Intoxicated

by Cynthia Dane

  Drew encircling his arms around me only makes me want to cry more.

  We stand in silence, squeezing one another as the thump of his heart and the hum of the air conditioner lull me into tranquility. Is this the moment when I memorize every rise and fall of his chest? Or am I doomed to be haunted by the caress of his hand against my cheek for the rest of my miserable life? He can’t want me that badly. That’s not what’s happening here. He’s not really in love with me. You heard what he said about me. How can a man love a woman like me? Hell, how can I love a bastard like him? Even if he changes his ways a hundred times over, it will never erase the pain he’s caused others over the years.

  Nor will any changes I make in my life eradicate the men – and women – I’ve hurt.

  Maybe we are perfect for one another. Two twisted souls who have left a lot of broken hearts behind us. Here we are. Looking at our reflections and deciding if we like what we see.

  This only works if we’re on the same page, though.

  “What about that other guy?” Drew softly asks. There’s a slight edge of jealousy in his voice. Enough to placate my battered soul, but not so much that I become afraid. “He was pretty smitten with you. Then again, so am I.”

  I’m almost lulled into a stupor from the way his knuckles graze my skin. Every part of me is waking up for the first time since we were last together. That fire spreading from my loins, to my heart, to my skin has got to be that most familiar sensation now that I’m with Drew. I know that it’s all me, but he’s the one who brings it out of me. He awakens my deepest instincts and inspires me to be nothing more than a beast that devours his love.

  This could be perfect, but I have to eschew perfection. I can’t wallow in the what-ifs of our relationship. I can only live in this moment and hope to God that we’re both strong enough to enter the next phase of our life together.

  “There is no other guy,” I say. “There never was, not even before I met you.”

  All those men I dated and dumped meant nothing. They weren’t learning experiences. What do I need to learn when all of my answers are right here? Because of Drew, I know who I really am. I know my true potential, both for greatness and destruction. I see the diverging road before me. One way takes me to transformation. The other leads me to ruin.

  I expect Drew to counter me. Instead, he tilts my head and smothers my mouth with his.

  This is it. The moment I completely surrender.

  To him? To my life? The universe? I don’t care. All that exists is him and me. This is the kiss that reignites the engine. The one I’ll remember for the rest of my life. That first kiss we shared in this space a few months ago? It doesn’t mean anything anymore. This is the one that matters. For the first time in my life, I’m kissing a man that loves me for who I really am.

  And I love him. Why is that so frightening?

  Drew isn’t the kind of guy to let me wallow in my fears, however. He’ll distract me with such powerful kisses that I have no choice but to give him every ounce of attention spared in my conscious. My hands cup his face, speckled with a five-o’-clock shadow that sends chills down my arms. My chest presses into his, awake and in need of his touch. I had to go and wear a bra tonight, didn’t I? Could’ve totally gotten away without one, but noooo. I had to go and prevent my precious nipples from getting any closer to this man about to eat me whole.

  I want him. Is it terrible how much I need him? I’ve always prided my independence. My inability to rely on anyone, unless there’s a financial gain in it. Even then, I’m stashing away that money for the inevitable end of our relationship. I have a certain lifestyle I want to maintain, but I also, apparently, want love.

  Go figure.

  The only time I allow his mouth away from mine is when I speak. “Make love to me,” I whisper. “I dare you.”

  Drew reacts to me jumping up as if he anticipated it all along. My legs snatch around his hips. My hands latch behind his shoulder blades. He holds me by the thighs as we slowly move from the entryway of his riverside apartment to the bedroom where this all began.

  The anticipation kills me. I hate that we aren’t having intercourse yet. I hate that it will soon be over, even if it goes on all night.

  You only get to make love for the first time once.

  Chapter 34

  CHER

  He doesn’t drop me on his bed like he did the first time we boned like filthy animals. We’re still filthy, at least. We may be dressed in some of our finest clothes and smelling like thousands of dollars, but we’re lousy, dirty people. It doesn’t matter that Drew slowly lowers me to the end of his bed like I’m made of antique porcelain. The intent in his eye is as clear as our reflection in the mirror. He may be gentle, but it’s our kind of gentle. Because I’m a doll, all right. Just nobody’s baby doll.

