My mind was replaying everything from the last year with Christian, I can see the changes in him now, the hesitation I had been having for a while. I can’t believe I never saw it before. I should have known something was up when I was never in the mood anymore.
How stupid can I be?
Shaking my head, I took a sip from my coffee and realized what I had failed to notice before, but now it’s clear as a fucking bell. He was… no is an abuser. They are so sweet and charming in the beginning, then slowly over time they change. Making subtle digs at what you wear, your hair or the makeup you put on. Then they alienate you from friends or family, till you have no one to rely on but them. After they tear your confidence down with their hurtful and subtle barbs, you are at your lowest point. You don’t recognize who you are anymore but are clueless on how to stop it and get back to your old self. You even start to feel like maybe you deserve this, that what they say is true. It really is all your fault. Sometimes after all this they start hitting you, sometimes they don’t.
What a lot of people don’t realize is that abusers don’t just hit you. It’s in their words and actions. Sometimes those words and actions can be worse than the hitting.
Jenna Peterson, a girl I went to high school with, flashed in my mind making me cringe. She had died at the hands of her abuser right after high school. They were high school sweethearts; he was always so caring and attentive towards her and she looked to be the one in charge when they were around other people. So much so, that when she went to try and tell people that he was abusing her, no one listened. No one believed her, as we never saw a mark. They said she was trying to get back at him for a fight they had, that he was going to leave her. She was two years ahead of me, but I went to such a small school that everyone knew everyone. I laughed along with the rest of them. I didn’t believe her either.
Until one day it was too late. She was gone. Beaten to death by his hands. Tears gathered in my eyes; I had always said I wasn’t going to be like Jenna. That I was smarter than that. I knew who I was as a person and no one could tear me down. That my head strong and independent ways would be my shield against that.
I was wrong.
I’m so sorry, Jenna. I sent my silent apology into the universe, as my brain ran in a circle to my sister Roxy.
I had my suspicions about Roxy’s relationship with her boyfriend at the time, that he may have been an abuser too. She had changed in the months before her death. She was quieter, and more withdrawn. When I tried to confront her about it, she had always brushed me off saying she was just getting quieter in her old age. Or that is was stress at work. Whenever we would have family gatherings he conveniently always had to work. She would make his excuses, and we thought nothing of it, as once again, we never saw a mark. We should have learned from Jenna that they don’t always leave a mark.
Till the week before she died.
I shook my head to dispel the thoughts, I was trying to let it go. Trying to move on. For years afterwards I had been obsessed with finding her killer. I dug into her life as much as I could without being a cop. I had even entertained the notion of joining the police academy just so I would have access to information I wouldn’t as a civilian. But quickly tossed that idea aside, I didn’t relish the thought of looking at dead bodies or having people shoot at me.
I shook my head again, as I set down my coffee and got out the makings for a sandwich. I had woken up later than I thought I would. It was lunchtime now, but I never was one for cereal in the mornings, preferring something heartier. I just didn’t have the patience to make it myself, plus I can’t cook very well, I always either over season or under season.
I chuckled as I recalled what Roxy would always tell me, You’re a lover, not a fighter, Lex. And that’s okay, the world needs more lovers out there. She would always give me a cheeky wink and pat my shoulder. I used to hate when she did that. Now I would give anything to have that back. To have her back.
My back door flies open and I jerked with a startled scream. The butter knife I’m holding clatters to the floor. My heart jumps into my throat as I quickly turned around. I have no idea why I’m suddenly so afraid as the only other person to have a key to my place was Britt. Not even that son of a bitch Christian had one.
I could practically see the steam pouring out of her ears as Britt stormed inside. “I swear, Lexi, I’m gonna snap a bitch!”
Shit. Whatever it was can’t be good. I had only ever seen her this mad once before, we were at a bar and she had caught a guy putting a roofie in my drink. She had gone postal on the guy and kicked his ass. It was a great night, seeing her get her Wonder Woman on.
