The Tutor

by K Larsen

  “Make a wish,” she says. I breathe deep before blowing the candle out. Nora claps with excitement. I try to smile back but as I look around, noting the dirty floors and cracked dishes, my smile falters. The walls are dusty. A big bucket of water sits on the kitchen counter. It smells stale in here. The three of us lived this way for months. Pretending we belong here. Together. Me for longer. I need Nora to snap out of it.

  I need Nora.

  I need her.

  I need him to go to her. I need to make him think it is his idea. That she wants to be rescued; no, needs to be. I don’t want to die here.

  Eve

  Holden’s bruises were still fresh and tender. I would not cower to him. I would not stop fighting. He tried over and over to break me. To make me see the beauty in what he wanted; no, needed, to do. I overpowered him only once and it ended badly. I had neglected my chores. I had also spat in his face when he tried to remind me to get them done. He never showed restraint with me and his arm whipped backward so fast, I almost didn’t dodge the blow. But I did. And behind me, Laura stood. I ducked and she got backhanded. The blow sent her lithe body flailing. Her head made a sickening thunk as it cracked the corner of the dining table. Her body hit the floor limply. Blood seeped out around her head rapidly. There was so much blood . . . Holden’s scream was agony. Pure horror. Primal and child-like.

  He dropped to his knees beside her and cradled her in his arms. “It was an accident.” I must have said those words a hundred times over. Terror ripped through me. I thought perhaps if he heard them, his punishment would be less harsh. Laura was barely older than Lotte. Holden adored her. Treated her like a princess. He loved her and it was his hand that killed her, but it was an accident. When he lifted his head, his eyes met mine and the murderous glare he shot me left no room for doubt. I was as good as dead.

  I turned and ran.

  There was no time to get Lotte from her room. There was no time to put shoes on. I just ran. I ran for so long, I thought my bones were broken. I thought my lungs were on fire. I ran until my brain turned off. I kept going until my entire body shut down and I passed out.

  I jolt awake. I can’t get back to sleep. It’s not unusual. Not since Holden. I’m scared of my own dreams. I’m always looking over my shoulder. Either searching for Lotte or dreading seeing Holden’s face.

  Nora

  Dr. Richardson brings me the meal she promised. My mouth waters when the scent hits my nose. It feels like forever since I’ve eaten something other than hospital slop. She sets the to-go box on the table that hovers over my bed before sitting down with her own meal.

  “Why do you do this job?” I ask. She looks up from her food, plastic fork frozen mid-air.

  “I had an excellent therapist when I was younger. I thought, if I could help just one person the way she helped me, it would be worth it.”

  I do not answer but instead push a fork full of mashed potatoes into my mouth. A groan escapes and Dr. Richardson chuckles.

  “So, Holden cooked well?” she asks. I nod.

  “We grew or hunted all our food. It was so fresh. I never realized how bland processed food was until him.”

  “What else did you learn there?” I look at her, while stuffing another bite in my mouth and shrug.

  “Oh, come on. Share with me.”

  “I learned I am strong. I learned what love is. I learned to whittle and garden and live without modern conveniences or technology.”

  “What was that like?” She stuffs a bite of steak in her mouth.

  “At first, hard. I checked my cell, forgetting there was no signal. Eventually, I powered it off because I had no way to charge it and needed it to work once I got to the bus station. I liked the silence of nature. It was so peaceful there. You learn to use your ears more, your sense of smell. Lotte and I swam and made flower crowns. It was much more simple than every day life here.”

  “Here where?”

  I pause to contemplate what she’s asking. “Society, I guess.”

  “What was your childhood like?”

  I relax, this is a safe topic. “It was great. My parents were loving and happy. We had a good life. I remember smiling so much. They died when I was in middle school. My aunt came to raise me but she was young and wasn’t cut out for it. I haven’t seen her in a few years. She took off when I was sixteen.”

  “That must have been hard. How did you navigate adult responsibilities at that age?”

