Phoebe's Gift

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “Maybe my brother and Phoebe did her some goot,” Ruth suggested. She settled back into her seat. What did she expect? David was moving up in the world, but she was tempting fate.

  “The therapy farm seems to be a success,” Ethan agreed. “Thanks for your part in smoothing the way.”

  “Do you want to start one?” Ruth asked.

  Ethan laughed. “Now you’re being funny.”

  “I wish we could do something like that together, and I’m not trying to be funny.”

  “Ruth, come on. Isn’t that rushing things a little?” Ethan gave her a quick sideways glance as they drove out of Little Falls and north toward Utica on Interstate 90. “Me, working on a farm?”

  Why should Ethan wish to work with her—on a farm, no less?

  She was dreaming. Ruth stared out of the windshield in silence.

  “You okay?” He sounded concerned.

  She nodded. “Just thinking, that’s all. And looking forward to the steak. Thanks for taking me.”

  He smiled, obviously confused by the random track of their conversation. “I guess we should wait until we get to the restaurant, but now that you’ve brought up the point, I’d like to at least mention it.”

  Ruth waited. “Mention what?” she finally asked when he didn’t continue.

  “This thing about us. I received a fresh insight this afternoon into your way of life when I picked up the three girls. You are a very religious people. Not only through your words, or your intentions, but it’s in you, like…” For once he seemed at a loss for what to say.

  “It’s our life. It’s who we are,” she offered.

  “That’s it! Exactly!” He nodded. “So I’m thinking you are that way too, even if you don’t act like it sometimes.”

  “But I do act like it—”

  He continued undeterred. “You seem a little different from them, but yet you are not.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Exactly what I said.” He waved his hand about.

  “I seem conflicted. Is that it?”

  “Yes! Thank you.” He seemed pleased. “So what are you going to do about that?”

  “I wasn’t conflicted before this,” she objected. “I was…I would have…never mind. I’m not going to say it.”

  He grinned. “I think you’ve always been conflicted, ever since I’ve known you. Only lately you weren’t, and now you are again.”

  She stared out of the pickup window as he slowed for the Utica exit. “So that’s it? That’s the reason you were suddenly interested in me, but now you aren’t as much?”

  “Are you talking to yourself?”

  She ignored him. “So if I settle in as an Amish schoolteacher, you find me fascinating, but when I don’t, you find me…”

  “Maybe that’s it!” He laughed. “I’m not that analytical, but you pretend well, which—”

  “Which you don’t like,” she finished. “What a mess.”

  “You’re as pretty as ever,” he teased at a red light. “You’d be even prettier without that thing on your head, and with a decent dress on and your hair done up. You came close to all that not that long ago. Why don’t you come all the way, Ruth?”

  She regarded him with a serious face. “Will there be a marriage proposal?”

  He laughed. “You mean an engagement ring?”

  “I suppose so. But…sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Always the two worlds,” he mused. “Somehow we have to bring them together.”

  “Can it be done?”

  “You could join me in my world,” he responded.

  “And would there be a ring?”

  He laughed heartily.

  “That’s a real endorsement.”

  Ethan said nothing as he pulled into the restaurant lot and parked. “We have tonight and good food ahead of us. Shall we go in?” He motioned toward the building.

  Ruth hopped out and waited. Tentatively she took his hand, and he didn’t object. They entered the restaurant and were ushered to their seats. The waitress appeared with menus and took their orders for drinks.

  “I have a little surprise for you,” Ethan teased after the waitress left.

  Ruth ignored him to scan the pages of the menu.

  He held up two thin pieces of paper. “Tickets to Chicago.”

  “Chicago? You want to go there?”

  He laughed. “No, silly. The band! Chicago! They are playing in Syracuse at nine. I want you to go with me.”

  Ruth dropped the menu to the table. “I…” She looked down at her dress and pointed to her head. “In this!”

  He shrugged. “You always got rid of those before.”

  “But those Englisha clothes are at home, and we’d be gone most of the night. I mean, Syracuse? Driving there and back, and the concert…”

  “I’ll get you back in one piece.” He grinned. “And this might help you decide about…” His rapped his knuckles on the table. “About what we discussed earlier.”

  “You want me to cut off my limb at the trunk.”

  His grin spread all over his face. “In a manner of speaking.”

  “And is there a ring in your pocket?”

  He stifled his laughter as the waitress returned and took their orders.

  “I take it there is not,” she told him once the waitress had left.

  “There is not. You have to walk out on your own two feet, Ruth—without promises. I’m not going to carry you over the threshold only to have doubts linger in your mind the rest of your life. I can never be a part of your world—not even a little bit. There will be no wading in both waters, so to speak.”

  “Not even for love’s sake?”

  “Especially not for love’s sake.”

  “That makes no sense.”

  “Neither does double-dipping. Now, will you go with me tonight or not? It’s not as if I could find anyone else on short notice.”

  “Which means you were certain I would go?”

  “Exactly, my dear. I know you well.”

  “Then divine who I am instead of placing this ultimatum in front of me.”

  “That, sweetheart, is not possible. Some things even I do not know. They become clear only when choices are made.”

