Seeking Sorrow (Guardians of Terath Book 1)

by Zen DiPietro

“I do. I water the plants and look after them if they get sick. They’re the only real friends I have. I read books, too. Reading about characters is almost like knowing people.”

  Kassimeigh checked her impulse to question Meli. She had to let Izzy forge that path. The reader’s talent and training gave her the tools to do so without harming their charge or their cause.

  “Is there no one else here then, ever?” Izzy asked sympathetically.

  “No one I’d want to know. Only Anguish. Or his twisted people. But I don’t like to see any of them. I try to just do my work and avoid all of them. Better to be with my plants and my books.”

  “You’re essentially the cook, housekeeper, and gardener of the fortress, then?”

  “I suppose. There’s no one else to do those things. Anguish isn’t often here. When he is, he’s busy creating his monsters and crashing about in his lab.”

  “I didn’t realize there was a lab,” Izzy remarked casually, taking exceptional interest in a waterwood plant. “What’s in there?”

  Meli adjusted the angle of a potted tree. “I don’t know. It’s an area I’m not to visit, whether he’s here or not. So I don’t. It’s below, in the cellar.”

  “How do you get your supplies, like flour for baking?” Izzy wondered.

  Meli scrunched up her nose. “The twisties deliver it.”

  When Meli’s mouth turned down in a frown, Izzy stepped away from a flowerbed to admire the fountain. “This sure is pretty. I like how the maiden’s holding a jug and pouring it out. The stone gets sparkly when the water runs over it.”

  “I like it too. I have picnics out here and read, usually beside the fountain.” She dipped her fingers into the flow of water. “I like hearing the trickle of the water.” She tilted her head and listened.

  “You’ve mentioned books several times now,” Kassimeigh observed. “Do you like to read a particular genre?”

  “I like histories. And mysteries. And classics. I’ll read most anything.”

  “I’ve always enjoyed reading, too. In my keep, where I live, we have a huge library, and there’s probably a dent on the couch that’s just my size.”

  “Because you sit there so much? I’m the same way. Maybe the chair or the stones under the arbor have wear-marks from me.” Meli giggled at sharing a joke.

  Kassimeigh smiled. She was glad to have created some bond with Meli, however tenuous. She was tempted to ask if she’d been a book lover as a child, but didn’t want to risk leading Meli’s thoughts to the unpleasant. It might undo the progress they’d made.

  “Are there lots of books in your library?”

  Meli’s curiosity encouraged Kassimeigh. “No, we don’t keep printed books. They take up too much space. Instead, we have comfortable couches and chairs and comm panels. Handheld comms, too. Bigger than the hand comms we carry around every day, but still portable. We also have tables where people can play games together.”

  “It sounds nice.” Kassimeigh thought maybe there was a touch of wistfulness in Meli’s voice.

  “It is.”

  “Why don’t we have a picnic out here this afternoon?” Izzy suggested when they fell silent. “We can set up a blanket, have some nice treats, and enjoy a girls’ luncheon. No boys allowed.”

  Dawn rose on Meli’s face. “Oh, I’d love that. Can we really? I’ve wished for so long to have real, living friends. I can make tea. I’ve read about tea parties, but never had one. Except the pretend kind, when I was a little girl.”

  “Yes, let’s do,” Kassimeigh chimed in. The change in Meli’s demeanor gave her hope. She found Meli’s glancing mention of her childhood particularly encouraging. She itched to ask Izzy what she thought. “We’ll have a lovely time.”

  Meli looked blissful as she stood in the sunlight that streamed through the side window. “It’s like a dream come true. I’m so glad you two are here.”

  Kassimeigh’s hopefulness shifted to melancholy. She and Izzy shared a sorrowful glance. Such a small thing meant so much to this reclusive creature. Kassimeigh’s main priority transformed from furthering their own agenda to helping Meli regain the kind of life that already should have been hers. In the process of helping Meli, the answers they sought would naturally follow.

