by Sieni A. M.
“He’s a specialized doctor.” Holding her breath, she hoped Sera wouldn’t probe further and ask for specifics.
“Wow. The doctor and the nurse. Isn’t that the cliché,” she mused. They were quiet for a moment. “Are you okay? How do you feel?” she asked sincerely.
Alana blew out air through her mouth. “It hurts. I hurt. A lot.”
She didn’t like that she felt selfish—that he was away helping people and she was left behind hurting from his absence. But she couldn’t help it. She missed him.
“What hurts?” Manu ambled down the beach shirtless, the tattoo on the side of his hard stomach flashing in the sunlight. It was a vertical design Alana rarely saw on others—contemporary lines and curves inspired by the pe’a tattoo, the traditional Samoan tattoo for men that covered them from the stomach to the knees. Her father had one and it was no easy feat.
“Her elbows,” Sera rushed to explain. “The sand here is a little rough, very…coral-ly.”
Manu raised his brows before sinking down beside them in the water. He dipped his head under and came up glistening.
“Man, this water feels amazing. I’m going out deeper.” He slipped under and swam away from them.
Alana turned to Sera. “Thanks for covering for me. I don’t feel comfortable sharing what I told you to Manu.”
Sera looked at her. “I didn’t do it for you, I did it for him. Surely you must know the way he feels for you, Lana. I just don’t want to see him get hurt.” Alana stared back unblinking. “Oh, come on. Don’t play dumb,” Sera continued.
Alana shifted her gaze and swallowed hard. She did have an inkling Manu felt something deeper for her, but hearing it come from Sera’s mouth confirmed it all. The care. The attention. The over-protectiveness. She exhaled loudly and closed her eyes.
“Why hasn’t he said anything?” she asked.
Sera shrugged. “My guess is that you guys already have a good thing going. Plus, it’s clear you don’t feel the same way so why jeopardize it? Maybe he’s waiting for you. But if there’s one thing I know for certain, Lana, is that that man is a keeper. If I didn’t already see him as an annoying older brother, I’d be all over him, attached to that sexy tattoo of his.”
Alana looked at her and they burst out laughing. They peered out to see him swimming in the distance and giggled some more. When they calmed, Alana’s face became serious again.
“What am I going to do? I don’t want to hurt him,” she said quietly.
“You do nothing. Say nothing,” Sera answered. “Until that day comes when you want more, feel more, don’t change anything.”
Alana gazed reflectively out again to where he was swimming and nodded.
***
The darkness came quickly, the sky a cloudless black canvas spotted with hundreds of stars in their full illumining glory. It was as if a painter took a brush and flicked sparkly glitter across the galaxy. There was no sign that the previous week had been a stormy one. Alana looked up and admired the view as the cold water pounded against her back, rinsing away the shampoo from her hair. The shower block was roofless with three walls of concrete and a plastic curtain to cover the doorway. Grains of sand poked under her bare feet as she stood washing away the remnants from her swim. After their frolic in the ocean, they retreated to the communal fale for dinner—a delicious noodle stir fry dish—prepared by the family. They took turns taking showers next. Alana slipped out of her swimsuit, soaped her body, and rinsed. Turning off the tap, she wrapped a towel around her body, delving in her back pack for clothes. It was dark and she knitted her brows to make out the contents of her bag. Nothing seemed familiar to her. Great. She realized she grabbed Sera’s by mistake. Tiptoeing out of the curtain, she looked towards the fale which was pitch black and called out to her. No answer. Clinging tightly to the towel, hair trailing drops of water down her back, she stepped out further into the sandy ground and called again. No luck. Where in the world was this girl? It wasn’t as if there was anywhere to go. She heard laughing coming from the family home. Sera’s laughter.
“She’s chatting it up with the lady over there, the caretaker.” Manu’s voice came from behind.
