Seeking Sorrow (Guardians of Terath Book 1)

by Zen DiPietro

  After eating, Kassimeigh wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. Arc heated water and made tea to make up for the lack of a hot meal. She sipped her tea and listened to Izzy and Arc chatter away.

  Her bones had just begun to recover from the constant jarring of riding across Apex when she noticed a streak of light in the sky. A swath of pink gradually brightened and broadened to include shades of violet deepening to purple. The purple expanded and stretched out into sweeps of blue. Amazed, Kassimeigh looked over at Izzy, who glowed with a faint purple light.

  “Beautiful. It’s like a dancing rainbow,” Izzy murmured in wonder.

  “Apex glow.” Awe brightened Luc’s features. “I’ve never seen it outside of a comm panel. It’s caused by gas particles colliding as they enter Terath’s atmosphere.”

  “Come, let’s get a better look.” Izzy grabbed her gloves and beckoned to Kassimeigh.

  “I’ll come.” Arc started toward the opening of their shelter.

  Will stood too, following the others.

  “I’ll stay here.” Luc stared up at the sky. “I can see fine where I am.”

  Kassimeigh hesitated.

  “Come on,” Izzy cajoled.

  She supposed she shouldn’t miss the opportunity. If she was lucky, she’d never get the chance to see the Apex glow again. She joined the other young people.

  As they stepped away from the high walls of their shelter, the sky opened to them in a massive expanse of swirling, gleaming color. They walked into the cold air, bathed in a dream world of iridescence.

  “Wow,” Izzy exhaled. “I’ve heard of Apex glow but never realized it was so . . .” She failed to find the right word and fell silent. She stretched a hand up toward the sky and her skin became pinkish. She laughed and did a slow twirl in the light.

  Arc lifted his hand and it glowed indigo. His laugh of simple delight joined Izzy’s. Not to be outdone, Will lifted both his hands, and they shone an icy blue. “My hands match your hair!” He grinned at Izzy.

  Kassimeigh raised her own fingertips toward the sky, and saw pink and purple light dance across her digits. She waggled her fingers slightly, and color wafted around them in lazy whorls. She smiled at the colors dancing around her hands, in spite of the fact that her exposed skin grew quite cold. She ignored the chill. The colorful display trumped the discomfort from elements.

  Arc drew nearer to her as he wove his own fingers through the shafts of light. His smile suggested he was pleased that Kassimeigh had joined the rest of them. He held his hands next to hers and she joined him in a colorful puppet show of waggling fingers. They laughed at the novelty of the effect. Arc held his palms out to her, and Kassimeigh gently pressed her own hands against his. Together, their hands made two tall pillars of multicolored light. She felt a resulting buzz of energy between them, but it was more of a soothing hum than a jarring jolt.

  Next to them, Will and Izzy faced each together.

  “It’s almost like music you can see rather than hear, isn’t it?” Will undulated his hand, causing the light to roll down it.

  “A charming analogy. Almost poetic, for a brute like yourself.” Izzy gave him a grin to take the sting out of the tease. “What do you say we dance to it?”

  “Of course.” He offered her a deep bow. “May I have this dance?”

  “I wouldn’t dream of anything else!” She declared as she stepped close and put a hand on his shoulder. They began a waltz across the frozen, rocky ground. The lights continued to spiral and cavort around them, casting colorful spotlights on them.

  Kassimeigh returned her attention to Arc. Their hands still pressed together.

  Arc’s fingers gently curled around hers, folding her chilly hands into his grasp. “What is this thing that happens between us? And how did I heal you? We never even talked about it. I’m dying to discuss it with Luc, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want anyone to know.”

  She stiffened and moved back, but he held her hands and kept her from retreating too far.

  “I don’t know any more than you do.” She had intended for that to be the final word, but then impetuously added, “Have you ever heard of a soulbond?”

  “Sure, but it’s remarkably rare. There are few documented cases of a provable bond.”

  “A long time ago, I knew a couple who had a soulbond. A man and a woman. I don’t know if they were in love, but they were impossibly in sync.” Old memories played through her mind. Arc studied her as if her expressions were vital information he needed to learn.

  She took another step back and pulled free of his grasp. His interest was too much. “I’ve dedicated my life to the order. All of my relationships come from there. I’m good at being alone and I’m good at being a shiv. I’m not looking to be anything else to anyone.”

  His kindness and caring made her feel like a bit of a jerk for rejecting something he hadn’t even offered.

  “I liked the shiv I traveled with before. I very much like the Kassimeigh standing with me under the Apex glow. It makes sense for me to like them both at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, does it?”

  She suspected that if she let herself, she could really like him. But she just didn’t have space in her life for that. “I’m not sure I’m good at being both at the same time. A shiv justice releases the sense of self to focus on reason. It’s a one-or-the-other situation most of the time.”

  “I’ve seen justices without full shoka, using their personal names.”

  “Yes, and those people are like you. Friendly and outgoing. Thrilled to chat for hours with whomever comes along.”

  “And you’re not.”

  “Exactly. I usually remain within the keep unless I’m acting as a justice. Then, I become wisdom, justice, and honor. It’s a role I embody, and I interact well with others in that capacity. When I’m just Kassimeigh, I prefer to be alone, or with just one or two others.”