  I’m more like a fuck doll. A fuck doll that completely consumes you. The best one you’ve ever had.

  Here in the bedroom, at least.

  “Is it trite to call you beautiful?” Our eyes remain locked together, but Drew makes a compelling argument for me to look away as he pulls his belt out of his trousers and tosses it to the floor. “Because holy shit you are fucking gorgeous. It honestly hurts to look at you.”

  Is this where I tell him that I ache to look at him as well? Right between my legs? “Is that your poetic way of saying I make your dick too hard to deal with?”

  His smirk comes with a sadistic chuckle. “You’re not the type for poetry.”

  “Anything you have to say can be said without words.”

  Drew cups my chin and moves his thumb across my bottom lip. Both have parted, my tongue lightly tasting the tip of his thumb. My eyes flutter shut. I breathe so deeply that my chest raises and my head falls back. My chest never falls back down. My head never comes back up.

  But my legs spread open. Because I’m a slut for this man.

  Drew’s sleight of hand somehow drops the bust of my bust around my waist. The off-the-shoulder sleeves strain against my elbows, my strapless bra the only thing separating his tongue from my nipples. I’m teased by that tongue. It dips into my cleavage, Drew’s hand gliding against my thigh, coming unbearably close to my cunt.

  He doesn’t stroke it. He taps it with the back of his hand.

  I jerk up, eyes snapping open and moan teasing out of my mouth. I search for his, hoping for a kiss to distract my poor tongue. Instead, I get another tap on my pussy, harder than the one before. Drew’s hand slips beneath my thong and squeezes my nether lips. The taut sensation spreading through my loins has me bracing against the bed and my knees shaking in the air.

  “Tell me who you are.” That husky voice nearly obliterates me. It doesn’t help that my need to fuck has risen so greatly that it’s a miracle I’m not humping his hand. Or the air, for that matter. “Tell me the truth. I want to know who it is I’m madly in love with.”

  He’s got me by the theoretical balls. My only recourse is to cover his fingers in my immediate arousal. That little smirk of achievement prompts me to smile back at him and say, “I’m a temptress.” He may growl, but I purr. A kitty-cat to match his dog. Or maybe I’m the bitch to his tom cat. “I’m that gorgeous siren that lures you to your inevitable death.”

  “Might not be so bad if that death is a few decades from now.” He lightens the grip on my nether lips, but does not release me. I’m tortured with a finger to the swelling clit. Breath hisses through my teeth. I break eye contact for the sole purpose of looking at his crotch. I want to make sure he’s hard for me. As soon as he pulls that hand away, I better be on the other end of his dick.

  “Still inevitable,” I whisper.

  “You gonna be around for that, huh?” He looms over me, easing me down onto my back. My legs fall completely open, and my arms raise above my head. Kisses cover my chest and bury beneath my bra. One nipple is summoned from the depths, quickly swallowed by a pair of lips that won’t let it go. Not until Drew insists on saying, “You gonna watch this guy grow ol
d and lose some of his stamina?”

  “I hear hormones are hell on women, too,” I say. “You gonna be around for that.”

  “Watching you succumb to aging?” That ruthless grin sucks me right into another kiss. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  “I’m not old yet.”

  “Hell, no, you aren’t. Neither am I. We can go all night.”

  This isn’t helping my incessant need to screw. “Careful, Benton,” I say. “Go all night with a succubus, and you might lose your life.”

  “Worth it.”

  “Even going all night with a woman who loves to feel like a slut?”

  Yes, I’m insane. Choosing now to throw that in his face. Ah, see? He flinched? How terrible of me. Making him flinch. “As long as she’s my slut, I don’t see what the problem is.”

  “You don’t get to own me. Nobody does.”

  “It’s not owning you if you willingly stay with me.”

  I was prepared to continue the banter. After all, that amazing cock is coming out of his trousers, hard and happy to see me again. I should be thinking of all the hot ways I want to play with it. Where I want to put it and how hard I want to fuck it and suck it. Instead, I’m mulling over those words that hit me right in the horny gut.