Whipping around, she could see his dark silhouette, the moon’s glow just making out the angles of his face. It was a serious face, his brows lowered, jaw line tense. But his eyes gave away something else. Yearning. Alana tightened her hold on the towel and sucked in a breath.
“You bellowed. Did you want something?” he asked.
“I need my clothes. They’re in my bag, which I left in the fale,” she said without releasing her breath.
Manu lowered his gaze and nodded, strutting away to retrieve it. Returning with her back pack in hand, he passed it to her before turning and walking away again. Alana blew out the air that was lodged in her lungs. She returned to the shower and closed the curtain, unzipping her bag and pulling out the camisole, sleep shorts, and lavalava folded neatly inside. As she dried and dressed, her thoughts shifted to Manu. She admitted he was a good guy, a great guy in fact. He supported his family in more ways than one, was respectful towards his friends and colleagues, and extremely attentive towards his patients. She admired these qualities about him, but for years she had categorized him as a friend. She had always been content to file him away there. He was too familiar, and she was all too comfortable with where things were between them. But she didn’t want to hurt him either. Pulling her hair back, she tied it into a pony tail and pressed her towel to dry the ends.
Sera and the lady were lying across the mattresses in their fale chewing on sugar cane when Alana returned. The glow from the lantern cast soft light around them but it was the glow from something far brighter that illuminated their faces.
“You brought your laptop?” she asked in disbelief.
Alana had been expecting to be cut off from all forms of technology on this island.
Sera looked up and smiled guiltily. “What? We’re watching Selena. It’s a classic, Lana. And look—you’ve just arrived at the best part when they dance the washing machine.” She jumped up suddenly and started rotating her hips to the cumbia. “Anything for Selena!” she exclaimed giggling.
Alana’s frown turned into a smile, and she shook her head. The lady laughed. Climbing the steps to the hut, she stomped off the sand from her flip flops, placed them high enough so the island’s dogs couldn’t get them, and crawled across the comfortable mattress.
“Where’s Manu?” she asked.
Sera didn’t look at her when she answered. “He went to bed early.”
Cozying up next to Sera, Alana became riveted to the film she already watched three times, singing along to the music of Como La Flor, falling in love with the rocker love interest, and then finally bawling her eyes out at the tragic end. When the credits rolled, she was still wiping away the tears from her cheeks. Sera crashed beside her and the lady returned to her house long ago. Alana shut the laptop and slid it under a T-shirt. She turned off the lantern and slipped under the mosquito net. As her eyes adjusted to the dark, she listened to the waves crashing on the beach, the tide rolling and retreating in rapid bursts. Her heart started to ache again. Fresh tears sprung for a whole different reason, and she scrunched her face and rolled into her pillow, crying herself to sleep.
***
Alana missed waking in time to watch the sunrise. Squinting against the morning’s light, she rose and stretched, rubbing her sore eyes. Beside her, Sera’s mattress was empty, the sheet folded and placed neatly on her pillow, mosquito net rolled up. Alana climbed out of the fale and made her way to the toilet block to wash up. When she reappeared, Manu and Sera were sitting in the communal hut eating breakfast. It was a simple meal comprised of fresh local fruits, bread, and tea. Alana sat down and smiled tiredly.
“Well, that’s a first,” Sera piped. “I have never woken up before you.” Alana bit into her star fruit. “My God, look at your eyes!” Sera gasped when she looked up. Alana didn’t need a mirror to tell her
what they must have looked like: puffy, swollen, and red.
“Movie’s fault,” she offered as explanation.
Manu gave her a look over the brim of his cup, sipping the hot tea slowly.
“What time is it?” she asked curiously.
“After ten,” he answered before setting the mug down.
Alana was surprised. She never slept in.
“Let’s explore the island after breakfast,” Sera said excitedly.
Alana picked up on her vibes and smiled. “Yes, let’s. We can either go up or around. Or we can do both.”