I opened my mouth to ask what the hell happened but Brit barreled on, “I’ll kill the bitch! I’ll rip out her entrails and fucking strangle her with them.” She growled, starting to pace my kitchen.
Well that’s a new one.
“Okay, seems kinda messy to me. But we can do that for sure. What bitch are we eviscerating and are we doing it fast or slow? Oh and why?” I smirked when she turned around to gape at me. “What? You didn’t think I’d let you have all the fun did you?”
She huffed a laugh and ran her hands through her purple hair sitting down at the island in my kitchen, “Actually…yeah.”
I gasped in mock horror putting my hand on my chest, “You’re my ride or die bitch, babe. So if you want to murder someone, I’m there.” I bent down to grab the knife I had dropped, rinsing it as I watched her breathe deeply trying to quell her anger from the decorative mirror I had hanging over the sink. It made doing the dishes fun, sometimes I would make faces at myself.
Arching an eyebrow I asked her casually, “Want some food and to talk about it?”
“Yes please,” She sighed ,crossing her legs. No matter what she wore Britt always crossed her legs, like a true southern belle. Today she was in jeans and a black t-shirt with orange lettering scrawled across it. It read ‘Forget candy all I need for Halloween is coffee and sex.’ I shook my head and chuckled, starting to make her a sandwich.
Her voice is agitated when she finally starts her story. “Some fucking asshat gave my shop a horrible review on Yelp.”
I shrugged looking over my shoulder. “Okay, you’ve gotten those before. We both know your shop isn’t for everyone, like the religious fanatics. They hate all that witchy stuff, the rest of us love. Why is this one pissing you off so much?”
Britt scowled at me, gripping the countertop of the island, “Oh, this bitch was not like the others. They at least had some manners, or said the service could have been better. The coffee was cold, the food wasn’t very good. Something! She was deliberately rude and—and bitchy! Here I’ll read it to you.”
I put her plate down in front of her as she whipped out her phone, tapping a few buttons before she started reading. “This place is atrocious and an eyesore! The prices are too high for what she is trying to sell. The whole place is decorated like a witch spewed all over and nothing makes sense on where it’s placed. Books and crystals and tarot cards are all jumbled together on one shelf! The owner Brittany Stonebrook took every cliché thing about witches and mashed it into her tiny store.” Britt’s voice lowered to a growl between her clenched teeth the more she read.
My eyes are bugging out of my head as I sat my sandwich carefully back down on my plate. I was no longer hungry.
“Not to mention she has to sleep around a lot if her appalling number of reverse harem novels are anything to go by, and the way she dresses is like an old hag trying to be hip and young, only sluttier. The food was mediocre at best and not worth the money. My advice? Avoid this place like the plague!”
I flinched as she finishes, my blood started boiling as my best friend looked at me with anger and tears in her eyes. The utter devastation I saw as she fought to hold onto her anger, had me seeing fucking red. Why would someone attack another person’s livelihood, dream and passion like that was beyond me? Most of humanity sucked hard core balls in my opinion. But still this just
seemed over the top.
“I get to throat punch the fucking twat before we rip out her entrails.” I seethed, “God, I’m so sorry Britt. That is totally not true and was uncalled for! If she didn’t like it why didn’t she just say, ‘Not my cup of tea?’ at least then she would have used some manners. There was no reason to rip your store to shreds like that!” A thought occurred to me and I snapped my fingers at her, “Here give me your phone for a sec.”
Britt looked confused as I held out my hand and repeatedly bent my fingers in a gimme gesture, she reluctantly passed me her phone, like I knew she would. I quickly got onto the person’s profile and saw that she hardly ever gave a good review to anyone.
“Just as I thought. She’s a troll.” I mumbled.
“What do you mean she’s a troll? As she looks hideous and probably likes hanging out under bridges? I can see that.” Britt nodded her head and looked at me hopefully.
