by Isobel Bird
“Love,” Dr. Hagen said immediately.
“Tyler,” said Kate, feeling herself blush.
“Magic,” said the therapist, taking Kate a little by surprise. She hadn’t expected Dr. Hagen to throw out words like that.
“Risk,” Kate said, again wondering where the word had come from. But before she could think too much about it the therapist tossed out another word.
“Witch,” she said.
“Me,” Kate replied without even thinking.
Dr. Hagen looked at her curiously.
“Well, someday anyway,” Kate said.
Dr. Hagen shut her notebook. “That’s it for this time,” she told Kate.
Kate got out of her chair. “What was the point of all that?” she asked the therapist.
“I told you,” said the doctor as she walked Kate to the door. “It’s just a game. Oh, and by the way, I think maybe your parents should join us for next week’s session.”
“What?” Kate said. “Are you nuts?”
Dr. Hagen laughed. “Most people want me to tell them if they’re nuts,” she said. “Now, don’t worry. We’re just going to have a little talk.”
Kate snorted. “You clearly don’t know my parents,” she said as she turned and walked toward the waiting room.
Dr. Hagen asked Mr. and Mrs. Morgan to come speak with her for a few minutes. When they came out of her office Kate tried to read their expressions, but like Dr. Hagen’s, they were completely blank. What did she do to them? Kate wondered as they all left the office.
Neither her mother nor her father had ever asked her what she and Dr. Hagen talked about in their sessions. Usually they just rode home in silence, or her parents talked about something totally unrelated to the fact that Kate was in therapy.
This time, though, her mother turned to her shortly after they’d pulled out of the parking lot and said, “How are you liking Dr. Hagen?”
“She’s fine,” Kate said. “I like her.”
“Do you think she’s helping?” her father asked.
“Define helping,” replied Kate. She thought it was a weird question for her father to be asking her, and she was still mad enough at him that she wasn’t going to give him any breaks.
“Are you making progress with her?” her father tried again.
“I’m not a project, Dad,” said Kate. “It’s not like refinishing a bathroom, where you know you’re done when the tile is all set. That isn’t how this works. We just talk.”
Her father didn’t respond. He just looked straight ahead as he drove. But Kate thought about his question. How was she doing in therapy, and what was the point? She knew that as far as her parents were concerned the point was getting her to stop being interested in Wicca. But that wasn’t going to happen, so why was she going? Did she have a goal?
What she wanted was for her parents to say that it was fine with them if she went ahead and studied Wicca. She wanted them to say that she could keep going to the class at Crones’ Circle and that she could keep hanging out with Cooper and Annie apart from seeing them in school. She wanted them to say she could date Tyler and that they accepted him as her boyfriend. But she knew the possibility that these things would ever happen was about as likely as her becoming the next teen pop-singing sensation. Her parents didn’t want to understand witchcraft. They didn’t want her involved in it, and they didn’t want her hanging around people who were. That wasn’t going to change. Ever.
Thinking about that made her depressed. The truth was that she was enjoying talking to Dr. Hagen. Well, not enjoying it, exactly, but she was definitely getting something out of it. It felt good to be able to talk about her feelings with someone who didn’t expect her to feel one way or another. Her friends all wanted her to feel one way, and her parents wanted her to feel another. With Dr. Hagen she just had to say what she really thought.
She hadn’t even told Cooper or Annie that she was going to a therapist. She wasn’t afraid that they would make fun of her or anything; she just wanted to keep it to herself for a while. So much of her life had been made public recently that she wanted to keep something private. Dr. Hagen was almost like a journal where she could write down her thoughts and not worry that people were going to see them and make fun of them or anything.
“Dr. Hagen wants your father and me to sit in on your session next Saturday,” Mrs. Morgan said.
“That’s what I hear,” replied Kate.
“Is that okay with you?” her mother asked.
“Do I have a choice?” Kate said.
“You always have a choice, Kate,” her father answered.
