The Two-Night One-Night Wedding

by Ryan Ringbloom

It’s just means it’s time for a plan B, that’s all. But what the hell is plan B? And what if that doesn’t work out either? Plan C? D? How many plans will I need?

  Thank God the alphabet has twenty-six letters.

  HOLLY BUCKLES HERSELF into the passenger seat and relaxes her head back on the headrest. She shuts her eyes and heaves out a long sigh.

  “Drive,” she says weakly. “Get us away from here.”

  I hit Home on the navigation and follow the route guidance toward the Turnpike. Six hours have never gone by slower in my entire life. I never knew that you could receive a “tour” of a display set up on a six-foot folding table. But I got one. Jack Martin has a story behind every piece. “Ya see, Matthew, I used an index card to make it say ‘Martin’s Springtime Farm.’ Pretty clever, huh?”

  At the Olive Garden, the Martins, true to their word, asked for refills on breadsticks and salad so many times that I was thankful to be in another state where I didn’t know anyone. And the amount of parmesan cheese that the poor waiter had to grind onto each salad refill was borderline insanity. Though, Mr. Martin seemed unaware as he glommed down his overcheesed salad and continuously asked me for medical advice on things like how to lower his cholesterol.

  “I’m sorry.” Holly turns her head and stares out the side window. She’s quiet, downtrodden.

  “For what?”

  “Today. My family.”

  “Stop. I’m glad to have finally met your parents. I liked them,” I say. It’s the truth. Sure, they’re a bit strange and the day was long, but I’m marrying their daughter. Meeting them in person was long overdue. I’m sure their quirkiness will grow on me. “Did you get a dress?” I know I’m not allowed to see the dress, but I can ask about it. Right?

  “No.”

  Oh. That must be why she’s upset.

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find one next time.”

  “There won’t be a next time.” She turns her head back to face me. I keep my eyes on the road, nervous about where this conversation is heading.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Matthew, how do you feel about eloping?”

  “Eloping?”

  “Yes, running off and getting married. A small ceremony. Just me and you. That’s all that matters. Isn’t it?”

  “Are you serious?” I chuckle. “What happened to the big wedding plans?” Every night, Holly climbs into bed with a stack of bridal magazines and her laptop opened up to wedding sites. Her phone clicks continuously, screenshotting the onslaught of dresses and bouquets she finds. “Did something happen today?”

  “No.” I know she’s lying. I don’t know if it was an argument or a financial issue or shit, did her parents not like me?

  “Holly, obviously something must have happened. Did I do something?”

  “Oh please, they loved you. Free medical advice from a PA. I think they like you more than me.”

  I can’t help but grin at the ego boost. They did seem to like me. See, look at that, they’re growing on me already. “Then what is it?”

  “It’s just… nothing.”

  What does that mean? What do girls mean when they say nothing when it is so clearly something? How do I respond to this?

  The radio shuts off and my cell phone rings through the speakers. A quick glance at the caller ID shows my sister-in-law is calling, and I’m beyond grateful for a way out of “nothing” territory.

  I press the button on the steering wheel. “Hello?”

  “Matty, it’s me, Ashley. Did you and Holly set a date yet?”

  “Not yet. Why? What’s up?”

  “A friend of mine who works at the Chateau just called me; they have an opening on June 17th. I told her to hold it. I know it’s soon, but… ah, the Chateau in June, can you imagine how amazing that would be?”

  I glance over at Holly; her eyes are bulging and her mouth gapes open. Ashley has overstepped. She tends to do that often.

  “No, don’t have them hold it. Holly and I were just discussing the possibility of a smaller—”

  “We’ll take it.” Holly cuts me off. “Ashley, it’s Holly, I’m in the car with Matthew. Call your friend and tell them we definitely want it. Oh my God, the Chateau in June,” she sings. “I can’t believe it.”

  “I know!” Ashley squeaks.

  “Oh my Gawwwwwd!” Holly squeaks back.

  Squeak. Screech. Squawk. Squeak.

  I go deaf from the pitch of their squeals. It’s as if I’m picking up a conversation between dolphins on a radio transmitter.

