by Piper Frost
“Christ, if you're crying, I'm going to start again.” She sighs and wraps her arms around my head, pulling me against her boobs.
“I'm sorry.” I try to stop and when I lift my head, I push a smile on my face.
“Kaydence.” She laughs at me. “Stop smiling. There's nothing to smile about right now. We're out of peanut butter. Chase is a fucking idiot—”
“He's not.” I chuckle and swipe at my cheeks. “I hurt him.”
“Yeah.” She nods.
“I was wondering if I could use your social media to stalk him?” I whisper like someone else can hear me.
“Let's set his page on fire!”
Laughing, I stand. “Let's go find you some peanut butter.” I take her hand and start walking to my house.
The only thing we find at my place is peanut butter. Chase hasn't put any updates on his page. The shop page is 'under construction'. And after some digging to find Tommy, Felder, or Grant, all their pages are blocked unless you're a friend. Jo sent Felder a message he hasn't responded to, but then she pointed out something that made both of us want to sign off for the night. Jo insisted Felder looks familiar and it only took a minute for me to agree he looks like someone else we know. We stared at his profile picture, going through everyone we mutually know until we figured out who he looks like…or who looks like him. Kinlee and Bo's son. There're rumors about their son, but I didn't think much of it. I don't know their life story. It's all been hush-hush and I would never go digging. Jo knows more than I do and once I mentioned Little Bobby, she didn't want to say much else about it.
Chase could possibly shed some light on this strange, hopefully untrue discovery, but he's gone. He left me. Us. This whole town. And that leaves me crying into my pillow so my brother doesn't hear me until I fall asleep.
When I wake up late Sunday morning, I immediately reach for my phone. Nothing from Chase. I nervously hit dial on his number and get voicemail like the other fifteen times I've tried to call him.
Kay: I'm sorry Chase. I've said it multiple times and I know words are fleeting but if you don't give me the chance to prove it, how will you know it's not worth it? I'm worth it.
I mumble the words out loud and get out of the bed. Eventually I'll figure out where he went, and I'll figure out a way to talk to him. I may be stupid for thinking this isn't over. But I'd rather be stupid for thinking it isn't, than for thinking it is.
The ranch is quiet today. It's Christmas Eve. It's my favorite holiday but this is the first year I haven't been excited for it. All my gifts are wrapped. My house is decorated and glows bright in the night. But I can't enjoy any of it knowing Chase hates me. I spend the evening around a bonfire at the Hart's with my family and friends. Everyone's happy and with their spouse or significant other and their children. Even my mom arrived to town today with her longtime friend. I'm not alone. Far from it. But I feel vacant. My happiness is in Florida probably on a beach with another woman this Christmas Eve. The feeling makes my stomach twist and I get to my feet, stumbling a little.
“Whoa, Kay, you alright?” Brandt grabs my arm.
“I think I drank too much,” I mutter, holding my stomach. The three beers I drank aren't what's making me feel like this. The thought that the only man I've loved easily picked up and left, and is ghosting me, makes me feel worse than withdrawing from the medication did.
“Let's get you home, it's getting late and Santa will be here soon.” He grins over at Jo who's cradling their littlest.
My adorable house is unwelcoming. And when I walk inside to the obvious sounds that my brother didn't return alone, I grit my teeth. Marching right out the back door, I start to run. It's dark and the farther I run into the woods, the darker it gets, but I keep running until I can hear the stream. Slowing my stomping steps, I take my phone out of my pocket and scroll through my pictures.
I don't have enough pictures of us together! Why didn't I take more pictures with him? The horrible thoughts in my head make me sit on the rock bed at the stream before my dizziness makes me fall. How many other pictures of women does he have on his phone? How many other women did he play like he did me? I sent him a topless picture with my face in it yesterday! How many other women are doing the same?
None. God, I don't want to believe it's a possibility. I know Chase loves me. He wouldn't do that!
Dialing his number, there's no surprise when I get voicemail.
