Spirit

by Shauna Granger

  “Fine,” she sighed, “what do you want?”

  “To help,” Ashriel repeated.

  “Yeah, got that part,” Jodi said, her eyebrows arching high.

  “You attempted to bring Shayna back and you failed,” Ash said, surprising them so much they both looked like someone had struck them with a bat on the backs of their heads. “I want to help you try again.”

  “How did you…” Steven started to ask, but his voice failed him. His mouth opened and closed uselessly.

  “How could you possibly know that?” Jodi asked in a strangled whisper.

  “Because I am her guardian angel.” With a clap of thunder, Ashriel’s wings burst from his back, materializing in a shock of white light, the very tips of the feathers just hinting at the icy blue of the North Winds. They arched high over his head, sweeping down into pointed tips that trailed on the ground behind him. In the pale moonlight, I could almost make out icicles in the curved recesses of his wings.

  I clenched my jaw despite the pain in my cheek, watching the shock and awe on Jodi and Steven’s faces. Ashriel was actually lying to them by saying he was my “guardian angel;” yes, he’d watched over me, but only to groom me for my own guardian duties when I died. If he’d been a true guardian angel, then he would’ve stepped in and saved me from the fire, or at the very least helped me so that I could save myself. Instead, the bastard had just stood by, waiting for me to die, and then tried to collect me.

  There he was telling Jodi and Steven he wanted to help them bring me back to life. I knew better. He wanted to help them bring me back to that reality so he could drag me into the Light once and for all, that burning, unrelenting Light.

  I had evaded him so well, and there he was beguiling my friends. If only they had reached out to Iris to use her powers to pull me from this forsaken place… With the first signs of hope showing on their faces, I knew they would use the one being who could undo all of my efforts. Ashriel would help them pull me through the Ether, and he would be right there the exact moment I materialized. His hand would be on me before I could blink, and it would be over. I would be pulled into the Light and out of our earthly world, and Jodi and Steven would be lost to me. I would be helpless, knowing they would be forced to walk a doomed path to a fate that Ashriel knew was too horrible for me to watch.

  “I have a question,” Jodi said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “Of course,” Ashriel replied graciously.

  “If you’re Shay’s guardian angel, where the hell have you been?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  I grinned. Jodi’s question so obviously threw Ashriel.

  “Where were you? How could Shay find Steven, days after she died, to try to contact him?” Jodi crossed her arms over her chest. “How come Steven could banish her? Shouldn’t you have been there for her?”

  “That’s a very good point,” Steven said, rounding on Ash, his arms crossed in a mirror image of Jodi. My heart swelled and I had to hold my breath as I watched.

  “Well,” Ash said, pausing to buy time, “when someone dies, they’re given the opportunity to decide what they want to do.”

  “What do you mean?” Steven asked.

  “A person can decide whether or not to go into the Light,” Ashriel explained. To my horror, I watched Steven’s face change as he uncrossed his arms, believing Ashriel.

  Jodi arched one eyebrow. “Shayna wasn’t a person. She was an angel, just like you. Are you really going to tell me angels have the same choice of whether to go into the Light a human does?”

  Ashriel hesitated again. I imagined lying was as difficult for an angel as it was for one of the Fae. Iris said that humans believed that faeries were descended from angels. The more I dealt with Ash on this side of the Ether, the more I believed that was probably true.

  “Well, not usually,” Ashriel finally replied. “But oftentimes, earthbound angels have different sets of rules and realities than higher angels.”

  “Higher angels,” I smirked. “Stupid jumped up angels, more like.”

  “Oh,” Steven said while Jodi only made a noncommittal noise. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take. First Steven was doing whatever he could to convince Jodi I wasn’t gone while Jodi refused to believe I could be brought back. Then Steven was willing to buy everything Ash was selling while Jodi glared at him with distrust. Why the hell did we always have to make things so hard?

  “All right,” Jodi said, shifting her weight to one side, making her hip jut out. “Why would you need our help?”

  “What do you mean?” Ashriel asked.