  What just happened? Two minutes ago we were discussing running off for a small ceremony. Now we’re booked for a June wedding at one of the priciest venues in Pennsylvania? Can we even afford the Chateau? One of the doctors I work with had his son’s Bar Mitzvah there. As I recall, it was a tediously long night, although lavish, and the food was spectacular. They had an elaborate raw bar at the cocktail hour. I remember thinking it must have cost a fortune. What is our budget? We’ve yet to discuss it, but I still have school loans to pay, and my five, possibly ten-year plan includes going back to medical school to become an MD. And what about a house? The apartment is good for now, but surely we’ll want to start house hunting in the next few years. Fucking A. I should’ve known better than to answer a call from Ashley on speaker phone.

  Holly disconnects the phone and dances, wiggling her butt in the passenger seat. “We have a date and a place. And not just any place, the Chateau.”

  I hate to burst her bubble, but I have to say it. “That place is expensive. Can we afford it?”

  “No, we can’t.” Holly smiles even though she is delivering bad news. “But I don’t fucking care. We’ll figure out a way and we’ll make it work.” Her feet stomp and she clasps her hands together. “The Chateau!”

  “But… Holly, how?”

  She ignores me. “The Chateau!”

  THREE HUNDRED A head, and a minimum of a hundred people are required. I add my boss, Chris Camden, and his wife, Mia, to make my guest list an even hundred. They live in California. I’ve met him in person maybe three times, his wife once. This list is pathetic. I added people just to add people. I snap my laptop shut and put it on the night table. My original list was under fifty. I’m force-guesting.

  I fold the pillow behind my head and stare up at the ceiling. I’ve been up half the night trying to figure this out. Even if we could afford this, which we can’t, my invitations would have needed to go out two weeks ago. I could send them late, but a place like the Chateau requires upscale invites; that won’t be cheap. Then there’s the dress and flowers, limo, photographer, a band. And what about a cake? Oh God, and a honeymoon. I’ve always dreamed of Hawaii. The dollar signs continue to build.

  My head spins and bright little stars appear before my eyes. I clutch at my chest, gasping, taking small breaths in that I can’t seem to exhale back out. What am I doing?

  If we have our wedding at the Chateau, I’ll be putting us in a shitload of debt, and for what? So acquaintances and long-lost family members can eat crab legs and jumbo shrimp cocktail? Impressing people we barely know is not what this day is about. Sure, every girl dreams about her wedding day. I have since forever. But in all those dreams the only things that really ever stuck out were the dress, the flowers, and the man. Never once was paying three hundred dollars for my mother’s friend Mrs. Terzer to chow down on filet mignon and lobster tail part of that dream. The Chateau is a no-go. It’s time to reel myself in and reprioritize.

  “Matthew.” I shake the sleeping man beside me. “Are you awake?”

  “Mmm.” He moves slightly, adjusting his pillow.

  “I’m gonna tell Ashley we’re not gonna do it. I don’t need the Chateau.” I spoon myself up against his warm body. “I just need you.” I press my lips up to his bare back. “And a dress.” Another kiss against his heated skin. “And flowers.” My hands travel around to his stomach. “But mainly you. You’re all that’s important.”

  “
Oh… yeah,” Matthew says in a sleepy voice, responding to my touch, not my words. I’m not sure he heard a word of what I just said.

  “Yup. Just me. And”—I slide my fingers lower down his abs until I reach his boxers and slip my hand inside—“you,” I breathe the word out seductively into his ear. Mission accomplished. He starts to wake, one part more than others. Who wouldn’t love waking up to a little reach-around action?

  The next few minutes are wordless. Just motions and lust-filled sounds. I take him to the edge but he doesn’t let go. He turns and caresses me, searching and discovering my body as if it’s the first time. His fingers slide slowly down my chest, his thumbs rubbing over my nipples, which firm under his soft touch.

  “I love you, Matthew….” He parts my legs and his body sinks into mine. “Deeply.” I gasp at the pressure of the first thrust.

