Spirit

by Shauna Granger

  “I wondered when you were going to ask me that.” She pursed her lips, deciding whether or not to answer me. “Not exactly,” she finally said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “The Higher Fae, such as myself, are related to your angels.” I had the sense she was being very careful choosing her words. “We have many of the same abilities and magics, but we have very different motivations. Angels are revered and charged with watching over humankind, whereas we were driven out of your world as if we were some sort of false idol.” I was surprised how light her voice was, not even a hint of bitterness as she explained. “Humans long ago worshiped us as we helped shape their world, fed them, protected them, but as time went on and new gods came into fashion, we were forgotten, pushed to the side, and eventually driven out.”

  “Were angels around when that happened?”

  “Oh yes, they are as old as we. But they found a new role to play in this new world order, fitting into the new way of thinking in a way we could not.”

  “So now you’re here,” I said, gesturing to the room around us.

  “And now we are here,” she agreed. “But time is cyclical, and new generations are learning about us and coming back to the old ways, and older generations are remembering us, missing us, and passing on our stories. I am stronger now than I have been in an age.”

  “Could I just stay here then? Join you?”

  “Terra,” she said sadly, and I knew the answer without her even finishing her sentence. “You were born an earthbound angel, not fae.”

  I took a steadying breath and nodded, more in defeat than acceptance.

  “You said you owed me a favor,” I said, finding my voice again. “I want you to help me get back to my world, back to my friends. If you can help me come back to life, so much the better, but if you can’t, then just help me get back to Jodi and Steven, and I’ll call it fair.”

  “I’m afraid that chance has come and gone, Terra.”

  “What? Why?” I leaned across the table, my fingers clawing at the wood before they slipped through the tabletop.

  “They are already calling you back,” Iris said, watching as I faded. “I am sorry, Terra.” Her voice echoed in my mind as that same strange pulling sensation yanked me from somewhere in the middle of my being, and I was pulled out of the faerie world and into the next. The last thing I saw before the world went black was Balor’s terrified face as he tried to chase after me.

  Chapter 20

  The first face I saw was Ashriel’s. Standing not five feet away from me, Ash looked so impressive with his blue tinted white wings arcing up and behind him while dressed in head to toe black. His ice blue eyes lit up at the sight of me, like they always had… before.

  “Shayna.” My name echoed around us as he lifted his hand to reach for me.

  “No!” I yelled and turned to run, only to slam into some invisible wall. I hit the ground with an oomph of surprise.

  “Dios mío,” Steven said just as Jodi said, “Sunnovabitch, it worked.”

  I pushed back up to my feet, dusting my pants off out of habit before I looked around. Ashriel hadn’t moved, but what was more surprising was that Jodi and Steven were looking right at me. Finally they could see me. And I could see the shadow of Death looming over them again.

  “Shay!” Steven gushed before running to me, his arms open. I held out my arms, ready to wrap myself around him when he went right through me. I didn’t even feel a tremor when his body passed through mine, which was almost creepier than if I could’ve felt it.

  “Well, I guess that answers that.” I think if I could have cried, I would have burst into tears right then.

  “I don’t understand,” Steven said, looking down at his empty hands.

  “Shayna no longer has a corporeal body,” Ashriel said.

  “Then how can we see her?” Jodi asked, pointing at me.

  “Because we invoked her spirit,” Steven said with a tired sigh.

  “Damn,” Jodi whispered with a shake of her head. “Well, at least we can talk to you now.”

  “Yeah,” I replied. “About that, I see you’ve been doing an awful lot of talking with him.” I stuck my thumb out at Ash with a tilt of my head. Maybe I couldn’t cry here, but nothing was stopping me from getting mad, and I had to get these feelings out somehow.

  “Thank goodness, right?” Steven said. His smile was so big there was hardly room on his face for anything else. “We couldn’t get to you without him.”

  “Maybe next time don’t banish me and you won’t have to worry about invoking my spirit.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. My anger and frustration from that night came rushing back and all the curses I had flung unheard echoed in my mind.

