by Piper Frost
The expressions on the Kenshaw clan's faces makes me look around to each of them, one by one. For the most part, these are the people I grew up with. Before I can say anything, because I'm having an insanely hard time finding a reason why I'm still fighting this, there's a banging on the front door and Willie chuckles.
“Fuckin' kids are never on time,” he mumbles, and when he swings the door open Tommy and Grant walk in.
“What the hell! Y'all started without us?” Tommy whines, walking up to the bar and nodding at the tap. “Beer me.”
“Y'all were a half hour late,” Kinlee says, shaking her head.
“So did you talk some sense into him or do we need to go the ole strong arm route?” Tommy grins, wiggling his eyebrows at Kinlee.
“What the fuck?” I blurt. “Why are you guys here?”
“Um, because we hate you?” Grant shrugs and Brandt laughs. “I mean, we used to really like being around you. But now you're just a psycho to deal with and we're tired of it.” He nods over at Jo. “This girl right here called us up. Told us their plan. And we couldn't resist. Tommy even made a banner for it.”
Tommy unrolls the bright white sheet he carried in and I bust out a laugh. “Stop being such a fucking pussy-vention,” I read, shaking my head. “You guys are assholes.”
“We care. All of us. That and Kaydence has really been working hard on not farting rainbows anymore, she just occasionally sneezes glitter. She's trying hard, Chase. Mainly, just tell us how it is. Or her. Tell her, because she deserves it. We don't want to force this relationship. That would suck. But I think you're forcing the breakup,” Jo says.
I nod. They're fucking right. But I'm certain it's too late.
“I gotta go start packing, guys.” My eyebrows pull together. “Thanks for this. I mean it. And I'm sorry for calling you a fairy,” I say to Tyler.
“You called me a fairy?” he blurts, butt hurt.
“Probably. If not I should have. It's a good one, right?” I chuckle and slap him on the back. “Dammit, I'm almost sad the insult calling is over.”
He stares at me a minute, a hard look set across his face before he gives me a solid nod. He's biting back ripping into me because I'm ready to get out of here without giving them what they want. I know he is.
“I gotta get home, my sister cooked,” he mumbles.
“Tell her hi for me.” I wink and walk past the boys, straight for Jo and wrap my arms around her. “Thank you.” I kiss her head.
“Yeah,” she mumbles in confusion. “I...okay. I have way too many emotional hormones right now for this, so...so I'll be outside.” She looks at me with tears in her eyes and my brows pull up while she shakes her head before leaving the bar.
“Kinlee, beautiful as always.” I smirk at her and pull her in for a hug. “Thank you,” I whisper before she pulls away and her lips turn into a small smile.
“We expect to see you at our Christmas party this year. Bo's dressing up like a Christmas tree.” She grins over at him.
“Well, I wouldn't want to fucking miss that!” I boast.
“I'm not doing that.” Bo stands and puts his hand out for a shake. “Safe travels.”
I nod and glance at Willie. “You got my notice, right?” I ask.
“I did. Be careful, kid.” He goes back to his newspaper and I sigh, glancing back at everyone. “Y'all can stay for drinks. But I'm not about to serve you, so have at it.” I laugh, then duck out the door and cross the street.
I have some shit that needs taken care of.
An early morning phone call I don't want to take keeps waking me from sleep. I've ignored her call three times this morning. They started at six a.m. and normally I'd be getting up, but I don't have an early lesson today.
“Mom,” I groan into the phone after giving up.
“Oh my,” she gasps. “Kaydence, are you alright?”
“Mom, I'm sleeping. I'm fine.” Rolling to my back, I place my hand over my eyes.
God, I was having a good dream about Chase and if I weren't talking to my mom right now, I'd probably be locking my door to take care of the need between my thighs caused by that dream. What else can this woman ruin for me?
“I haven't spoken to you in a few weeks. I'm worried about you.”
With a snort, I sit up and clench my fist. “Is there something you need?”
“To know you're okay. Are you taking your meds?”