  There is no better feeling in the world than being with Matthew. I’m safe with him. He is strong, smart, passionate, and oh-so-generous. I love every perfect detail of the man he is.

  My head clears and my heart races as he brings me to that place at the top, the place where for a few brief moments a woman knows the true meaning of life. It’s so magical there. I wave to the unicorns that prance under a giant arched rainbow, and blow a handful of fluffy pink hearts into the air.

  “Oh God,” I scream, and the unicorns scatter. “Yes… fuck.” My hips move faster and the pink fluffy hearts start to pop, exploding in the air. “I’m… coming.” The rainbow begins to fade and in its place comes a cloud. A big white fluffy cloud.

  “Me too,” Matthew grunts.

  And the big white fluffy cloud lands in a splatter on my stomach… and part of my chest.

  WAKING UP TO sex is my new favorite thing. People always say that once a couple move in together, things change. That couples go through a rough patch. But this past week has been far from rough. Aside from the piles of boxes we still need to unpack, and the closet space, drawer space, and bathroom space that I’ve had to give up, we’ve achieved domestic bliss.

  Holly’s head rests on my chest, and I play with the long strands of her dark brown hair as she traces little circles on my stomach.

  “What do you think of Niagara Falls?” she says.

  “Spectacular. National treasure. We went once when I was a kid. Loved it. Why?”

  “Let’s get married there?”

  “What about the Chateau?”

  “I knew you weren’t listening before.” Holly laughs. “I told you, I decided I’m gonna tell Ashley to tell her friend not to hold it. I thought about it, and it’s not even what I really want.”

  “It’s not?” A few hours ago nothing in life mattered except for the Chateau.

  “No, it really isn’t. Besides, it’s too expensive. And there’s something I didn’t tell you.” Her body tenses up. “My parents aren’t going to be able to help with the expense. Michael needed surgery and he may need another one, plus his meds.”

  Michael?

  “Who’s Michael?” I ask carefully, I feel like I should know who he is.

  “The cat.”

  “Oh, that’s right, the one who’s not allowed to lick himself in front of your mom?”

  “Yes.” Holly snorts out a cute giggle. “He has heart issues. His bills are expensive.”

  Now I understand why she seemed off yesterday in the car. I guess that’s why she didn’t get a dress. Knowing this is the reason tugs at my heart.

  “Is that the real reason you don’t want the Chateau? Money? Because I know it’s expensive and things will be tight, but if it’s what you really want, we’ll figure it out. I can hold off on going back to medical school. We can cut corners, or I can work more hours.”

  Holly detaches herself from me and springs up on the bed. “No! You can’t hold off on school. No, no, no. I was stupid before when I said yes to Ashley. It was a rash decision. And after thinking about it, I realized it was ridiculous. I don’t even want a big, fancy wedding.”

  “How can you say that? I see you with the magazines and the websites.” I sit up and lean against the headboard. “I mean it, we can do it. We can make it work.”

  “The venue alone is thirty thousand dollars.”

  Say what? We can’t do that. I mean, we could, but then we just wouldn’t be able to buy a house, have kids, go on vacation… eat.

  “Niagara Falls, you said?” I stroke my chin, and she breaks into laughter.

  “Yes. You, a dress, and a bouquet of flowers. That’s all I need. I googled weddings at the Falls, and they offer beautiful packages well within our budget.”

  “What about our families? And friends? You want them to go all the way to Niagara Falls?”

  “No, it would be just us. My family won’t mind; besides, they wouldn’t go away and leave Michael while he’s sick. And your family, with the kids and all they have going on, I’m sure they’ll be relieved to not have to deal with a big brouhaha.”

  My family lives for big brouhahas. They’d be crushed if we ran away and eloped. And I’m pretty sure Holly’s family would be, too. The Chateau may be a little over the top, but trimming it down to a wedding for two also seems a bit extreme. But of course it is, there’s that extremist mentality of hers again. There is very little middle ground with Holly most of the time.

  “What about Jayne?” I bring up her best friend. “And your sister?”