  “You’re this higher angel,” Jodi said, making air quotes with her fingers. “Why would you need the help of two humans to bring her back?”

  “Oh!” The smile on Ash’s face told me he was relieved he didn’t have to figure out a half-truth this time. “Steven banished her, and I have no idea where she went. She’s gone beyond my sight, so I need Steven to help me bring her back.”

  Steven nodded, and I had to admit, it made sense. Much of what Ash had done proved that angels weren’t omniscient, so it made sense that Steven sending me to this otherworld would send me out of Ash’s realm of sight. I imagined the power that ripped my wings away knew exactly where I was, but since I had turned my back on them, they didn’t give a damn. I didn’t understand why Ash was trying so hard to pull me back though.

  Maybe I was the first charge to get away and it was a personal vendetta. Maybe losing a charge put him in a spot of trouble with his superiors. I really didn’t know, but whatever the reason, he wasn’t giving up on me and he wasn’t telling Jodi and Steven the whole truth.

  “Well,” Jodi said slowly, finally letting her arms drop to her sides. “I guess I can see that.”

  “So you’ll let him help?” Steven asked, turning toward her.

  “Maybe,” she said. Steven smiled brighter than the sun and Ashriel appeared to breathe a sigh of relief.

  “Damn it,” I muttered, closing my eyes and dropping my head. Their voices faded as my concentration wavered, so I opened my eyes and focused quickly on the looking glass, bringing the picture back to full clarity.

  “What do we have to do?” Jodi asked.

  “You were right about doing an invocation,” Ashriel said, “but you need to use angel magic, not elemental or witch magic.”

  “That might be a problem then,” Jodi said, glancing at Steven.

  “Right,” Steven agreed. “Shayna always wrote the angel spells. I mean, she wrote most of our spells, but angel magic, that was all her. We didn’t even really help with those.”

  “I see,” Ashriel said, and I felt a fluttering of hope in my chest. “Well, I’m sure I can guide you. An angel invocation isn’t much different than what you did here. We’ll implement angelic script to harness our powers and guide Shayna to us.”

  “Great,” Steven said. “So can we do it now?”

  “I appreciate the enthusiasm, but no.” Ash shook his head before gesturing to the East. The first hint of dawn crested over the horizon. “We’ve lost the night, and people will be here soon. I don’t believe performing this spell in the middle of the day would be a good idea.”

  “We can always go somewhere else,” Jodi offered.

  “True,” Ash said, “but do you have anything with which to draw the circle and glyphs?”

  “No,” Steven said, “that was all Jane and Sherry’s stuff.”

  “As I suspected,” Ashriel replied. “I will come for you tonight, at sunset.”

  “Where should we meet you?” Jodi asked.

  “Here.” Ashriel flourished his hand and a folded piece of paper appeared in his fingers, which he handed to Jodi.

  “Okay,” Jodi said, turning to look at Steven. Before they could say anything else, Ashriel was gone, the echo of his wings fading as he flew off.

  “Yeah, okay, bye then,” Steven called out, throwing his hands in the air as he looked at Jodi.

  “Drama queen,” Jodi said,
waving off the missing angel. “Listen, Steven, I want you to know I’m not buying everything he said.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What do I mean?” Jodi replied, blinking at Steven. “C’mon, the dude is an angel and he lost Shayna? He needs our help? No, I don’t think so.”

  “What he said made sense,” Steven said but not with as much conviction as he should have.

  “Of course it did,” Jodi agreed. “He was trying to convince us. I’m just saying Shayna must’ve taken off on him for a reason, so we probably won’t do her any favors if we just take him at his word and go along with whatever he says.”

  “Yeah, all right,” Steven said after a few silent moments. “So what should we do then? I mean, the dude is an angel and we have, like, no powers left.”

  “I’m not totally sure,” Jodi said, crossing her arms over her chest. She turned and started pacing, her blond eyebrows drawn together as she tucked her chin to her chest.