  “Then to Syracuse,” she said, “and to burning the bridges.”

  “Keep your voice down. The waitress is coming back. And you’re not burning bridges. That I do know about you.”

  “I’m coming exactly like this.”

  “See? What did I say?”

  She didn’t respond as the waitress set their dishes in front of them. The steaming goodness filled Ruth’s nostrils. She was hungry—starving, in fact. Mental wrestling with Ethan was a brutal task, but she had made it this far and would spend the evening with him at a wild concert. She had been to enough of them to know what to expect. Paper napkins would serve as earplugs if worse came to worst, and she could lose her kapp easily enough.

  “I’m glad you’re coming,” he said, cutting into his steak. He lathered the piece with a generous helping of steak sauce.

  There had been no prayer of thanks, but she was far from home and would travel even further by the time the evening was through. Maybe Ethan was correct. Maybe she would finally make up her mind and land solidly on one side of the fence or the other.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  On Monday morning Phoebe peered out of the kitchen window toward the south. There was no sign of David, and there would be no children arriving this week. David was late, but she was sure he would arrive soon. There were chores in the barn she needed help with.

  Phoebe plunged the last of the breakfast dishes into the soapy dishwater. She might as well be honest: She wanted David’s presence near her, even if he stayed in the barn all day. But there was nothing wrong with her feelings for the man. David’s family was complicated, yah, but Grandma Lapp had approved of him. What the rest of the family said at this moment was beside the point.

  Phoebe set a wet plate
on the drainer and reached for a dish towel. After a long lecture on Saturday, Mrs. Broman had decided against bringing more children this week. There had been nothing in her classes about allowing a child’s mamm to stay for the week, even if she had guessed that the relationship would not be allowed to continue.

  She hadn’t told Mrs. Broman this but simply apologized and promised to call at once if anything like that came up again. Likely what saved David and her from worse recriminations was that Mrs. Broman also needed time to gather her wits after the wunderbah healed relationship last week between Melissa and her daughters. Mrs. Broman could not have expected such a result from the three girls’ stay on an Amish farm.

  Phoebe drew a long breath. She had her own astonishment to deal with. She cared about David. She had feelings in her heart for him—and they must have been there all this time. She obviously had buried them under those hurtful words from the past. Not in her wildest imagination had she thought that David could heal her heart.

  Phoebe fanned herself with her towel. The wedding vows were where these things led. She knew that, and so did he, and he would be here again this morning.

  “Oh!” she exclaimed. “How can this be?” But it simply was. The feelings were there, all of their own accord.

  She trembled around David. He was unsure of himself and a little afraid of her, but he had a goot heart underneath all that. How blind she had been. Thank the Lord Grandma had seen through all of his insecurities to the gold that lay beneath the surface. The same went for Ruth. Look at how both Fisher children had blossomed in the last months. Ruth was the community’s schoolteacher—a high honor only a few attained. Grandma had not been wrong.

  Phoebe jumped when a sharp knock came on the front door. Could that be David? He wouldn’t knock with such insistence. Phoebe draped the towel over the drainer and tiptoed out of the kitchen. Ruth was framed in the living room window with her hand raised to knock again. Phoebe hurried forward to open the door.

  “Hi, Ruth! What—”

  “I’m on my way to school,” Ruth muttered. “I guess I am.” She looked as if she hadn’t slept all night.

  “What is wrong?” Phoebe held the door wide open. “Do come in.”

  Ruth hesitated. “I should be at school.”

  Phoebe turned to check the time on the living room wall. “It’s only seven thirty. Sit down.”

  Ruth seated herself on the couch. “I’m really sorry about this,” she began. “I know you will be shocked beyond belief by what I’m about to tell you, but…” Ruth’s hand went to her heart. “I’m so torn up, and…I guess I don’t trust anyone else.”

  Phoebe took one of Ruth’s hands in both of hers. “Has something happened at school?”

  Ruth gave a strangled laugh. “I only wish things were that simple. See…” She seemed to falter. “Oh, how can I say it, Phoebe, after everyone has been so nice?” The words stopped again, and Ruth’s gaze moved to the far living room wall, as if answers could be found there.

  “Ruth, whatever this is, we can get through it,” Phoebe encouraged her.

  The strangled laugh came again. “I…if only that were true.”

  Phoebe tried another angle. “Did you speak with someone at church yesterday about this issue? People can be a little—”

  “I wasn’t at church.” Ruth turned to Phoebe. “You didn’t even notice.”

  “I’m so sorry, Ruth. I…”

  “That’s okay. I wasn’t—” Ruth stopped with a frown. “Why can’t I behave myself or fall in love with the right man?” Her fingers dug into Phoebe’s hand.

  “What did you do?” Phoebe demanded.

  “I went out with Ethan on Friday evening.”

  Silence filled the living room.

  “Yah, see? This is what I expected.” Ruth tried to stand. “All is lost now. My schoolteaching job, the respect the community has for me, and their trust. It’s gone because I can’t…”

  “Ruth.” Phoebe pulled her back. “We have to talk about this.”

