Center of Gravity

by K. K. Allen

  At some point, my eyes had slid back to him. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and his hands tensed around the wheel. “A few months later, we were in New Orleans for a gig, and she somehow managed to get a key to my hotel room. She snuck in late at night and hopped in my bed naked. I didn’t turn her away.”

  “Theo,” I said, my gut churning. “Is there a reason you’re telling me this, because I really don’t think I want to hear it.”

  He threw his head back against his headrest and turned to me. “I’m sorry. I’ll cut to the chase.” He faced front again, speaking to the windshield. “I fired her the next morning. I was pissed and didn’t think twice about letting her go. She started calling me obsessively, showing up at my house, sending me threatening texts, killed my old car with a bat, claimed she was pregnant … It was a fucking nightmare.”

  My eyes widened, and I no longer tried to block his words from my mind. “Oh my God, Theo. She was pregnant?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t believe her, so I made her book a doctor’s appointment to confirm. She didn’t want to go, but it was the only way I was going to support her pregnancy. And I would have.” He let out a breath. “After the doctor confirmed what I suspected, that she’d never been pregnant, I offered to take her to see someone who could help her.” He shook his head. “She refused. Had me drop her at her hotel. That was the last night I saw her.”

  “Do you know where she is now? Is she okay?”

  Something clutched my chest the moment I caught the flicker of pain in his eyes, telling me I shouldn’t have asked. “This all happened three months ago, Lex. She committed suicide that night. Slashed her wrists in a hotel bathtub. She sent me a message before she did it, but I got there too late.”

  He faced forward then, but I’d already seen the red in his eyes and the sheen of tears. His knuckles went white when he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “I, uh, went through a pretty rough time after that. It’s safe to say I’m not completely over it. But that’s why I’m scrambling to finish this choreography.”

  I swiped at the first tear that fell from my eyes, hoping to remove it before Theo could see. I didn’t want him to feel worse than he already did.

  His eyes latched onto mine. “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t be. I’m glad you were able to tell me.” I swallowed, not knowing what to say or if he even wanted me to say anything. Maybe he just needed to get it off his chest. “That must have been awful.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, well, Winter knows the whole story. I was concerned the media would get ahold of the news and twist it into something it wasn’t, so I asked for her help. That’s part of the reason she flipped on me today. She, um, thought you and I had something going on.” He let out a light chuckle.

  Something dark and ugly swept its way through me. Did Theo really find it that appalling of an idea? I felt defensive and flushed in embarrassment. “I just wanted to help.”

  His eyes widened. “You have been helping,” he said. “But I understand if you can’t do it anymore. I mean, after today, and now that you know everything, I’d completely understand. I just thought I should explain.”

  He was giving me an opportunity to back out, and as much as I knew I should run for the hills, something stronger made me want to stay. “I’ll still help. If you want me to.”

  We were silent for the next few minutes, my mind on his assistant. When the food came, Theo thanked the guy, paid, then set the greasy bag between us on the console before starting the car. “There’s a park down the road. We can eat there.”

  Light was already fading from the sky. I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. “Are we going to dance there too?”

  He smiled. “We’ll get to that. Food first. Never come between a man and a good meal.”

  I bit the inside of my lip, thinking fondly of my best friend. “Yeah, I’ve been well educated.”

  “By Shane?”

  “By Shane,” I confirmed.

  “Sounds like a good guy.”

  I laughed. “He’s all right, if you’re into bossy control freaks with stiletto fetishes. I swear he has a better shoe collection than I do.”

  “Ah,” Theo commented with a hint of humor. “Bossy control freak, eh? Sounds like he prepared you for someone like me.”

  I wasn’t quite sure that was the truth. No one had prepared me for anyone like Theo. But as he was backing out of the lot, I turned to get a better look at him. His cocky expression was back—shaded eyes, small smirk, cool and concrete posture—and for the first time since I’d met him, that made me happy.

  “Someone like you?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “Someone who believes in discipline and taking control.” His glance slid to mine at the word “control,” making me blush. “I get what I want out of life, Lex.”

  I wasn’t sure that was true either. I wasn’t sure Theo completely knew what he wanted out of life. Sure, he’d succeeded in becoming the best dancer he could possibly be, and a household name. But there was so much more to life that I wasn’t sure Theo was even aware of. A fulfillment he’d yet to grasp. Our conversation at the pier had clued me in to that.

  “Is that why you wanted to be a choreographer?”

  He tipped his head. “What do you mean?”

  “The control aspect of it. Setting the rules. Telling others what to do. That’s your specialty.”

  He grinned as if I were complimenting him. “You don’t exactly play well with others,” I added, watching as his grin slipped. “I can’t imagine you taking direction from someone else. There’s just that brilliant vision in your head.”

  “Did you just call me ‘brilliant’?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course that’s the only thing you got out of that.”

  He shot me a look as he drove. “I’m a control freak. Born that way, I guess. Who cares? It gets shit done, and people take me seriously.”

  “I suppose,” I said, amused. “They also call you names behind your back.”

  “And some call me names to my face.”

