting the miles left to go on the car’s GPS. The digital odometer ticked by, moving at a snail’s pace. Five miles….
Brynn’s sniffling made her jump. She reached into her Fendi purse and fished around for a tissue before handing it to her.
“Thank you” was all Brynn managed.
“You’re welcome” was all Cassidy could reply with.
The tension inside the car was almost unbearable, but she still refrained from saying anything just to fill the silence. Sometimes less was more, even though she rarely adopted that mentality.
Four miles….
“So, Brynn. If you’re going to be staying over again tonight, what would you like to eat? I can make anything you like.” Nana to the rescue. Thank freaking gawd.
Cassidy turned her attention to Brynn, who locked their gazes for a fleeting moment. Even with her eyes all red and puffy, even with her nose all swollen and her cheeks all blotchy from crying, she was still the prettiest girl Cassidy had ever seen, and it broke her heart that not only was Brynn hurting, but she couldn’t do squat about it either.
“Anything is fine with me, thank you,” Brynn said. Her voice wavered, splitting toward the end of her statement on a soft sob.
Crack. Shatter. Break. Break. Ugh. Cassidy could almost hear the breaking of Pinky’s heart. It was horrible.
Three miles….
“Well, what’s your favorite dish? Better yet, do you like macaroni and cheese? I make a mean macaroni and cheese. It’s got four different types of cheese in it… and bacon too, if you’re okay with that,” Nana said, as she turned the volume down a few notches on the radio.
Once more, Brynn simply said, “That’s fine. Thank you,” and Cassidy figured she could either take the reins of this conversation or they’d be stuck listening to a very long list of Nana’s best dishes.
“Nana, that sounds perfect. Maybe you can make some biscuits too, and some lemonade if you have the time. Tell me how you make the lemonade again. I always forget.”
Brynn couldn’t say Cassidy didn’t do anything for her, because she’d just taken one major hit for team Pinky. She knew how to make her grandmother’s lemonade. She’d been in the kitchen with her, watching her make it for as long as she could remember. Luckily, Nana began to rattle off the process anyway.
“Oh, that’s simple and so refreshing, isn’t it? It’s four cups of cold water—the water has to be cold—followed by the juice of six lemons. Now, the trick is to hand squeeze them. You can’t use one of those fancy juicers or the bits of seed will end up in there and change the taste. You’ll also need a simple syrup, which consists of one cup of granulated sugar, boiled down into one cup of water. You have to let that cool down first, before adding it to the lemonade.”
Two miles….
Nana continued. “Finally, you mix it all together with a wooden spoon. No whisks! Whisks will make it frothy, and no one likes frothy lemonade. Add some ice cubes at the end and a few slices of lemon, and you’ve got yourself a great glass of lemonade.”
“Oh right. The whisk. I always forget about the whisk,” Cassidy replied mindlessly as she stared out of the window. Brynn gave her hand a little squeeze and she took that as a thank you from Pinky.
“No whisks! They’re horrible for stirring lemonade. The pulp becomes mush, and the sugar gets… well, I already said it gets frothy.”
“Eww, frothy lemonade. The horror.”
Nana looked into the rearview mirror at the same time Cassidy’s gaze rose to meet hers. The no-nonsense glare her grandmother was shooting back at her silently warned her of the horrors that frothy lemonade did indeed hold. Then, probably as torture for mocking her adamant dislike of lemonade froth, Nana turned up Tom Jones.
One mile….
For that last mile, Cassidy’s thoughts turned back to Brynn, sitting in absolute silence at her side. She leaned over and again pressed a kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek. She whispered that she loved her, which finally made the edges of Brynn’s mouth turn upward in the slightest of smiles, and Cassidy took that as a small victory. She was further rewarded when Brynn whispered back, “I love you too.” It was barely audible, but it was enough to make Cassidy smile.
That content smile lasted all of five seconds, derailed by Nana asking, “Whose car could that be?”
