Adapt

by Edward Freeland

  “So you have met my senior mental health nurse, Kerry Burger. She is most caring, wouldn’t you agree?”

  Daniel’s eyes were glazed. His teeth clenched as he stared at his enemy. What have you done?

  “You look perplexed,” said Dr Cribson. “Your psychosis is still florid. It’s growing. It’s manifesting.”

  Daniel eyed the pulse of the skinny man’s neck. He wanted to snap it. What did you give me?

  “I will be speaking with another doctor tomorrow. Your insight is severely lacking to the point you can’t answer simple questions,” the doctor said. “I will discuss the need to section you.”

  “I’m not lacking in insight. I have all my faculties. What have you put in my body?”

  “Medication, Daniel,” said the doctor. “Paranoia is growing despite the medication. Once again you display classic symptoms. Do you think I’m trying to hurt you?” Daniel continued to stare at his enemy. His body was in pain, he was sick and the vice around his skull was tightening. If I attack him I will be detained. Think. Do not respond. That is what he wants, he wants to make me a loose cannon. He wants me to lash out. It fits his blueprint. Don’t give him what he wants.

  “There is evident blunting and guarding of effect. Paranoia is un-restrained,” said the doctor as he began to scribe notes. “You are delusional. A professional trying to hurt you. You believe this, don’t you?”

  “No,” said Daniel biting his tongue.

  “I represent authority and you believe I can’t be trusted for this reason. Do you think I am your enemy?” asked the doctor, his pen at the ready to document Daniel’s answer.

  You are my enemy. You have hurt me and my family. You can’t be trusted. “No.”

  The doctor was annoyed with Daniel’s response. “Am I your enemy?” he asked again.

  Daniel’s fists squeezed, his knuckles white. “No.”

  “Very well, we will leave it there for today. Tomorrow you will see Kerry Burger. I know she was only here briefly yesterday.”

  “Kerry Burger.”

  “Yes, she is so caring,” he said with a sly smile.

  Daniel entered the kitchen where his mother was preparing dinner. “I need to get away from these people,” he said.

  “You can’t now,” she said.

  “I need to. The same way I needed to leave the ward.”

  “I understand why you wanted to leave, but you are under the care of Dr Cribson,” she said.

  “He is sadistic.”

  “He’s not sadistic,” she said.

  “He had that ward set up for me. I need to get away from them,” said Daniel.

  “You can’t.”

  “Look, I had bruises when I woke up. The red mark on my neck was not a result of the fight.” Daniel sat on the stool.

  “Maybe you just don’t remember, it’s easy for things to happen in a fight,” she said.

  “No one did that whilst I was awake.” His fists clenched, he was enraged just thinking about it.

  “There’s not a lot we can do,” she said. “I don’t like them, hopefully they won’t be coming round for long.” Clarissa reached for a saucepan. She looked around at him and smiled. “Just hang in there for a few weeks then they will be gone.”

  “Why did he act like that with the pills?” asked Daniel.

  “I think he was hoping to get a reaction out of you. He was hoping to make you angry,” she said. “Maybe he could then get you back on the ward. They keep saying they want you back.”

  “I know they do, they want to finish the job they started,” he said.

  “Don’t be silly. They’re doctors.”

  “There’s more to this. The fact I’m now so ill.”

  “It’s stress,” she assured him.

  “My body aches, I’m constantly sick. There’s more to this,” said Daniel.

  “Doctors are not going to do what you are saying,” she said.

  “These ones have,” he said. “They are manipulating everything I say to suit their agenda. I’m not taking any more pills unless they are on prescription.”

  “We can ask them,” she said as she turned down the boiling saucepan.

  “If they are on prescription I will take them. The only reason I took them is because I was in shock.” He held his stomach in pain. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said.

  Daniel ran to the bathroom, his head was spinning. He knelt over the toilet as the deep sick feeling worsened. His legs were weak, his arms were weak. His head felt as though a clamp was still tightening around it. He had never been so ill. Daniel threw up. Once. Twice. As he counted the ninth time his stomach eased. Wiping sweat away from his brow he got to his feet, light headed and unbalanced.

  “Hello, Daniel,” said Kerry Burger. Daniel nodded, he felt ill and tried to stop his hands shaking. “Your cheeks are red, look at that.” Her lip twitched. The top lip lifted but only one side, flashing a canine. “They are radiating.” Her piecing stare locked on to him. “Innocent slip of the tongue. They are radiant. Wonderful. How do you feel?” You know how I’m feeling. You caused it. “How are you feeling?” she asked again. Daniel didn’t answer. “Dr Cribson did mention you were perplexed.” She began her note taking.

  “I’m surviving,” he said.

  “For now Daniel. For now. You should be on the ward, the treatment would be quick,” she said. Daniel stared at her. “You look ill, Daniel, your eyes are black underneath. Home is not the place for you to recover.”

  “I’m not going back. You will have to drag me back.”

  “If needed,” she said. Her lip twitched again. He stared back at her round face. She had a large double chin and long grey hair down her back. “We will give you the treatment you deserve.”

  “I’m not going back,” he said.