  I shrug. “I just did. I paid everything online from the insurance stipend and went to school. Aubry’s mom checked in on me a lot. She’s basically my surrogate mom.”

  “You’re very resourceful, Nora.”

  “I guess. I think anyone could do it, if they had to.”

  She shakes her head. “That’s just it. Many don’t. You should be proud of yourself.”

  I say nothing, because what is there to say?

  “So, tell me more about your time while tutoring Charlotte.”

  “It was pretty basic. I helped her with math, reading, drawing. That kind of stuff. She’s a very smart girl.”

  Dr. Richardson smiles at me. “It is clear you’re very fond of her. Were you fond of Holden, too?”

  “Oh, yes. The three of us were peas in a pod. We had a lot of fun.”

  “As friends?”

  I blush. “I had a crush on him, yes. It’s hard not to develop feelings when you are isolated for three months with someone.”

  “Did he reciprocate that crush?” she asks.

  Nora

  It is my favorite time of day, as I relax on the porch. There is still a bit of daylight left, even now after Lotte is in bed. The summer days are long and hot but at this time, the heat gives way to a cool breeze. Holden steps out to join me. My heart thunders in my chest, and I can’t help the butterflies that flit through my stomach at the sight of him. He sits next to me. Close. Rubbing his large hand over one shoulder and down my arm, he leans in to brush his lips across the shell of my ear. Those same lips moving softly over my skin as he whispers, “It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?” I nod. The knowing gleam in his eyes as he pulls away leaves no doubt that he understands exactly the effect his touch has on me. He does this often. But he does not take it any further. Not until I say so and I am glad for that. It eases my anxiety.

  It is another two weeks before Holden needs to go to town again. But he brings me with him and I mail another letter to Aubry. Holden’s come into town three times now; the last time, he brought Lotte. Aubry still hadn’t returned my letter, which makes me worry.

  “Anything for me?” I ask, as he thumbs through his mail.

  “Sorry. Nope.” I wrinkle my forehead. Aubry should have had plenty of time to get a letter to me by now. Two even.

  Holden nudges my shoulder, effectively breaking my train of thought. “Before we head back I need your help.”

  “Okay, what is it?” I ask.

  Holden grabs my hand. He does that often now. He has stayed true to his promise and not pushed me at all since that night. “I have a funeral to attend in August. I need a suit.”

  “What part of that requires me?” I laugh. He pulls me into the crook of his arm.

  He looks a bit shy, which is a side of him I’ve never seen before. “I’ve never bought a suit before.” I rest my head on his broad chest. The steady beat of his heart relaxes me.

  “Okay.”

  He exits the dressing room, looking confused. “Does this look right?” he asks with a furrowed brow. I turn around and gasp. A hand flies to my mouth. Holden is quite possibly the most handsome man I’ve laid eyes on in a suit. He’s all corded muscle, pants wrapped around thin hips, traveling lower to bulge out over thick, solid thighs.

  “Uhh?” he grumbles.

  “You look breathtaking.” I immediately blush at my words. Holden beams. His smile so genuine, his eyes crinkle at the edges. I blush and look away. I never say the right thing—the cool thing.

  “I take it that’s a compliment.” I
nod my head without meeting his eyes. “Nora,” he orders. I look up. He curls his index finger, signaling me to go to him. I stumble forward, drunk on emotion and grab the collar of his suit coat without thought. Holden’s eyes cloud. My fingers curl around the fabric tight. I stop breathing. He bends until his lips meet mine. His mouth is soft and warm. Like a rainy Saturday afternoon, curled up with a book and a mug of coffee under a heavy down comforter. I want to stay in the moment. Content and comfortable. He pulls back when the sales clerk clears her throat. “That suit does make you look great, sir, but perhaps you keep the kissing at home.” She arcs a perfectly groomed eyebrow in my direction, while maintaining a completely irritated expression.