  “Do you think those angel and demon traps you see on TV and in the movies are real?” Steven asked after a few moments.

  “What?” Jodi stopped to look at him.

  “You know,” Steven said, waving his hand in the air again as if she’d suddenly understand him just by the gesture. “Like he said, angelic scripts or glyphs. You always see them draw them on the floor and trick the angel or demon into walking over it and then bam! They’re trapped!”

  “Oh!” Jodi finally understood him. “I have no clue, but that’s not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.”

  “You still have the books you took from Shayna’s house?”

  “I do.”

  “Then let’s get going.”

  I let my hands fall into my lap, feeling the pricks and pins in my shoulders from keeping myself so pent up as I watched the casting and Ashriel’s performance. The red marks on my fingers and palm were deeper and angrier. I held my hand out to the heat of the still glowing coals of the fire, flexing my fingers, trying to loosen them. Balor huffed in his sleep again, rolling to his back so that all four paws were in the air and his tail fanned out in an arc on the ground.

  When I scooted back over to him and moved to lay beside him, he rolled to his side, his four legs surrounding my head and shoulders as I rested my head on his ribs. His fur was dusty but warm, going a long way toward relaxing the ache in my shoulders. I tucked the handle of the looking glass into my belt. It was a little awkward, but I didn’t want to take the chance I’d step on it when I woke later.

  Jodi and Steven had their work cut out for them; they wouldn’t find any “angel traps” in my books. The best they would find were binding spells and the Enochian alphabet, the supposed alphabet of the angels. If they could figure out the symbols of the alphabet, they might be able to come up with something. The more I thought about it, the more the fluttering of hope in my chest grew. It really wasn’t a bad idea, if they could get it right.

  The idea we might ever need to fight against an angel had never occurred to me. Even now, knowing that Ashriel was manipulating Jodi and Steven, the idea that they were going to try to trap an angel seemed so bizarre to me. I remembered looking at Iris of the Shattered Light’s beautiful face as she asked me if I was satisfied with the bloody ruin on the floor that used to be a sylph. Now my angel, my Ashriel, was preparing to betray my friends. Was there no one left that wasn’t a complete disappointment? My five-year-old self cried inside of me, thrashing her tiny fists and feet.

  I was back to waiting, hoping I could pull Balor with me when Ashriel yanked me out of here. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about watching Jodi and Steven’s faces as I was once more taken away.

  Chapter 18

  When I woke, I was alone. Dirt coated my cheek and a few locks of hair had come out of my braid. I didn’t know where Balor had gone, but I assumed he’d gone in search of food. When I heard him coming through the brush, I was sitting on the riverbank, my face washed, and in the process of rebraiding my hair. I was relieved to see the animal in his jaw was featherless. It actually looked a lot like a rabbit, except for the short, pointy, cat-like ears.

  I blanched at the idea he’d caught a tiny house cat and shoved that thought right out of my head before I picked up the dead animal he proudly laid at my feet. I scratched the top of Balor’s head as I walked over to the fire. Skinning this animal was much easier, especially with the puncture wounds from Balor’s massive teeth. I managed to have the thing spitted and cooking in less than twenty minutes without my stomach threatening to revolt against me.

  As I ripped the meat from one of the tiny legs, telling myself it was chicken, I said, “All right, we’re gonna find the edge today.” Balor only paused for a moment before digging back into his breakfast. I had only taken the legs for myself, partly because it was easier to convince myself it was chicken and partly because I hadn’t wanted to gut the animal earlier and lose what little appetite I had.

  “That bastard angel is gonna try to trick my friends into pulling me over so he can snatch me away. And my friends think they can outwit an angel.” I couldn’t help snorting. I would have tried the same thing, but I’d learned a lot since I died. A big part of what I’d learned was we sometimes thought a little too highly of our abilities.

