by Mj Fields
“You would have been fucked Tara. You have no phone, no car, you would have been out there alone! You gotta think, Tara!”
I pushed his hands away and went to the bathroom and tried to get myself together. I heard the door slam.
I walked out and turned off the oven and stove. I looked out the window and he was gone, and right now I was glad.
I carried boxes upstairs, the things he had brought back to me from my apartment and my family home in Red Hook.
It hurt my heart that he was upset with me. Regardless of what journey I had been on for fifteen years, it brought me here. It brought Cyrus into my life and he brought me closure to a pain I had felt for so long. So him being upset with me hurt me, because he was the reason for all of this new found joy.
I must have fallen asleep because it was dark when I woke up. I heard people --two distinct voices, Cyrus and Bella.
I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before walking down.
“You’re awake?”
“You’re here?”
She hugged me tight and I hugged her back.
“We need to go soon, she wanted to say hi,” Cyrus wouldn’t even look at me.
“We do not, I’m not even going to school tomorrow and Momma Carly said they would pick me up when they left the funeral home.”
“I’m sure Tara has things to do Bella,” Cyrus winked at her, totally normal with her but way off with me.
Bella and I colored for a while and he sat and tapped away on his iPad. Every time I glanced up he looked down. He was pacing when his phone rang. He walked outside to answer it.
Bella asked if we could watch a movie, I asked if she wanted to talk, she didn’t.
“If you ever do, remember I will listen.”
Bella was a wiz with the remote, she found the Lorax and smiled at me when it came on. I asked her if she wanted popcorn and she didn’t. She laid down on the couch and was asleep within ten minutes.
I loved her soft hair, so thick and dark and so full of knots. I smiled and combed through it with my fingers. Gently trying not to pull. It was a definite sign that it had been a rough day.
Cyrus walked in and saw her head on my lap and me combing through it.
“She okay?”
“She’s tired, I know obviously. I used to twist my hair when I was upset. I think that’s what she did. I’m just trying to get some of them out.”
“Jase was on the phone. I’m gonna take her home with me tonight, let them get some sleep.”
I nodded.
“I should let her sleep for a while?” He looked at the time on his phone and back at me.
I wanted to say something to make things less uncomfortable but I had no idea what to say so I didn’t.
After about thirty minutes he got up and walked outside. I slid out from under her and made my way to the bathroom. When I came out he was standing in the kitchen. I seriously considered sneaking out but he turned around.
“I got this phone, nothing fancy. But it’s got Carly’s phone number programmed in it...”
“And yours?” Oh I hadn’t meant to ask but I did.
“You want mine in here?” He scowled as he pushed through the numbers.
“Cyrus look. I’m not going to pretend that the whole key thing didn’t confuse the hell out of me. I’m not going to pretend that you going off on me didn’t make me upset, because it did. I had a phone once, I had an apartment, a job. It wasn’t a place like this, and the job was supposed to be a cocktail waitress. I only danced three times, one of which you paid for. I’m not the master mind behind the video, I never wanted to do it….”
“I’m sorry Tara, I’m not judging you…”
I took in a deep breath, “I left the keys. It was an accident.”
“I am dealing with some shit right now Tara. I took it out on you and you didn’t ask for any of it.”
“Well, talk to me.”
He shook his head, “Just a lot to deal with.”
“Are you sure you feel alright? I mean, you haven’t been yourself. Well not the you I’ve come to—know. Cyrus if this is because I brought up her I need you to know it wasn’t to hurt you.”
“Didn’t think it was, Tara.”
He was getting cold again and I was doing it to him.
“Okay, well sorry.”
“Look I’m going to give you some money for the week. You can get it back to me or not, not a big deal.”
“No, Cyrus what do I need money for? I can walk it’s close, I have food, I have clothes. I will be fine. You need to worry about you and everything you’ve got going.”
“I am going into work at 7:30 in the morning. I’ll give you a ride.”
“I have been able to walk for a few years now,” I tried to joke with him.
“I’m going to wake Bella, you wanna say goodbye?”
“Of course I do.”
After sleepy hugs and goodbyes with Bella I looked at Cyrus and immediately felt emotionally overloaded. I made myself smile and shut the door behind him.
I laid on the couch and watched the rest of the Lorax while I cried for whatever it was I had done to upset him.
~
I woke and showered and dressed. I did my hair and put on make-up for the first time in almost a week. I looked in the mirror and realized that you can clearly see the one nipple ring still in.
I looked at the clock and it was six fifteen. I was going to try to get out before he showed up. I didn’t want either one of us to start the day off feeling tortured, well at least that’s how I felt.
I threw my shirt up as I walked down the stairs and pulled my bra down examining my breast, trying to figure out how to remove it. I walked quickly to the bathroom and ran smack into the hottest man I had ever laid eyes on in a dark grey suit.
He grabbed my arms when I stumbled back catching me from falling on my bottom.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I looked down and covered my breast.
“Well I could probably ask you the same thing Cyrus,” I was sure my voice squeaked and quickly covered my chest.
He closed his eyes and looked away. Apparently I wasn’t going to get to start my day off feeling happy.