  “Right,” Steven said, his smile melting like ice cream in July as he looked down at his feet.

  “I’m sorry,” I said quickly, hating myself, closing my eyes and holding up my hands. “It’s not been exactly easy for me lately. I shouldn’t have said that though.”

  “Shayna,” Ashriel said again, stepping toward me.

  “Don’t you fucking dare!” I screamed, stepping back only to be stopped by that same invisible wall.

  “Shayna, we must,” he pressed. I slid along the circular wall, trying to keep out of his reach as he continued forward. Steven came forward with his anthame in hand. Ash paused, eyeing the blade, but Steven just sliced through the air at the edge of the circle so he could walk through but allow the magic to surround him. I felt the invisible wall shimmer behind me but not fall away. Steven smoothed his hand over the space he’d cut.

  Steven stepped between Ash and me, putting a hand on Ashriel’s chest to stop him. They were nearly identical in height, and Steven’s broad shoulders hid Ashriel’s face from me. I moved over to Jodi to stand by her.

  “What’s going on?” Jodi asked, looking from me to Ash.

  “He’s trying to take me away,” I said. “If I go, you two will continue to fade away, and I won’t be able to do a damn thing about it.”

  “You knew?” Jodi turned those impossibly wide blue eyes on me, blinking slowly.

  “Of course, I never left,” I said. I reached for her hand before I remembered I couldn’t touch her. My hand went through hers, making her pale skin turn a light blue momentarily as chills ran up her arm. I cursed under my breath.

  “Where are you taking her?” Steven asked, pushing Ashriel back a step. I knew the angel was stronger, but for whatever reason, he allowed Steven to move him back.

  “Shayna is a guardian angel. She has to move on to fulfill her calling,” Ashriel said.

  “Hey, where are your wings anyway?” Jodi asked. “I thought we’d be able to see them.”

  “I lost them.” I continued when my friends turned their shocked faces toward me. “When Ashriel told me I wouldn’t be allowed to help you two, I turned away from the light. When I did that, they ripped my wings out. I lost my wings.” I said it fast, like ripping off a band aid, tired of reliving that night.

  “Why wouldn’t she be allowed to stay with us?” Steven asked.

  “Because you aren’t her charges. Your fates are not in her hands,” Ashriel tried to explain.

  “Then why is my death affecting them? And why have I been with them my whole life?” I pointed at my friends. “Just so I could love them and then be forced to watch them die a slow, sad death? What the hell is that?” I demanded.

  “I don’t make the rules.” Ash’s eyes dimmed as his shoulders fell.

  “Maybe you don’t and maybe you don’t think you can do anything about it, but I lived as a human for eighteen years before I had to deal with this crap. I am not about to give up my free will if it means abandoning those that need me.” I thumped my chest, leaning toward Ashriel.

  “Shayna, that is not up to you,” Ashriel said.

  “Apparently it is,” I shot back. “Why did they let me go then? They took my wings and left me alone, only you have been trying to get me back.”
>
  “Shayna!” I saw Ashriel’s temper rise. He closed his eyes and seemed to be counting to ten before he looked at me and spoke again. “You saw those wraiths in the graveyard. Do you want to become like them?”

  “Those what?” Jodi asked.

  “What is he talking about, Shay?” Steven asked.

  I glared at Ash, cursing him silently for bringing that up. If Jodi and Steven knew what kind of fate I had in store if I continued to remain as a wraith on Earth, they would insist I leave with Ashriel with no regard for their own fates and that looming shadow would consume them. But there was a chance that Jodi and Steven would live long, full lives and be dead before I ever faded into one of those things so long as I stayed to help them heal.

  “I made my choice,” I said to him, ignoring Jodi and Steven’s questions.

  “It was the wrong choice,” he said.

  “Well whatever you two are talking about doesn’t seem to make a difference, Ashriel,” Steven said, moving to block his view of me again. “Like she said, she made her choice, so that’s the end of it. We’re leaving, and you’re going to let us.”

