by E. F. Jacks
And he’s standing in front of me shirtless with his sweat-glistened muscles on full display and the enormous shape of him visible behind his damp jeans. He could be dangerous and I might not know it, but he looks lip-smacking hot.
Ellis finds the clothes he packed and puts on a fresh set. A sigh of relief breaks free from me and, although Ellis’s face is angled away from mine, I make out the hint of an amused smile on his lips.
***
The tent is a little wet, so Ellis builds a fire outside it. I unroll my sleeping bed and find that it’s moist, too. I breathe out in frustration. After all that’s occurred, I’m so tired, and I don’t need this right now.
“Is something wrong?” Ellis asks.
I nod at my sleeping bag and he feels the material. Then he hands me his sleeping bag. “Here. Mine’s dry. You can use it. I won’t be sleeping tonight, anyway.”
“Are you sure?”
“About the sleeping bag? Yeah. About not sleeping? I don’t mind. I usually don’t sleep much anyway.”
“You have trouble sleeping?”
“You could say that.” He sits back on the tent’s cold, thin floor, and I feel like I should offer him a section of the sleeping bag to sit on. After all, it’s his. I fix his sleeping bag into a bed and tuck my legs under myself as I sit.
I motion to the bag, and Ellis shifts his weight but doesn’t rise, as though he’s wavering, then he scooches over to the end of the sleeping bag and settles down near my feet.
I risk a joke. “Do my feet stink?”
Ellis’s deep laugh shakes my core. He has a genuine, sexy chuckle that comes rumbling out from deep within his chest. “No, I don’t smell anything.”
He switched off the lamp to save battery power, and all we have for sight is the glow of firelight outside the tent. In the distance, in the night, there’s a faint snapping, like someone treading on twigs. I left my clothes to dry on the rock, but I’m not about to go out there now and fetch them.
Ellis and I turn to each other at the same time. He gestures for me to remain where I am and raises the tent’s flap. Then he’s gone outside to check. And I’m alone. The fire casts a shadow of his tall, muscular frame’s movements outside the tent. I try to crouch down so that I appear as imperceptible as possible from the outside, in case someone’s out there and they somehow get past Ellis to our tent.
Moments pass and he hasn’t returned. I peel back the flap and call in a soft voice, “Ellis?” My voice is heavy with tears when he doesn’t answer. I can’t speak any louder, because who knows who might be out there.
“Hey.” There’s a rustle, and then Ellis is back inside the tent and next to me.
Although earlier I’d suspected him, now I’m so overwhelmed that he’s unharmed that I embrace him. Courage takes over for my uncertainty, and I inch forward, lift my head upward and press my lips to his.
I mesh into his mouth when he welcomes the gesture, and shut my eyes. He kneels deeper on the tent floor and leans into me, his hands brushing up and down my body, as I exhale with pleasure. His hands only stop to encircle my waist.
Ellis lifts his hands from me, and I open my eyes. For a moment or two I forget I’m in a tent out in the wilderness. Ease has overcome me, and I feel as though I could be back at home.
Ellis moves his face back from mine and gets up, as much as he can, given the tent’s low ceiling and his height. Is he shocked? He raises one side of his mouth. Is he pleased? “What was that for?”
I turn away from him. “I don’t know. I guess it’s because you’re okay.”
The warmth that stems from his body comes up behind me and his hand rests on my back. I sigh at the feeling of his firm, comforting touch. He lets out a deep breath. “You’re gorgeous, Pauline, and I’m flattered.”
My eye muscles twitch as I wait for the I like you, but line to fly out of his mouth. It’s one I’ve heard from countless guys after revealing my past to them:
I like you, but I’m not sure if our different lifestyles will work together.
I liked you until you told me that.
I liked you when I saw your film, but we don’t seem to be compatible in person.
But Ellis doesn’t know my secret. Yet. I whip around and face him. “I’m gorgeous? Come on, you don’t have to lie to let me down easy.”