He looked down at my very tight white tank top, “That’s too tight.”
I rolled my eyes, “It’s the uniform Cyrus,” I walked around him and into the bathroom, “I’m aware it’s tight. By the way, good morning.”
I heard him pacing, “Hurry up and I’ll take you to get some breakfast.”
“Not hungry and I really want to walk, but thank you.”
“Look, I’m taking you for breakfast and to work. I’m even going to pick you up from work and bring you home. Until you get a vehicle, you’re going to deal with it.”
“One day, just one day Cyrus, I was happy. You made me happy, you helped me to rid my heart of fifteen years of hurt and I don’t know what I did, but I must have crushed you and I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention. So please, just let me walk, let me breathe, forgive me, comfort me, let me comfort you, but don’t do this because it hurts me so bad.”
I took several breaths before looking up at him. He looked crushed. I didn’t mean to hurt him.
He let me walk out the door, “Tara your phone.”
“It’s not mine Cyrus, okay? It’s not mine.”
“If I can’t take you to work, let me …take the damn phone alright? I changed your door knob. I’ll text you the starter code if you wanna change it go ahead.”
“Please just stop taking care of me okay Cyrus, take care of you because right now you clearly need it more than I do.”
I ran to work, with the phone in my hand and made it three miles in half an hour with ten minutes to spare. Perfect.
When I walked in there were four people. I knew none of them. There were two girls both in excellent physical condition, very defined muscles and both wearing the same outfit I was. Neither seemed very friendly but not everyone was a morning person like I
was. The two guys had on tight tanks and warm up pants. One could possibly be related to the incredible hulk, he smiled and nodded as he continued calibrating machines. The other had sandy blonde hair pulled back into a short ponytail and bright blue eyes. Great body, just not as bulky as the other guy. He smiled and walked towards me.
“Tara?”
“Yes I’m Tara Gardner.”
“Great, I’m your knew best friend, Christoff George. Oh and the manager from five until two. I’m gonna show you the ropes and please tell me that cute little smile is gonna stay on your lips darlin’ cause these three are great and all, but have the combined personality of a damn hush puppy. Now don’t you dare repeat that,” he grabbed my hand and whisked me into the employee locker room. “Your locker is number sixty nine, which by the way is one of my favzies positions, don’t be weirded out sweet thing, cause you’re definitely not my type.”
I had to laugh, thank God I laughed. It was gonna be a fun day.
“You just gonna laugh girl or you gonna tell me why you look so damn sad?”
“Christoff George, thank you for making me laugh and I’m just gonna ask you to work me like a dog.”
“Hmmm, I think you’re gonna need some time to trust me darling, but you will.”
“I know I will.”
He showed me everything, we worked hard for several hours. I knew that I was going to be fast friends with Christoff George, and that I would love my new job.
When it came time for my lunch break I realized I hadn’t brought lunch. Which immediately made me think of Cyrus. I decided to sit outside at a picnic table and take in the afternoon sun.
The back door swung open, “Hey darlin’, hate to do this the first day but the powers that be have sent down some new policies we need to go over, the good news is: they’re covering lunch.”
I walked in and sat in the café waiting for the others. The back door opened and three people walked in carrying trays of food and drinks.
I watched as the others walked in and sat. Christoff George strutted in and stood at the head of the table.
“Alright we have some new policies that are to be implemented tomorrow. First is …” He stopped and laughed, “A seven hour work day? No shit! We will still be paid the same and have the same breaks. Says they have done some studies and feel we need to let our bodies rest and that working them as hard as they are sure we do isn’t beneficial to us which has a direct effect on our performance and how we handle our clients. Next up our clients. Says here they have no problem with us personally training clients but they need to be approved through them, an email will be sent containing proper forms to be filled out and approved before training begins. Employees who have gotten through their probation period and proper training will be eligible at that time. Apparently it’s a liability issue. Uniforms, due to the change in weather we will be required to wear either long biker shorts or warm up pants. Tank tops will be used in the summer only, for fall, winter, and spring we are to wear the uniform t shirts that will be arriving here by days end. We will be receiving winter clothing. Health insurance and tuition assistance will be available at the end of week one to all employees. No fraternization policy,” he laughed and winked at me. “Alright we also get a meal for every five hour shift we work provided by the café, along with drinks containing electrolytes. New employees will work at reception for a minimum of two weeks to get to know the clients and should act professionally always. New employee loan program will be starting at the end of the week through a credit union with low interest rates available to employees who pass the credit check. Payroll deduction can be used weekly for payments on things like cars and homes.” Christoff George looked up. “I really don’t know what to say about this. I checked the calendar and it’s not April first so I guess this is for real. Darlin’ uncover those trays I am thinking it’s gonna be steak and lobster tail.”
I took the top off the one in front of me, “Close, toasted cheese and tomato soup.”
Everyone laughed and dug in.
Jeffery George stuck around an hour after his shift showing me the computer system. I looked up when I heard someone come in, it was Carly.
I smiled, “Welcome to Fit First.”