  “We will see. We didn’t do it the quick way. We will end it for you the slow way. I’m going to ask you some questions. Were you a bully as a child?”

  “No.”

  “You hesitated. Are you sure? I think you were.”

  “I wasn’t,” he said.

  “Do you deny who you are to yourself as well as others?” Daniel’s hands were shaking. What can I do, they manipulate what I say, if I shout or argue my point they say I will be sectioned.

  “I will be back in a moment,” he said as he left the room for two minutes. Daniel returned and took his seat in front of the nurse.

  “Are you being sick?” Her mouth was once again twitching. Flashing her teeth like a Pit Bull again. A silent growl.

  “No,” he said.

  “Do you feel ill? You look ill. You look sick.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Do you watch any television?”

  “No,” he replied.

  “Why not?” she asked.

  “It doesn’t interest me. There’s not much on that I like,” he said.

  “Not your viewing material,” she said. “I know what your viewing material is.”

  “No you don’t,” he said.

  “You should watch it. Watch it,” she insisted.

  “No.” I won’t give her the satisfaction.

  “Dr Cribson will be interested to know you’re still hallucinating. The TV is an issue.”

  “I never said that,” responded Daniel.

  “Does the television still give you orders?”

  “I’m not even going to answer that,” he said.

  “Good,” she said whilst note taking. “Not denying it. It means it is.”

  “It doesn’t, okay?”

  “Are you raising your voice, Daniel? I may need to call for help if you’re going to get aggressive,” she warned him.

  “Leave me alone,” he said.

  “I’m not touching you,” she said. “Is that another hallucination? You’re sick, Daniel, very sick. You need to be back on the ward.” Daniel put his head in his hands.

  “I don’t deserve this,” he said. “My family doesn’t deserve this.” He rubbed his eyes with his hands.
<
br />   Kerry Burger leaned forward provokingly. “You have a very guilty conscience, don’t you, Daniel? Are you a bad person?” Daniel didn’t answer. Burger gave a nod and continued to write on the page. Daniel clenched his fists to stop them shaking. He wanted to lash out. Everything that they had done to him was soul destroying yet she still continued her assault, her mental abuse. “I think you need to be sectioned for your own safety and the safety of others.” Daniel’s knuckles turned white, his teeth ground together. Stay calm, don’t lash out, it is what she wants. Don’t give them reason. “I will talk with Dr Cribson. You are going to need a lot of medical attention soon. You should let us finish it for you.”

  What have you done to me?

  Daniel’s hands were fixed firmly to the worktop as he stared out of the kitchen window at the dark night.

  “I’m not psychotic, Dad,” Daniel said.

  “You’re not psychotic but you’re not firing on all cylinders,” said his father.

  “I am,” he replied.

  “You’re not thinking things through. They’re doctors. Doctors don’t do that,” said Harry.

  “Doctors are human like the rest of us, some are good at what they do, some are not so good, but it’s also possible that one or two are dangerous in their position.”

  “If they are human like the rest of us they would never do such a thing,” said Harry. “They are unprofessional in their approach, I don’t like them myself but no one would do the disgraceful things you are saying.”

  “They are trying to kill me. Failing that they will try and push me to suicide,” said Daniel.

  “I can’t listen to this, think about what you are saying,” Harry said.

  “Things are going to heat up now, you will see. The words of the nurse. Who the fuck says that!”

  “Don’t swear in the house,” insisted Harry.

  “Don’t swear?” said Daniel. “They abused me physically. Now they’re abusing me mentally. They are abusing their power, can’t you see that?”

  “No, I can’t. These may not be professional, I will say that much,” said Harry. “No good at what they do but they are not trying to kill you.”

  “This close,” said Daniel with his index finger and thumb a millimetre apart. “That’s how close they came but I could see it, I messed up their plan.”

  “Please just take a deep breath, Daniel. Think through how unlikely it is, what you are saying.”

  “I have thought it through and I think I need to go to the police,” said Daniel.

  “What do you think the police will do when you tell them this?”

  Daniel paced the kitchen. “Let’s see. Conspiracy to murder. Attempted murder. Abuse of a patient. Falsifying medical notes. The list is developing at a rapid rate.”

  “This is ludicrous,” said Harry.

  “There’s more,” Daniel said whilst still pacing. “From what I have gathered they are leaking medical notes to the media.”

  “Stop, Daniel. Stop.” Harry massaged his temples. “I’m going to help you. The best I can. You need to listen to me.”

  “Do you think they are trying to harm me?”

  “No,” replied his father.

  “Then how can I listen? I need to open an investigation,” said Daniel.

  “There will be no investigation,” said Harry. “They will refer back to your psychiatrist. Then what? They will refer back to Dr Cribson. Do you want that? Think about it.”

  “I don’t want that,” said Daniel.

  “It’s the first thing they will do,” said his father.

  “Then I’m cornered. I can’t go anywhere. I have to sit and absorb everything. Facing the end of a barrel everywhere I turn.”

  Harry got to his feet. “I’m going to help you through this. I don’t like them either but you’re over-thinking their actions. They certainly haven’t helped you so far. That much is obvious.”

  Four weeks since he left the ward and the headaches continued to stab at his mind.