  “I’ll stay for as long as you give me what I need.”

  We both know I’m not talking about money.

  I don’t have to tell him twice to make love to me. Once his mouth is on mine, my back is on the bed and my fingers back on his cheeks. We’re so wrapped up in what our lips can do that I almost don’t notice the gentle glide of his cock inside of me. In true, ridiculous fashion, the tip barely penetrates me before it falls right back out again. Drew sighs against my chin and takes the matter into his own hand. It’s such a common occurrence when you’re having sex. Yet for the first time ever, the moment is not a hindrance to my having fun. It’s a part of the larger portrait that shapes our relationship. Him acting like a mere mortal who has to manually steer his dick inside of me is more humanizing than anything he can whisper in my ear.

  Likewise, I hope he enjoys that garbled groan I just choked against his arm.

  Oh my God I missed him. I missed this. How often do you meet a man who can fill you with such precision that it takes your breath away? When you open your eyes and look up into his, you’re overwhelmed by how beautiful he is. The tousled hair. The grizzly look coming to claim his face. Those big, blue eyes that stare right back into your soul. The wrinkled collar falling away from his neck. The little red mark on his skin that you left behind with nothing but your mouth.

  It’s unreal. If I could bottle up any moment as my treasured keepsake, it’s this one right here. The moment when it all begins again.

  Unironically, I’m the first one to move, because I can’t stand it anymore. The love of my life is inside of me. He’s looking at me like I’m the light in the darkness. Everything is boiling over, begging me to either clamp it with a lid or let it spill from one end of my soul to the other.

  I let it spill.

  A famished eruption occurs when he kisses me. I’ve gone from being his lovely doll to the woman who is about to make him come so hard that he sees every star in the universe. My legs are wrapped around him like a vise. His fingers dig into the flesh of my thigh, the heady growls in his throat coaxing me to arch my back and take him in deeper. How can he be so perfectly shaped? I meld right into his hold and take him in so deep that my nether lips meet the hairs of his thighs. They call this the hilt and my pussy the sheath for a reason. That thick sword of his will cut deep if we’re not careful.

  “Make love to me already,” I mutter on his lips. The sensation sends one of his hands onto the bed, where he grasps his own bed covers like they’re the only thing separating him from death. “Give me what I need.”

  We’re not joking when we say I’m a succubus. I really am, aren’t I?

  I’m destined to take every drop of his manhood and breath from his body. I’ll bend him over backward, giving him the most mind-blowing sex of his life. All I want in return is every piece of him, body and soul. That’s how I earn my keep while he earns his. The bedroom is our hunting grounds. Our feeding grounds. I’ll greedily eat every bit of him. I’ll take my spoils as he launches his hips against me, spearing me so hard and so deep that I cry out in both relief and pain. Except I like the pain. I love the reminder that we’re not perfect. I need the reminder that we’re human.

  This is how we make love.

  He rips my sleeves down past my hands and yanks down my bra. He pops the buttons off his shirt and kicks his trousers down his legs. He growls into the crook of my neck and angles himself so I feel every agonizing inch of his cock as it plunges in and out of me. He taunts my core and challenges me to hold up my end of our lovemaking. If I want to come good and hard, I have to meet his thrusts and follow the rhythm of his hips with my own. But he will be happy to fuck me in any way I need. Any way he needs, lest I think this is all about me and my insatiable desires.

  My fists ball against his chest, pushing up my breasts and giving him something to suck as he ups his speed. I feel it. Down there, in my core. It’s almost frightening how easily he makes me come. Let alone this hard. It’s like every piece of my soul is pulled from my extremities. The magnet in the core of my being wants my soul all in the same place. Right here, in my loins, my soul goes to get fucked.

  It’s all I can think about.

  “I’m coming…” My uncharacteristic whine is only met by the clench of my cunt and the rush of heat freeing from spirit from its constraints.

  “I know.” That’s the last thing Drew says before slamming his hands onto the bed and slamming his cock into me.