I clear my throat to leave a voicemail. “I'm not going to give up until you tell me to. And even then, I'll probably keep trying. I love you, Chase. Don't ignore me.” A shaky breath exhales from me and I drop my face to my hand. “Don't ignore us.” I hang up and almost throw my phone as horrible visions of Chase with another woman invade my head.
In no hurry to get back to my house where Tyler's screwing some girl, I lay back and stare up at the man in the moon, wondering if he's laughing at me too, until I fall asleep.
Cold and sore, I blink my eyes open and sunshine burns my retinas. Quickly shielding my eyes, I sit up and look around. I fell asleep by the creek. Good God, I'm so sore. Slowly getting up, I make the walk back to my house and check my phone. There's nothing from Chase, but there is a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hey your friend Jo hit me up online. She gave me your number so I figured I'd text to let you know Chase isn't dead or anything. He's in town. I just saw him at the tattoo shop. I'm not sure if he's avoiding you, but maybe you should give him a break so he can make up his mind. Merry Christmas. Oh, it's Felder btw.
We've had a long enough break. Taking off in a run, I waste no time getting Tyler's keys and jumping into his car.
Kay: Borrowed the car for orange juice. BRB
My brother doesn't need the truth yet. The truth is he screwed things up for me pretty badly, and I screwed them up worse.
I speed toward town hoping to catch Chase at his apartment. His phone still goes right to voicemail and the panic I'm going to miss him makes me press harder on the gas. I've never felt all these emotions at once before. I'm not sure if it's because nothing's been worth it, or if the pills stopped them. But I'm angry, so angry I'm shaking. And I'm scared. Scared to death he won't give me the chance I deserve. Lastly, I'm incredibly sad. The heartache I've felt these past few weeks has brought on so many emotions, but this suffocating feeling is new.
As I approach the bend on the dirt road I fly up on someone's rear end and quickly slam on my brakes. They don't move over so I can pass, so I swerve left and floor it. I'm about to pass them and get around the bend when a big black pickup truck is heading straight for me.
Letting out a scream, I jerk the wheel and clip the front bumper of the pickup with my brother's car and the windshield pops, shattering glass everywhere while I spin out of control, finally coming to a stop in the ditch with all airbags deployed.
My adrenaline has my blood pumping and I start climbing out the broken window before hands grab me. He's screaming but I can only hear a ringing in my ears and my vision's too foggy to see. Once I'm out of the totaled car, I fall to my ass and start to cry. I don't think I'm crying about the car, or the accident.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Hands grip my arms and my vision starts to defog at the voice. “I could have killed you. Fuck, Kay, what the fuck? Are you hurt?”
I blink a few times until I'm certain it's Chase I'm looking at. Seeing it's him, I jump up and throw my arms around him, tackling him to the dirt.
“You two okay?” another voice asks and Chase pulls me to my feet. I look back at the man I was trying to pass and suddenly feel terrible I could have killed him. “I didn't pull over to let you pass 'cause I saw the truck comin'. You didn't though.” He spits.
“I'm so sorry.” And my tears start again. “I'm sorry, Chase,” I cry, looking back him.
His arms wrap tight around me and he curses. “You're okay. It's fine.” I'm in that hold that feels like he never wants to let go. “We're okay, man,” I hear him tell the other driver. “Thank you.
” There's a slight tremble in his body as he holds me.
“Gotta be careful on these curves. You sure you're okay, young lady?”
I nod into Chase's chest. “Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm okay.” I sniffle and wipe at my nose. I don't pull away because I don't want him to ever let me go again.
When the other car drives away, he pushes me back and looks down at me, eyebrows pushed together. “You could've killed yourself, Kaydence,” he whispers, then swipes something off my face. “Your nose is bleeding.”
I slide my hand under my nose and look at it, not giving a damn about the blood. The accident was my fault, but my crazed mental state is his. So I push him. Hard. I give him a shove and stomp my boot, kicking up more dirt.
“You fucking moved?” I shriek at him.
His eyebrows shoot up and he laughs. Laughs!
“I did?” He chuckles. “When?” His hands shove into his pockets.
