Center of Gravity

by K. K. Allen

  I turned and continued to walk backward. “Thanks for the ride. I got it from here.”

  Theo stepped forward again as his eyes scaled the exterior of my apartment complex. It was nothing to look at, but he couldn’t guess from the outside just how bad the inside was. I could feel the judgment that accompanied his frown.

  “Nine a.m. Monday,” he reminded me. He finally stopped walking when he reached the top of the stairs. I was entering my code at the lockbox.

  “Yeah, I remember.” I threw him a smile over my shoulder. “See you then. Thanks again for the ride.”

  I didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, I slid my body through the narrow opening of the doorway and pulled it shut behind me. The click of the latch sounded before I looked up, meeting Theo’s gorgeous hazel eyes against the glass. I got the distinct feeling that he wanted me to let him in—but I was afraid of what that might mean.

  CHAPTER 20

  Theo

  Day One of blends began almost as shitty as it ended.

  Winter was two hours late, but we made it work since I had another routine to break down for the group. And it wasn’t as though I was surprised. Winter was perpetually tardy. It would have been stupid of me to overlook that while scheduling. But from the moment she strutted in the door with dark shades and a huge yawn stretching her face, we had our work cut out for us.

  She’d learned every dance the backup dancers knew so far, but without her focus, she was forgetting all her placements, stumbling around the room, half-assing her movements.

  We were struggling through a song when Lex caught my eye. She tapped her wrist and pretended to drink from an empty water bottle, motioning me to give everyone a break. We didn’t have time for a break. The last thing we needed was another wasted day. But fuck it. We were screwed, anyway.

  “Five minutes. Grab water, stretch. Snack. Whatever. We’ll run it from the top when we start again.”

  I was a boiling pot of rage as I watched Winter excuse herself for the bathroom, and I didn’t hear Lex when she approached a few minutes later. Instead, I smelled the peach lotion I’d seen in her bag Saturday morning, its scent relaxing my shoulders. No matter how hard Lex danced, she always smelled good.

  “Maybe you should teach the new routine instead of the blending. I know that wasn’t the plan, but”—her head turned toward Winter’s exit—“it doesn’t look like everyone is picking it up today.”

  I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed my neck, too irritated to admit she was right, or to think logically. “And what? Give up an entire day? We’re on a schedule. Those who are falling behind will just need to pick up the pace.”

  Lex raised her brows in a challenge. “C’mon. You’re smart enough to see a wasted day when it stares back at you in the mirror. Don’t let this be one. There’s still time—”

  “This isn’t your call,” I snapped. The second the words flew out of my mouth, I wanted to pull them back. They sounded cold and harsh, just as I’d spoken to her that day in the theater.

  “Hey, lovers.” Winter approached, looking as though she’d freshened up a bit. Her shades were gone, her makeup pristine, and her eyes sparkling. “What are you two chatting about?” She snaked her arm around me, pressing herself close in a side hug. Her other hand landed on my abdomen, and I immediately tensed.

  I watched as Lex’s cheeks turned pink, and her eyes moved from Winter to me then back again.

  “Lex was just asking for some help on a few transitions. I told her we’d run them again so everyone who hasn’t caught on yet has the chance.”

  Winter made a much-too-dramatic sympathetic face at Lex. Condescending as fuck. “Oh, honey. You’ll do just fine. Theo is the best teacher, and he’d never let you fall behind.” She rubbed her palm up my abdomen, stopping at my chest, and all I could do was stand there like an idiot as Lex shifted uncomfortably in front of us.

  Lex gave Winter a pinched smile. “I’m sure he won’t.” Then she turned away and didn’t look back.

  CHAPTER 21

  Lex

  “Rooftop Club tonight, Winter’s Ravens,” Winter hollered as soon as rehearsal ended.

  I shivered, repulsed by the nickname she’d branded upon her backup dancers, and frankly everything Winter-related. She irked me, and I knew damn well it had everything to do with Theo.

