by Isobel Bird
“Okay,” she said. “That sounds good. What should I tell them about the dance?”
“Can we let them know next week?” T.J. asked.
Cooper nodded. “I guess that’s fine,” she answered.
They went back to playing, working on some of their old songs just to get back into the rhythm of playing together. It felt good to be playing the familiar material, and Cooper easily slipped into the music. She played and sang, enjoying the feeling of being part of a group that worked so well together.
At the same time she couldn’t help but wonder if the time they’d been apart over the summer had changed things somehow. So much had happened to her, and she knew that in many ways she was a different person now. Her lyrics reflected that, and she wanted her friends to like the material as much as she did. But T.J. was right—they weren’t all Wiccan. Maybe they wouldn’t be able to understand everything she was writing about.
She was determined not to let her worries interfere with the enjoyment she felt while she was playing with T.J., Mouse, and Jed. They’d formed the band for fun, and she wanted it to remain fun. So she concentrated on just letting go and losing herself in the music.
After half an hour, during which they ran through five of their old standbys, she did feel better. She was relaxed, and she was relieved to see that even though they hadn’t played together in a while things still worked as well as they’d always worked. As she put her guitar away she felt confident that Schroedinger’s Cat would continue to be something she could look forward to being a part of.
They’d played through the last period of the day, and now it was time to go home. Cooper said good-bye to Mouse and Jed and then waited for T.J. to put his equipment away so they could walk home together.
“So, you really like my song, eh?” she asked him.
T.J. nodded. “It’s really good,” he said. “You’re a great songwriter.”
The compliment made Cooper happy. She loved the fact that T.J. appreciated her talents and wasn’t afraid to say so. Usually guys were all defensive and jealous when girls were good at something they were into also.
“If you liked that one, you’re going to love the others,” she said.
T.J. nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Hey,” Cooper said. “What’s up? You’re acting weird.”
T.J. closed his bass case and sat on the amp beside him. “It’s like I said earlier,” he replied. “Not all of us are as into Wicca as you are.”
“I know,” Cooper said. “But I’ve always written about stuff that not all of us are into. You, for instance, are not a disaffected, slightly hostile teenage girl, but you like my songs about being one of those.”
“That’s because they’re more universal,” T.J. explained. “I’m just afraid that these new songs might be a little too—specific—for most people.”
“Specific,” Cooper repeated.
“Yeah,” T.J. said. “You know, all about witchcraft and the Goddess and whatever. Not everybody understands that.”
Cooper looked at him. “So you think I shouldn’t write any more songs about this stuff?”
T.J. knew where she was headed with her questions, and he held up his hands. “I’m not going there,” he said. “This isn’t about being too public or anything. This is about writing songs that people can get into.”
“And you don’t think they can get into songs about Wicca?” said Cooper.
“I’m going to lose this argument,” T.J. said, leaning over and kissing her. “So why don’t we just go meet the girls and walk home. We can discuss this some other time.”
“Fine,” Cooper said grudgingly. “But we aren’t having an argument. Yet.”
CHAPTER 4
“So you’re really going to San Francisco?” Tyler asked Annie. They were walking along the beach, watching the gulls dive at the waves.
“Yeah,” Annie said. “We leave on Friday. I can’t really believe I’m doing it, but I am.”
“Are you scared?” said Tyler.
Annie nodded. “A little,” she answered. “I don’t really know what to expect. But I know I have to go. It’s time.”
“Have you had any more dreams?” Tyler queried.
“Not about the fire,” Annie told him. “But I have had some weird ones. Mostly I’m walking through a forest filled with mist. I don’t know where I’m going, but someone is calling for me. I try to follow the voice but it keeps coming from different directions, as if whoever is calling me is constantly moving.”
“Sounds sort of sad and creepy at the same time,” Tyler remarked.
Annie nodded. “It is,” she said. She liked talking to Tyler about her dreams. The two of them had been talking quite a bit in recent weeks, mainly because Kate wasn’t allowed to call him or E-mail him and the only way they could relay messages to each other was through Annie and Cooper. Annie was impressed with how concerned Tyler seemed to be about Kate and what was happening between her and her parents. If Brian had been even half as caring, he would have understood why I wrote that editorial, she thought. But Brian hadn’t understood. He’d just judged her without giving her a chance to explain himself. Kate was lucky that Tyler wasn’t that kind of guy.
“You guys are coming to the Samhain ritual and party, right?” Tyler asked her.
“Wouldn’t miss it,” said Annie. “I just wish Kate could be there.”
“Me, too,” said Tyler.
“This whole thing must be really rough on you,” said Annie.
Tyler nodded. “I really felt terrible about telling her I wouldn’t go out with her unless her parents knew about my being a witch,” he said. “I feel like I’m the cause of all of this.”
“Believe me,” Annie said, thinking about her own guilt over her parents’ deaths, “I understand. But it’s not your fault. She needed to do this. And don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think she did it for you. I think she did it for her.”