  “Are you getting headaches?” asked Dr Cribson.

  “No.”

  “You’re holding your head. You look in pain.”

  “I’m not in pain,” said Daniel.

  “Do you have other symptoms?”

  “No.”

  “Do you still believe I am trying to hurt you?” asked the doctor. Daniel didn’t answer. “Do you think I have hurt you?”

  “I don’t think you are treating me fairly,” said Daniel. “I have done nothing wrong.”

  “I’m treating you fair and just,” said the doctor.

  “I don’t know why you are doing this to me.”

  “Your psychosis has taken root, Daniel. I’m trying to pull it out,” said Dr Cribson.

  “My whole family is suffering,” said Daniel.

  “Your psychosis is florid.”

  “Florid?” Daniel’s body was shaking, his hands too weak to clench.

  “Yes florid. It’s flowering. It’s expanding. I’m a part of this. Kerry Burger is a part of this.”

  “I have never said that you are a part of anything.”

  “You have implied it. Do you like conspiracies, Daniel?”

  “They are interesting but I don’t believe them,” said Daniel.

  “Do you think people can collude?”

  “People will collude if they wish to,” replied Daniel.

  “Do you think people are colluding against you?”

  I know you are. “No.”

  “Do you think the ward was colluding with a few of the patients?”

  Daniel filled with rage. Sweat began to seep from his pores and the shaking intensified. You sadistic, coldblooded, deceitful fuck. That’s what he wants. He wants you to say yes to get you back. He wants an excuse. Don’t give it to him. “No.”

  “Do you think people were hurting you whilst you slept on the ward?”

  You scum. “No.”

  “Do you think people were doing things to you? Do you think I know what happened to you that night?” Daniel didn’t answer. Dr Cribson began writing, his pen scratching away at the paper like a secret weapon, documenting lies to use against him at a later date.

  “What are you writing?”

  “Okay,” said the doctor, “let’s talk about something else. Does the TV still send you messages.”

  “No.”

  “Nothing. You must see something referring to you,” said Dr Cribson.

  “No, I watch it all the time. I see nothing, they don’t know me. Why would they refer to me?” You didn’t like that answer. You are risking everything giving out information to hurt me and it’s not working. Daniel felt ill but enjoyed the moment. The doctor was becoming irritable and anger descended over his eyes.

  “You see nothing? No reference, you must see something. You don’t feel they are humiliating you? You don’t think they are receiving information about you?”

  “That’s correct.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “No I’m not.”

  “Do you think people are still hacking you?”

  “It’s possible. They are pathetic if they are. Very sad individuals,” said Daniel.

  The doctor ground his teeth. “Don’t you care that people are still hacking you? That should make you anxious and vulnerable. It should worry you if they were.”

  “Well, it doesn’t,” said Daniel.

  “You look ill. Are you in pain? Are headaches and sickness a problem?”

  “No.”

  Dr Cribson fidgeted with his pen. “I’ve written to the driving authorities. Your bus licence and car licence are to be revoked immediately.”

  “What?”

  “I am most surprised that they have not written to you yet,” said the doctor.

  “No, they haven’t.”

  “They will do. They work slowly,” said Dr Cribson with a smirk. “You can re-apply in three and a half years.”

  “That’s not fair. What did you write to them?”

  “You don’
t think we would send anything off and try to hide it from you?” asked the doctor. “We gave them a fair and honest report. We wouldn’t lie, Daniel.”

  “I will appeal,” said Daniel.

  “Don’t raise your voice,” said the doctor. “I would be careful if I were you. We are near a final decision to have you sectioned. The notes have convinced another psychiatrist that it’s the best thing to do.”

  The shower rained down on Daniel’s head, loosening the pressure, releasing the vice. I can’t let them section me, I can’t let it happen. Daniel looked down, the soapy puddle around his feet now a murky red. He lifted the back of his hand to his nose, the blood trickled down. Why me? Daniel cleaned up and dressed in jogging trousers and a vest. His mother was cleaning the kitchen as he entered.

  “He shouldn’t be in the job,” said Daniel.

  “Who?”

  “Doctor Cribson,” said Daniel.

  “You won’t be with him for long,” said Clarissa.

  “The man has no right to work with anyone, from mild depression to raving psychosis. He shouldn’t be near them,” he said. “He’s a danger.”

  “It’s only going to be for a few weeks,” she said.

  “It’s sick. He’s throwing medical notes around like confetti. He set me up to be abused and now he’s taunting me about it,” said Daniel.

  “Try to relax,” she said with her hand on his arm.

  “When he says he’s going to section me, it’s a much more serious threat,” Daniel said.

  “Please don’t let him make you angry,” she said.

  “He’s deconstructing my life piece by piece. He’s ill himself – you would need to be to do what he’s doing,” he said.

  “What do you mean, he’s throwing around medical notes?”

  “He’s giving them to the media,” said Daniel.

  “He wouldn’t do that,” she said.

  “He is.”

  “He would be a disgrace to his entire profession. He wouldn’t do it,” said Clarissa.

  Daniel began to pace the kitchen. “What can I do?” he asked.