  Winter’s bodyguards were escorting her out as she blew kisses to the dancers who remained. I was taking extra time removing my dance shoes and replacing them with sneakers I could walk home in when Amie nudged me from the side and stifled a laugh. “Hey. You okay? You’ve been kind of pissy all day.”

  Her statement probably should have bothered me, but I had been pissy all day. I could feel the negativity spiraling through me, and I was in desperate need of an attitude adjustment. “I’m fine. Just one of those days, I guess.”

  “Well, snap out of it. Come to Rooftop tonight. Let loose a little. Reggie offered to drive if you’re in.”

  I opened my mouth to back out, but Reggie’s voice carried from a few feet away. “Don’t even think about saying no, Lex. You’re coming. I’ll pick you up at ten.” He didn’t wait for me to argue or even agree. He just walked out of the room.

  “Everyone’s coming,” Amie added as she slung her bag over her shoulder. “It’s kind of a bonding thing. As a newbie, you should definitely be there.”

  Everyone’s coming. Her words echoed. Did that ‘everyone’ include Theo? Because if I had to sit in the same room as him and Winter while they made out in front of me, I would die a slow and painful death.

  Amie pulled me to my feet. My muscles screamed in response. “C’mon.” She smiled. “Go home. Take a hot bath. Grab some dinner. Take a few shots.” She winked. “Or hell, take a nap. Either way, you better be ready for tonight. And look fresh.” She pointed at me in warning as she slipped past the door.

  I nibbled on a snack bar as I waited for the rest of the dancers to leave. Soon enough, it was just Theo and me. He’d been on edge all day, and while I was pissed at him for snapping at me, I still wanted to help if I could.

  “Lex,” Theo’s voice shot out almost as soon as the door was shut.

  Something about his tone frightened me. Not in the way that made me fear my life but in a way that made me want to lock up my heart.

  He glanced around the room, obviously making sure I was the only one left. And then he looked me dead in the eye. “Don’t come tonight.”

  Three words. And they gutted me, but I didn’t completely know why. His tone was more pleading than demanding.

  “Why?” As much as I hated myself for asking, I had to know.

  “The same reason you didn’t want anyone to see us together in the staff room. It’s just better this way. It’s work.”

  It wasn’t just work, and we both knew it. My heart felt heavy even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. Except … part of me felt as though he had. Something was going on between him and Winter, that much was obvious. She clearly wasn’t hiding her affection for him. But how did he feel about her? Although, it didn’t matter. Theo didn’t owe me a thing.

  “That’s a pretty shitty thing for you to ask me.”

  His jaw hardened, and he looked away.

  I was a fool. Theo and I weren’t in a position to play these games. But one thing was clear after today—I’d have to learn how to deal with these feelings without sacrificing my relationship with the crew. They were all I had left since Shane was gone, and for Theo to ask me to give that up was unacceptable.

  I didn’t give him the satisfaction of sticking around and waiting for his apology. Instead, I crumpled the wrapper of my snack bar and walked away. Even after he called for me, I didn’t stop walking until the door to my apartment was shut and locked.

  CHAPTER 22

  Lex

  We approached an old brick building in downtown LA, and Reggie knocked on a door with peeled paint and rust peeking through. An insanely large bald man opened the door and narrowed his eyes.
>
  Amie and I lingered at the curb while Reggie held up his phone to show the man our invite. After close inspection, he let us through with a flip of his hand.

  We rounded a corner to reach the main landing where the elevator pinged. Another group of partygoers had already pushed the button. The door slid open, and all of us gathered inside.

  “What is this place?” I whispered to Amie as we rode to the top floor.

  She grinned and leaned into me. “It’s a speakeasy—kind of. It wasn’t actually one of the establishments created during Prohibition, but there’s this cool retro vibe. And it’s totally exclusive to the Hollywood elite.”

