“Do you know where she lives?”
“Three streets over. Block four. Number two.”
“Abby, who’s there?” A man who looks like her father appears. “Can I help you?”
“I was just looking for Maddy, but she’s not here. Thank you.” I turn and pace down the steps, my eyes stinging. I take a few deep breaths before I reach my car, I gather myself and send a silent prayer to them and their family. I’m sorry.
I jump in my car, pull out of the street, and head for her house.
I was sure she said three streets over, but this couldn’t be it. Maybe she got mixed up. She was young after all. There were people standing out on the road who looked like gang members, and my car was the only one in the street. Each person I pass, their gaze follows me.
I’m definitely getting jumped.
I pull up to the curb outside block four. I can see the bystanders watching me, but I have to get out. My heart pounds. If I get a beating, I guess I deserve it. Without thinking, I jump out of my car, feeling the eyes of more than one person on my back. I lock my car and make my way up the narrow footpath. Two young kids run past my legs. I look over my shoulder, and there’s nobody watching them. I shake that thought away and make my way towards unit two.
There’s toys sprawled across the overgrown lawn, the fence is half knocked down, and the door is rotting from the bottom up. I swallow back the lump in my throat as the pit in my stomach expands.
I brace myself, then knock.
I’m just about to turn away when the door creaks open.
“Hello?” a young girl with long brown hair greets me. Behind her, screams from what sound like a school of children follow, then shouts. By the look of her, I’m guessing she’s Tilly.
“Ahh, hi,” I say nervously. I look over my shoulder, and there are people looking in my car window.
I turn back to the girl. “Does Maddy live here?”
She nods.
“Who is it?” A man’s voice roars, and then he appears. Broad-shouldered, rounded at the waist, messy blond hair, scruffy clothes. No resemblance to Maddy whatsoever. Is this her foster dad? I thought he was in jail.
“He’s looking for Maddy,” the girl says.
The man looks over my shoulder, out to my car and smirks. “Oh yeah?”
Another scream from behind, more like a cry and then a woman appears with a young baby clinging to her leg. With one look, I can tell she’s a drug addict. She’s thin, her eyes are bloodshot and she’s jittering.
“This guy’s looking for Maddy.”
She groans. “If you find her, can you tell her to get her fucking ass home, these kids are driving me nuts.”
My gaze flicks to the young girl who is standing there watching me. Her face is pale, and her eyes are wide. She’s worried, and scared.
What’s going on? Just the way she is looking at me is as if she’s pleading. Pleading for her life. I want to take her away.
The man slams the door in my face, and I wonder if I should call someone. CPS? The cops?
That’s where she lives. My stomach is filled with knots. I run a hand through my hair and turn around.
There are about half a dozen guys standing around my car, all of them huge. Fuck. What do I do? I try to muster up the courage to look like I’m not intimidated. I don’t know how believable it is, though.
“You like it?”
A whistle.
They don’t seem like they’re about to mug me. They’re not showing signs of aggression, so I decide to play along. “It’s a Porsche 718 Cayman.”
“Dope,” one guy says. He runs his hand along the hood. A wide smile spread across his face.
“Where you from?” another guy asks.
I’m just about at my door when someone comes up from behind me.
“Hey, pretty boy.” A girl with frizzy dark hair runs a hand down my chest. “This your car?”
“What are you doing here?” another guy asks. His tone’s a bit firmer, and I realize I need to get in my car sooner than I thought. I take a step around the girl.
“Just looking for a friend.”
“Oh yeah? Maddy?” the guy says. I pay attention to him now, and I notice the can of beer in his hand.
“You know her?”
“Course I do. She’s the only one I’d do in that house.” He smirks. It takes everything in me not to smack this guy in the face, but I can’t get into a fight. I’m outnumbered, and I need to find her.
“Do you know where she’d be?”
The girl makes an annoyed sound and rolls her eyes. “Probably over at Teddy’s.”
Fuck.
