Excess All Areas

by Mandy Baggot

  ‘I think everyone has a bit of Boris in them. You know, someone scared of their past, uncertain of their future, struggling to make sense of life. I know I have,’ Nicholas admitted.

  ‘Me too, but I think I’ll hold off on torturing anyone just for today,’ Freya spoke with a smile.

  They found a shaded area close to the lake and Freya laid down the blanket she had packed. Nicholas sat down and watched as Freya busied herself getting out containers of food.

  ‘Won’t you let me help? I feel redundant just sat here watching,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘No, it’s fine, all under control. Besides you would only peek. Now, if there’s anything you don’t like I apologise, but I’m not as financially able to order an entire shop like you,’ Freya spoke.

  ‘There’s not much I dislike, apart from sushi. You don’t have any of that do you? I’m not a lover of cold fish,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘No cold fish. Now, before we eat I’ve prepared a little quiz,’ Freya announced and produced a piece of paper.

  ‘A quiz,’ Nicholas remarked.

  ‘Yes, I thought it would be a fun way for me to get to know more about you,’ Freya carried on.

  ‘Now this isn’t fair. You should have mentioned this last night, given me some time to prepare my questions,’ Nicholas spoke.

  ‘But it was my date to organise and you sprung surprises on me,’ Freya reminded him.

  ‘Well I’m not answering any of those questions unless we turn them round and you have to answer them as well,’ Nicholas insisted.

  ‘Perhaps I should have mentioned this last night and that would have given me time to prepare my answers,’ Freya responded.

  ‘That’s the deal. So are we agreed?’ Nicholas asked as Freya sat down cross-legged in front of him.

  ‘I’m not used to having someone boss me around,’ Freya admitted.

  ‘Me neither,’ Nicholas replied with a grin.

  ‘Oh go on then. I’ll answer the questions,’ Freya agreed reluctantly.

  ‘Good, well go on, shoot, because I’m starving,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘OK, right, question one, date of birth and star sign,’ Freya asked.

  ‘October twenty first 1970, Libra.’

  ‘Thirty six this year,’ Freya said, writing on her paper.

  ‘Hey, are you taking notes? Are you sure you’re not a reporter?’ Nicholas remarked.

  ‘Don’t freak out! I’m ticking off the questions as I ask them that’s all,’ Freya responded.

  ‘Go on, your birth date. Twenty first June nineteen…?’

  ‘Actually it’s twentieth June 1976, Gemini,’ Freya told him.

  ‘But you said your birthday was the night we met at the restaurant,’ Nicholas commented.

  ‘It was a second birthday to make up for the awful one I had the day before,’ Freya informed him.

  ‘And here was I thinking it was only the Queen of England who had two birthdays,’ Nicholas remarked.

  ‘Me and Lizzie - OK so, tell me about your marriage?’

  ‘Well my wife’s name was Lauren, Lauren Germaine. She’s an actress, you might have heard of her, although she hasn’t worked with Bruce or Arnie as far as I know. Anyway, we met in 1998, we married in 1999 and we divorced in 2001. We shouldn’t have got married, it was too quick, and as I told you before, we wanted different things,’ Nicholas told Freya.

  ‘Were you in love?’ Freya asked him seriously.

  ‘I thought so at the time, but no, I don’t think we were in love. She’s married now, has two children. A lot can happen in five years,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘Yes it can,’ Freya agreed.

  ‘So have you been married? Got children?’

  ‘No, never been married, no children,’ Freya responded.

  ‘Been close?’

  ‘Not really,’ Freya replied.

  ‘But you’ve been in love,’ Nicholas stated.

  ‘Yes, once, a long time ago. I was young, we both were and it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway,’ Freya said thinking back.

  ‘What happened?’ Nicholas asked her.

  ‘We’re digressing. This is not on my list of questions,’ Freya told him.

  ‘You didn’t specify that digressing was forbidden,’ Nicholas replied.

  ‘Are we in the courtroom Mr Harvard? This is my date remember,’ Freya spoke.

  ‘Look, like I said last night, it’s OK, if you’re uncomfortable talking about it,’ Nicholas spoke.

  ‘It was a long time ago that’s all - pets?’ Freya asked, moving on the questioning.