  Amie’s excitement was infectious, and when the elevators opened, I was already drinking the Kool-Aid. Shane would die when he found out where I was spending my evening. And when we stepped onto the main floor of Rooftop—located on, well, the rooftop—I gazed around and saw that the club wasn’t anything I’d expected. It wasn’t wall-to-wall with sweaty bodies, and it wasn’t loud and filled to the brim with couples practically humping on the dance floor. The 1980s décor was classy.

  The entire floor was sectioned off with tall bushes, gazebos, and walls made entirely of brick. A chandelier hung from above the dark wood bar that sat in an alcove. The only thing that made the place seem like an actual club was the way everyone was attired—short dresses, big jewelry, expensive suits, and the tallest heels I’d ever seen.

  Suddenly, I was happy Amie had nixed the outfit she’d seen me in when she picked me up. My black jumpsuit was fine, but it was obvious she’d understood the vibe of this place better than I. She had rummaged through my closet and pieced together a skintight nude stretch top with a low-cut rounded neck, light-wash ripped denim jeans, and ankle-high strappy gold heels.

  Reggie pulled me away from Amie and gave me a tour of the place. He kept his palm on my back and stayed close. I knew he was just being friendly, but the gesture twisted something in my gut. As I walked with him, my gaze traveled around the perimeter. I liked it. I liked the ambience, the city lights over the edge of the rooftop, and the calmness of the busy city at this height. I’d been transported to Los Angeles’s greatest illusion—glamour and wealth, mixed in a bottle of glitter.

  Over the next hour, I felt like a new person. A confident new person, smiling and laughing, socializing, and connecting with dancers who hadn’t yet given me the time of day. I felt as if I were on top of the world.

  Until the elevator opened and revealed Theo, with Winter on his arm.

  I swallowed against the thickness in my throat, my eyes betraying me as they stared at the gorgeous couple. Winter looked like a sex kitten in a knee-length white dress that clung to her skin like a press-on tattoo. Fake, but it looked good for the occasion. And Theo looked perfect by her side, wearing his typical leather jacket, a white V-neck underneath, and jeans.

  Like Bad Boy Ken and Rock Star Barbie, they strutted through the crowd, attracting attention from every single person in the room—or so I imagined. Why wouldn’t they? They were beautiful.

  I sipped club soda then bit my straw before finally turning away.

  “Hey, Winter just ordered a shit ton of appetizers. Let’s devour,” Amie said, her hand already tugging my arm.

  I let her pull me along, knowing good and well my stomach could use the nourishment. Shane was always the one who ran to the grocery and cooked for us. I knew it was time to get my ass together and do those things myself, but I never had the time, and while I still had money for food in my savings, I didn’t like spending it.

  We piled our plates high, giving ourselves away as outsiders among the ritzy and classy. We found a high top near the edge of the roof, far from the majority of the crowd. I stared out at the city sky while I chomped on stuffed mushrooms and bacon-wrapped asparagus.

  Amie turned to me after a few minutes. “You happy you moved to LA?”

  “Yeah.” I glanced at her. “I am. It was a bit of a culture shock. This place is nothing like what I expected, but it’s growing on me, fast.”

  “What did you expect?”

  When I decided to move to LA with Shane, I knew nothing about the city except that it included Hollywood and was near Gravity. Those were the only things I paid attention to at the time. I didn’t realize it would be an entirely different world. Cutthroat and busy.

  “I knew it would be a change. People said life would be faster, but I didn’t really know what that meant.”

  “Do you know now? I mean, I’m not really sure I know what it means, and I’ve lived here my whole life.” She chuckled and took another sip of her whiskey.

  “It’s just … different. Even out here.” I waved around the rooftop. “Everyone dresses to be seen.” I gestured at myself. “I never would have worn anything like this in Seattle.”

  Amie grinned, her eyes squinting. “It was in your closet, Lex.”

  “Yeah, for dance attire, not clubbing attire. It’s different.” I felt the need to explain. “I swear, the moment Shane and I landed, he took me shopping and bought me a whole new dance wardrobe. Part of me wonders if he wanted to move to LA more for me than for him. To get me away from my parents so I could breathe, you know?” Then I laughed before Amie could say anything. “Probably not, huh? Having parents in the industry, you probably had free reign to explore all that creativity.”