  The scene outside the fortress was as industrial as the scene inside was domestic. Instead of gentle nurturing and therapeutic luncheons, Will focused on conditioning, tactics, and ass-kicking.

  Under the boringly gray sky, he’d separated the battalion into units and tasked the more experienced members with leading training drills. Some units performed physical conditioning, while others practiced weapon skills. Will perceived a growing fellowship among the troops as they learned how to work together.

  The archers had set up their own training area, complete with makeshift targets composed of tent poles and scavenged fabric. Will had a brief word with Arc about asking the manahi to help out with manufacturing some better targets when he noticed Luc watching from a safe distance. He left the archers to continue their practice and joined the manahi.

  “Good morning,” he greeted. The rhythmic thumps and thwacks of the archers resumed behind him.

  “No time off for the troops?” Luc was inscrutable.

  “Idleness is a bad idea for a group of people itching for a fight. Most of these troops are counting on combat at some point, and drills keep us primed and focused.”

  “Smart. With no foe to unify against, this group might turn inward on itself for some excitement. Ina was, as usual, wise to choose you as their leader.”

  Will’s eyebrows lifted at the unexpected praise. “Thank you. I don’t know how much credit I can really take, but I’m committed to the job.”

  Luc made a dismissive gesture. “By all means, take a healthy portion of credit. Once you have it, you can trade on it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Luc pinned Will with a pointed gaze. “You’ve discovered something of yourself during this episode. You’ve found a focus, a drive. I’d be surprised if you haven’t had some thoughts on how you can keep the momentum. This assignment we’re on, however nebulous it is, won’t last forever. What comes next for Will Azrith?”

  He’d wondered about it, too. It just surprised him that Luc had bothered to think about his future. “You’re right. I’ve been thinking about it, because we’ve uncovered a weak spot in Terath’s infrastructure. This situation left Magistrate Trewe reaching for a resource Terath didn’t have. Peace doesn’t have to mean unpreparedness.”

  He shook his head, baffled by the lack of resources at Terath’s disposal. He was reminded of the old saying about current events casting past events in a different light. Now that there was a need for a military force, it seemed ludicrous that the Council had never before created one.

  “If we want to maintain order, we must prepare for disorder.” Will stood up straighter and tapped himself on the chest. “I want to petition the Council of Magistrates to maintain an active military reserve. I want it to start here, with this group. And I think I’m the right person to spearhead the effort.”

  After a long moment, Luc said, “Well, then. There you go.”

  Let down by the flippant answer, Will frowned. “You think I’m naïve?”

  “Yes, but in all the right ways.”

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  Luc released a small sigh. Will wasn’t sure if it indicated annoyance or sadness. “Some of us in life know our path. A boy grows up in a family of mana-holders, knowing he will someday be like the rest of them. There’s comfort in knowing, as well as focus, and support. But some people don’t have such a clear-cut path. Not everyone gets an opportunity to realize their potential. I think you’ve discovered yours. What do you think?”

  “Are you asking if I think I’ve discovered my poten
tial, or my opportunity?”

  “Both.”

  Will chewed the inside of his lip, feeling older than he had just a few weeks before. “I’ve found something I believe in, and will fight for. I want to use my skills to build something for the good of Terath.” He fell silent for a moment. “What do you think is Kassimeigh’s goal?”

  Luc blinked at the reversal. “Hmm?”

  “She was born to become manahi, through no intention of her own. In fact, she chose to conform to accepted practice and put that part of her aside. Instead, she became a shiv. Now, she’s become a manahi, almost against her will. And there’s no telling if she’ll want to or be able to remain a shiv. You had a clear path. I’m forging mine. Kassimeigh is caught between the two. What will she do?”

  Luc rubbed his chin hard. “We’ll have to wait and see. But knowing her, whatever she ends up with will be something we didn’t anticipate.” He slapped Will on the back. “And we have front-row seats.”