Kingsley
Everyone and anyone knows Teddy. He’s only the most notorious gangster in town. What the fuck is she doing there?
Please don’t be here, Maddy. Please.
Music is blaring, and I know if she’s behind that door I’m going to freak.
I sit in my car outside his house, feeling the anxiety eating at me. I squeeze my eyes shut.
Please.
I shake my hands to stop their trembling, jump out of my car and make my way up his steps. I haven’t been here for years. It gives me the fucking creeps.
I smack the door and wait. Eventually it swings open. A guy with baggy jeans, a shirt at least three times his size and a gold chain hanging from his neck looks me up and down, then behind me. He sees my Porsche and smiles. “What you got?”
My hands ball into fists in my pockets, and I keep my gaze on his, and my posture strong. “Is Maddison here?”
He frowns, as his gaze flicks back to mine. His lips purse and he crosses his arms.
“Is there a girl here with short black hair, bright blue eyes, about this high?”
He takes a puff of his smoke. “I think I saw someone with that description, but what you gonna give me?”
I really don’t have time for this shit. I shove past him, and he yells after me, “Hey!”
This place is sick. Please. Please. Please don’t be here. The walls are covered in holes and stains, there isn’t much furniture, and the smell of pot invades my nose, along with the racket of music deafening my ears.
I can feel the guy behind me, but I don’t stop. I pace down the hallway towards the music, and when I turn the corner, my heart drops.
She’s lying on the floor, and she isn’t moving. My breath catches, and I sprint towards her. A sharp spasm shoots up my legs as I crash to the floor, pulling her into my arms.
The first thing I do is press my finger to her neck, and those seconds are the longest seconds of my life as I wait to hear that pulse. I pull her around, and she’s like a rag doll in my arms. Her hair is stuck to her cheeks. I look up, and there are a few guys rounding in on me. I scoop her up in my arms and stand.
“That your car out there?” one guy asks.
I pull Maddy into my chest and take a step forward, but another guy steps in front of me. “What are you doing with our girl?” he says, and if she wasn’t in my arms, I would show him whose girl she is.
“She’s not your girl,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Oh, yeah? Well, she was a few hours ago.”
I clench my jaw, and breathe out my nose, then shove past him so hard he stumbles back. “Woo-woo,” he chuckles, but I don’t stop walking.
“You ain’t taking her anywhere.” I hear someone right behind me. I stop and close my eyes, and when I open them, I’m looking at her in my arms. I need to get her out of here. She has an audition tomorrow, but my chest caves in as I realize she isn’t going to make it.
I’ve got about four hundred in my wallet. God, I hope that’s enough. I cradle her with one arm and slip my hand into my back pocket. I grab my wallet and bring it up to my mouth, grip it with my teeth, pull out the notes then chuck them on the floor. I shove my wallet back in my pocket and leave. Thankfully, they’re too wasted to pursue me.
I look down to her, and my heart breaks all over again. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper. I
open the car door, and gently sit her inside, placing the seatbelt over her. She’s still unconscious, and her head falls forward. I run around to my side, jump in and hit the gas before someone else can get in my way.
Kingsley
That beep is driving me fucking crazy. I lean forward, resting my elbows on my legs, and press my head into my hands, releasing a breath. What is wrong with me? I was finally in a good place, and I ruined everything like I always do.
I take hold of her hand. It’s so small, so soft, and her chipped black nail polish releases a pent-up sigh. I pull myself up to sit on the bed beside her. I brush my hand along her cheek, lean forward and kiss her forehead. “Open your eyes.”
“Breathe, breathe!” Daddy says panicked. I grip the doorway staring into her room. My heart is racing. He ripped the side of her crib off, and he’s doing something, but his back is to me. I can’t see. Mommy is screaming, and her face is wet with tears. “My baby, please. No! Not my baby—”
I’m shaking. I did this. Whatever is happening, it’s my fault.