  Amie shrugged. “Yeah, but we had other problems. I almost had too much free reign. My parents were always busy, and I got myself into a lot of trouble as a teen. I guess I was desperately seeking their attention or some shit like that.”

  I understood all too well. “I’ll be honest. I’m lost without Shane. He always pushed me to be this brave person, and I could almost feel like that was real. Now, I’m here, which is a dream come true, but I feel like it could all just crumble to pieces any minute. He was always there to fall back on if I messed up. I know that sounds pathetic.”

  “It doesn’t sound pathetic. But you know what I think?” Amie’s smile was warm and trusting as she held my gaze. “I think Shane leaving was the best thing for you.”

  I wasn’t expecting that. The words echoed through my mind, and I wondered how I could ever benefit from my best friend’s absence. She was wrong.

  “It’s funny. I didn’t see it the first day I met you, when you rocked it on that dance floor. You seemed so centered, so in control of every emotion in your movements, to the point I was fucking inspired. You should have that same confidence every single day, Lex.” Her tone was gentle, comforting despite the truth of her words. “You don’t believe in yourself enough. You should feel as centered in life as you do on the dance floor.”

  Shane would have told me the same exact thing, which was another sign that I should trust Amie. “How do you suggest I change that?”

  She smiled. “Ah. I’m afraid that one’s on you, girl. I will say this, though. Gravity is and always has been a tight-knit community. A family. And you’re a part of that family now whether you realize it or not.”

  “A family that competes with each other?” That was absolutely the impression I’d gotten since Day One.

  Amie chuckled lightly. “Even family has its ups and downs. But you need to change your perspective. Sure, there are some dancers out for blood. I won’t deny that, but you can’t think about them. They won’t succeed with that mentality. They may win a few battles, but their own insecurities will bring them down in the end. Successful people never use their peers as their goal markers. Never.” Amie shook her head adamantly. “The illusion of failure is real. The moment you start comparing yourself to someone else, you’ve already lost.”

  We shared the silence as we gazed out at the city. It was in those seconds of silence that I realized I’d gained something immensely valuable since Shane had left, something I hadn’t even considered needing—another friend.

  Amie’s laughter brought my focus back. “I hate to break up our little bonding moment, but I’m ninety-nine percent sure our friend Reggie has the hots f
or you. He keeps looking over here, like he’s waiting for the moment when he can pounce.”

  “What? You’re joking. It’s Reggie.” I crinkled my face and let the information simmer. Romantic thoughts of Reggie had never even crossed my mind. Not even after Shane’s passing comment about him weeks ago. I hadn’t thought about much other than dance—and Theo—since getting the gig.

  “I didn’t know if that would intrigue you or make things awkward, but I figured I’d throw that out there.”

  Reggie stood farther down from us against the rail, his back turned to the city. He was making conversation with a couple I’d never met before, but I recognized them from Gravity. Reggie was cute in a bodybuilder sort of way, with gigantic biceps and thick thighs. I was amazed at how light on his feet he could be when required. And his laughter was always infectious, with the power to fill a room and spread joy. But there was something dark about him too. An anger he’d let slip a few times. It drew chills up my spine.

  I stood, my throat dry from not drinking enough water during rehearsals today. “I’m heading to the bar. Want something?”

  Amie raised her almost empty glass and nodded. “Please.”

  “You got it.”

  As I made my way across the rooftop, I purposely kept my eyes focused on the corner bar so I wouldn’t slip and find myself gazing at Theo and his client. Still, white practically blinded me in my peripheral. I hated that he was here with her. I hated the way he spoke to me today. I hated the way I’d broken so many of my own personal rules with him—letting him sleep next to me, partnering with him. I was in way over my head with no clue how to turn back.

  “One club soda and then an apple whiskey, please.” It was open bar, but I was rifling through my purse to pull out money for a tip when someone slid up behind me.

  “I got this,” Theo’s voice rasped behind me.