  Considering what Will had already seen her do, he wasn’t sure he wanted that seat. He just hoped she would be able find happiness, once all this was over.

  Chapter 13

  The ladies’ luncheon became a daily exercise. Izzy and Kassimeigh drank tea and ate little sandwiches while they watched Meli blossom. In only a few days, she had gained a more healthful color and her movements became lithe and sprightly. Kassimeigh still regretted Meli’s waifish undernourishment, but weight gain would take time.

  After the first couple of days, the three women began to invite a special guest from among the battalion for each meal. The idea was to increase Meli’s social sphere gradually, without overwhelming her. Although Meli was aware of the contingent of troops in the fortress, she remained content to spend time only among the chosen few. Azure joined them one day, and Lark the next. Kassimeigh felt confident of their discretion with Meli.

  Their fifth luncheon included Arc, who, as Kassimeigh’s bondmate, was of particular interest to Meli. Meli hadn’t yet offered details of her childhood, but she had attached firmly to Kassimeigh and Izzy. As a result, Meli had great interest in anything involving either woman. Vicariously, she explored small facets of their lives.

  “Thank you so much for inviting me to luncheon.” Arc clasped Meli’s hand in greeting. “I’m honored, as I understand this was to be ladies-only territory.”

  Meli giggled and ducked her head. She released Arc’s hand to tuck her hair behind her ears. “I’m glad you wanted to come. Kassimeigh and Izzy have talked about you, and I wanted to see for myself.”

  “Uh oh. What if I don’t live up to your high expectations?”

  Meli shook her head. “That won’t happen. No expectations, only a nice time with friends.” She indicated the blanket by the fountain with a dainty gesture. “Please, come sit with us.”

  Kassimeigh was intrigued to witness how easily Meli had become a lovely hostess. Perhaps she’d read about entertaining in a book. Meli kept the conversation light and pleasant while ensuring the comfort of her guests. At every luncheon, Kassimeigh saw Meli as a fresh flower opening up to the sun.

  She wished for Izzy to find a way to delve more deeply into Meli’s psyche. Time was slipping away, and they needed information. Though she grew fonder of Meli each day, she had a critical objective that required answers only Meli might have.

  After they had enjoyed their fill of tea and snacks, Meli removed a crystal puzzle from her picnic basket.

  “Do you like puzzles?” she asked Arc.

  “I’ve never been very good at them,” he admitted.

  She gave him a winsome smile. “I’ll show you.”

  With reverent care, she scattered the crystal shards onto the picnic blanket. Some possessed blunt edges, some sparkled with pointed tips, and all shared a warm amethyst color. Skimming her fingers among the crystals, she carefully selected pieces. With deft hands, she set them this way and that, sliding sides and contours together to create a base.

  “You see?” She held her palms out to her three guests. “You start with the base, then build upward.”

  “You’re good at finding the parts that fit,” Izzy observed. “Have you always liked puzzles?”

  “Oh, I think so.” She rubbed a smooth crystal. “I’ve been doing them as long as I can remember.”

  She peeked at Kassimeigh. “I remember we once did a puzzle. We sat . . .” Her gaze flickered as she mentally sought the image. “Outside. We put together a wooden puzzle that had smooth sides and rough sides and holes down the middle.”

  The description of the puzzle resurrected a memory in Kassimeigh’s mind. “I did have a puzzle like that. Did we get it together correctly?”

  Meli slid another crystal into place and nodded. “We did. Then we knocked it over and went to ask for sweets.”

  Meli fell silent as she studied the remaining pieces of puzzle.

  Kassimeigh looked at Izzy with a silent question. Should she use this window to Meli’s past as a means to delve further? Izzy gave a tiny shrug and a nod.

  “I loved sweets when I was younger,” Kassimeigh mused. “The sweet shop in Umi Cabal had so many yummy things to choose from. I always took longer making a decision than I did eating. Did you have a favorite treat at the shop?” She held her breath, hoping Meli continued to cast her mind back to their childhood.

