She moves my chair next to the bed. The legs scrape against the floor making my head hurt. She lets herself fall into the rocker. It feels like an eternity as she takes a couple of breaths. She wipes the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand before she finally speaks.
“She's awake.”
She's awake. The words resonate in my head over and over: she's awake. My heart fills at just the though of her.
Her being awake is all the motivation I need. I rip off the covers and toss the mask to the floor.
“Tobias! Get back in that bed!”
“Mom, if she’s awake, I have to go see her!” Why didn’t she understand that? Didn't she see how miserable I've been?
She puts her hand softly on my shoulder lowering me down again.
“Yes, you do; but not until the portable nebulizer comes in. It should be here in the morning. Maybe by then she'll be ready for company.” Mom looks out the darkened window.
“What are you not telling me?” I ask, taking a puff off my nebulizer.
Her face pinches.
“I told her about the baby... I thought she knew. The way you talked about her pregnancy... ”
I stiffened. I'd never told Mom the baby was mine. She just assumed. Of course, I didn't correct her either. And now Jada not only knew she was pregnant, but that I'm claiming it as mine. She must be furious with me.
Mom squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry she found out that way honey. I feel just awful. Oh Lord, forgive me, but I think I went and made things worse.”
Worse? “What did you do, Ma?”
She buried her head in her hands. Oh – this was going to be bad.
“Tobias, it wasn’t my fault. I tried to stop her.”
“What did you do?”
“I let her see her face.”
“What?” I ripped off the mask and stood up.
“She was tearing at the bandages, Tobias! I was afraid she’d pull out the stitches or make it worse, so — I let her see.” A tear runs down my mother’s face.
My skin went numb. I remember very clearly what her father had done to her. And now so would she.
Mom grabs my hand. “Tomorrow. You'll see her tomorrow. Then you can bring her back.”
I blink, confused. “Bring her back? From where? I thought you said she woke up?”
Mom nods. “Her body woke up but once she saw her face, Tobias, her spirit went back to sleep.” She sighs. “She curled herself up into the fetal position and hasn’t budged since. I sat with her for two hours, trying to get her to unwind herself but... she’s checked out, Tobias. And I think you might be the only one who can bring her back.”
My hand slips out of hers and suddenly, I could feel it. Felt Jada’s despair. She felt like her own child would never love her because of her scar. She felt like a monster. A toxic ache seeped into my veins. This couldn't wait for tomorrow. She had given up. I needed to get to her now.
There is only one problem: Mom.
That means I’ll have to give the performance of my life to get her to go to sleep so I can slip out.
“I hate that I can't see her,” I say, laying down, feigning defeat.
“I know baby, but your lungs are just too weak to take the trip in now. Once the nebulizer arrives, I promise, we'll take a cab and see her. Okay?” She leans over me and kisses my head.
“Okay,” I sigh, for effect.
Mom stands up and rubs her eyes.
“I'm gonna hop in the shower before I crash. Are you sure you're okay?” She touches my forehead, searching for a fever that's never there.
When she's satisfied that I'm normal, I turn off my bedside light, I yawn a weak, “I'm just tired, Mom.”
“Me too.” She gives me a quick peak on the head then walks over to the door. “I'll be up in a few hours to get you your meds. Try and get some rest.”
“You too.”
She nods then walks out, turning off my overhead light.
As soon as the door closes, I sit up in bed and wait. A few minutes later, the sound of water running confirms she's in the shower. I pull back the covers and let my bare feet hang over the bed. Keeping the mask on for as long as I can I tear off my sweatpants and grab a pair of jeans from off the floor, throw my shoes on, then stop to listen again. The water is still running. Good.
I stuff my inhaler from my dresser into my pocket, take one last inhalation of medicated air, then take the mask off, letting its tell-tale hum continue on without me.