  The edge isn’t something to trip over. You’re either thrown off it or completely collapse. In this case, Drew hauls me to the edge of climax and tosses me into the ether. My screams of surrender echo in the room where he first made me his willing slave. This place where he showed me the kind of love I need is right at my fingertips. I have no words for him. No visions for myself. Nothing beyond the thigh quivering, leg shaking pleasure that wracks my whole body as he relentlessly pounds my depths.

  I both want him to come inside me right now and to hold back. I want the instant satisfaction of that intimacy while also wanting to hold out for more.

  This is Drew we’re talking about, though. He probably decided when he saw me at his door that he’d take every one of my holes before giving himself over to orgasm. I wouldn’t expect any less.

  “Don’t stop!” I say that as soon as my first orgasm wanes. He’s got me by the arms, pining them to my sides. My breasts continue to shake in their cups although his thrusts are now slower, more methodical. Drew’s teasing the last of that orgasm out of me, making my eyes roll back and my legs slack around his hips. The only moment of peace I’m allowed is when he slowly pulls out the whole length of his erection, the tip glistening in my cum. Drew licks his hand and tugs on his cock. I think he’s about to come on me when I meet that monstrous look in his eye.

  You think I don’t recognize it? Honey, it’s what I’m here for.

  “Don’t stop,” I repeat, fisting the skirt of my dress in case he can’t see what he’s already done to me. To us, honestly.

  He doesn’t say anything. Why would he have to, when he can do all his talking with those glistening eyes and the little smirk on the corner of his lips? The man is fueled by that hard-on, and I’m the only one he wants to fuck.

  That’s a pretty powerful feeling, honestly.

  In the future, I’ll probably need a safe word. One I’ll never use, but he’ll feel better knowing that I have a way to shut down that hungry cock with one word. Hmph. Like I’d ever want that.

  Why would I want this any other way?

  My yelp of excitement is the other fuel to his internal fire. What else did he think he’d get, though, when he flipped me over? Now here I am, my face pressing into the covers as my ass is pulled into the
air and my dress yanked off my body. My shoes finally fall to the floor. My soaked thong stays behind, though. Drew needs something to grab as he pulls my left leg up and slams back inside of me.

  What’s the only thing hotter than wild, passionate sex that dominates every position you can concoct in your dirty imagination? Sex infused with raw, romantic love, I suppose. This isn’t our first time his thumb encircles my ass as he fucks me, but it is the first time I allow myself to be washed in love. The man must really love me if he’s using this golden opportunity to create treasured memories that are nothing but rough and ready. I’m a fucking goner when he pulls my hair and forces me up on my hands. The only way I can stay upright is if I dig my knees into the bed and become a landing pad for his hard cock. The sounds of our crazy lovemaking drips out of me and covers that cock that occasionally slips out and rubs against my ass. Drew still doesn’t say a word. I told him he didn’t have to. I’d much rather feel how much he loves me. I want to feel that I’m his.

  I want reasons to willingly stay by his side.

  My bra finally falls off my body. I collapse again, this time with him following. His teeth nip the top of my ear as I struggle to breath beneath his muscles and sweaty skin. I’m sweating, too, but how can I care when every bead of sweat is more proof that that I’m living in this moment? For all I know, my thighs are covered in cum, anyway. I hope they are.

  “Tell me again that you love me.” That heady sound sends shivers straight into my ear and down my shuddering spine. If Drew’s goal was to spread my legs wider, he’s succeeded. I feel so open to him that it’s only a matter of time before I trap him in my body forever. “Do you love me, Cher?”

  “Yes.” I crane my head around, swallowing much-needed breaths. “I love you. Do you love me?”

  “I love you so much that I’m going to give you the hardest fuck of your life.”

  “Promises.”

  He flips me back over again. I don’t have time to miss his touch. Drew is down on his bed, pulling me into his lap. But not to ride him. Oh, no. My hair is in his hand again, my nose soon filled with the scent of his manhood. My mouth immediately goes to his cock. My tongue, lips, and hands are soon covered in our sex as I work his base and suck his shaft. I’m given advance warning of his next move – a hand to the back of my head, traveling down to my neck. I take in a careful breath through my nose and forego my chance to protest. You think I’m passing up the opportunity to swallow his man’s cock? I can only hope he chokes me with his cum.