“Nick!” Daddy yells. “Come on, baby, come on.”Nick stops in the doorway. I look up to him, and his face is white. “Call 911!” Daddy yells.
No, no, no. I shake my head. When Daddy turns around, and I see Sarah lying in her crib not moving, I know what is happening. Daddy looks at me, grits his teeth and storms towards me. I can’t move. Tears are rolling down my cheeks, and I try wiping them away, but they don’t stop. He bends down, and I lose my breath as he grips the front of my shirt with his fists. His face is so close to mine. I’m scared.
“You did this,” he growls. “You killed your sister!”
I can’t breathe. I can’t do anything but feel pain in every part of my body. When he lets me go, I stumble back and fall to the floor. Nick is on top of Daddy.
She is dead.
Sarah is dead.
Sarah is dead because of me.
My feet give way as Nick picks me up, and squeezes me against him. I see Mommy over his shoulder leaning over Sarah’s crib, crying. I press my head into Nick’s neck and feel him rub my back as he whispers into my ear, “It’s okay, buddy. It’s okay.”
I can’t see anyone anymore. Nick carries me away, but I hear the sirens.
Kingsley
I wake up on the sofa beside her hospital bed. The beep is still prominent, and her eyes are still closed. I pull myself up and try to rub out the kink in my neck. I glance at the clock above her bed, and my heart sinks all over again. It’s just past nine. We’re meant to be meeting Mr. Barner to go to her Juilliard audition.
Oh, God.
No.
I push myself out of the seat and take hold of her hand. I bring it to my mouth and kiss her palm. My lips linger and then I place it beside her, turn and pace out of the room.
By the time I make it to school, the grounds are nearly empty as class has already started. I go straight to Mr. Barner’s room, and as soon as I push open the door, Mr. Barner jumps to his feet from the edge of his desk. He lets out a breath, then as he looks past me, and focuses back on my face, he frowns. “Where is she?”
I shake my head, and his eyes widen. He runs a hand through his thinning hair. “No.” He squeezes his eyes shut, then opens them. “What happened?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I said what happened, damn it!”
I grip the inner pockets of my jacket, look up at him, and say quietly, “She overdosed. She’s in a coma in St Benedict’s hospital.”
His body shakes, and his eyes fill with tears. He turns around and kicks at a table, and the three tables in its wake go crashing to the ground. “This isn’t real. You’ve got to be joking.” When he looks back at me, and I don’t say a word, the tears fall. “Damn it, Maddison.” He paces to his desk, picks up his keys, grabs his jacket off the back of the seat, and storms past me. I don’t move. I’m focused on that cupboard. The cupboard that holds her cello, and her future. A future she no longer has.
Kingsley
It’s been three days and no change. The doctors have said they’ve done everything for her and it’s now up to her. I’m not going to let her die. But I know when she wakes and finds out she’s missed her last chance to get into Juilliard, a part of her is going to die on the inside. So I need to at least try do something. I make it to school before class starts and go straight to Mr. Barner’s room.
As soon as I push back the door so many emotions flash across his face: happiness, pain, and then confusion. I guess I’m not giving off much.
He takes his glasses off and pinches his nose. “Is she okay?”
I don’t really know how to react to this question. Laugh? Shout? Scream? No, she’s not fucking okay. I shake my head, and he lets out a pent-up sigh.
“Are you okay?”
I still don’t know how to respond, so I don’t say or do a thing. I take a seat in front of him, and meet his gaze. “I need you to get her another audition.”
He presses his lips together, and the guilt that replaces all his other emotions is overwhelming.
“Sir, please. You have to do something.”
He picks up his glasses and puts them back on. “Hamish, there’s nothing I can do. They aren’t doing any more auditions.”
“Please. You have to get her another audition. This is going to ruin her.” I’m desperate. I’m hopeful. I’m begging.
“Has she woken yet?”
“No.”
“Hamish, even if there was a chance of getting her another audition, it’s impossible when we don’t know when she’s going to wake up.”
“She’s going to wake up soon,” I say in a low, firm voice.