  ‘No, I don’t stay in one place long enough to take care of a pet. You?’

  ‘No, I’d probably end up killing a pet because I’d forget to feed it or walk it or something. I don’t have any plants in my house for that same reason,’ Freya said.

  ‘Because you’d forget to walk them?’ Nicholas questioned with a smile.

  ‘Exactly. So, now we are on to stays in hospital. Ever been sick?’ Freya asked him.

  ‘How did we get from pets to hospitals?’ Nicholas enquired.

  ‘Well I wrote some of the questions yesterday before I got stitches in my arm and then the rest I wrote afterwards when I had trauma on my mind,’ Freya informed him.

  ‘I see,’ Nicholas spoke.

  ‘So have you ever been ill or had an operation or broken something interesting? You must have a medical story to tell, everyone does,’ Freya told him.

  Nicholas took a deep breath and she noticed him stiffen and look slightly uncomfortable.

  ‘We don’t have to do that question. It was stupid and you probably don’t want to hear about the time I broke my arm falling off a lorry,’ Freya started, trying to ease his obvious anxiety.

  ‘No. It’s OK. I said I would answer the questions and I know we haven’t known each other long but I trust you,’ Nicholas spoke.

  He ran his hand through his hair and took a sip of water from the bottle.

  Freya sat still and waited to hear what he was going to say. She had no idea what was coming.

  ‘I had cancer,’ Nicholas said seriously.

  ‘Oh my God. Are you OK?’ Freya announced in horror.

  ‘Yes, I was given the all clear three years ago,’ Nicholas informed her.

  ‘Well why did I not know about this? I mean you’re always in all the newspapers all the time and OK I wouldn’t read every article on you, but you pick up most things by them being announced on TV and stuff. I would have remembered hearing something like that,’ Freya spoke.

  ‘It wasn’t in the papers. No one knows about it,’ Nicholas said with a deep breath.

  ‘What? What do you mean no one knows about it? I’ve seen the photographers tailing you, they would print anything about you, something like that would not escape their notice,’ Freya asked in bemusement.

  ‘I mean you’re the first person I’ve told,’ Nicholas stated.

  ‘The first girl you’ve dated that you’ve told?’

  ‘No, the first person I’ve told - period,’ Nicholas spoke, his eyes fixed on the ground.

  ‘You told no one! Went through it alone!’ Freya exclaimed in amazement.

  ‘Yeah,’ Nicholas responded, taking another sip of the bottled water.

  ‘I don’t believe it. How can you go through something like that and no one know? I mean, were you working on a movie at the time? Where did you go? How did the press not find out?’ Freya questioned.

  ‘I went to Canada for my treatment. I checked into the hospital under an assumed name and I locked myself away from everyone and everything and just focussed on getting through it. Part of me wanted to tell my brother, the other part didn’t, because I knew what would go through his mind. He’d lost his parents and now he was going to lose his brother. He’s married now, with a daughter, but he’s still vulnerable because of what he went through back then. He didn’t need something like that to worry about,’ Nicholas attempted to explain.

  ‘I don’t kn
ow what to say. I mean it was incredibly brave but also incredibly stupid. You should have had support,’ Freya insisted.

  ‘I didn’t want to burden anyone with it and also, I think if I’d actually said the words to someone it would have made it seem real. As it was, I kind of tied it up inside me and it became like an internal battle of wills between me and the cancer,’ Nicholas spoke.

  ‘But you’re OK now? Completely clear,’ Freya checked.

  ‘Yes I’m OK. I have to go and have checks every now and then but at the moment it’s all good,’ Nicholas responded.

  ‘So where was it? The cancer,’ Freya asked him.

  ‘The location of the cancer was another reason why I chose not to tell anyone - it was testicular,’ Nicholas stated.

  Freya remained quiet, letting him continue.

  ‘I didn’t want anyone to know because how many action heroes would carry on selling movies if their audience knew they only had one ball,’ Nicholas spoke matter of factly.

  ‘They had to remove it,’ Freya spoke.

  ‘Yeah, that freaked me out to begin with. But the people I met at the hospital, people with other types of cancer were going through so much more than me. I had no right to feel sorry for myself. Plus they did a pretty good job with the prosthesis,’ Nicholas told Freya honestly.