“You are gorgeous. That isn’t the problem.” He glances at the floor.
“Then what is it?”
“You know the hiking boots I gave you to wear? They belonged to my girlfriend. She and I used to go rafting together, before she left me for this rich guy, that is.” He stops and rubs his face. “At least, I read somewhere that he’s very rich.” His eyes slide past me as though he’s uncomfortable discussing her. “I’m not ready to start over, Pauline, even with someone as beautiful and sweet as you.” His eyes search my face, find mine, and still. “Can you understand?”
I mumble as I draw my eyes downward. “Sure. I get it. What’s her name?”
Ellis is silent, with his eyes downcast, and he resumes sitting at the end of the sleeping bag. “Her name’s Linda,” he replies after some time has passed.
Why did he wait so long to speak? Does it have something to do with the journal?
Ellis stays by my side throughout the night. Curled up in bed, I breathe heavily and have a good cry. My trip for Sam is fast turning into a nightmare.
Ellis doesn’t say anything, but he’s still and I can feel him watching me. He leans over and reaches for me. I’m stationary, uncertain about what to do, confused about what he really wants.
Ellis proceeds to draw me in close to his front. I secure myself in the warm place between his arms with tears streaming down my face. We’re so isolated out here. The question of whether he’s hiding something from me flashes deep within a pocket of my mind. But if I can’t have faith in him, then who can I trust?
“Do you want to know a secret?” I say when the tears take a break. Even if he doesn’t want to know, I plan to tell him anyway. “I used to be an adult film actress. Sort of. I flounced around a bed with no bra or panties on—by myself. And I…I pleasured myself.” Too much information too soon. I cease speaking to peek at him. I purse my lips, daring him to make a crass remark immediately if he’s going to go that route.
Ellis’s brow crinkles. “You don’t…uh…look fake. They usually look fake.” He leans back. Away from me.
I’m losing him. I haven’t finished telling him the whole story, and even out here in the middle of nowhere, he’s already prepping his escape from me. Maybe he’ll be so disgusted he’ll sleep outside at night from here on in and risk being mauled by wild animals instead of sharing a tent with me.
“They?” I say.
“The actresses in those films.” Ellis clears his throat. “You did this while you were in school?”
He’s still talking to me, so maybe he won’t flee after all. “Not all of them look that way.” Ellis settles into me again. I turn to face him in his arms and recap my story to him: The industry. Seth. Everything.
He takes a few moments to absorb my words. “How come I didn’t hear about you in the press?”
“I left school and the industry quietly. I didn’t put up a fight. It was pretty clear to me my university felt I was an embarrassment to the school and the other students.”
“What about your friends? Didn’t they support you?”
“I lost most of my friends, and I haven’t really made new ones. I’ve come to realize I’m treated better if I hide.”
“I know what you mean.” He doesn’t elaborate. “You should have fought, Pauline. What the school did was wrong. And that guy, your ex-boyfriend?” Ellis whistles under his breath. “Don’t even get me started with him.”
I shrug. Ellis’s outrage on my behalf has startled me to silence.
“Has your ex tried to contact you?” he asks.
“No. We were living together, and he kicked me out after I told him.”
“Why did you choose t
o tell him? He might not have found out.”
“I knew if we were going to have a real relationship, then I needed to be upfront with him. I didn’t want him to somehow find out on his own and freak out. And not only did he freak out when I told him, he told almost everyone at our school. Didn’t matter to Seth that I’d been in the film before I even met him.”
“You’re an honest person.”
“Hardly. Are you?”
He laughs without joy. It’s a darker side of him I haven’t seen, and I’m not sure whether it alarms me a little. “Here’s what I think. I think Seth can go to hell.”
“He did apologize to me later on.”
“Don’t make excuses for a guy like that. He betrayed you. He can go to hell. That’s where he belongs.”
“He knelt on the ground in the middle of campus.”
Ellis’s eyes widen. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah.”