  “What is there to talk about or do? Should I make a confession at church, perhaps? That’s what lies ahead of me. That and failure, and expulsion from the school. How will I live down that shame? Daett is enough of an embarrassment.”

  Phoebe tried to breathe evenly. “Perhaps there’s something that can be done. I don’t know what, but don’t go telling anyone yet. Not if this was the last time you’ll do something like this.”

  “Yah. See, that’s the problem.” Ruth leaped to her feet. “Ethan and I have a date set up for later this week. I love the man, Phoebe.”

  “But that’s another world, Ruth. It’s time to come back and let go. That’s what you promised to do when you took the job.”

  “I know, but my heart is in his hands.” Ruth’s face was desperate. “I’ve worked so hard to win his love, and on Friday night I think I finally convinced him…”

  “What?”

  “That he and I could make a go of it if I—”

  “Stop talking like that. It’s not going to help. That’s not what you really want. If you did, why would you be here this morning?”

  Ruth sat back down on the couch. “Do you think so? I mean, I’m so confused. I think one thing and then another. On Friday night I had such feelings for the man, and then…”

  “See?”

  “He held me tight, Phoebe,” Ruth wailed. “All the way home in the pickup truck. He loves me. I know he does. Why else would Ethan have asked me out again this week? He’s never done that before. Oh!” Ruth threw her hands in the air. “I’m going mad. There can be no other explanation.”

  Phoebe patted Ruth’s arm. What was she to say? Her heart pounded at the thought of what Uncle Homer would say when he found out what Ruth had done. “You must call off this date and tell no one,” Phoebe finally said. “One slipup isn’t so bad if you choose the right path again.”

  Ruth gave her a serious look. “Do you really mean that?”

  “Yah, of course I do. We can keep this our secret, and you can talk with me anytime you wish. Such as when Ethan becomes too big a—” Phoebe stopped. Referring to Ethan as a temptation might provoke Ruth unnecessarily.

  Ruth clasped and unclasped her hands. “And I’m just supposed to walk away from what I’ve worked so long to obtain, from what my heart wants—Ethan’s love?”

  “I…” Phoebe paused again. “I don’t know the answers. Maybe we can just walk through this together, but don’t do anything rash. Think long and hard before you see him again.”

  Ruth stood. “I have thought about it plenty, Phoebe, and thinking doesn’t help. But I had best be going before David comes and catches me here.”

  “So he doesn’t know?”

  “He suspects, I’m sure. As does the rest of my family. It’s not the first time I’ve done this, and I was out until three o’clock on Friday night. But we’re Fishers. We don’t tattle on each other.” Ruth’s face hardened. “I hope you don’t tattle either.”

  Phoebe held onto Ruth’s hand. “I told you I’m not going to tell, Ruth.”

  A tear rolled down Ruth’s face. She pulled away and rushed out of the front door. Phoebe followed her but stopped on the porch steps. Ruth was running down the lane and across the fields, taking a shortcut to the schoolhouse road.

  Phoebe’s gaze lingered until Ruth disappeared from sight behind a row of trees. What a mess. But she could understand Ruth in a way—if Ruth was in love with Ethan. How could anyone expect her to cut off the relationship at the drop of a hat? Yet Uncle Homer wouldn’t feel the same way. He would throw Ruth out of her schoolteaching job the moment he learned of her indiscretion. Difficult decisions lay ahead. How could Ruth join the baptismal class next month while feeling the way she did? Unless the situation was resolved, something would slip out—and the community would learn that their schoolteacher hadn’t forsaken her rumspringa after all.

  Phoebe drew in a sharp breath. That would mean the end of so much—Ruth’s future in the community and f
urther deterioration of the Fisher family name—all right on the brink of a great victory. She should have chewed Ruth out royally this morning, but she didn’t. Grandma had loved the girl, and Grandma would have been most understanding. She was that way, and Phoebe was Grandma’s grandchild. Hadn’t she offered all kinds of understanding and compassion to Melissa last week? The girls’ mother had done worse things than Ruth ever would.

  She would keep her mouth shut. Let someone else spill the beans on Ruth’s shortcomings. In the meantime, maybe this explained why David had not appeared on the road from the south. The poor man must be totally heartbroken over his sister’s actions. David would be racked with feelings of guilt on his sister’s behalf. That’s how he would see things, and with goot reason. David was accustomed to his family’s faults being made known to everyone.

  Phoebe breathed a quick prayer heavenward before she returned to the kitchen. “Please help us, dear Lord.” She still needed David’s help with the chores. Should she walk down to the Fishers’ place and clear the air with David? Her appearance would be suspicious, and if Leroy learned that she had kissed his son last week…Phoebe’s face flamed at the thought. Leroy would have much to say on the subject. She didn’t want to hear the man’s criticism or his gloating.

  Was she ashamed of her kiss? Didn’t she want anyone to know about her feelings for David, especially now that Ruth had a secret to keep? Was she like everyone else who spread stories and rumors about the whole family?

  “I will not.” Phoebe set her chin. “Grandma left me in charge of this farm, and she must have known I would fall in love with David.”

  A man cleared his throat behind her, and she spun around to see David’s red face in the kitchen doorway. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t answer the door, and I—”