  ‘I don’t know what to say. To go through that on your own, I don’t know how you did it,’ Freya admitted.

  ‘It was my choice. I used keeping it a secret as a weapon against the disease. I think it helped me remain focussed on living my life rather than dwelling on the fact that I had something that could kill me,’ Nicholas explained.

  ‘Well, I admire you for getting through it. Can you still have children?’ Freya asked him.

  ‘Yes, they tell me one compensates for the loss of the other so to speak. This is embarrassing isn’t it?’ Nicholas remarked with half a laugh.

  ‘I’m not embarrassed. You lose Bert you still have Ernie. There is almost always one half of the duo who is better anyway. Take Starsky and Hutch, what was the point of Hutch? Or Laurel and Hardy, Laurel just got on my nerves,’ Freya told him.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re comparing my testicles to Starsky and Hutch,’ Nicholas said with a loud laugh.

  ‘There could be worse comparisons,’ Freya insisted.

  ‘So do you think you’d like kids one day?’ Nicholas asked.

  ‘I don’t know. I mean I can’t even look after a pet or a plant, what would I do with a baby?’ Freya asked him.

  ‘We could get a nanny,’ Nicholas responded with a smile.

  The significance of the use of plural was not lost on Freya and she smiled back at him.

  ‘So, you and Hitler eh? I hope having one ball is all you two have in common,’ Freya joked.

  ‘Well actually I was thinking of growing one of those little moustaches,’ Nicholas answered.

  ‘Can I end our relationship now?’

  Twenty Two

  The quiz came to a rapid conclusion once Nicholas had confessed about his cancer and they eat some of the picnic. Freya then produced a cotton napkin and a plastic tub.

  ‘One last game,’ she announced.

  ‘This is the very last time I let you organise a date. It’s been like a TV challenge show,’ Nicholas informed her.

  ‘Here, put on your blindfold,’ Freya urged him.

  ‘And you promise there’s no cold fish?’ Nicholas asked her.

  ‘I promise. Just some lovely Greek delicacies and you have to guess what they are,’ Freya told him.

  ‘Fine, but how is this game going to work for you? I can’t blindfold you, you know what you packed in the container,’ Nicholas spoke.

  ‘Put your blindfold on. Come on it will be fun,’ Freya insisted and she held the napkin to Nicholas’ face and moved to tie it around the back of his head.

  ‘Don’t run off and leave me here. I’m no good with directions. I’ll fall into that lake and be eaten by whatever lives in it,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘Sshh, open your mouth,’ Freya ordered.

  He did as he was told and Freya put in a large black olive.

  ‘Now, don’t chew. Just hold it in your mouth and wait a few seconds. OK, now suck slowly. Don’t chew, just suck,’ Freya spoke as she watched the olive move around in his mouth.

  ‘It’s an olive,’ Nicholas said as he ate.

  ‘Yes, but doesn’t it taste better with your eyes closed? You can eat it now, but don’t forget to spit the stone out,’ Freya ordered.

  Nicholas swallowed the olive and spat out the stone in the bushes.

  ‘Now, try this,’ Freya spoke and she put a cube of feta cheese into his mouth.

  ‘It’s salty, creamy and crumbly, definitely feta cheese. This is too easy,’ Nicholas told her as he ate.

  ‘It isn’t about getting it right, it’s about experiencing the taste differently,’ Freya said.

  ‘OK, sorry. What’s next? Is it something sweet?’ Nicholas asked, opening his mouth in anticipation.

  ‘See, I told you this would be fun. Now this is one of my favourite Greek specialities Nick and you are just going to love it,’ Freya spoke and she picked up a piece of seaweed from the container.

  ‘I can’t wait,’ he replied.

  Freya put the cold, wet, green sea plant in his mouth and tried to hold in her laughter.

  ‘Oh my God, what is this? It’s wet and cold and chewy and it tastes salty and rubbery. Am I supposed to have this in my mouth?’ Nicholas questioned as he struggled to chew and looked uncomfortable.

  ‘Oh you’re so funny! Your face!’ Freya exclaimed as she laughed out loud, unable to control herself any longer.

  ‘Have I really got to eat this? What is it? It’s disgusting,’ Nicholas remarked.