  My cheeks burned, and I turned my head toward the window as he veered into a lot for King’s Road Parkland. It wasn’t what I expected, just a small grassy area tucked among the residential neighborhood. The only signs of life were a couple walking a dog, and a child and his mom running around the playground.

  “What’s your weakness?”

  His voice almost surprised me, then I repeated his question in my mind. A laugh burst from my throat. “And why the hell would I tell you that?”

  He shrugged. “Figured it was only fair since you think you have me figured out. I have you figured out too, Alexandra Quinn.”

  “If you had me figured out, then you wouldn’t be asking what my weakness is.” I winked.

  His lip curled up on one side. “I didn’t need to ask. You’re as transparent as they come.”

  I shot him a glare, my lips pinched in an effort not to laugh. “Am not.”

  “You are.”

  “How so?”

  “You’re shocked when anyone compliments you. You never think you belong—anywhere. And you’re completely blind when guys check you out.”

  My heart galloped. Has he checked me out? Have I missed that too? Those were questions I wouldn’t allow myself to entertain, so I scrubbed them from my brain. “You should have seen me when I first arrived in LA. I’ve adapted well—I think.” I was hopeful, but I was still unsure. I knew I had changed. There was no way I would have had the nerve to audition for Winter’s Vegas show when I had first arrived. But I still didn’t feel as though I fit in completely.

  “You have. But you’re still adorably naïve.”

  I didn’t know whether to take that as a joke or a compliment. Instead of figuring it out, I grabbed the greasy bag from the console and fished around for my meal. He parked just as I had everything ready to hand him. We stayed in the car and ate in silence while we watched the sun drop between the trees.

  “In
high school, my parents were adamant I quit dance. They believed it was ruining my future as their little protégé.” I threw him a look, knowing I had to tell him more. “My parents own a publishing company in downtown Seattle. My moving to LA and dropping out of college was a big deal. They didn’t understand why I was destroying my future for something that was only temporary. A hobby. Not to mention, once my body started changing, so did the rules. My father thought dance was corrupting my soul. He would have killed me if he ever saw me wear this.” I gestured at my bare stomach and cleavage that peeked out from my sports bra.

  Theo got quiet as his eyes traveled the length of my body, heating my insides.

  “Shane helped,” I added, trying to steer the conversation back to safe territory. “He was the only person in my life who didn’t tell me my dreams were childish or sinful.”

  “As someone who’s been doing this professionally since I was eighteen, I can tell you your dreams aren’t childish. And there are certainly more sinful activities than dancing. This is your purpose, Lex. You were put on this earth to be exactly who you are right now, exactly who you were yesterday, and exactly who you will be tomorrow. I’m so glad you didn’t listen to your parents. And give yourself some credit. You’re doing just fine on your own.”

  My gaze traveled the features of his face. I couldn’t help it. Theo was sculpted like a blond James Dean with his perfect proportions.

  He smiled, and my heart caught. “You’re the only one that gets to wear your skin, Lex. No one else. You might as well feel good in it.”

  There was something so incredibly warming about his words, his tone. So similar to the pep talks Shane gave me but without the sass. It didn’t hurt that I could stare at Theo’s incredibly sexy lips as he spoke. Damn my heart for wanting him in that way. And damn the rules for ensuring there was never a chance.

  “It is nice skin, though,” he added. “Whatever you decide to do with it.” His tongue shot between his teeth to tell me he was teasing.

  I scrunched my nose. “Maybe we should go back to talking about you.”

  “Oh no.” He popped a fry into his mouth and continued talking. “I confessed enough today. Besides, I didn’t buy you dinner so you could psychoanalyze me. You chicks love that, don’t you?”

  I laughed. “Well, how about you don’t buy me dinner again?”

  The way his gaze searched my eyes next caused a rush of heat to pool in my belly. “Try to stop me, Lex.”

  I was hot everywhere just from the way he said my name, so calmly, with a tinge of warning. A tease. I couldn’t ignore it even if I tried.

  For once in my life, I wanted to break the rules, just to find out how good the consequences could be.

  CHAPTER 27

  Theo

  My house was in West Hollywood, not far from the park we’d just left. From the outside, it didn’t look like much. Just a 1920s Spanish-style home in the Hollywood Hills. Thanks to the hedges that surrounded the oversized lot, there was even a little privacy, a rarity in LA.

  I didn’t tell Lex where we were headed, but from the stillness in the air and her stiffened posture, she’d figured it out.

  “Before you get the wrong idea,” I said, immediately defensive. I could feel a fight about to start. “I have a studio here. Downstairs, so we don’t even need to go inside my home. Technically.”

  “Is this studio attached to your home?” she asked, her tone on edge.

  I hesitated. Fuck. “Yes.”

  “Then it’s technically in your home. Why did you bring me here?”

  “Why are you freaking out?” I knew why.

  “Theo,” she warned.

  “Okay, fine. Let’s just leave. We can find studio space at Gravity.” I tested. She just needed a minute to realize we weren’t here for me to seduce her, since that was against the rules and all.

  She let out a heavy breath as she relaxed against the seat. “You have a studio in your home?” I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head.