“No! Mom, no! I stopped taking the pills! God, what is wrong with you? I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to allow you to self diagnose me! If I feel it's needed, I'll see a trained professional. Not a whack-job mother who poisons her children.”
I don't mean that. I don't have to be so mean, but I'm not over this. My whole life could have been different. And the topping on the cake is I possibly wouldn't be without Chase right now. Years I've been living like this, but the part that hurts most is I found a man that is better than the pills. If it turns out I need the pills, I will willingly accept that, but the past few weeks have really opened my eyes to a lot more than I've ever seen.
With Chase, I was starting to see through the happy haze. It was like the grass was even greener with Chase, and that is true happiness. That is happiness that wasn't forced or faked with the help of drugs I don't need. Now I'm fighting for him and won't give up. Though we were better than we were when I stupidly let him run out on me, we're not perfect. I need our perfect back.
“Mom,” I mutter while I listen to her cry. “I'm sorry.”
“I couldn't lose you or your brother.” She sobs and I roll my eyes.
“You didn't. And you won't. But you could have by doing something this insane. You're my mother and I love you, but I'm not ready to forgive you.”
“Kaydence, please! How have you been sleeping? Have you been having nightmares? How are your thoughts? Dark?”
“Oh god,” I groan and rub my face. “When I need you, I'll reach out.”
“No! No, no, Kaydence, goodness no! You won't! It'll be too late! You have to come home! Come on home where I can keep an eye on you.”
“I have to go. I love you. Maybe I'll see you at Christmas.”
“Kaydence!” she howls in the most agonizing tone and I grit my teeth. “You're killing me!”
“You've been slowly killing me for years,” I hiss and when my heart begins to race I take a moment to calm down. I don't like being mean, but I won't be walked all over anymore. “I'm fine. Finally! My head's not so foggy feeling anymore. God, I lived for years thinking everyone felt like that, mom. How could you do this to me?”
“To protect you.”
Shaking my head, I know I'm never going to get an apology. In her mind, she did it to protect us; she will never see the fault in her actions.
“I have to go. I hope I see you at Uncle Garrison's for Christmas. He said he'd buy your flight. I love you. Bye, mom.” I hang up, not needing to hear she loves me, or that she'll be here for Christmas. It's time my mother takes care of herself and allows me to put my life together the way it should be.
When a text chimes, I huff, almost tossing the phone thinking it's my mom, but then I see his sexy face and name and I sigh while a smile strains over my lips. Chase is the way my life should be.
Chase: Good morning beautiful
Kay: Good morning sexy. When can I see you again?
I bite my lip, waiting for a response and when the tone chimes I quietly squeal in excitement, hoping the answer will be today.
Chase: Right now. Return the favor.
There's a picture of him in bed, no shirt, and at this angle, I'm wondering if there's pants…
Glancing at my door, I giggle while I yank my tank top off then fall back to my pillow.
Kay: When can I see you again in person?
I send a topless picture with my text, even though my hair's messily sprawled across my pillow, and I watch as the response dots roll across the bottom of our messages for a couple minutes. When they stop and I don't get a reply, I frown
, slowly sitting up to pull my shirt back on. With one more look at my empty screen, I get out of bed and into the shower.
Taking a little too long in the shower, I rush around to get ready for work. As I cross the field, I remember Chase never responded so I fish my phone out of my pocket, wondering if I should call him. He must have responded when I was in the shower, because I have a text waiting from him and I giddily open it before my steps stop short and I almost trip from my unbalanced equilibrium. The pills really screwed me up, but I'm hoping it won't be much longer until my head's not so dizzy. But the text is only a picture, and it's a picture that makes my head spin in a good way. One I wasn't expecting. His chest is still exposed, and this time I'm positive there are no pants. His hard dick is resting on his lower stomach and the cum across his stomach and chest is a good indication he won't stay hard for much longer.
Kay: Can I come see you later?
I don't think I have to make my intentions be known. After that picture, he should realize what I want from him. What I need from him. I watch my phone the entire walk to the ranch, but get no reply. Making sure my volume's up, I try hard to concentrate on work.