I laughed and shook my head as I passed the phone back to her, “No, not like the fairytale version of a troll. A troll is basically an asswipe that spends all of their days doing nothing but ripping people to shreds.” She still looked slightly confused, “Their main mission is to attack, offend, disrupt and generally cause trouble within the online community. I can’t believe you’ve been in business for ten years and don’t know what the hell a troll is.” I laughed grinning widely at her.
“Well sorry, I didn’t think to keep up with the current lingo.” Britt glared at me.
“You have two options here, ignore it, or report them for abuse.”
“What would you do?” She tilted her head to the side, regarding me questionly.
I flashed her a wicked grin, “Report every single one of her nasty ass reviews as abuse. Make it so the site won’t let her review anymore. To a troll that is a fate worse than death by intestine strangulation.”
Britt looked like a fish, opening and closing her mouth before she grinned at me, “You’re truly vicious and evil you know that? And I fucking love you for it!” I chuckled as she jumped off the stool to give me a hug.
“It’s good to be slightly evil every now and again.” I grinned at her as she pulled away.
“So, are you going to tell me what the fuck happened at my shop yesterday with Christian?” I cringed as she leveled me with her, you better spill it chick, stare.
I waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal. “He was being a controlling bastard, and called you a tramp. So I ended it. That’s all there is to it.” Britt looked pissed all over again, I tried to quell her anger. “Now don’t go doing anything stupid with him okay. I was planning on ending it when we went on our hike this weekend anyways. With the sex alone I should have ended it ages ago. I was hoping it would get better. I mean is it to much to ask for a guy that actually takes the time to make sure their girl is satisfied before they get their release?”
“Wha…” Britt started choking on the bite of her sandwich she had just taken, I reached over and pounded her on the back, until she started to breathe normally again. Britt glared at me as I got up to get her more coffee. “What the fuck, Lex! What have I told you before about being with a guy that can’t handle his shit?”
I waved her away, “Yeah, yeah I know. If he can’t handle his shit, you must acquit. Or something like that.” I grinned as I put the coffee down in front of her.
Britt shook her head at me and smiled, “So does that mean you’re not going hiking Friday?”
“Actually, I’m still planning on going.” At her sharp look I flinched, “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice! I’m going by myself! I need time to clear my head and get back to my roots so to speak. I need to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life.”
“Bitch please, I’ve told you what you should do but you refuse to listen! Stubborn woman!”
“What? Go to work for you? Britt that would be great and you know it, but I need something that’s more like a forever career. It wouldn’t be the same for me as for you. I don’t own the store. Ya know?
“Not that, damn do you ever listen to me?”
“I’m sorry, what?” I grinned cheekily at her as she glared at me, but I could see the humor in her eyes.
“Wench. No, I’m talking about opening your own gallery! Your artwork is amazing! You could feature local artists. And of course the Witch’s Brew would be happy to cater all of your events.” I threw back my head and laughed as Britt winked at me.
After my laughter died down I told her in a serious voice, “I don’t know Britt. I haven’t even picked up a camera in a year and a half. I haven’t felt very inspired to take any photos. Plus where in the world would I come up with the capital to open a gallery?”
I had dabbled with photography since I was a little girl. I was five when my dad had gotten me my first camera, since I was forever stealing his to take pictures. I had gotten pretty good and was even studying it at college along with business management.
Until Roxy died, then my life changed. Fuck, everything changed after that.
I realized then that I had made the decision to let go of Roxy’s murder at the same time I no longer felt like taking beautiful pictures. I may go over her files still, but It’s not like I was actively pursuing anything. Not like I would have before. She wouldn’t want me to give up on my dream. In fact I could see her now in my mind yelling at me to get back out there and pick up my damn camera. It was where I belonged.
I shook my head and focused back on Brittany. I gave a snort of laughter; she was looking at me like I had grown horns and wings in the span of three seconds. “What?”