  “Right,” Jodi said, and when I turned to look at her, I saw she had her anthame in her hand. “Come on, Shay, Steven, let’s go.” Jodi turned to the edge of their circle and sliced through the air in front of her, opening the circle so she could walk out. She stepped through, followed by Steven.

  “It’s okay, Shayna,” Steven said. “He can’t follow us; we trapped him.” I blinked at Steven before turning to look at Ashriel. He glared at my friends, his jaw clenched and his hands fisted at his side.

  “You figured it out?” Before either of them answered, I took a step to leave a circle, only to be stopped once again. The wall was still keeping me in.

  “Shay?” Steven asked.

  “But they took my wings,” I said, staring at the ground, at the markings they had drawn on the grass in chalk. At first it appeared as though they had only drawn the basic symbols for an invocation in and around the summoning pentagram their circle was drawn around, but when you looked closer, there were teeny, tiny markings that didn’t usually belong. Somehow they’d figured out which angelic glyphs to use to trap Ashriel in place and hidden them in plain sight. It was brilliant, except for one thing: Now I was trapped inside the circle with Ashriel.

  “Fallen or no, you are still an angel,” Ashriel said, making my head spin.

  “No,” I whispered, pressing my back against the wall. Steven reached out for me, but his hands passed through me. I shook my head, holding my hands up as Ashriel stepped toward me. “No, Ashriel, don’t do this.”

  “Shayna, run!” Jodi said quickly, using her toe to scuff a break in the circle. I fell backward immediately, the trap broken. I stumbled but managed to stay on my feet. Spinning around, I ran as fast as I could. I remembered the warmth of that seeking Light on my back, the sound of Ashriel screaming behind me as I ran, but this time I had no shadows to help me get away. They had chosen a place in a wide open field without so much as one tree or split rail fence; there wasn’t even a sliver of a shadow to grab. Ashriel had chosen well.

  A crack of thunder erupted behind me as Ashriel opened his wings, taking flight. The flap of his wings was strong enough to knock Steven and Jodi to the ground as he rushed after me. I cursed him as I ran. If I had still been in the Outlands, I probably would have been crying in frustration, but on Earth, I could feel so little, so the tears didn’t come. But I still had rage, and it built inside of me.

  I stopped abruptly and dropped to the ground, flattening myself as much as possible. Ashriel flew right over me, unable to stop or turn in time. I got back to my feet and brought my hands up to my chest, holding them apart. I directed all of my rage, all of my disappointment into the empty space between my hands. I thought about the glowing balls of heat I had once been able to create and felt the air shifting around me, growing in intensity as I glared at my supposed-guardian angel. He rounded on me and beat his wings ferociously, coming straight for me. I saw his fingers reaching for me, and at the last possible moment, I screamed and released all of that energy, directing it at him in the same way I had turned on the light in my room and turned Anthony’s TV.

  Power rushed out of me and struck Ashriel with such force that he flew back. His wings caught the current and pulled him back, making him crash to the ground. The world shook around us as he hit the ground. He slid, the earth tilling around him until a small mound of dirt formed, slowing him to a stop. He was a tangle of wings and limbs, and when I stared at him, he didn’t move. I worried that I had managed to kill him, but the backlash of expending so much energy rebounded into me and I fell to the ground.

  “Shayna!” Steven and Jodi called out my name, rushing to me. They fell to their knees next to me.

  “Too much,” I managed to say, holding my head with one hand.

  “You’re flickering,” Steven said in a quiet, scared voice.

  “Too much,” I repeated, unable to form the rest of the words.

  “He’s moving,” Jodi said, her voice only a little louder than Steven’s, as she looked over her shoulder. I looked at the mound of earth and angel and saw Ashriel struggling to get to his feet.

  “I can’t,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Get back to the circle,” Steven said quickly, jumping to his feet and waving for me to follow.

  “What?”

  “C’mon! Get back to the circle,” Steven said frantically, waving his arms.