Really? Kate thought. You mean the way I got to choose whether or not you took me to a shrink? But what she said was, “Whatever.”
CHAPTER 3
“We have to do something really cool for her birthday,” Cooper said. “A girl doesn’t turn sixteen every day.”
She, Sasha, and Kate were in the girls’ room on the second floor, hiding from Annie. They needed to discuss their plans, and they hoped she wouldn’t think to look for them there.
“What did you have in mind?” Sasha asked.
Cooper thought back to her own sixteenth birthday. She had received a car. And not just any car—a 1957 Nash Metropolitan convertible. She still sometimes couldn’t believe she actually owned it. But clearly Annie’s friends weren’t going to get her a car, so she had to think of something else. Still, she wanted it to be good.
“Dinner and a movie is out,” she said flatly. “We can do that anytime.”
“What about a concert?” Sasha suggested. “Limp Bizkit’s in town this week.”
“We’d never get tickets,” said Cooper. “Besides, that’s not really an Annie thing.”
“So what is?” Sasha asked. “It’s not like there’s some big science fair or anything. And I am not going to the museum again. There’s only so many times you can look at those paintings of moon-faced girls from Holland.”
“Whatever it is, I won’t be able to go anyway,” Kate said sadly.
“Not to worry,” Cooper told her. “I thought about that and I’ve got it covered. We’re going to have a little party during lunch on Wednesday. It means you’ll have to skip your sixth-period class, though.”
“Algebra with Mr. Niemark,” Kate told her. “No problem there.” For the first time in the semester she was glad that she had lunch during a different period than most of her friends. Any excuse to get out of math class was fine with her.
“I’m bringing a cake,” said Cooper. “You just have to show up with gifts.”
“That still leaves her big surprise,” Sasha said.
Cooper leaned against the sink and thought. What would Annie like? Sasha had only been half kidding when she mentioned a science fair and the museum. Those were the kinds of things that Annie liked to do. But they weren’t birthday things. They needed something better, especially now. Annie had recently been dumped by Brian, the first guy she’d ever gone out with, after she wrote an editorial for the school newspaper in which she both supported Cooper’s battle against the school board and revealed her own involvement in the Craft. Cooper knew that Brian’s reaction had been really hard for Annie, and she wanted to do something to help her friend forget about the breakup.
“I’ve got it,” Cooper said, suddenly thinking of something. “We’ll take her to a psychic.”
“A psychic?” Kate said doubtfully.
“Sure,” said Cooper. “I’m sure Sophia or Archer can recommend one.”
“I’m sure they could,” said Kate. “But why would you take Annie to one?”
“Because it’s fun,” said Cooper. “She can tell Annie what’s going to happen to her this year or whatever.”
Kate looked at her skeptically. “I don’t know,” she said.
“Oh, come on,” Cooper replied. “She’ll love it. It fits the whole Halloween thing, too. What do you think, Sasha?”
Sasha nodded. “I think it might be cool,” she said. “I mean, si
nce we can’t get her into a strip club or anything.”
“Why don’t you like the idea?” Cooper asked Kate.
“Don’t you remember what happened the last time Annie got involved with telling the future?” Kate answered, thinking about the Tarot card readings Annie had done for the school’s spring carnival—Tarot card readings that had caused a lot of trouble.
“This isn’t the same thing,” said Cooper. “This will be a professional.”
Before Kate could answer, the door opened and Annie appeared. “There you are,” she said. “I’ve been looking all over for you guys.”
Kate, Cooper, and Sasha all pretended to be engrossed in looking at themselves in the mirror.
“Just checking our makeup,” Cooper said unconvincingly.
Annie eyed them suspiciously. “Not making any plans for anything, are you?” she asked.
“Plans?” said Kate. “For what?”
“I think my eyeliner is fine,” Cooper said cheerfully.
“Me too,” added Sasha. “Let’s go.”
The three girls turned and walked past Annie and out of the bathroom. Annie followed them.