  Holden bellows out a laugh. Deep and throaty, while I furiously blush. He reaches out and gently picks up the chain of my necklace, righting the clasp to the back of my neck. His fingers graze the sensitive skin as they go and I’m sure I’m on the cusp of fainting. It’s the most intimate I’ve ever felt with anyone. I realize that I only have one week left tutoring. One week left with Holden. I frown at the thought.

  “Come on, beautiful,” Holden says. He tugs me into the dressing room with him and I squeal my protest.

  “No, no. Stop, Holden. She already told us to leave.”

  “If I’m dropping,” he looks at the tag on the suit, “eight hundred dollars, I’ll do what I damn please.”

  My eyes widen so much, I can feel the air hit my eyeballs. “Um, well, slow . . . and all that. I mean . . .” Holden wraps one hand around my neck. He pulls me chest to chest with him by my throat.

  “Kiss me,” he says. “Kiss me like you did out there. Like a feral animal. Like you’ll starve without it.” I squeeze my thighs together. My hands rest on his forearms pulling lightly. He releases my throat, sliding his hand around the back, cupping the nape of my neck. I lick my lips. His jaw ticks. I touch the spot lightly.

  “You’re a strange man.”

  “And you’re a strange lady.”

  “So, I guess we’re good for each other,” I say. He yanks. My lips hit his with bruising force and a groan escapes me. I hop, he catches my thighs as we slam into the wall of the dressing room. Holden holds me without much effort. I relish the feeling. His lips move to my neck, then collarbone. I straighten my legs. A clear signal to put me down. He obeys with a frown. I straighten my clothes and clear my throat. “The suit is perfect.”

  I exit the dressing room, leaving Holden to change, walk past the sales lady and outside. The fresh air rushes me. I inhale deeply and smile. A smile that reaches all the way up to the corners of my eyes.

  Agent Brown

  Nora twists her hands in her lap. “Why didn’t you try to escape during the summer or fall?”

  “I did run. I tried, twice, to escape. Running is pretty much begging for a broken ankle. Holes, stumps, and fallen logs make a deceptively placid layer under fallen leaves. And running through the woods is easy to hear and easy to follow, too. Holden had all the skill and upper hand. I was flying blind the first time. A dense, shoulder of thickets made it impossible to traverse quickly.” She is defensive and her glare murderous. “There’s one time when a person can move through the forest both quietly and at a decent speed: when the ground is wet, either from heavy dew or rainfall. You still have to avoid snapping twigs and kicking branches, but otherwise, you might have a shot.”

  “Relax, Nora, it was just a question,” Salve says. She inhales deeply and looks away from me.

  “If I show you a map of the area could you pick out which logging road led to the cabin?”

  Her brow wrinkles. “Maybe? I don’t know. I can try.”

  “It’s been days and we are no closer to finding Charlotte or Holden.”

  Her face crumples. “What will happen to him?”

  “The bastard will go to prison for a long time.” Nora pales. Her posture rigid. She has feelings for him. It’s clear as day.

  “Eve wants to come back and talk to you,” Salve says. She looks to him and frowns.

  “Do I have to talk to her?”

  “No,” he says. “But I think you should.”

  “Why?”

  I stand and round the table. “Because she might talk some sense into you.”

  Salve sighs. Nora glares at me. “I don’t know what you mean, Agent Brown.”

  “She went through the same thing you did. Maybe you two can reminisce. Talk about Charlotte. Maybe together you can work out where he lives.” Nora clamps her mouth shut and I think she’s afraid to speak. She knows things she isn’t telling us. “I want you to go over the map together.”

  “Why do you hate me?” she seethes.

  I smile, because I’ve finally got her where I want her. “I don’t, Nora.” Confusion washes over her face.

  “You don’t have to treat her like a criminal,” Salves says. I roll my eyes as we walk down the corridor.

  “I’m not.”

  “You are and it’s getting us nowhere.” He jams his hands in his pockets.

  “Listen, Salve, we have a non-existent window of time to catch this fucker. Even less time to save Charlotte—statistically—and I’m not going to let her impede the investigation because of some crush or loyalty she developed.”