It's driving me insane he won't respond, but before I know it, it's almost lunch so I cross the field toward Brandt and Tyler.
“Are Donna and your dad still coming back tomorrow?” I ask Brandt excitedly, because Uncle Garrison has my horse.
“Uh, yeah. I think so.” Brandt nods and gives Tyler a weird look before his eyes are back on me.
“Did you hear if my mom would be here for Christmas?” I cock my eyebrow when he glances at Ty again.
“Donna said your mom's coming.” Brandt nods. “How're you holding up?”
“Fine.” I chuckle because this stuff with my mom is not going to ruin me. I pull my phone out to call Chase. “I know you guys and Chase don't really...get along, but I'm going to see if he has any free time to stop in and hang for a bit, if you guys are okay with it. And if you're not...maybe you can work on the opposite end of the ranch.” I point.
They have to be respectful of me, and vice versa.
“Uh, Kay.” Tyler stares at me before looking at Brandt. “You tell her, man.”
“Have you talked to Chase today?” Brandt shoves his hands in his pockets and stares at the ground.
“Earlier we exchanged good morning texts.” Plus some, but they don't need details. “Why?” I look between them and my stomach starts to spin. “Is everything okay with him?” Pulling up Chase's phone number, my finger hovers over dial.
“Yeah,” Brandt blurts and puts his hands out before I press the button. “That's not it. I mean. We saw him last night at the bar...but he said he was going home to pack. You know where he's goin'?”
“Florida?” I whisper as my heart sinks and I look at my phone. He made it seem like he wasn't going anymore. The deal fell through.
Brandt shrugs. “Don't know. He didn't offer that information. Just said a few times he had to go pack.”
“He wouldn't,” I mutter to myself. I know Chase loves me. He didn't fall out of love with me even after everything I put him through. It may take some time for him to understand what I was dealing with, but I know he loves me.
Walking away from them, I hit dial and get automatic voicemail. My glass heart crashes into my tiled stomach and shatters. He blocked my phone number again? I know that's what happened before because texts would bounce back and my calls would go directly to voicemail. But…we just exchanged extremely provocative pictures. And he texted me first this morning! Hitting dial again, I get voicemail.
“Come on,” I whisper and pull up Disposable Ink's phone number and press send.
“Thank you for calling Disposable Ink. We're unavailable, but if you leave a message, you'll get a call back,” Tommy's voice says before the beep.
I hang up and load their website on my phone before clicking the make appointment now button, but get an error. Phone call to Chase. Make appointment now button. Call the shop again. The same thing repeats. If I haven't been missing so much work trying to detox from a drug I didn't need, I would leave the ranch right now and head to his house. I'm not beneath begging. He's worth me on my knees, begging him to understand we belong together. As pathetic as I may come across, Chase is worth it.
As soon as the last lesson of the day is over, I bolt to my house and snatch Tyler's keys from the table. Without going into detail, I told him I need his car as soon as I was done with work. He sensed something was wrong, but he didn't push, thankfully. So now I'm trying to mind the speed limit and get to town, but it feels like this fifteen-mile drive is hundreds.
Parking at the tattoo shop, I dart to the back door. It's locked. When they're open, this door isn't locked. Running around front, I attempt to open the door, but it's locked and my eyes land on a sign in the window.
CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
“Chase,” I quietly whimper and fumble to get my phone out of my pocket. Getting voicemail immediately, I cover my mouth and spin in a circle. Landing my eyes on Willies, I dart across the street.
“Kaydence! I almost ran you over!” Mrs. Nelson hollers out her window when I run in front of her car.
“I'm sorry!” I blurt before bursting into Willies.
My eyes scan the bar not once but twice. There aren't many people in here, and unless he's in the back, he's not here. Going to the counter, I stop in front of a woman I've never seen behind the bar.
“Is Chase here?” I ask, trying to calm my panting.
“Chase ain't here, sugar. What can I get ya?”