“The shop is closed down! And your phone has been off for three days! Everyone on the ranch said you moved to Florida! You said that fell through! I thought that meant you were staying, Chase!” I swipe at my nose again before spitting grit from my mouth then scowl at him. “What did I do to make you hate me?” My screaming's died down, and now I'm just sad.
“I don't fucking hate you! I texted you, Kaydence. I went to Vegas. Where my fucking sister and her family lives.” He shakes his head.
“The last text I got from you was a picture of your dick!”
He bites his lip before smirking and I could shove him again and at the same time devour that mouth.
“I forgot my phone here and it drove me nuts. I was supposed to go for a week, but I had no way to contact you and the second I realized that, I knew I was coming back sooner. So I booked the first flight home…and it was on Christmas fucking day. Here I am, and I swung by my place to grab my phone, but it's dead or I would have called. Instead I raced to the ranch, while you seem to be racing away from it.”
“I was trying to catch you at your house,” I mutter, the pain in my nose starting to throb.
“The shop's closed until after the holidays because we're doing some renovating. Instead of dumping money into a house in Florida, I'll dump it into my shop. I wanted to stay in Vegas with my sister and the kids longer, and I tried to enjoy myself, but I couldn't. Not having contact with you fucking sucked. And I couldn't stand thinking you'd move on before I could get my head out of my ass. Fuck.” His hands go to the top of his head. “I... Shit, Kay, I could never hate you.”
“I didn't get a text message explaining you were leaving, Chase. Not that you have to explain yourself to me, but I thought…we were going to be okay.” Glancing back at the car, where my phone is, my face falls. I totaled my brother's car on Christmas day. “Oh my god,” I whisper before looking at him, trying to not start crying again, trying not to be upset, but it's so hard to hold it back. “I love you, Chase. Happiness is a choice, and I choose you. I don't want to be without you.”
He shakes his head in frustration. “I never fucking stopped loving you, Kaydence. I'm so goddamned sorry for all of this shit. I shouldn't have left you like that, but my head wasn't right yet. I had my mind made up before I left, but I just needed some more time, and I had already told my sister I'd come for Christmas. I feel like a dick leaving Vegas like I did, but I don't know your phone number and you don't have damn social media. I couldn't get ahold of you and I panicked.” His jaw clenches, the muscles twitching in his neck before he moves toward me. “My head's right now, doll.” He grips my hand and pulls me against him. “I'm never letting you go again,” he murmurs before crashing his lips to mine.
I grab on and hold him like I'm dangling over a cliff. Love's cliff is steep, and scary, but Chase is the only one I'd be willing to climb it with.
Pulling back, I look into his deep brown eyes. “We'll never be right in the head, but that's why we're perfect together. Sweet and salty. Brooding and flighty. Crazy and crazier.” I smile.
“You may be crazy, but so am I.” He winks before looking over my shoulder. “On a scale of one to ten, how pissed is your brother gonna be?” He chuckles lightly, shaking his head. “Jesus, I could have killed you, Kay.”
“Oh my god,” I murmur and drop my face to his chest. “I'm so sorry, Chase. I'll pay for the damages to your truck. I was...out of my mind. I was racing to town! I had to know why you left like that, and I've been going insane. I'm so sorry.”
“I'm not fuckin' worried about my truck, doll.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “That thing's a beast. But that car's not drivable anymore. Come on, I'll get ya home and we can call a wrecker to come take it in.”
“My brother is going to kill me,” I whisper while he walks me to his truck. He picks me up and puts me in before looking at the car rolled in the ditch and shakes his head. When he gets in, I slide over and put my head on his shoulder. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Kaydence.” His hand grips my thigh. “Tyler's going to be happy you're okay. Cars are replaceable.”
I close my eyes, not wanting to think about what I caused. It won't go away, but right now I want to focus on the fact I'm not dead, and I'm with Chase again.
When we pull up to the ranch, Tyler's outside messing with the Christmas lights with Annie. He looks over his shoulder but I don't move from my seat.
“Stay put for a minute,” Chase says, his gaze following Tyler as he walks toward the truck.