  “I don’t think we should be pushing her until Dr. Richardson gives us a full report. Something’s not right with her. I know you see it. That something is off. She’s just a girl. She needs help.”

  I jerk to a stop and face him. “And she will get it but that doesn’t negate a twelve year old girl still missing and a psychopath roaming around.” Salve scrubs his head in frustration.

  Eve

  I unfold the map and spread it smooth across the table. Nora has not spoken to me yet. She fidgets in her chair. I pull my chair closer to the table. My leg bumps her broken one.

  “Ouch,” she cries out. “Watch it.”

  “Sorry,” I say. I pick up a pencil and mark the bus stop in Pocketville. “You took the bus in, right?” Nora doesn’t answer. “I drove in. My car was last seen,” I look over the map until I find the commuter lot Holden had me park in, “here.” I mark the spot.

  “Why’d he choose you?” she asks. It takes me off guard.

  “Choose me?”

  She eyes me warily. “Yes. He chose us. You weren’t the only one who interviewed for the job.” Her voice drips with malice. Or maybe jealousy. I put the pencil down.

  “Life was good, right up until my dad went to prison. Lotte and I were never close before. The age gap left just that—a gap—between us. I wasn’t a great older sister. Guilt eats at me still over that fact. Dad was sent away and three days later, my mother overdosed on Xanax. She couldn’t cope with the judgment. The looks. The questions. She had two children, for fucks sake, but that wasn’t enough to keep her with us. The courts awarded me guardianship of Lotte and then real life kicked in. I didn’t want to be a parent. I wasn’t equipped. I resented her. Treated her like a burden. Those actions and feelings I can never take back. I would give anything to go back. To make her life better. To treat her better. To love her better—but I can’t.”

  “I need to get her back. I need her to know how sorry I am. To make it right. Once we got to Holden and Laura’s, it didn’t take long to notice something was off. I tried to quit a month before the job was over and that’s when things went sour. He threw me in the box. Tried to break me. Tried to use Lotte against me. She was so scared. She cried endlessly and I couldn’t protect her. It nearly killed me. Maybe that’s why he chose me. Because we had no one. Because of Lotte. Laura needed a friend. Because we seemed inconsequential. I don’t know, Nora. Why’d he choose you?”

  She blinks back the tears in her eyes. “Because I had no one to look for me and I was . . . naturally submissive.”

  “Where did you live? You and Lotte?”

  “We’re from Bathon.”

  “That’s a long way from Pocketville.”

  “I know,” I say.

  “Where do you li
ve now?”

  “I’ve been here. Floating around, watching. I couldn’t bring myself to leave—not knowing Lotte was close to here.” Nora nods at me and I look back to the map. Why can’t I place the road we took?

  “What was Laura like?” she asks.

  I release a breath I’d been sheltering and find myself uncharacteristically incapable of forming a response. A shiver runs down my spine. “Laura was, I don’t know, a sad girl. She grew up on the mountain—mostly with Holden. She didn’t know so many things. She was so sheltered. Strange. She saw nothing wrong with what Holden did. In fact- she helped him.”

  Nora nods and bites her lip. “What happened to her?”

  My pulse jumps. I do not want to talk about that night. I straighten up in my seat. “That’s not important. Let’s look at this map. Please.”

  Nora studies me intently. Then, “It was you, wasn’t it?”

  I snap my gaze to hers. “It was Holden,” I state. “And it was an accident.”

  She wheels her chair as close as she can to the table. “Do you have artwork?” she whispers.

  A tear rolls down my cheek. She is so broken, I can’t stay angry. The pity I feel for her overwhelms me. “No, Nora, I have scars.”

  Nora

  “There,” I point. My finger glides along the map, tracing a faint line.

  “No, that’s not it,” Eve says. Agent Brown sighs, her expression laced with a miniscule hint of frustration.

  “Girls,” she says. “How is it you can’t agree on one road?”

  I lean back, in my chair, frustrated. “That is definitely the road we took from Pocketville when we went into town. Nothing else looks familiar.”