  After a long pause, Meli finally remarked, “I liked the taffies best. There were so many different flavors.”

  Relief washed over Kassimeigh. “There were! I liked all of them but the purple. Those tasted like soap. Nasty.”

  Meli giggled. “They did taste like soap, didn’t they? I still ate them though. I guess kids aren’t so smart.”

  Kassimeigh decided to dive all the way in. “Umi Cabal was a wonderful place. I loved it, and all the people. I was born there and probably would have died there except something happened to make it disappear.”

  Meli didn’t respond. Kassimeigh looked to Izzy, but the reader just lifted her shoulders.

  “Do you remember what happened to Umi Cabal, Meli? All this time, I’ve never known what happened to my home and the people I loved.”

  Meli gripped the puzzle pieces. She set her shoulders and met Kassimeigh’s gaze. “I remember.”

  “Tell me.” Kassimeigh reached out and curled her hands around Meli’s, which held a curving arcs of amethyst crystal. Meli didn’t pull away.

  “I was in my room, and I heard noise. I didn’t notice at first. I’d been working a really hard puzzle. But it got louder and then I recognized people’s screams. There was a bad smell. I yelled for my parents but no one answered. Or maybe they did, and I didn’t hear it because it got so loud I couldn’t even think. I saw lots of black, and then there was nothing around me but dust. No people, no houses. Just dust, or ash, or something. Then I saw Anguish. He was tall and black like the dust, and he told me there was no one to take care of me anymore and I’d have to come with him. So I did.”

  Meli pulled her hands free of Kassimeigh’s and dropped the puzzle pieces so she could press her fingers to her cheeks.

  When she said no more, Izzy probed, “Where did you go?”

  Meli dropped her hands like dead things into her lap. “We went a bunch of places. Never stayed long. I don’t know the names of the places. We kept moving. Eventually, we came here and he built the fortress for us to live in. It took a long time to get it the way it is now, with running water and all.”

  Meli drew in a deep breath. “It hasn’t been all bad. Mostly just lonely. I like my books, and my plants, and my puzzles. I mostly do what I want, when I’m not taking care of everything. I don’t like the nasty twisted people, but they mostly stay outside and I haven’t seen them much lately. I’ve missed real people. I’ve been so glad to have you here, happier than I’ve been since I had to leave home. I’m afraid you’ll
leave me alone again.”

  Meli’s eyes silently pleaded the question she didn’t dare voice. Kassimeigh knew she couldn’t bear the possibility of being refused.

  Kassimeigh patted Meli’s knee. “We won’t. You don’t have to be alone anymore. You can come with us.”

  Tears slipped down Meli’s cheeks. She tried to say something, but the words didn’t make their way around a soft sob of relief. She coughed, then dashed at her cheeks with trembling fingers. “Really? I was afraid you’d say no. I don’t have anything to offer you.”

  Izzy slid closer to put an arm around Meli’s shoulders. “Of course we say yes. We care about you, and you can teach us all about puzzles and entertaining.”

  Meli brightened. “Seriously?”

  “Of course. How many people host an entire battalion while throwing tea parties and maintaining such a lovely garden?”

  A breathy laugh escaped Meli. “I don’t think it’s as impressive as you make it sound, but if that’s what I have to offer, then I’m offering it.”

  “We’ll like having you along,” Izzy assured her. “You can come see the mid-lats, where you can grow just about anything. I’m sure you’ve read about it in your books.”

  They discussed plants and gardening in the hospitable environment of the mid-lats. Kassimeigh reached forward and set a crystal piece onto the puzzle, nearly finishing it. A silence fell as they all considered the last few pieces. Kassimeigh watched Arc from the corner of her eye. She appreciated his sensitivity and the way he’d remained unobtrusively quiet during their unexpected breakthrough with Meli. He had a gift for knowing what other people needed that she appreciated more every day.