I'm not sure what to expect here, but Tyler giving Chase one of those bro-hugs is definitely not what I predicted. I don't think Tyler's seen me yet, but I want to hear what's being said between the two of them so I quietly crack my door open and strain to hear them.
“Just got back today,” Chase says. “Had some business that needed taken care of.”
“She's gonna be glad to see you. So you didn't move then?” Tyler chuckles.
“Fuck no.” Chase laughs. “I was visiting my sister in Vegas for the holidays. Needed to get my head out of my ass, I guess. Why'd everyone think I moved?”
“You know how word travels 'round here. Glad you got your head out of your ass. She needed to too. I think we all did.” He clears his throat before chuckling. “Fuck did you do to your truck?”
No better time than now to face the music, so I slide out of the passenger seat while Chase tells him. “Small, harmless accident. No one's hurt. That's what matters, right?” He must hear me, because his head turns toward me as I round the front of the truck.
“Kay, what the fuck?” Tyler belts out and I flinch back, not sure why he's already screaming. The look he gives Chase makes me step forward and grab his clenched fist. “Your fucking nose is bleeding! You have blood on your face! Why's her nose bleeding?” he growls at Chase and steps toward him.
“Like I said, small harmless accident.” Chase takes a step back from my brother and over to me.
“You were with her when you got into the accident?” Tyler furrows his brows and wipes at the blood on my face before pulling me into a hug. “You okay?”
“I'm fine. But, Ty, it's not completely harmless,” I mutter and flick my eyes to Chase.
“She was comin' around the corner like a bat outta hell,” Chase says, trying to laugh it off to lighten the seriousness of me wrecking my brother's car. “We hit the curve in the road at the same time and she didn't see my truck. So uh...” He rubs the back of his neck. “Tyler, your car's in the ditch.”
“My fucking car is what?” Tyler screams.
“Go on inside, honey,” I usher Annie toward the house before nudging Tyler for his mouth.
A diesel engine pulls all our attention to the truck headed up the driveway and when Kinlee and Bo jump out with arms full of gifts and a toddler running for the front door, I smile.
“Merry Christmas.” Bo nods to Chase then my red-faced brother.
“What's wrong with him?” Kinlee asks, first seeing my brother then her eyes hit Chase and she squeals, almost dropping the gifts she's car
rying when she runs over to him. Her foot connects with his shin. “Where the hell you been?” she yells. “You know you almost broke this poor girl!?” She nods toward me and Chase rubs his shin.
“Chill with the violence!” he groans.
“Chill with the being a dick! God!” She storms toward the house and Bo laughs.
“You alright, Kay?” Bo asks, touching his nose. “Is that blood?”
“Small accident,” I mumble wiping at my nose again. “I'm fine. Merry Christmas.”
Bo nods and looks between my brother, whose face is still beet red but he hasn't said anything, and Chase who keeps glancing from me to Tyler.
When he makes it inside, I grab Tyler's hand. “I totaled your car.”
Before Tyler can scream, Brandt calls out, making his way from the porch. “Chase is back!” His tone sounds like he's already had a couple spiked eggnogs as he makes his way toward us and bro-hugs Chase. “Kay, you're bleeding!”
“I was driving erratically and crashed into Chase's truck, totaling Tyler's car. I'm sorry. I fucking ruined your car. I will pay for it, but will you just fucking let it out already?” I shout at Tyler.
He cocks his eyebrow and the red in his face starts to fade. Bursting into laughter, he looks at Chase. “What the hell did you do to her?”
Chase grins at me, then winks. “Guess I made her fall in love.” He laughs. “Either that, or the accident caused some brain damage.”
I groan and shove past their dude huddle because I could really use some spiked eggnog right now.
“We have fifteen minutes till we have to leave,” I murmur on her lips, backing away to swiftly pull her dress up and flip her around. Bending her over the bed, I smack her ass.
The flight here was torture. Those airplane bathrooms are barely big enough for one man, let alone even attempting to join the mile high club.
She giggles and glances back at me while my hands roam her ass. “I give it five and we both walk out of here happier than we walked in.” She moans as I drag my hands over her flesh.