My lungs tense at the withdrawal of the healing mist, but I’m too stubborn to give up before I even begin. Tip-toeing down the stairs, I slip out the back door and grab my old bicycle. I haven't ridden it in years but I know I won't be able to walk all the way to the hospital. Not even under the best of conditions.
Using all my strength, I push it painstakingly slow out of the driveway. I can't risk Mom hearing me out here. Once I clear the house, I have to take a few drags off my inhaler before I can even get on the bike. It's amazing how weak I've become since getting out of the hospital. This is, by far, the worst I’ve ever felt. For the first time since being told my lungs were working on borrowed time it actually felt like they were. My brain screams for me to go back to the nebulizer, but my feet push me forward as Jada pulls me to her.
Straining, I lift my leg over the bike and push down on the peddle. I'm amazed at how hard it is to get it going. Thankfully, the road leading to the hospital is on a slight hill so I'm able to coast a majority of the way.
As I get closer to the hospital, I find that it is starting to get a little easier to breathe. Maybe it's the cold air making the oxygen easier to reach my lungs?
It’s only when I step inside the hospital, however, that I realize it's not the cold. Inside, my breath comes easy and swift. The pain in my lungs has receded and my muscles actually feel thick – strong. Intuitively, I know it's because of Jada. She’s making me stronger. That has to be it. I've gone straight downhill the moment they took me away from her. Just as she has started to slip downward without me near her. Just like when we were babies.
The way my body feels is all the proof I need. We had to be together. It is suddenly the clearest thing I’d ever known. It fills me with such intense happiness that I actually start to tear up.
Without warning, the scar on I have on my arm from where the bottle sliced me that night starts to burn as though it's being cut open again. Tearing at my sleeve, I pull back my shirt. But the scar isn't bleeding at all. In fact, it's been healing nicely. The pain comes again. Hot and fast, like a bolt of lightning.
Jada!
“Someone help!” I shout running towards her room. A few nurses turn to look at me before they drop their tablets and follow behind me.
“Sir, what’s wrong?” one of them shouts.
“It’s Jada Williams! Room 111. She’s hurt.” My heart is throbbing in my chest. I have to get to her!
Running down the hall to her room, I slide to a stop. I push against the door, but it doesn't budge. I shove it again, but it only opens a fraction of an inch. Something heavy is lodged against it from the other side.
“Jada! Open the door!” I scream into the darkness.
My heart is pounding in my ears as I press against the door to listen.
“Go away. You’re too late anyway,” comes Jada's defeated whisper.
No. Please, God, no.
Chapter 20
Jada
It had begun innocently enough. Once Ms. Garret finally left, I pushed the bed against the door and started work on carving the final ‘A’ into my arm. But when my fingers started over and began carving a new letter over my ‘J,’ I kinda flipped out.
Instead of my own name staring back at me, I had carved a whole new name into my flesh.
Naya.
The letters of my name had all but vanished under the new carving. Blood pours out of the gashes, but I don't feel a thing. All I can hear is Naya's name chanting over and over in my mind. The name of some dead girl I'd never even met.
This is too much. Not only am I carrying the child of the man who murdered my father, but I'm also horribly disfigured and now I'm hearing things.
This has got to stop. And I have to be the one to stop it.
Grabbing hold of the ragged edge of the broken shard of plastic, I move my hand away from its possessed carving. My hand shakes a bit while I gather my courage.
When I hear that cursed name inside my head again I slide the broken edge fast across my wrist, hoping to finally silence it.
That's when a new pain begins.
At first, my arms feel like they are on fire. Liquid hot lava cascading down my flesh. I sink my teeth into the hospital pillow to muffle my screams. Eventually my limbs start to turn cold. The chill travels down my arms first, putting out the fire, than it travels strangely into my legs. That's when my head starts to spin. I close my eye against the mounting pressure on my chest. It almost feels like I'm floating. Laying down onto the floor I see a bright light forming above me. It's so beautiful.