“I need an hour of ass busting,” Carly laughed as she slid her membership card through the card reader.
“Well you came to the right place, we are all about asses in here,” Christoff smiled.
“You new here?” Carly laughed.
“Nah, just trying to teach this one the ropes, my shift ended an hour ago.” Christoff gave her a broad pearly white smile.
“Can I give you a ride home when I’m done?”
“Well, we just met but you’re a beautiful woman,” Christoff handed her a bottle of water, “Go bust that ass.”
Carly’s face was beat red and she looked at me and I couldn’t help but smile, “I think she was talking to me Christoff.”
“One can dream can’t he? That being said, I am gonna take my broken heart and head home, see you in the morning?”
“Can’t wait. Thanks so much Christoff,” he kissed my cheek and walked out the door.
Carly finally closed her mouth, “Who is that?”
“My new boss, I think I love him.”
“Isn't there, rules or something about that sort of stuff?” Carly’s face turned even more red.
“There is, but I’m not his type—neither are you.”
“Oh…ohhhh, good. I mean not good because he is beautiful and if you wanted to date him well…”
I laughed again and used my best southern accent, “Go bust that ass, Mrs. Steel.”
When we walked out Cyrus was getting out of a car, not the Jeep, a black sports car of some sort.
His face fell a bit when he saw me and Carly, “Are you supposed to ride home with him?”
“Honestly Carly, I have no idea.”
“Good afternoon ladies,” Cyrus gave us a grin and I smiled, “Can I give you a ride home Tara?”
“Umm well Carly…”
“Can I give you a ride home Tara?”
“I have to run and get Bella anyways, go ahead I’ll stop back tomorrow.”
“Okay, thanks Carly, tell her I said hello.”
Cyrus watched as Carly got in the car and pulled away. He didn’t look at me, he turned and opened the door for me, “You ready?”
Time
You know when you have to do something because it’s the right thing to do even if it isn’t what you want to do? Well right now was one of those times.
I sat down and looked over at Tara, “You wanna drive?”
She was looking out the window turned away from me but I saw her smile, “No thank you.”
I started the car and revved the engine, “You sure, she’s pretty fast and not stick.”
“Did you tell Jase about the ticket?” she looked at me for a few seconds and then away.
“Nope, you didn’t tell Carly did you?”
“I forgot all about it until just now.”
“You gotta promise me you won’t.”
“She wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“I know, look yesterday-- I’m real sorry about yesterday Tara,” I waited for her to look at me and she didn’t.
“Me too.”
“You didn’t do shit Tara, just …listen, you and I need to talk. Things are crazy right now so I can’t give it the time it needs but we need to have a real talk. You’ve trusted me with so much. You just fuck with me so hard. My ink has always been mine, you look at it and see shit that’s mine, my issues, shit that I’m nowhere near the point in my life that I’m ready to share and I may never be. You’re sweet as hell, fucking gorgeous, and a damn good person. I have spent a week sleeping in the same bed as you. Waking up to you watching me, trying to figure me out and I can’t have that. I made a promise to you, to me, and after I fixed that tattoo every one was fulfilled. I was a dick because I didn’t want to be done. I was a tool about the keys. I think I was trying
to convince myself that you weren’t ready to be on your own, that you couldn’t keep yourself safe. So I fucking tried to make you feel it was your fault, that’s not a friend, that’s not nothin’ but fucking sick. I’m a bad dude Birdie I told you I’m not a good man, I’m not even a good friend.” She wiped her face and I wanted to hold her and that’s why this shit needed to stop.
“Can you look at me?” She shook her head no. “Alright I deserve that. Listen you are one of the strongest people I know. To live what you’ve lived and to still have a heart, a big heart Birdie: one that’s full of life and opened to true happiness. That’s what I want for you, alright.”
She wiped her face and finally looked at me, “I want that for you too, you are a good man Cyrus…”
“Please don’t make this…look I have to go to the shop and sit through interviews tonight, all fucking night and tomorrow after work I do the same. Wednesday we bury Charlotte. After the funeral, I wanna take you to dinner and tell you some shit okay. Then Thursday I’m heading to Italy for a while to make sure the security is up to snuff at the casino Zandor has been working on for a year.”
I could see her eyes getting huge and I lifted her chin, “When I get back maybe we can hang out?”
She looked angry, hurt, confused, and then she smiled, a fake ass smile but a smile just the same, she shook her head yes.
I pulled up to the townhouse and she was out the door and up the steps before I even shut the door. She was checking her pockets on her coat when I stood next to her. Two seconds of silence before she started crying.
“Forget the code?”
“I’m sorry, I must have left it…the phone at work, I am so sorry.”
I punched in the code and opened the door, “Last four digits of your social Birdie.”
She walked in and looked up at me, lip quivering and tears fallin’, “I don’t even know it. See? I do still need you.”
Her little arms wrapped around my waist and she cried so yeah I held her, “No Birdie, you’ll be fine. You got this girl.”
It was about five full minutes before she let go. She lifted her shirt and wiped her face, “You have interviews. You’re right I’ll be fine, thank you for the ride and for everything.”