by Rose Impey
“A Human Tower?” Rosie repeated.
“Yep, one person’s at the bottom, and then someone climbs up and sits on their shoulders, and then someone sits on their shoulders and so on.” Kenny beamed at us. “What do you think?”
“It’ll never work,” said Lyndz.
“That’s the point,” Kenny said triumphantly. “We want it to go wrong, don’t we? Then it’ll be funny. Trust me.”
When Kenny says “Trust me”, it’s like telling someone to trust Count Dracula when he’s feeling a bit peckish. We all looked nervously at each other.
“Who’s the unlucky idiot who’s going to be at the bottom holding everyone else up?” I asked. Kenny grinned at me. “Oh no, you’re joking.”
“Well, you are the tallest, Frankie.” Kenny said cheerfully. “And the strongest.”
“Who’ll be at the very top then?” asked Lyndz.
Kenny shrugged.
“It’s got to be Fliss, who else?” She beamed at Fliss. “See, I told you you’d be the star.”
Fliss looked a bit more cheerful. “Well, I suppose we could give it a go,” she said.
Kenny looked thoughtfully up at the chandelier light fitting in the middle of the room.
“If we can get up high enough, Fliss could swing across the room like Tarzan on her mum’s chandelier.”
Now Fliss didn’t look quite so keen.
“Kenny—” she began.
“Oh, come on, Kenny,” I said. “Be serious.”
Kenny grinned. “OK, I was only joking.”
Fliss heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Are you ready with the camera, Lyndz?” she said.
Lyndz put the camera to her eye, and gave us a thumbs-up.
“Right, me first then,” Kenny jumped up onto the arm of the sofa, and grabbed my shoulders. “Bend down a bit, Frankie, and let me climb onto you.”
“Why do I always have to be the one who does all the hard bits?” I grumbled, but I crouched down and let Kenny get onto my shoulders, with her legs dangling in front. It was a bit difficult to stand up with Kenny’s dead weight on top of me but I just about managed it.
“See?” Kenny waved at the others, and began bouncing up and down on my shoulders with excitement. “I told you it’d work – woh! Stand still, Frankie!”
I was trying to stand still, but my knees kept buckling under me, and I couldn’t stop myself staggering from side to side.
“Ow!” I complained as Kenny grabbed at my hair. “I’m going to be bald soon at this rate!”
“Well, keep still, can’t you?” Kenny hissed. “If you didn’t keep moving around, I wouldn’t have to hold on. Now bend down so Rosie can get onto my back.”
I tried to bend down, but I couldn’t. My knees kept on wobbling and I was scared I was going to fall over. I could hardly hold Kenny up, and Rosie and Fliss had to get on board yet.
Fliss had now gone right off the idea. She was dancing round us, looking more and more agitated. “Stop it!” she was wailing. “You’re going to break something!”
Kenny ignored her.
“Come on, Rosie! Climb up onto my shoulders!”
My knees went before Rosie even made a move. I collapsed onto the sofa, throwing Kenny head first into a pile of cushions.
“Ouch!” Kenny complained, pulling herself upright. “What’s the matter with you lot? That would have been excellent.”
“Yeah, if I was Arnie Schwarzenegger,” I said, rubbing my aching shoulders.
“You’re crazy, Kenny,” said Rosie. “It’s too risky. We might break something.”
“Yes,” said Fliss, glaring at Kenny. “Now sit down where I can keep an eye on you.”
We all sat down meekly on the cream-coloured sofa. Lyndz yawned, which started us all off.
“I’m so tired,” Lyndz complained. “Let’s forget it and go to bed.”
“We can’t forget about being on TV!” said Fliss. “This might be the only chance we ever get.” She looked round at us, a little smile on her lips. “Actually, I’ve got an idea…”
“For You’ve Been Framed?” I said. That made us all sit up and stop yawning. “What is it?”
“It’s really funny,” said Fliss.
We all leant forward eagerly on the sofa.
“Tell us then,” said Rosie.
“Well, first I’ll have to go into the kitchen,” said Fliss.
“Are we going to do some cooking like we did at the last sleepover here then?” asked Lyndz.
“You mean when Fliss’s porridge went mad in the microwave?” I said.
“Oh, and remember Lyndz set off the smoke alarm when she was making toast,” said Kenny.
“I nearly died laughing when Kenny’s waffle mixture went walkies out of the waffle-maker,” said Rosie. That started us all laughing, even Fliss.
“Now that would have been a brilliant video to send to You’ve Been Framed!” I said. “We’d have got on TV, no problem!”
“So are we going to do some more cooking then?” Lyndz asked eagerly.
“No.” Fliss shook her head. “I’m just going into the kitchen to get some orange squash and biscuits.”
“Great,” said Kenny. “I’m starving.”
“What about your You’ve Been Framed idea?” Lyndz asked.
“This is my idea,” Fliss said impatiently. “I’ll get the squash and biscuits, and hand them round. Then when I get to Kenny, I’ll drop the plate and tip the biscuits all over her.”
“And?” I said.
Fliss frowned. “There’s no ‘and’,” she said. “That’s it.”
“That’s IT?” I repeated. “That’s IT?”
“It’s not very funny, Fliss,” Lyndz said. She was trying to be polite. What she really meant was that it wasn’t funny at all.