  “So you’re not just a little bit of an introvert.”

  “Nope. I’m an all-out introvert. I don’t like big, noisy, chaotic parties or sitting around with people I don’t know, making small talk. I like understated rooms and conversation with people I know well.”

  “I understand.”

  “I don’t think so. You bask in the company of others.”

  “I do enjoy being with other people. A few people or a lot. Whatever comes along. But I also understand finding comfort in self-reliance. That’s an important part of my life too.”

  She hadn’t thought of it that way, but now she’d have to. It was a very good point. Dammit.

  “Have you ever considered that choosing to be a perpetual embodiment of justice is as much of a disguise as wearing full shoka? Would it be worth it to work harder at just being Kassimeigh?”

  She blinked. First Izzy and now him. She understood Izzy’s vantage point as a reader, but from Arc, the question was an overreach. She snapped her justice mask into place. “I’ll meditate on that. I think I’ll go back to the shelter now.”

  Arc had seen her expression grow placid and knew he’d lost her. For the moment. He wasn’t going to worry. As long as they both lived, they had time.

  She began to leave, then paused. She said over her shoulder, “I think we are. Soulbonded. But we’re not talking about it yet, or mentioning it to anyone else. And I’m not prepared to discuss anything with Luc.”

  Arc rubbed his chin. “All right. But we’ll have to figure it out at some point.”

  “Agreed. But for now, we have more pressing matters to handle.” She didn’t look back as she strode to their shelter, leaving Arc staring up at the multicolored sky while Will and Izzy Gin danced slow, meandering circles over the hard Apex ground.

  “We have three days,” Luc told them in a sleep-roughened voice.

  Morning had come early.
Kassimeigh had slept heavily, making her feel discombobulated. As she watched Izzy and Will rouse and wipe the sleep from their eyes, she guessed that they felt the same. Only Arc appeared to be fresh and well-rested. Indeed, he was annoyingly in his element. She joined Luc, Will, and Izzy in leaving the breakfast prep to him.

  Cheerfully affable, he didn’t mind nearly as much as they would have liked.

  “We may not find anything in only three days,” Will observed, accepting a cup of coffee from Arc.

  “Or we might,” Izzy countered. Her hair stuck up around her head in a storm of tangles. Thinking of her own hair and its tendency toward chaos, Kassimeigh raked her fingers through the long, springy mass.

  Luc cleared his throat and the sound reverberated off the stone walls surrounding them. “Whether we do or don’t, our food and water supplies will only hold out for six more days. That gives us three days to search and three days to get to the nearest mining town, just over the border in Sub-Apex. We’ll cover as much ground as we can in the time we have. I’ve drawn up a plan that uses this shelter as a center point, and we’ll survey out from there, disregarding the west, which we’ll survey as we travel to the town.”

  “And if the thing we don’t know we’re searching for happens to loom up in our path on our way to the supply town?” Will drained his cup and set it down. Kassimeigh was surprised at how quickly he’d tossed the coffee back. He must be in serious need of a pick-me-up.

  “We put a little mark on the map and then take the very, very long way around,” Izzy guessed.

  “Something like that,” Luc smirked.

  Kassimeigh noticed Will’s bemused look as he studied Izzy. Too often, he wore the somberness of a much older man. He’d shown some whimsy during the Apex glow, so perhaps he was beginning to loosen up a little. Kassimeigh wondered if he had any personal interest in the reader. Although Izzy was several years older than Will, Kassimeigh thought it would be odd if he didn’t notice the reader’s favorable qualities. On the other hand, Izzy often annoyed the young blade, so it was entirely possible he barely tolerated her.

  Time would tell. Kassimeigh accepted a plate of food from Arc and wasted no time in digging into it. They had a lot of ground to cover, and the sooner they got started, the better.

  The morning of the fourth day, they were cold, tired, and no closer to progress. Having no place protected enough from the elements to bathe, Izzy felt distinctly unfresh. As she rolled her bedroll into a tight coil and fastened it closed, she hoped she’d get a chance to wash it, too.

  Luc stewed in a particular height of churlishness, which served as an irritant to them all. Well, except for Kassimeigh, who didn’t seem to care, but that was typical. Izzy wished she could take a lesson from the justice and feel only equanimity right now. She needed a distraction.

  “I’m not sorry to be leaving Apex. Even if it’s just barely and only briefly. The border between Apex and Sub-Apex is certainly jagged.” She’d seen Luc’s map on his hand comm, and was surprised by how much the border line swooped northward and southward.

  No one replied to her and she watched Will from the corner of her eye. “All I want is a fresh meal, a hot bath, and something to entertain me besides Will’s prurient interests.”

  The tips of Will’s ears reddened. “Prurient!”

  His head snapped up and he seemed to be about to say more when he noticed the devils dancing in Izzy’s eyes. His own eyes narrowed at her as he stood, swinging a large pack of emergency supplies off the ground and onto his back. Izzy took a moment to appreciate Will’s apparently effortless handling of the heavy weight. She probably would have had to grab the thing with both hands and put all her weight into dragging it backward to get it to move.