  I tossed the cleaned bone to Balor, who caught it effortlessly. “Anyway, it’s time I stop messing around and waiting for someone else to save me, right? So I’m done. We are finding the edge today.” Balor made a noise and I nodded at him. “I know, I know we’ve been looking forever, but I think I figured out what we were doing wrong. The edge isn’t an actual edge. Like, this place doesn’t just end somewhere like an island, you know? I think it’s just a metaphor, and we just have to figure out how to leave.

  “Gwyn has the right idea, shifting the realities around him, hoping it’ll dump him out into his world. And you know what?” I took a breath, wiping a drip of fat from my chin. “I think his reality is Iris’s kingdom.” I smiled at Balor’s confused look. “I know you probably don’t have any clue who I’m talking about, but it doesn’t matter; I think I’m right. And yes, I am aware that I’m talking to a dog, but who else am I going to talk to?”

  I tossed the last bone to Balor and got to my feet, awkwardly trying to do so without putting my greasy hands on the ground. Once my hands were washed in the cold river, I turned back to Balor. He crunched the last bone, his white muzzle dirty with animal fat and other things I didn’t want to think about. As if he could read my mind, Balor padded over next to me and lapped up some water, effectively washing his face at the same time.

  “Thanks,” I said, earning a doggie head tilt. I needed to get out of here soon. No matter how much Balor might understand, I really shouldn’t talk that much to a dog. But I just couldn’t seem to help it; I needed to get out of my head once in a while, and I had no one else to talk to now that Jacob had abandoned me.

  “Okay, I know I don’t really have powers here like I did back on Earth, but…” I held my breath while I turned on the spot, looking for the exact right place to stand. “I can remember a lot of spells and incantations, so I might be able to do this. And like I keep telling everyone, the biggest part of magic is simply believing it’ll work.”

  I paced along the river, watching the formation of the trees on either side. I decided to use the water as a landmark as all water had magical properties, but moving water was especially powerful. While I tossed and turned, trying to sleep, I had turned over and rejected a hundred ideas. I finally realized that if I was in the Outlands, then I was just in another part of the Faerie underworld. If I could figure out how, I should be able to move from this plane into the Shide. Iris said she owed me; well if she could help me stay earthbound and alive, then I would call our debt square. And if I did this right, I could take Balor with me.

  I finally stopped between two trees very close to the edge of the water. On the other side of the river were two other trees equally spaced apart, like four points of a square. “This is as a good
a place as any, I guess. Balor, come.” Balor trotted over to me and sat when he reached my side, the top of his head coming almost up to my shoulder. “Good boy,” I said, patting his head distractedly.

  Glancing back and forth across the water, I drew two parallel lines in the dirt between the two trees on this side. I had to close my eyes and concentrate to remember the shapes of the symbols I wanted to trace in-between the lines. As I drew, I kept my intent focused on the idea of traveling to the Shide where Iris dwelled. I had never tried anything like this before, but I knew keeping my intent clear and focused was important if I had any hope of it working.

  Wading across the wide but shallow river, I made my way to the other two trees and drew the same lines in the ground. On this side, I drew different symbols. This time I drew summoning symbols, hoping my intent to open a portal would work, but really, I was just making this up as I went along. I reminded myself that the very first spells of the very first practitioners were all just made up as well, trial and error until they got it right.

  Finishing that last symbol and not feeling any answering magic was strange, but I couldn’t let that deter me. I didn’t have the same powers I used to; this was probably exactly how “regular” people felt when they performed magic. I remembered the coven helping us to summon the Angels of the North and how none of them had felt the rushing air when the angels answered. They hadn’t felt the air, but they had performed the spell and it had worked just fine. My spell would work just fine, too.

  I waded back through the water, the current pulling at my ankles and the slack in my pants, but I managed to get back across and onto dry ground. Balor waited for me patiently, sitting and chewing at his paw.

  “All right,” I said, getting his attention, “I have no idea what I’m doing here, okay? I mean, it may not work right away, so just bear with me.” Balor dropped his paw and stood, moving until he was next to me, facing the same way. I felt a little surer of myself with him standing there, ready to try this with me, whether he understood me or not. Just having another being with me really helped to steady my nerves.