“Sounds intense.” He whistles again.
“Yeah, well, that’s Seth. He had quit his fraternity so he could move in with me. I first met him at a party at his frat house. He was the one guy there who remotely acted like a gentleman. We weren’t in the same classes. He’s very smart.”
Ellis murmurs, “So are you,” and although I hear him, I don’t respond to his compliment. I’m lost in thinking about Seth, which is something I promised myself I’d stop doing.
“I should have been honest with him earlier. I got caught up in the thrill of being with him. His family’s very well off. And he’s so handsome, and tall. Not as tall as you.”
“But better looking?” Ellis stares at me through a half lidded gaze.
I can tell he wants me to answer no, and I smile as I watch him through my eyelashes. “I’m still deciding. Seth was a bit icy. You’re not. You’re not warm and fuzzy, either. His father’s this tycoon. He put so much pressure on Seth to succeed. Seth was terrified to disappoint him. Part of the reason I put up with his coldness was that I sort of felt...bad for him.”
Ellis grimaces. “I hope you didn’t tell him that. That’s not something a guy wants to hear from a girl.”
“I didn’t. But he had to know I wasn’t in love with him, and I don’t think he loved me.”
When I would ask Seth how his day went when he came home from class, he’d answer but never ask me how mine was. I don’t know which hurt me more, the fact that he never remembered to ask, or the realization that he didn’t care enough about me to even ask.
Seth never met my parents while we dated and didn’t seem interested in getting to know them. That was part of what he insisted made us a good couple—we each were willing to avoid allowing our families into our relationship. Now I realize he was as controlling toward me as his father was to him.
“What happened to him?” Ellis leans me back with him.
“I’m not sure. He moved on. I moved on. I like to think all that is in the past, you know?” It occurs to me Ellis and I might be bonding tonight.
“Yeah, I get that.” He lowers his voice. “What was your stage name anyhow?”
“Now, why would you want to know that? You do know there’s no Wi-Fi out here?”
Ellis holds up his hand. “I mean no harm. I’m only curious.”
“Sure you are.” I can’t figure out whether this is turning him on. “Penelope Peaks.” Is my stifled response. A peal of his deep, warm laugher fills the tight space. When I look over at him, his eyes, as though instinctively, are pulled toward my chest as his face reddens. “What does that have to do with…what you did on camera?”
I laugh slightly at his phrasing. “Nothing. It’s the name of my first pet and the first street I lived on.”
“Are you still...” His voice fades as he searches for a subtle word to describe my short lived career. “acting?”
“No. I gave it up after everything that happened. I did it in the first place because I needed the money, and then even with the good pay it wasn’t worth it anymore.”
The dusting of hair on his arm is soft on my face when he shifts his weight into me and holds me tighter than I ever thought could be comfortable. I don’t feel smothered or exploited within Ellis’s arms. I feel innocent.
Chapter Eleven
Ellis
I don’t want to view Pauline in a less admirable way than I have been, but this morning I can’t help but see her in a different way than I did yesterday. She stirs in my arms and my eyes take in her quiet beauty in awe. Day light shimmers outside in the forest and glows around us inside the tent. When should I wake her? I want to get an early start, but…She looks so peaceful with her eyes closed, her breaths soft and her chest moving with each one she takes. She looks so innocent, which is why her confession last night stunned me, though I tried not to show how shaken I felt as she unburdened her secret past to me.
How could someone so demure on the outside have done what she confessed? I hate to admit it, but if I had the access, I would have Googled her right away to see how fucking hot she must look in that film. There’s no denying I find her attractive. I’d lied to her when I told her I wasn’t ready to move on from Linda. The truth is, I’m here to do a job and don’t want anything to interfere with that, if I can help it. Each day I spend with Pauline, the client-employee wall I’ve constructed between us at the start crumbles a little.