  “You don’t want to get married at the Falls?” Holly’s lip quivers, and I hold my breath. Please no tears. I’m not seasoned enough for tears. Once the waterworks start, I’ll say yes to just about anything that’s asked of me. “I just thought if it was me and you….” Her eyes fill. Nose sniffles. “I don’t know what to do. I thought I knew what I wanted, but it turns out I don’t know nothing.”

  “Anything,” I correct her before thinking.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Tears slide down her cheeks, and she throw her legs over the side of the bed.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying.” I reach for her and stop her from storming away. Dammit. I thought once we were finally engaged all the stress would stop, that wedding planning would be easy. “Let’s just stop and take a breath.” I hold on to her hand. “Let’s take a moment and discuss things before we get ourselves all crazed and involved in some rash wild adventure again.”

  “You mean like Vegas?” She cringes.

  “Yes. Like Vegas.” A trip we impulsively took to engage in a three-way where we wound up hiding in the bathroom and paying a hooker under the door.

  “So what do we do?”

  “Get a pen and paper. We’re gonna make a list,” I instruct, and Holly scrambles to the desk. She returns, bouncing back onto the bed with a notepad and pen in hand.

  “What’s first?”

  “Let’s start with the guest list. Who are we inviting?”

  “I already have a list, well two lists, but I’m gonna go with the first one. It has forty-three, possibly forty-four if I invite this girl I used to be friends with back in college.”

  “Why would you invite someone you used to be friends with?”

  “Because she invited me to her wedding a few years ago. I didn’t go, I forget why, but I had something that weekend.”

  “You’re just inviting her because you feel like you have to?” That must be a girl thing, because I can’t ever imagine a guy doing that.

  Holly scrunches her nose and thinks about it. “I guess so.”

  “Scrap your lists. We’re gonna make a new one.”

  “A new one?”

  “Yup. How about only people we love and truly want to attend our wedding?”

  “Okay, I can do that.” Holly gets cozy, crossing her legs, and starts counting on her fingers. “Well obviously me and you. My parents, my sister, her husband, my niece. That’s seven. Your parents, your brothers, their wives, and the girls, that’s… twenty. Jayne and her new boyfriend.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s his name again?” I think this is the third
boyfriend I’ve met since meeting Holly’s friend Jayne.

  “Juan.” She taps the pen on the pad. “Who else?”

  “Jeremy.” My coworker and close friend, who I accidentally dated one night. Long story. “And of course Justin.”

  “Oh yeah.” Holly drops her shoulders and smiles. She loves love. “They’re getting really serious.”

  “They are.” I tent my fingers and think. “Do we want to branch out to the extended family? Aunts, uncles, cousins?”

  “Eh.” She wavers. “I’m good leaving them off the list if you are.”

  “I am.” My extended family is small and none of them live locally. Leaving them off the list is fine with me. Kent and Robin did the same thing for their wedding, kept it small, no extended family members, and if I remember correctly there were no hurt feelings.

  “So, is there anyone we’re forgetting?” Holly asks. We both stare down at the gray checkered comforter, searching to make sure we haven’t forgotten anyone. Family is covered, and we really only have the one close friend each. Between her online career and my social awkwardness, I think we’re lucky to even have that.

  “I believe that’s it. Our total is twenty-four,” I say.

  “Wow, it turns out we don’t love that many people.” She laughs.

  “Now we need a place. We could do what Kent and Robin did. They had it at a bar. You’ve been there. The one on Main.”

  “A bar?” She swishes her mouth to the side. “Maybe,” she says in a tone that clearly reads as no.

  “We could have it in Jersey if you want.”

  “No.” She grabs her laptop and types. “Hmm. What if we do Romeo’s? They have a catering menu and that new private room for events. We kind of had our first date there. It might be cute.” She starts a new search on the computer. “I’m sure it would be reasonable.”

  “I like that idea. What about a date?”

  “Well, if it’s small, we really don’t need a lot of time to plan.”

  “We can still do June if you want?” I know she was excited at being a June bride. If we keep it small and budget friendly, I don’t see why we can’t do June. “What about the thirteenth, my lucky number.”