“Just so you all know,” she said loudly, “I like chocolate cake.”
Cooper turned and glared at her. “How can it be a surprise if you start demanding things?” she asked with mock irritation. “Not that there’s going to be a surprise or anything.”
“I’m not ordering,” Annie said. “I’m just saying that if there’s going to be any surprising done I wouldn’t be sad if it involved chocolate cake. With buttercream frosting.”
“Okay then,” said Cooper. “Not that there’s going to be a surprise.”
They went down the stairs to the first floor, and when they got to the end of the hallway Cooper stopped at the door leading to the basement music rooms. “I’m practicing with the band this period,” she said. “I’ll catch you guys later.”
“Since when are you in band?” asked Kate.
“Not the band,” Cooper clarified. “My band. Schroedinger’s Cat. Now that everyone is back we’re starting up again. I’ve been writing some great stuff. I can’t wait to show it to them.”
She opened the door and went down into what the music students affectionately referred to as the Underworld. A portion of the basement of the school had been divided into numerous practice rooms, all of them soundproofed to a greater or lesser extent, and Cooper loved being able to go down there to work on her music. It was her part of the school, a place where she could get away from things and just let loose.
She found the room where the band was practicing and went in. Her boyfriend, T.J., was already there, playing around on his bass, and Mouse had dragged a set of drums in from another room and set them up in the corner. She was tightening the bolt on the final cymbal when Cooper entered.
“Hey there,” Mouse said, pushing her long brown hair out of her eyes.
“Where’s Jed?” Cooper asked, picking up her guitar case and setting it on a table so she could open it.
“He should be here in a minute,” T.J. told her. “He had to go see the Greeley about missing class yesterday.”
Cooper felt an involuntary shudder at the mention of Mrs. Greeley. The history teacher was far from her favorite person, and had become even less so after putting Cooper through a humiliating mock trial in her class a few weeks before. At the end of that trial, Cooper had been found guilty of overstepping the bounds of free speech. Cooper couldn’t do anything about having to take Mrs. Greeley’s American history class, but she wouldn’t mind seeing the teacher get her comeuppance somehow.
“What are we working on?” Mouse asked as she sat behind her kit and did a few rolls with her sticks.
“I’ve got some new stuff,” Cooper said. “That is, if you guys want to hear it.”
“So do I,” T.J. said. “Have some new stuff, I mean.”
“You’ve been holding out on me?” Cooper asked her boyfriend. She and T.J. frequently showed each other what they were working on musically, but he hadn’t shown her anything since the summer.
“No more than you’ve been holding out on me, apparently,” he retorted, blowing her a kiss over his bass.
“I was waiting for just the right time,” Cooper said. “Besides, it’s really new. I just wrote the lyrics this week.”
She took out the notebook in which she wrote lyrics, and opened it up. She’d been working on some songs she really liked, and she was anxious to share them with the others. As she read over the lyrics she heard the songs in her head, and she couldn’t wait to try them out with the whole band.
“Sorry I’m late,” Jed said, coming in carrying his guitar case. “The Greeley’s lecture on attendance took longer than anticipated. I think she was in a worse mood than usual.”
“She must be about to molt,” commented Mouse, making them all laugh.
Jed took out his guitar, plugged it into one of the waiting amps, and began tuning. “What’s on the agenda?” he asked.
“Cooper and T.J. both have some new stuff,” Mouse told him.
Jed raised an eyebrow. “Dueling songwriters,” he said meaningfully. “You guys better watch out—look what that did to groups like Fleetwood Mac and Oasis.”
“Please,” Cooper said. “T.J. and I are much more mature than Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks or the brothers Gallagher.”
Jed snorted while Mouse giggled. Cooper looked at T.J. and made a face. “They don’t believe us,” she said.
T.J. nodded. “Just to prove how well we work together, I’ll let Cooper play her song first.”
Cooper nodded. She looked at her notes and began to play a simple melody on the guitar. Then she sang. Her bandmates listened as she went through the first verse and the chorus. When she stopped they all nodded approvingly.