He rubs his forehead, then meets my gaze. His eyebrows are pulled together in concern, and there’s a hollowness in his eye I’ve never seen before. “I’m sorry, Hamish. Go home. Get some rest.”
I pull into the hospital parking lot. Resting my head against the steering wheel, I blow out a breath. I lean back and look into the mirror. Dark circles hug my eyes, and the whites are bloodshot. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out.
Nick: How’s she doing?
Me: She’s still the same.
Nick: She’ll pull through.
Me: I know.
Nick: What do you want me to tell your mom? She keeps asking questions.
Me: Just tell her I’m staying at Cam’s.
Nick: But why?
Me: I don’t know. Make something up. I don’t give a fuck.
He doesn’t text back straight away, and when he does, my hand tightens around the phone.
Nick: She’s going to be okay.
I smack the steering wheel, then wipe the tears from my face. I take a few deep breaths, then get out of the car.
I push open her door to see a small girl leaning against Maddy’s chest. As I near her, her head pops up, and I recognize her immediately. She’s the little girl who opened the door for me at her house. She glares at me. “Who are you?”
I reach a foot short of the bed. “I’m, ahh, Hamish.”
“No. Who are you?”
I rub the back of my neck. “I’m . . . I’m her boyfriend,” I say, even though it’s not the truth anymore.
Her eyes widen. “Maddy has a boyfriend?”
I nod slightly.
“Well, I didn’t expect that. My name’s Tilly.” She extends her hand across the bed, and I shake it. I knew it. Even though they’re not related by blood, I can see the resemblance. She’s got her attitude.
I notice the book on the seat behind her. “You’re up to the Goblet of Fire, huh?”
Her mouth tugs into a small smile. “I’ve already read them all. This is my second time round.”
“I’ve read them three times.”
Her jaw drops. “Really?”
I nod, and that small smile turns into a grin. “Maddy never reads books. It’s strange that she’s dating . . .” her eyes look me up and down. “You.”
I laugh, and she smir
ks. After a few moments, we both look back to Maddy. Her hair’s been brushed and tucked behind her ears. The ventilator and all the other tubes going into her still cause knots in my stomach, no matter how many times I see her like this, I can never get used to it. “What happened?” Tilly whispers. I look at her and I see her eyes are brimming with tears. I rub the side of her arm and she engulfs me in a hug. I’m frozen for a second but then I gather myself and wrap my arms around her, holding her tight. I realize she may not have anyone to comfort her at all. All she had was Maddy.
She pulls back, wiping her face and I bend down to her level. “Your sister is strong. She’s going to be okay.”
She nods, sniffs, and wipes her face again. “I know,” she mumbles.
My eyes immediately fall to a cut along her neck. I frown. “What happened there?”
Her hands fly to her neck, and she pulls away from me. “Nothing,” she says firmly. She sits back on the bed beside Maddy, and I can’t help the niggling pit in my stomach to her response. I watch as she holds Maddy’s hand. I take a seat beside them both.
“Shouldn’t you be in school?”
“I’m not leaving her.”
“Where are your parents?” She shrugs. “When did you get here?”
“This morning. I caught the bus.”
I really can’t believe how mature this little girl is. I realize she’s been here all day. She’s probably starving.
I look at her school bag on the floor beside me and I bet with Maddy not there to look after them, there’s no food at the house.
“I got to pop out, but I’ll be back.”
“Okay,” she mumbles. I pause behind her. My eyes rake over Maddy’s still form, and I send another silent prayer up to the heavens.
Please wake up.
I walk in carrying the takeout bag from Portellos. If she’s anything like Maddy, I’m guessing she has an appetite. “You hungry?”
Her head whips around, and that answers my question. I pull out the small table on wheels from the corner of the room and set the food down. I got Maddy’s favorite chicken dish, fries, and two juices. I glance up, and she hasn’t moved an inch. “Well, it’s going to get cold if you just sit there.”
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