“Girl, you need to get back out there! Get behind your camera! At least take it with you on your hike in case you do feel inspired, okay?” She stood up and got ready to leave, so I nodded my acceptance and gave her a hug.
“Come by the shop tomorrow and we’ll have lunch. Love you, brat.”
I chuckled, “Love you more, witch. I’ll be there with fucking bells on.”
Britt’s tinkling laughter followed her out the door. Smiling and in a better mood, I go into my dark room to look at everything that used to mean the world to me. I still liked the old fashioned way of making pictures. I liked the slow process, the smell of the chemicals, the anticipation of waiting to see if you got just the right photo. The right angle. The right light. Having your heart race when a subject comes out better than you thought, or when you capture a moment you never thought you would. One with so much emotion you can’t help but to feel something, anything. I always held my breath as the picture was finally revealed.
I missed that. Brit was right, I had to get back to being me. I was a photographer. Not an accountants receptionist. It was time I got back into doing what I loved to do.
Five
Thursday dawned bright and clear, with a small bite in the air. Fall was fast approaching; I could see the leaves already starting to turn. It was going to be a long brutal winter, that was for sure.
Britt had made me promise to come see her today before I left. That woman was relentless. She was convinced that I needed to be in constant contact with someone after the breakup. I sighed, thinking back over our conversation the night before on the phone.
“Are you sure you’re okay? I could come stay with you. Or better yet you can come to my house. It’ll be like an old fashioned slumber party!” Her words had gained enthusiasm as she spoke.
“B, for the last time I’m fine! I don't need a babysitter, sweets. I can take care of myself. What the hell has gotten into you.” I only called Britt, B, when I was upset with her. Funnily enough the thought of using her full name never even crossed my mind. In my head the B stood for both Britt and bitch, it made me chuckle every time. Not that I would ever tell her why I called her B when I was upset with her.
Her heavy sigh slid across the phone line bringing me back into the present. “I know you can take care of yourself. It's not that. Christian came by the shop today,” It had been a few days since the breakup, he had tried calling
me and even came to the house knocking frantically. Every day I sent back the flowers he had delivered.
“What the hell did he want?” I growled over the phone.
“He apologized to me and said he didn't mean anything by what he said, just that work has him stressed lately and he thought you were slipping away. He, and I’m quoting here, handled it poorly.” Britt’s snort was loud and clear over the line.
“What? You don't believe him?” She had always liked Christian from the beginning. What wasn't to like then? He was charming and smooth. Made all the right gestures and treated me like a queen. Up until Tuesday that was all she knew, I hadn't told her of all the sly glances and cruel twist of his lips as he put me down in some way or another. I had convinced myself that I was seeing things, that it was all in my head. So I didn't feel the need to bother her with it. I’m sure she had started to pick up on something though with all of her reverse harem book suggestions.
“No I didn't believe him!” her angry whisper flowed over the line, why she was whispering I didn’t know but went with it. “His mouth may have been speaking the words but his eyes told another story, Lexi. You know what my granny always said, God rest her soul, the eyes tell everything. And I'm telling you his eyes were cold. I'm worried about what he might try and do since I told him it was a no go…”
“Come on, Britt, tell me what you really said,” I interrupted her, knowing damn well that was not what she had told him.
“Okay, so I may have told him to go to fucking hell where I hope they shove a spit up his ass and roast him.”
I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. “Nice image.”
After that she had made me promise to go to the shop tomorrow and have lunch again. I didn't have the heart to tell her that we had already made plans earlier in the day to do that. She was obviously worried and upset about Christian. Which I didn't blame her, he had been blowing up my phone with calls and texts since then. I ignored them all.
The longer I ignored him though the more aggressive he became. I was a little rattled but told myself he wouldn’t do anything. Deep down, I didn't think that was true however, and a nagging little voice in the back of my mind was telling me to run.
Lexi's Justice Page 4