  “Don’t you wish.” He turned his back on her and strode out of the shelter to load the pack into the cart for the day’s journey.

  Izzy’s insides filled with delight, and a small laugh escaped her. His playful response gave her a thrill of satisfaction.

  After she’d done her part to help pack up the items they’d need for the day, Izzy seated herself in the cart behind Luc and Will. That left Kassimeigh and Arc to share the other cart. Izzy was curious about Will’s reaction to her seat choice, but he ignored her altogether. She offered Luc a cheerful smile, and he responded with a scowl.

  “You’re a troublemaker, Izzy Gin,” Luc informed her.

  “Only sometimes. And I only engage in the very best kind of troublemaking, with useful objectives.”

  Luc simply shook his head, frowning, but she knew that inside, he allowed himself a small smile.

  Chapter 6

  Kassimeigh had spent long stretches of time in unpleasant surroundings before, but she had never been so glad to find a little swath of comfort. Shedding those layers of heavy clothing felt like a victory. Still, the cold had seeped into her bones, and she wondered if she’d ever get warm. Or clean. Her skin felt like it was buried under inches of dust. As she stared at the welcome sight of hot water rushing from the faucet and filling the full-size tub, she thanked the little mining town of Collington. This one precious medium was her solution to both the cold and the grime.

  She stepped one foot into the tub, feeling the lightly textured surface beneath the toes. After she swung her other foot in to join the first, she sank into the almost-too-hot water and let it soothe her travel-worn body. When the water lost its heat, she drained it and refilled the tub. Because she had her own private bathroom, no one was waiting on her, and there was nowhere else she wanted to be at the moment. The combined effects of solitude, the warmth of the bath, and the luxury of clean skin eventually lulled her into a drowse of contentment.

  She ruminated over the pink starburst of lines on her lower abdomen, where the crossbow bolt had pierced her. Tracing the fading lines with her finger, she knew a second starburst decorated her back, as well. She wondered if the lines would fade entirely or if she’d be left with a memento of the event. She could always see a doctor to have any scars removed, if she wanted, but she doubted she’d ever bother with it.

  Loud knocking at the door to her rented room jolted her from her reverie. Wrapping a thick towel around her, she strode to the door and focused one eye on the peephole.

  “It’s Izzy!” She heard the announcement just as she glimpsed the reader standing in the hallway. “Let me in!”

  Kassimeigh glanced down at the towel. She was covered decently enough for this particular guest. She admitted Izzy into the room, then closed the door behind her.

  “Is something wrong?” Kassimeigh asked.

  “I’m going to say no. For now. Your feet are wet, by the way. I was just wondering if you planned to eat dinner with the rest of us.”

  She’d planned to soak up all the solitude available to her. Now she was distracted by the droplets of water dotting her feet and calves. “Should I?”

  “Yes. You should.”

  Kassimeigh really preferred to be alone after spending so much time constantly among others. But she considered Izzy a friend. Few people had earned that distinction, and this particular friend happened to be an incredibly intelligent, remarkably astute reader. Kassimeigh had learned from experience that if Izzy made a suggestion, there was very good reason for it. She had a deep respect and trust for Izzy’s judgment.

  “Then I will. When?” It was too early for dinner, so she’d have at least a little more time to herself.

  “Two hours from now.”

  “I’ll meet you downstairs, then.” Like the other mining towns they’d visited in Sub-Apex, this one had a tavern on the ground floor beneath the guest rooms. They all seemed to follow the same basic design, give or take a few amenities.

  Kassimeigh tugged her towel up. “I should get dressed.”

  “Speaking of which,” Izzy swung a small bag off her shoulder and held it out to Kas
simeigh. “Here.”

  Kassimeigh was suspicious as she took it and peered inside.

  “Dry your feet first so you don’t get it wet.”

  Kassimeigh didn’t understand. “It’s a dress. Yours?”

  “Yours. There’s a pair of slippers underneath, too. I got them at a shop next door. Lucky find, in this little place. I think it will be a good fit, and the green color will make your eyes really pop.”

  Kassimeigh considered the possibility that Izzy was joking, but the reader appeared to be serious.

  “I don’t want to wear a dress. I’m more comfortable in a shoka. And popping eyes sounds like a bad thing.”

  “No, it’s good, you’ll see. You’re stuck between your two identities. You need to figure out how to merge all the pieces of yourself into one. That means not relying on a crutch like your shoka.”

  Kassimeigh tightened the towel, which had begun to slip again. “I don’t like the idea of not wearing my shoka.”

  “Which is exactly why you should do it.” She gave Kassimeigh a moment to consider. “I saw you with your giant sword when those creatures attacked us, and I knew it was you under the shoka. My knowing what you look like didn’t make you less of a shiv. So if you’re shiv enough to fight monsters, you’re shiv enough to wear a dress and have dinner with a group of friends.”

  Kassimeigh couldn’t fault the logic, no matter how hard she tried.

  “Besides,” Izzy added. “You’re ready for a challenge. After years of wishing I could wring some sort of emotion from you, I’ve finally started feeling things from you.”