Tyler looked at her and grinned. “That makes me feel really good,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” Annie replied. “I didn’t mean to sound like you weren’t a big part of the reason. I just meant you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.”
Tyler looked out over the water. “Sometimes I just don’t get her and me,” he said.
“What do you mean?” asked Annie.
“Well, Kate’s not exactly the kind of girl I thought I would end up with,” he said. “She’s a jock, and she’s into clothes and makeup and all of that. She’s not out to her family about being into Wicca, or at least she wasn’t. I always thought I’d date someone who was more down-to-earth, someone who was into nature and reading and the things I’m into. Kate’s almost my total opposite. I guess I always figured I’d be with someone more like you.”
Annie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to tell Tyler that she’d also wondered on more than one occasion why he and Kate were a couple. It wasn’t that she thought they were wrong for each other or anything; it was just that they were so different. But she’d never thought that she might be more Tyler’s usual type.
“I really love her,” Tyler continued, apparently oblivious to the meaning of what he’d just said. “But you have to admit that we’re sort of an unlikely pair.”
“I think you guys look good together,” said Annie.
Tyler gave her a look. “You know what I mean,” he said. “There’s a lot more to being a couple than how you look together.”
“Not for some people,” replied Annie.
They walked along in silence for a while, watching the waves crash. Then Annie said, “Why do you love her?”
Tyler turned and looked at her. “Why?” he repeated.
Annie nodded. “I know it’s none of my business, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’m just wondering. You guys are really different. So what keeps you together?”
Tyler thought for a moment. “You know what I think it really is?” he said. “I think it’s that she’s eve
rything that I thought I would never find in a girl who was into witchcraft. Kate just isn’t what you imagine when you think about the Craft. She surprised me, and that was really appealing.”
“So, Cooper and I are what you expect in girls who are into witchcraft?” Annie asked.
“It’s less surprising that the two of you are into it,” Tyler explained. “If I didn’t know Kate and someone told me she was studying Wicca, I would be a little shocked. But with you and Cooper it makes sense.”
“Why?” said Annie.
“I don’t know, really,” answered Tyler. “With Cooper, I guess it’s because she’s kind of a rebel and doesn’t really care a lot about what people think.”
“And me?”
Tyler looked at her. “You’re smart,” he said. “You question things and you want to find answers. But you’re also open to new things, which a lot of scientific types aren’t.”
“I suppose I get that from my mother,” said Annie. “She was the artist. My father was a professor. He taught English. I know that’s not the same as science and math, but it kind of explains the academic thing.”
“Kate doesn’t make sense,” Tyler continued. “Normally she’d be the kind of girl who hangs out with the really popular kids and only worries about how she looks and whether or not people like her. But she was willing to give a lot of that up to try Wicca. That impressed me.”
“That all makes sense,” Annie said. She wondered if she would ever find a guy who was impressed by her. Was Tyler the only cute, sensitive guy around who wasn’t afraid to really talk to a girl and who was into Wicca? Probably, she told herself grimly.
“I just wish I knew what to do,” said Tyler. “I don’t think Kate’s parents are ever going to let her see me again.”
Annie said nothing. She, too, wondered whether Kate was ever going to be allowed to join them for witchcraft-related events again. From what she could tell, Mr. and Mrs. Morgan were being pretty definite about not wanting Kate to have any involvement whatsoever in the Craft. It was going to take a major miracle to get them to change their minds.
“I’m glad I have you guys to hang around with, though,” Tyler added.
He put his arm around Annie and hugged her. In the brief time when she was pressed up against him, Annie breathed in Tyler’s scent and felt the warmth of him on her skin where their cheeks touched. For a moment she felt as if she were back with Brian. Being touched like that, and being close to someone, made her feel good. It made her feel as if someone special wanted to be close to her.
Then Tyler let go, and they were walking apart again. Annie tried to hang on to the warm feeling that had filled her during Tyler’s brief hug, but it disappeared like the pale October light dancing off the waves. She crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed her upper arms with her hands.
“Are you cold?” Tyler asked.
“Not really,” said Annie. “Well . . . just a little.”
“We should go,” said Tyler, looking at his watch. “It’s almost four thirty. I’ve got to get home. Walk me to the bus stop?”
Annie shook her head. “I’m going to stay a little longer,” she said. “You go on ahead.”
“Okay,” Tyler said, smiling. “I’ll see you later.”
Annie turned and started to walk away down the beach. Then Tyler called after her. She turned around and saw him trotting toward her. When he reached her he leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek.
“Thanks for listening,” he said. “I appreciate it.”
He smiled again, then turned and ran for the stairs that led back up to the wharf. Annie watched him go, still feeling the soft touch of his lips on her cheek. When he was halfway up the long set of stairs, she turned and continued on alone.
She walked to the far end of the beach and crossed the line of large stones that marked the official boundary. Beyond it was the small cove where she, Kate, and Cooper had performed their first real ritual together back in February. It was a special place, one she went to when she wanted to get away from things and just think. Now, with twilight falling, it was deserted and she had it all to herself.