“Do you know where he is?” I glance at the other guy that I notice, but I've never talked to him. Chase doesn't like that guy.
“No.” She chuckles. “But he ain't here. He got the hell out of this town. You want a drink?”
“No. Thank you.” Sulking, I turn around and dial Chase's number with shaking fingers.
Direct to voicemail.
Kay: Please, please just call me. You don't understand how sorry I am. You can't leave.
Pressing send, I get into my brother's car and stare at the dark shop. After so many failed attempts at guessing Tyler's social media account password so I can check Chase's profile, I lock him out and let out a groan.
“No!” screams from my mouth and I hit the steering wheel. “No! No! No! Dammit!”
Headed back to the ranch, I try to clear my head but I can't. It's full of so much confusion right now, I almost wish I had my fake happiness again.
My knuckles quietly knock at Jo's back door and when Brandt opens it, I huff.
“Nice to see you too.” He chuckles, pushing a knife with peanut butter on it into his mouth.
“Is Jo home?” Brandt is one of the last people I want to talk about this with. This is partially his fault and even just seeing him right now pisses me off.
“She's at the salon. I was getting the kids ready for bed.”
I glance around him, thinking maybe seeing the kids will brighten my night, but I'm feeling too anxious and just want to get on social media to stalk Chase.
“Thanks.” I hurry down the deck steps and he calls out for me, but I don't stop. “Jo?” I call out after cracking the garage door that leads into the house.
“Yeah?” she calls back and the tone of her voice makes me hurry inside and to the salon. “Jo!” I blurt finding her crying in one of the chairs with her feet curled under her. “What's wrong?” I yell at her because she's sobbing.
“Brandt ate all the peanut butter.” She holds up the empty jar, wiping at her face.
“Brandt…ate all the peanut butter?” I repeat in shock.
“I love peanut butter!” she cries, dragging her finger around the inside but only ending up with smudges.
“Jo.” I kneel at her side and gently place my hands on her leg. “Are you okay?”
“Hormones,” she bawls, dropping her head.
“Oh, Jo.” Standing, I wrap my arms around her and she cries into my chest. I awkwardl
y hold her while she's curled in the chair, crying away, but after almost ten minutes, I'm losing patience. “Hey, Jo, do you have a social media account?”
“Yeah.” She sniffles and wipes her nose on one of the kid's blankets that's over her shoulder. I grimace and she glances at her tissue. “I was rocking Braxton to sleep and when I realized the peanut butter jar was empty, I broke down. I put him in his crib, but forgot the blanket, I guess.” She looks at it again before using it to wipe away the tears.
“You sure everything's okay?” I gently touch her hair.
“I don't know why I let that man near me anymore,” she viciously snarls and my eyes go wide.
Jo and Brandt are having marital problems! This will devastate the kids.
“All we do is screw like fucking bunnies! I cannot keep having children, Kaydence. Look at me! I'm crying over peanut butter and I really want to go home and fuck the shit out of that farm boy but—”
“Jo!” I blurt before bursting into giggles but it doesn't take long for my giggles to turn into tears.
We're a mess on this ranch lately, but the thought that I'll never have what Jo and Brandt have is heartbreaking. I don't want their exact life, I just want that love they have. And I want it from Chase.
“What the hell's wrong with you? You pregnant too?” she asks, approaching and pulling me into a hug but she smells like peanut butter and I can't help but laugh through my tears.
“I'm not pregnant,” I assure, trying to collect myself. Inhaling a deep breath, I stand up straight, but when I look at the sympathy all over her face, I break down again. “He left, Jo.”
“Fuck,” she huffs and pulls me into a hug that I have to bend over for because she's so short. “I know.”
“How do you know?” I pull back and find napkins to clean my face.
“He kept saying he was going home to pack yesterday. Did you try to talk to him, Kay?”
“Yes,” I squeak, nodding my head as my face contorts while I try to fight back tears. “We were talking this morning. He sent me a pic of…him, and then he blocked my number again.” Hiding my face, I plop into a chair.