The final strick to my heart is the far off sound of Tobias. Too far away to actually reach me though.
Looking down at my arm, I can see the blood, so dark it's almost black. It seeps into the edges of my hospital gown slowly crawling up the fibers. It’s fascinating to watch.
“Jada!”
There it is again. Oh, if only he were really here. But then it's too late for dreams; too late for me. How sad that he would be the only thing I would miss. I start to cry, devastated that he wasn't the Angel that was starting to call me home.
Tobias
“Jada!” Don’t you dare die on me. I make a running dive for the door and slam into it. Hard. It opens a few more inches. With the help of the nurse, we're able to force it open another two feet. I stick my head in the crack. The room is eerily dark and quiet. Too quiet.
I push myself in through the small opening and scan the room. There is a hospital bed wedged up against door and something else on the floor, but it's too dark to make out.
Behind me, the nurse flicks on the light pushing her way in as well.
My eyes pinch as they adjust to the harsh fluorescent lighting. Blinking my eyes into focus, I find her. She's curled up in a pool of her own blood. My heart jumps.
“Jada!” I cry, and rush to her side pulling her into my chest. Her head rolls back into the crook of my arm. Her face is no longer bandaged so I can see the scar that runs down her beautiful face. I press my ear to her lips. There is only the faintest wheeze there. That's when I notice her arm is covered in blood.
She tried to kill herself.
“She’s still alive,” I scream at the nurse. “Save her! Please!” The nurse is paging for help and grabbing bandages from a cabinet.
Jada opens her one working eye at that moment and smiles up at me. She nuzzles her body closer into mine. She looks so happy. Peaceful. And moments away from dying.
She closes her eyes in a smile before she goes limp in my arms.
Tobias
The next few minutes pass in a haze of shouting and running. Doctors and nurses start pushing into the room. They try their best to get me out of their way, but I am unmovable. It's only when they discover that Jada’s heart rate drops the moment I let go of her hand that they finally allow me to stay.
Things are happening so fast that it's hard to process what they are actually doing. At first, there was gauze, some sort of glue, and then even stitches to seal her wounds closed.
Because she lost so much blood, they have to give her a transfusion, so rather than leaving her to get the treatment, I curl up on the bed beside her, spooning her. Never letting go of her IV-burdened hand. With each minute that passed, I could feel her getting stronger.
“Well ain’t you two just a sight.”
I looked up from the bed and find Ms. Philips glaring at me from the doorway.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. “I thought you hated hospitals.”
“I do.” She looks nervously around the room. “I drove your mom in. The plan was just to drop her off, but then I heard about what happened.”
“Oh. Well, thanks for bringing her in. Where is she?”
She nods her head behind her. “The Docs are talking to her.” Kari clears her throat. It's clear she doesn't want to be here. “They told me that you may have saved her just in the nick of time.”
I nod, stroking Jada's hair.
“That’s twice now this girl has been pulled back to stay among the living.” Her eyebrows are pinched together, concentrating on something.
“And twice that your superstitions about us have been proven wrong.” I can’t help but add, “Every time we're apart, something bad happens. It's not the other way around like you think. We're meant to be together, Ms. Philips. I'm sorry it didn't work out for your friends, but we're not them.”
She just shakes her head. “It seems all fine and good now, but the wheels are in motion. It wasn’t until my friends turned twenty that things went sour.” She takes a step into the room. “Just about the age you all will be when your good pal Hawk gets released from prison.”
Her comment sends a chill through me, but I refuse to let her upset me. I have other things to be worried about.
Just then, Jada moves in my arms. I hold my breathe.
A soft moan escapes her lips.
“Jada? Jada, can you hear me?” I cry.
“Where am I?” Her voice is weak, but I’ll take it.
“I’ll go get the doc,” Ms. Philips says, backing out the door.
My heart begins to sprint seeing her eye flutter.