  “Downstairs. It was just installed recently. Fresh wood floors and everything. I’ve barely stepped foot in it.” I grinned, already feeling her caving.

  A smile poked through her pursed lips. “That’s got to be nice.”

  I left my finger hovering over the push button to cut the engine. “You think you’ll be okay in there alone with me? You won’t try anything, will you? Cause I can’t have you in my home if you’re going to try to grope me.”

  “Oh my God,” she laughed. “Shut up and get out of the car.”

  I took her bag and led her around the corner of the house, along a cobblestone path that reached the side door to the downstairs, then continued on to the back.

  “This is nice, your home.” Lex spoke up behind me, sounding surprised. “I pictured you somewhere more … uppity, to match your fancy car. This is refreshing.”

  “Yeah, well,” I said, turning the key in the lock. “I like the privacy. When I come home, I want to feel like I have some semblance of a normal life, you know?”

  She shrugged. She didn’t know. She had no idea what a crazy life I led outside of rehearsal time. The appearances. The award shows. The interviews. The photo shoots and video productions. The consultations. And the touring. I was never off. Only in my home could I tuck away and enjoy a slice of sanity in the pie that was my life.

  I held the door open, letting her walk into the foyer first. With a busy week of rehearsals and getting Winter caught up, I’d had only a few minutes to inspect the completed work. But as soon as Lex pushed through the double doors, I felt it. It was the feeling I’d strived for when requesting the remodel. A dance studio of my own. One that I didn’t have to book and where I didn’t have to be gawked at through two-pane windows. Just mine, and only Lex and I knew about it.

  “Holy—” Lex stopped and gazed around. The room was almost as big as Gravity’s main studio. Only the dim lights above the mirrors were on, so I flipped the main switch, illuminating the room. It had gray hardwood floors and, in a corner of the room, a speaker system that controlled the surround sound. Long panels of glass lined the front wall, with high arched windows above revealing the dim night sky. To the left was a simple lounge area with a small fridge and a couch pushed against the wall.

  “This is insane. I can’t believe this is yours.” She flipped to face me.

  I loved her reaction. Most dancers would react the same, but for some reason, when Lex lit up, so did my insides. I shouldn’t have wanted to impress her, but I did. Something stirred in my chest. For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of peace wash over me.

  “Make yourself comfortable. Fridge isn’t stocked yet. I’ll grab some water from upstairs, then we can get started. Bathroom’s down the hall.” I pointed at the door we’d walked through.

  She nodded, almost robotically, but I wasn’t sure my words had even registered. Her eyes were still crawling the space, as if she’d just stepped through the wardrobe and into Narnia.

  When I walked back through the studio doors, Lex was stretching in the middle of the room. Her center. I’d noticed. “You take the center often.”

  She looked up, then that beautiful blush spread across her cheeks, as if my presence surprised her. Or maybe my words did.

  “It’s my go-to spot. Started when I was little. I don’t even notice it anymore unless I’m forced away from it. I think it makes me feel—” She laughed and shook her head. “Never mind. It’s stupid.”

  “No, not never mind.” I sat and faced her then pulled my legs into a wide V position to mirror her. “Tell me.”

  She let out a sigh, a smile lingering on her face. “It makes me feel centered, I guess.”

  I felt a tug at my heart when she cocked her head as though she was questioning her own feelings. If Lex had a smidgen of knowledge as to how fucking adorable she was…

  Her shoulders lifted and released dramatically. “I blame it on my preteen years, when I started developing. My body was changing, and my little dan
cer body didn’t know how to keep up with it. I was curvier than the others, and balance became a big challenge. My ballet instructor would call me out in class, make me stand in the center of the room, and demand that I execute fouetté turns until she instructed me to stop. It was humiliating. I couldn’t even hide the fact that my body was different from the others.”

  It was the wrong time for me to check out Lex’s curves, but just as in the car, I couldn’t help glancing down. She wore white cotton shorts and a pale-pink sports bra. Simple, but combined with the bend of her curves, it was enough to know I couldn’t look at her again. Ever.

  “Your balance is perfect now.”

  She nodded and lay back, sprawling out as if she were about to make a snow angel. “It took a lot of work. Shane helped me. We started doing these workouts to help strengthen my core and doing a crazy amount of cardio. I don’t necessarily believe fourteen-year-olds should become health nuts in the way I did, but I felt so helpless at the time. I remember thinking that my body was cursed and that the one thing I loved most in the world was unreachable because of something I could never change.

  “Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that it will all be okay. That I was beautiful and perfect just the way I was. That my dreams wouldn’t be crushed because I was a little heavier in the hips or in the chest. I was me. And my dreams were my dreams. Sometimes the things that make us different are what make us great. You know?”

  A lump formed in my throat, and a rush of heat spread through my chest. “What about your parents? I know you said they were strict and all, but didn’t they know your insecurities?”

  “Don’t get me wrong, Theo. My parents loved me. Still do. They just never understood the whole dance thing. It wasn’t what they envisioned for me, and they’ve never been able to let that go. My mom heard me crying about my body, and she offered to help me fix it instead of telling me the things I really needed to hear. I didn’t need fixing. I just needed to learn how to love myself.”