Cassidy looked up, having been too wrapped up in trying to make Brynn happy to realize they’d made it into Majestic Hills, around the cul-de-sac, and were now slowing down as they neared Cassidy’s house. When she saw what Nana was talking about, she recognized the minivan from the driveway at Brynn’s house just as Brynn gasped and said, “Oh no.”
And those darn zombies began to munch away at her insides again.
Nana glanced back after pulling her car in beside the minivan. Her stare questioned them both, but she said nothing. Finally, Brynn said, “That’s my mom’s car,” as she unbuckled her seat belt with shaky hands.
“Oh, wonderful. I have a few things I’d like to talk to her about,” Nana said before bolting out of the car as fast as a woman in her mid-sixties could.
She started toward the house, walking with a determined gait. Cassidy recognized the impending horrors that would soon befall whatever member of the Michaels household might be sitting inside her house, so she darted out of the car and started after Nana.
“Nana!” she hissed. “They’re, like, super religious and super strict! Don’t go in there guns blazing in defense of lesbian rights, ’kay?” Her grandmother merely cocked a shaped brow. “Please?” Cassidy added.
The please must have done it because Nana sighed and nodded stubbornly. “Fine, but only for Brynn’s sake. Between you and me—” Her wise, steel-blue gaze shot up, probably making sure Brynn wasn’t within earshot. “—any parent who kicks their kid out of their home just for being gay makes them butt monkeys in my book.”
“Butt monkeys. Duly noted, Nana. Now can we please just go see what they want?”
Brynn finally made it over to stand at Cassidy’s side just as her grandmother nodded again and opened the front door.
With the nonchalance only Nana could pull off, she stepped into the foyer, and in a tone dripping with sweet charm, she said, “Miranda, the girls and I are home. We had a lovely time today. Oh, you should have seen how they were laughing and smiling together.”
Cassidy swore Nana was a Spartan in her past life, because there was no other person more ready to wage war than she was. All in a diplomatic, sort of in-your-face way. Thank gawd her grandmother was in town. She didn’t think she could survive this fiasco without Nana’s sage wisdom and easy-going attitude toward her newfound sexuality.
She even thought she heard a quiet giggle coming from Brynn, but that could have just been her imagination, because when she looked over at her girlfriend, her eyes were wide, and her already light complexion seemed a whiter shade of pale. Cas
sidy immediately clasped her hand around Brynn’s. She laced their fingers together and gave a small squeeze, attempting to channel some confidence into her.
The tone of her mother’s voice told Cassidy that things might not be as bad as she originally thought. She knew a lot of things, but most of all, she knew the different pitches of her mom’s voice. If Brynn’s parents were in there having a heart attack, then there would’ve been a slight edge to her mother’s speech. Nope, this tone was… calm.
“That’s great, Mom. I’m in the living room with Brynn’s mother. Come say hello.”
Nana, Brynn, and Cassidy all exchanged looks. Brynn took a visible deep breath, her chest rising and falling. Cassidy kept her viselike grip on Brynn’s hand, and Nana offered her a gentle pat on the shoulder before whispering, “Don’t worry, kiddo. We’re here for you,” and taking Brynn’s other hand in hers. Together, they walked toward the sunny living room.
For Cassidy, it felt like walking The Green Mile, so she couldn’t fathom what Brynn must be going through at the moment. She expected Brynn to release her hand the minute she saw her mother, but Pinky did anything but. She actually held on a little tighter, white-knuckling Cassidy’s fingers until she felt the tips start to tingle.
Point one for team Pinky.
Cassidy walked into the living room with her head held high and her dainty shoulders squared. While Brynn might be intimidated by her family, Cassidy was proud of who she was, and there wasn’t a close-minded woman in the world who would change that. She locked gazes with Mrs. Michaels, who sat on the large loveseat opposite from the couch. A glass of ice water accompanied a napkin in her left hand. She looked like she’d been crying.