Then again, I know something about harboring secrets, too, a secret that’s as big as this entire trip, and one I’ll have to decide on soon. For now I’ll concentrate on doing what I’ve been paid an ample sum for—getting Pauline to her destination. And I could use the money. As much as it troubles me, my reasoning is simple: if I don’t deliver Pauline, then I don’t get paid.
Pauline shifts in my arms and wakens, looking up at me with startled eyes. She moves away as though she isn’t happy to find herself tangled up with me on the sleeping bag the next morning.
She rubs her eyes and asks groggily, “Did we…?”
“It was great. You don’t remember?” I tease her a bit.
Pauline backs off my sleeping bag with her eyes wide and her mouth a perfect circle.
I move forward, but she slips out of my reach, rises and backs up to the exit.
“Pauline, I was just kidding. We did sleep. Not together, though.”
Her stride slows at the sound of my voice. “Oh.” Her hands move along her body, and she seems shocked she’s still in her underwear, with her gorgeous breasts encased in her sexy black bra. “My clothes.”
“They’re outside. You left them out there to dry, remember? You put them on a rock. And never put them back on. After we found the raft?”
Her fingers stroke her creamy skin. I get turned on imagining how warm and smooth it would feel if her fingers were mine, and I turn slightly away from her to hide my hard-on.
The inflection in her voice goes up a notch, as if she’s figured out why I’m not facing her and doesn’t quite know how to react. “They should definitely be dry by now. You didn’t try anything, did you, while I was sleeping?”
She’s doubting me, and just last night she was crying in my arms? While I won’t judge her or treat her differently, like those past jerks she mentioned last night, that doesn’t give her the right to assume I’m capable of acting like a complete pervert because of what she exposed to me. Of course, knowing what I do, it’ll be hard to treat her the same as before and not imagine her naked sometimes. Okay, most of the time. I intend to take Pauline along the river as I’m supposed to. After that’s done, I have a new sense of obligation to see that she returns home safely. I remind myself I’ve been paid to just lead her down the river. And that’s it. There couldn’t be any harm in that, could there?
I’m hiding something from her, and it hits me that I’m falling for her, and if that’s the case, then I’m going to be in trouble.
Pauline’s clear voice breaks through to my thoughts. “Would it be safer to ditch the raft and hike the rest of the way, rather than be out in the open on the river?”
<
br /> “Traveling on foot takes longer. We don’t have enough supplies.”
Pauline gives me a short nod. She folds my sleeping bag and hands it to me. After getting ready for the day and packing up, she ventures outside, presumably to get her clothes.
I dress and put away what little I’ve set out in the tent, then head outside after her into the bright morning. I wash my face and brush my teeth by the river next to Pauline. She finishes before I do and lingers in silence. I glance back at her every so often as I work to break down the tent. She looks good today, considering neither of us has bathed this morning. She’s a natural beauty.
Pauline leans on one hip against a tree by the creek, taking advantage of the shade.
“Watch out for poison ivy,” I tell her.
Pauline bends to retrieve something. Perhaps she’s dropped the bracelet I noticed she had on, though I warned her against wearing jewelry out here. It could get snagged on something and cause a problem. The peach-shape of her ass in those jeans is spectacular.
She moves away from the tree back to the creek. What is she thinking as she looks out at the water from the shore with her hands set on her hips? What travels through the mind of a girl as strong and beautiful as her?
I drag the raft down to the riverbank and pack our equipment. A light, airborne object swooshes by my head as I’m bending down. “What the…” I stand up and take a look around.
Pauline is now standing next to me. “What’s going on?” Her eyes follow mine across the creek’s clear, level surface. Hers return to the shore before mine. “What’s that?”
My eyes drift down to where she’s focused: our yellow raft. Since when had it become ours and not mine? Who knows. It just had.
Some aspect about the raft has changed. What’s that sticking into the side?
A huge arrow has pierced through the raft. If I tug on it, air will leak out. What the fuck? This isn’t part of the game plan. The arrow is modern and store bought. Cutting-edge and expensive.