  It was harder than it should have been, but I managed to get to my feet before Ashriel got to his, and I followed Steven to the circle. I stumbled and fell enough that by the time I crossed the broken line, Ashriel had untangled himself and was yelling for me, coming for me. Steven ran over to a bag on the ground and dug through it until he found the canister of salt.

  I realized what his plan was then. He poured the salt over the break in the line, resealing the circle, and then ran around it to recoat the line for good measure. Kneeling, he placed two fingers at the edge of the line, careful not to break it again, and whispered, “As I will it.”

  A gust of air rushed around me as the angel trap was reset. Ashriel screamed wordlessly as he crashed against the barrier between us. Something between a sob and a laugh burst out of me as I fell to the ground, still not recovered from the expended energy burst.

  “You say you love her, but you are dooming her!” Ashriel cried out, rounding on my friends, electric light sparkling around him. “Dooming her, do you understand?”

  “What is he talking about, Shay?” Steven turned to look at me, the container of salt still clutched in his hands.

  “Don’t listen to him,” I said, shaking my head, trying to sound calm so they would just dismiss his warning.

  “You may not care, Shayna Bridget,” Ashriel said, spinning around in a blur of blue and white to face me. “But I have watched over you your entire life; I am not going to let your stupid stubbornness destroy you.”

  “Shayna?” Jodi asked, coming to stand beside Steven. Her pale face was wrinkled in confusion.

  “Don’t let him trick you,” I said, my voice gaining some strength. “It’s just like faerie tricks; don’t listen to him.”

  “Fine, don’t listen to me,” Ashriel stormed, “but they will hear what I have to say, and you can’t do a thing to stop me.”

  “Ashriel, if you care about me at all,” I started to say, but Ashriel stopped me with a wordless scream.

  “Don’t! Do you know why I am trying to get this stubborn mule back to the Light?” Ashriel demanded of my friends. “Because if she stays here like this, then eventually she will no longer be cognizant. Eventually she will be nothing more than a lost and wandering wraith that can’t speak, can’t remember who she is or who you are. She will be nothing. Worse than nothing.”

  Jodi and Steven turned to look at me, fear and confusion warring on their faces, making me want to punch Ashriel in the face. I pushed to my feet, slowly gaining str
ength. When I managed to remain upright, I turned to look at Ash, trying to put all of my fear, all of my need to save my friends in my voice and in my face.

  “Ashriel,” I said gently, tired of always screaming, always being angry. “You just said you’ve been watching over me my whole life and you aren’t going to stand back and watch me destroy myself.”

  “Yes,” he said, the anger seeping out of his voice as well. I moved close to the edge of the circle, lifting my hand and placing it on the invisible barrier between us, feeling it vibrate with power, electrifying under my touch.

  “So how can you ask me to do the same thing with them?” I whispered the question, staring into Ashriel’s eyes, pleading with him to understand.

  “I know it’s hard, Shayna,” he said just as quietly, stepping forward to stand close to me. He placed his hand over mine, the thin barrier keeping our hands apart like a pane of glass.

  “It’s not hard,” I said, “it’s impossible. They are part of me and I of them. If I leave them, then I condemn them. How can you ask me to do that?”

  “I’m not asking you to,” he said, his bright blue eyes pleading every bit as much with me. “If I could, I would let you stay with them; this isn’t my decision.”

  “Ashriel, I won’t leave them,” I said, pressing my fingers harder against the barrier, the vibrations making my arm tremble. “I would always know that I killed them. Think about that, please, think about what that really means.”

  Ashriel stared at me for a few tense moments before closing his eyes and bowing his head. I saw his fingers press into the barrier until they ran white with the effort, and I realized he was having a vision, a vision of what would become of me if I left Jodi and Steven to die. His brow became pinched and his breathing shallow. I could see his eyes moving rapidly behind his eyelids as he shook his head, as if stuck in a nightmare from which he couldn’t wake. His fingers curled against the barrier as if he could break through it to grip my hand. Then, like an invisible strike to his chest, Ashriel stumbled backward with a gasp. His eyes snapped open, and in their blue depths, I could see the crackle of lightning.