They decided to do both—first the hike, which turned out to be a sharp, slippery incline. As soon as they reached the top and looked over the ridge, Alana swallowed the sea air and soaked in the sun. The view was magnificent, the South Pacific Ocean stretching out beyond and around them. She felt humble in its immensity, a swell of emotions rolling in with each wave as it crashed below on the rocks. When they descended and explored the island’s perimeter, Manu spotted a family of dolphins swimming in the distance. It was a rare sight to see, and Alana smiled at this gift.
The trio said farewell to the island as the horizon turned to a burnt orange, the sun setting low and heavy. Sorrow and despair always intensified at this time of the day, the sunset a painful reminder of her father’s eyes closing to the world forever, blackness surrounding him like that of the disappearing daylight. Without delay, it made her feel helpless and vulnerable. Her throat felt thick with emotion, and she swallowed the ache down. It was always the same—the shortness of breath, the tightening around her heart, the same sense of loss and powerlessness. This time, however, the fury didn’t flare its ugly mask. She was tired of being angry at something she had no control over. This emotion she could choose to control, and she didn’t want to be a slave to it anymore.
Alana turned and looked ahead as the island of Upolu loomed closer, the boat returning them to Manu’s parked car. The long ride home and work tomorrow awaited them.
When Manu dropped her and Sera off at her house, they kicked off their shoes and dropped their bags on the living room floor. Perlita and David were sitting in the kitchen eating Chinese take-out, white plastic plates spread out around them, the delicious aroma wafting from its contents. A can of pisupo was opened, and her mother was cutting up a raw onion to eat with it.
“You’re just in time.” Perlita smiled in greeting. The girls joined them and caught them up on their trip. “Well, the power is thankfully back on,” her mother said as she rose to clear the table after they were finished.
“Leave it, Mama, I’ll do it,” Alana offered.
She took the dishes and piled them in the sink while Sera took a shower, and her mother retreated to the living room to watch television. David slumped down in the sofa next to her as she flipped the channels. Alana’s hands were deep in soap when she heard her gasp.
“David, look at this,” Perlita said, turning up the volume. Alana swung her head round in curiosity.
“Residents today were scrambling to safety after a flash flood swept through a suburb in Manila, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. At least eleven people have been killed and hundreds more are expected missing. Three of the dead have been confirmed as children while thousands more are now displaced after they were forced to flee their homes. The national disaster agency has officially declared this event a disaster, one of the worst in the country’s history…”
The images flashed before her eyes: murky, brown water; people on the tops of roofs; others wadding to safety, holding belongings above their heads; a tearful mother; a sobbing child; mass confusion; terror; panic; people cramped in an evacuation center, waiting for a miracle to arrive. Alana’s heart raced as she approached the television, suds dripping down her arms to the floor. Her heart broke with each fearful face: a child’s face, a father’s, a grandfather’s. While she didn’t worry that any of her relatives were affected since they were living in a different province, she couldn’t help the swell of empathy that rose with each breath. And with it slammed realization and understanding. She knew exactly where he was now, why he was there, and what he was doing. Chase was helping those people. Saving them. Giving them hope, a second chance at life. An incredible surge of pride and affection filled her chest as she thought about him and the people he was pulling to safety, an answer to their desperate prayers.
“Alana, you’re getting water all over the mat!” her mother admonished, snapping her out of her thoughts.
She looked down in a daze and saw the pool of soap at her feet. Wiping her hands on her lavalava, she whipped it off her shorts and knelt down to soak up the suds on the floor. If only it could be as easy to wipe and drain away the flood water in Manila, she thought sadly. And then the revelation hit her. Stilling her hands, she reflected on Chase’s purpose and why his selflessness made her love him so much. He reminded Alana of her father. Clear and simple, the realization slammed into her like a hurdling shooting star. The qualities her father embodied mirrored that of Chase—the generosity, thoughtfulness, and care. Like her father’s carpenter hands which he used to build new structures and strengthen others, Chase used his hands to rescue people and heal them. She observed this quality down at the river when he cared for the little boy. It was what made her heart blossom. It was this pure act that drew the emotion out of her. The parallel between her father and Chase was astounding but one that made perfect sense. Through both their noble examples, Alana felt the feeling return, the one that made her pursue nursing in the first place. Heart trembling, her throat tightened as she pondered the connection she shared with Chase. While she was an ocean away from him, this was their common bond. To heal and help people. Rising, Alana knew how she was going to move forward.