“You’re safe. I’m here. You’re in the hospital,” I say, sliding off the bed so I can look her in the eye. Her face has been re-bandaged and her arm is covered with gauze. She starts to panic a bit when she realizes her hands are strapped down.
“Shh, don’t fight it. They tied your hands down so you won’t…” I can’t finish the thought.
Jada whimpers softly and the sorrow in her voice destroys me. I can’t bear the thought that she might actually hate me for saving her.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I couldn’t let you die.”
She begins to sob softly before her eye drifts to her belly. “The baby?”
“Right as rain. This child is strong. Just like its mama.”
She looks up at the ceiling as more tears run down her face. “Why? Why couldn't you just let me take care of this the right way?”
I carefully cup her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me.
“Because I can’t live without you. If you die, I die. We’re connected, Jada. You’re my Twin Flame, just like Mr. Harper told us about in class. I know that now more than ever. When you slashed your wrist, I felt it. When I am away from you, I’m weak, but with you, I’m strong.”
She looks at me for a second before she nods, “So you need me alive for selfish reasons.” Her lips form a thin line. “That makes sense.”
“No! Damn it, Jada!” I push off from the bed and start tearing at my hair. I'm explaining this all wrong!
Pacing the floor, I struggle to find my words. I have to tell her the truth. The truth of what's in my heart. To hell with the consequences. Walking back to the bed, I take her bandaged hand. Her eye locks on to me as I try to explain properly. “When you made that first incision, I felt it too. In here,” I say pointing to my heart.
I expect her to start crying again but she doesn't. Instead, she starts laughing. “That's a very romantic lie but, that wasn't my first time.” She turns her head away from me, as though ashamed.
My body tenses. “What do you mean this wasn't your first time? Jada, have you tried to... kill yourself before?” My stomach lurches at the thought.
Jada rolls her head back to the center of her pillow and stares up at the ceiling. “No. This is a first for that, but it's not my first time cutting.”
I cock my head not sure of what to make of what she's just said.
“If I could take of my bandages I'd show
you. For the last ten years – I've carved my name into my arm. One letter a day.”
The thought alone makes my stomach roll.
“Now you know how sick I am, so please. Please just go.” Fat tears streak down her cheeks.
My hand grasps hers. “Never.”
“Tobias, are you blind? Can't you see how messed up I am? Not just on the inside anymore. Now the whole world can see just how screwed up I am! Don't you get it? I can't bring a child into this world like this? Not looking the way I do, not thinking the way I do! God, why didn't you just let me die?”
The pain in her voice cuts into my soul.
“I didn't let you die because I'm not ready to lose you.”
She looks up at me with her beautiful face, still bandaged and broken. She is by far the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
“Why?” she whimpers.
“Because, I love you, Jada.”
She rips her eyes off the ceiling to look at me. The expression she's wearing is nothing short of rage.
Jada
No! He did not just say he loved me. Bastard! Why is he lying to me? I pull my mutilated face out of his hands when he says it again.
“Stop it! Stop saying that!” I cry. Pity is the one thing I can’t take right now, and that’s all his proclamation of love is – pure and pathetic, pity. His motive is crystal clear: give the girl who just tried to off herself a reason to live. But I am no fool.
“Just go. Leave me alone.” I say. “Please.”
Tobias stands up. I can feel his eyes on me but I won’t look at him. I can't. I can't risk them pleading with him to stay. Once he's gone, I can pick up the bits of me that remain and move on somehow. But I need to do it alone. Away from people who knew me before. It's the only way I'll be able to stay sane.
I feel him get off the bed. His feet begin walking away towards the door.
My heart feels like it's breaking in two. I have to turn my head away so he won't see. He can't see this.
“I hate him,” Tobias' voice seethes from across the room.
I turn my head to see that he hasn’t left. Instead his feet are pacing the floor, his hands are clenched into tight balls. His face is hot with anger.
Pulled Back (Twin Flames Series) Page 14