“I like it,” Jed said. “It could really rock once you add more guitar to it.”
“Yeah,” agreed Mouse. “And I love the chorus. What was that line about dancing in the stars or something?”
“The song is called ‘Dancing in Her Hand,’ ” Cooper said.
“ ‘Dancing in Her Hand,’ ” Mouse repeated. “Cool.”
“I like it, too,” T.J. told Cooper. “But what’s it about? It sort of sounds like a love song about a girl but not quite.”
“It’s about the Goddess,” said Cooper. “It’s about what it feels like to just let go and trust that things are going to work out. I wrote it after the whole school board thing.”
“I think people will love it,” said Jed. “Let’s definitely work on it. Now, what do you have, T.J.?”
“Well, it’s a lot different from what Cooper wrote,” T.J. answered, beginning to play a strong bass line. “It’s more along the lines of No Doubt or something.”
Cooper listened to T.J.’s song. He was right—it was different from hers. But she liked it. She could see what he was doing, and she liked his lyrics. She could easily imagine playing guitar to his bass line, and she knew audiences would love the song.
“Okay,” said Jed when T.J. was done. “So maybe we can have two songwriters. Those are both really good. Way to go, guys.”
Cooper and T.J. high-fived each other. Then Cooper decided it was time to spring another surprise on the group.
“I got us a gig,” she said. “That is, if we want it.”
“A gig?” Mouse said. “Where?”
“It’s a Halloween party,” said Cooper. “For some friends of mine.”
“Friends of yours?” T.J. said. “What friends?”
“Actually, it’s for a group of pagans,” Cooper explained. “See, every Samhain a bunch of the local pagan groups get together for a big masquerade party and dance. They asked me if we’d like to play.”
“What’s a sowen?” asked Mouse.
“Samhain,” Cooper repeated. “It’s what pagans call Halloween.”
“These are your witch friends, then?” Jed said.
“They’re not all witches,” Cooper t
old him. “But they’re all pagans. What do you guys think?”
“Well, a gig would be great,” said T.J. “But we’re not all pagans. What kind of music would they want us to play?”
“Our usual stuff,” said Cooper. “Plus I’ve written some more songs like ‘Dancing in Her Hand.’ If we get going on this stuff we can have the new material down by then.”
“Are all your new songs about witch stuff?” Mouse asked her.
Cooper shrugged. “More or less,” she said. “Why?”
“Just asking,” said Mouse, suddenly seeming interested in checking the position of her drum kit pieces.
Cooper looked at T.J. and Jed. “What?” she said. “I thought you liked the song.”
“I do,” said T.J. “I really like it.”
“But?” said Cooper.
“We’re not all into Wicca,” said T.J.
“You don’t have to be into it to play the songs,” Cooper said. “They’re my lyrics.”
“Why don’t we just hear all the songs and then decide?” suggested Jed.
“Sure,” Mouse said. “That sounds okay.”
“Wait a minute,” said Cooper. “I think maybe we should talk about this. Are you guys freaked because I’m writing about this stuff?”
“No one is freaked,” T.J. replied. “We all like the song. I think maybe we’re just concerned that the music might go in a direction we haven’t gone in before.”
“Right,” said Mouse. “It’s just that it’s not like what we’ve done before. But like I said, I think this song is great.”
“You just don’t want any more like it,” Cooper said.
“Let’s take it on a song-by-song basis,” Jed suggested. “That’s what we’ve always done.”
Cooper looked at the three of them. She wasn’t sure how she felt. Jed was right. They had always decided whether to work on a song after hearing it and discussing it. And they hadn’t always liked all her songs, even when they weren’t about witchy things. She couldn’t expect them to just agree to do a bunch of songs they hadn’t heard. And they all liked ‘Dancing in Her Hand.’ There was no reason why they wouldn’t like the rest of the material she’d been writing. They just had to hear it.