When she went to bed that night, she offered a silent prayer for the victims and families affected in the flooding. A plan had also formulated in her mind—one with a purpose and goal for herself. After she completed paying back the bond to her scholarship, which she knew would take the equivalent number of years she studied in Fiji, she was going to carry it out. She was going to save what money she earned from work and leave Samoa to fulfill it. Fueled with resolve, the first step she was going to do was call her grandparents and inform them exactly where she wanted to go, to one of her dream destinations.
Climbing onto the mattress, Alana slipped under the sheet and gazed up at the mosquito net overhead. This was it, she decided. She was going to try wholeheartedly to move forward with her top personal goal. Through the selfless examples set by Chase and her father, she was determined to achieve it.
Chapter 24
Four Years Later
Jinja, Uganda
Alana crouched down and touched the red soil, rubbing the rich clay texture in her hands. Inhaling deeply, it would be the last time she would feel this earth filter through her fingertips. Rising, she gazed out at the sunset across the River Nile. The setting colors were the same as that of Samoa’s—bright orange and crimson—reflecting on the water. A swell of nostalgia rose in her chest, and she closed her eyes when she thought about home. She didn’t fear the sunsets in Jinja; they didn’t sadden her anymore. Instead, they were a comfort because when the sun dipped and disappeared on the African horizon, she was aware it was cresting over the Pacific at the exact same moment, dawn’s sky a mixture of pink and purple. She could just imagine its brilliance a world away, chickens crowing in the distance, people stirring awake, and she couldn’t believe she was standing here now. She remembered the conversation she had with her grandmother when she informed her of her plans to travel to Africa.
“Africa? Why Africa? That’s so far away. We don’t even have any family over there for you to stay with,” Lola had stated over the phone.
“I want to make a difference, Lola, and I feel I can make one there in a rural hospital,” she answered patiently.
“But there’s a hospital in Savaii that I’m sure is desperate for your help,” she pointed out. “You can eve
n stay with Kane and Malia.”
Alana was silent for a moment. How could she explain to her grandmother that she needed to be on her own with this trip? She could hear her sigh.
“Apo, when we said you could choose one of your dream destinations to travel to, we expected you to go on a holiday—not travel to some far-off place we’ve never heard of before to do work.”
Alana bit her lip. “I know, Lola. But I want to go there. I need to go there.”
“What if something happens to you, Lana? What if you contract the Ebola virus or something like that?”
This made her heart skip a beat. “I’m sure I’ll be fine, Lola,” she had said trying to sound convincing. “I will be careful. I will get all the necessary vaccinations needed for this trip and just trust that things will be okay.”
“Well, even if your grandfather and I agree, let’s just see what your mother and brother will say about this.”
Alana knew it was no easy task to prepare for this trip. She had to firstly convince her mother and siblings that she was capable of traveling on her own. They didn’t like the idea, and she worked hard to make them see that everything would be fine, even if she secretly had no idea that it would be. Over time, she attempted to prove this to them by working hard and saving her money and giving what she could to help them when they needed it. When they finally relented, she almost broke down in tears. She couldn’t explain to them the personal journey she was setting herself on, just that she needed to do it. While her grandparents agreed to cover the airfare, she insisted that she would take care of her living and food expenses. Now it was coming to an end.
With dusk surrounding her, she moved inside the clinic to collect her belongings.
“Ready to go, Miss Alana?” Emmanuel, the clinic’s driver, asked her.