  ‘No don’t swallow it. You can spit it out. Take your blindfold off,’ Freya spoke through her laughter.

  ‘What the Hell was it? Seaweed! Urgh God! It’s probably been swimming around with excrement for the past year,’ Nicholas spoke, hurriedly swilling his mouth out with water.

  ‘What are you insinuating about the Aegean?’ Freya asked.

  ‘God that was awful, but I’m glad it gave you some laughs. Your turn now, so you had better put this blindfold on,’ Nicholas said and he put the napkin over her face and tied it up.

  ‘No seaweed left I’m afraid. Give me the feta first, I’m ready for it,’ Freya announced enthusiastically.

  Nicholas looked at her, waiting expectantly and smiling excitedly.

  ‘Tell me when you want me to open my mouth,’ Freya spoke.

  Nicholas leaned towards her.

  ‘About now,’ he whispered.

  He touched her lips with his and Freya flinched slightly in surprise. His lips felt soft and moist and she immediately opened her mouth as he moved further towards her, kissing her deeply. Freya reached out for him, taking hold of the hair at the back of his head and pulling him towards her. She did not want this moment to end.

  When Nicholas did pull away Freya was breathless and still blindfolded.

  ‘Please tell me that was you and I haven’t just embarrassed myself with a Greek farmer,’ Freya spoke.

  ‘Take your blindfold off and I’ll kiss you again so you can check,’ Nicholas told her.

  Freya removed the napkin from her face and smiled at him. This time she moved towards him and pulled him towards her to kiss him again.

  There were no photographers, no entourage, no crazy ex-boyfriends, just Freya and Nicholas, in each others arms beneath the Corfiot sun.

  ‘It’s so peaceful here,’ Nicholas remarked to Freya a little later.

  Freya was laid back on the grass with her head in his lap. He had been gently stroking her hair for the last half an hour and she hadn’t felt so completely content in a long time. The sun was making her warm all over and Nicholas’ fingers softly brushing her scalp was starting to make her feel deliciously sleepy.

  ‘Mmm peaceful. It’s nice to be away from ever
ything,’ Freya agreed.

  ‘Is that why you came to Corfu? To get away from everything?’ Nicholas asked her.

  ‘Yes. I’m a bit impulsive, if you hadn’t guessed already. I decided I needed a break and I wanted to see Emma, so I got on a plane,’ Freya told him.

  ‘But things back home are OK? Your business and everything is going good? You’ve got no worries?’ Nicholas asked her.

  ‘No. Where is this coming from?’ Freya asked him and she immediately sat up, feeling less content.

  ‘Something Russell said last night that’s all. He said had you lied to everyone or was it just him? If you’re in any way financially tied to that jerk just let me know,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘I’m not financially tied to anyone,’ Freya stated firmly.

  ‘I’m sorry. I said I wouldn’t pry didn’t I?’ Nicholas responded.

  ‘You did and honestly, I’m not in any trouble. Do I look like the kind of girl who gets in trouble?’ Freya questioned with a tongue in cheek smile.

  ‘I don’t think I need to answer that,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘My worries are historic, I promise,’ Freya replied.

  ‘Good. So, how would you feel about accompanying me to Athens on Friday? I’ve got to attend a dinner for the Greek dignitaries to thank them for allowing us to film here. It will be a honey pot for the press. There will be hundreds of them and it will mean me spending an hour or so signing autographs and posing for pictures with fans on the way in. But on the upside, there is a five course meal albeit we’ll probably be sat somewhere near Gene and Bob. And there are speeches, including one from me,’ Nicholas explained.

  ‘And the good points?’ Freya asked.

  ‘I thought the five course meal would have done it for you. It’s the only thing I’m looking forward to,’ Nicholas admitted.

  ‘Can I wear a blindfold?’ Freya enquired.

  ‘I think questions would be asked. There are other pros apart from the food. We get to travel by helicopter and we get the penthouse suite in one of the best hotels in Athens,’ Nicholas told her.

  ‘Stay the night?’ Freya asked him.

  ‘Yes,’ Nicholas replied, looking at her.

  ‘Perhaps a blindfold will have a place in the evening after all,’ Freya responded with a grin.