She climbed onto a large rock and sat down. The sky above her was purple and gray as the sun set, and the ocean stretched out as far as she could see, a rippling dark blanket covering the world. She looked out at it and hugged her knees to her chest.
Then she began to cry. This surprised her. She hadn’t planned on breaking out in tears, hadn’t known that the warm, wet drops that trickled slowly down her cheeks were coming. But there they were, sliding over her skin and falling onto the sleeves of her sweater.
She didn’t even know exactly why she was crying. It was just that she was overcome by a great sadness. She felt empty inside, as if there were a space in her chest that needed to be filled with something. But when she tried to identify what she felt was missing, she couldn’t. She knew that she ought to be excited. Her birthday was coming. Then she was going to go to San Francisco with her aunt. These were good things. Yet there she was, crying.
Maybe you’re just crazy, she chided herself. But she knew that wasn’t it. Something was bothering her. She realized then that she had placed her hand on her cheek. Her fingers were resting on the spot where Tyler had kissed her.
She jerked them away from her face and pulled her hand inside the sleeve of her sweater, making a fist. Was that it? she wondered. Was she upset because of her talk with Tyler? It had reminded her of her breakup with Brian. Was that what the tears were all about?
She’d thought she’d finished crying over Brian. After all, it wasn’t as if the two of them had gone out for very long or had gotten particularly close. And she knew that getting all upset over a guy was not a rational thing to do. She shouldn’t still be upset over it. There was just no point. But that had to be what was wrong. Why else would she be so unhappy all of a sudden?
She breathed deeply and let out a long sigh, trying to let go of the sadness that had overwhelmed her. She closed her eyes, picturing the negative feelings leaving her body with her breath and scattering over the waves.
“Annie.”
Someone was calling her. It was a woman’s voice. Annie opened her eyes and looked behind her. Had someone followed her? She didn’t see anyone standing in the cove.
“Annie.” The voice came again, this time from a different direction.
It’s like my dream, Annie thought suddenly. The voice she heard was the same one that called to her in her sleep.
“Hello?” she called out softly. “Who’s there?”
There was no answer except for the shriek of a gull that was poking around in the rocks.
“Annie,” said the voice. “I’m here.”
Annie stood up and looked all around the cove. Someone was definitely speaking to her. But the cove was completely empty. If someone was calling her, whoever it was had to be hiding in the rocks. But why would someone taunt her that way? Was it someone playing a joke?
“Annie.” It was a different voice this time, but equally faint.
Now she was frightened. She couldn’t see anyone, and the voices were coming from all around her. In fact, they even seemed to be coming from behind, carried on the winds that swept in from the sea.
“Annie. Annie. Annie.” The voices surrounded her.
She jumped from the rock and ran to the boundary of the cove. The growing darkness that had seemed so comforting when she’d first arrived now terrified her. It had brought something with it, something faceless that called to her but refused to show itself. She didn’t know what it was, but she wanted to be away from it.
Annie scrambled across the line of rocks and headed back toward the beach. She scanned the beach for signs of other people, but it was eerily empty. Gone were the couples that usually walked along the shore, the dogs that danced in and out of the waves, and the people who came, like Annie, just to watch the water. The entire stretch of sand was deserted. This only added to Annie’s mounting fear. Where was everyone? W
hy was she all alone? It felt just like her dreams, only she was awake.
Her feet seemed to slide in the sand as she tried to reach the stairs that would take her to the wharf. She knew there would be people there. She wouldn’t be all by herself. She wouldn’t have to listen to the voices calling to her from out of thin air. There would be conversations, and the noise of cars, to keep her from hearing the sound of her own name being repeated by unseen mouths.
She glanced behind her as she walked, and now it seemed as if someone was following her after all. In the gathering dusk, she thought she saw a shadow slip from those cast by the large rocks, a shadow that moved across the beach toward her. She couldn’t see what cast the shadow. It was as if the shadow was the thing itself, a blackness that took form and moved of its own free will.
Then a thin veil of mist rolled in from the sea and began to sweep over the sand. As quickly as it had appeared, the shadow vanished. She could no longer see it, and she wondered if her eyes had simply mistaken the shadow of a bird flying overhead for something more sinister.
Or maybe whatever is calling to you is hiding in the mist, she thought. Maybe it’s waiting.
She renewed her efforts to get to the stairs, reaching them and practically throwing herself onto the first step. She grabbed hold of the handrail and forced herself forward, climbing as quickly as she could. Her knees trembled, and she was afraid she might fall, but still she moved upward.
Only when she was safely at the top, with the lights of the shops and the reassuring sight of other faces around her, did she stop and look back. Below her the beach was iced with a swirling layer of fog. The stairs she had just climbed rose up out of it, as if they emerged from the clouds. And somewhere in the fog was the thing, or things, that had called her name. They had escaped her dreams and entered the real world.
She walked to the bus stop. She wanted to be home, in her own room. But they’re there, too, said a voice in her head. And it was true. If the voices really were the same ones from her dreams, they could follow her wherever she went.
But who are they? she wondered. And what do they want?