“Of course it is,” Fliss said confidently. “What do you think, Rosie?”
Rosie cleared her throat a couple of times.
“Well – um – it might be funny, I suppose…” Her voice died away.
“I think it’s a great idea,” Kenny said unexpectedly. “I reckon we should give it a go.”
My mouth fell open. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. Fliss’s idea was rubbish, so why wasn’t Kenny saying so? What was she up to?
“Are you sure, Kenny?” Lyndz asked hesitantly.
Kenny nodded. “Yeah, I think it’ll be excellent.”
Fliss beamed at her. “Thanks, Kenny!” she said gratefully. “I’ll go and get the squash and biscuits. Lyndz, get ready with the camera.”
“We’ll be ready,” Kenny promised. “Oh, and Fliss, put some ice cubes in the orange squash, will you? I’m really hot and thirsty.”
Fliss went off to the kitchen, smiling all over her face. Rosie went to help her, and Lyndz started fiddling with the camcorder, so that left me and Kenny on our own.
“What was all that about?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Kenny said innocently.
“All that stuff with Fliss.” I looked at Kenny closely. “You’re up to something, Laura MacKenzie.”
“Oh dear, what a suspicious mind you’ve got, Francesca Thomas.” Kenny leaned back on the sofa, and put her hands behind her head. “As if I’d be up to anything.”
I wasn’t convinced. After all, I knew Kenny. But I couldn’t see what on earth she was going to do. After all, there wasn’t a lot that could go wrong with some orange squash and a plate of biscuits, was there? I mean, not even Kenny could manage to create a disaster out of that.
Could she?
Fliss and Rosie were in the kitchen for what seemed like ages, but eventually Rosie came out.
“Fliss says she’s ready to bring the tray of squash and biscuits in,” she announced. “She wants me, Frankie and Kenny sitting on the sofa, and Lyndz ready with the camera.”
Lyndz gave Rosie a thumbs-up.
“I’m ready.”
“So are we,” Kenny said. “Did Fliss remember to put some ice cubes in the squash?”
&nbs
p; Rosie nodded, and sat down next to me.
“What’s with the ice cubes?” I said in Kenny’s ear. “That’s the second time you’ve mentioned them.”
Kenny shrugged.
“I’m just thirsty, that’s all.”
“We’re not supposed to be stuffing our faces here, you know,” I reminded her.
Kenny stuck her tongue out at me. “So what? I can still get a drink, can’t I?”
I looked hard at her. There was something going on, but for the life of me I couldn’t see what it was. I didn’t have time to say anything else, because right at that moment Fliss popped her head round the kitchen door.
“I’m ready,” she said, nodding at Lyndz. “Let’s try and get it right first time, or we’ll be running out of tape.”
We all nodded solemnly. Personally, I couldn’t see that it mattered whether we ran out of tape or not. Fliss spilling a plate of biscuits over Kenny was hardly going to provide laugh-a-minute stuff for a TV programme. But it was easier to sit there and do it than to argue with Fliss, so I stayed where I was between Rosie and Kenny.
Fliss came out of the kitchen with a silly smile on her face. She was carrying a large blue tray which held four glasses, a plate of Hobnobs and a big jug of orange squash with ice cubes in it. It took her a while to get across to the sofa where we were sitting because she kept stopping to smile at the camera. But she made it eventually.
“Would everyone like some squash and biscuits?” she asked brightly, putting the tray down on the coffee table.
“Yes, please,” we all chorused dutifully.
“I’ll hand the biscuits round first,” Fliss said meaningfully. She had her back to Lyndz, and she started winking at Kenny like mad. Kenny grinned at her, and nodded.
“Would you like a biscuit, Rosie?” Fliss asked, picking up the plate. I suppose she was going to ask me next, and then would come the Big Moment when she tipped the biscuits all over Kenny. Hilarious. But, of course, we didn’t get that far. Rosie didn’t even get a chance to reply to Fliss’s question.
Because, as soon as Fliss turned to offer Rosie one of the Hobnobs, Kenny pounced. She leaned forward, scooped a couple of ice cubes out of the jug of squash and tipped them down the neck of Fliss’s pyjama jacket.
From that moment on, everything moved so fast I’m still not sure what really happened. Of course, Fliss leapt a mile into the air when the ice cubes connected with her bare skin, although by some miracle she managed not to scream. When she leapt a mile, though, she still had the plate in her hand. Biscuits flew everywhere, as Fliss accidentally cracked the plate hard against Rosie’s chin. Rosie gasped, and flung out her arms in shock. I was sitting next to her, and I didn’t want to get hit in the eye, did I? So I leapt backwards onto the top of the sofa, out of harm’s way.
Silly me. I leapt too hard. I teetered and wobbled on the top of the sofa for a few seconds, a bit like Lyndz had done on the bed earlier, and then I went over. My heels flew over my head, and I landed on the thick, fluffy carpet on the other side. Unfortunately I hit the little table on my way over, and I took the painted china lady in the nasty green dress with me. Well, most of her. Her head fell off when she hit the floor, and it rolled away under the dresser.
Feeling a bit dazed, I pulled myself upright. Four horrified faces were hanging over the sofa, looking down at me and at the headless body of the painted china lady lying next to me. In fact, Fliss’s face was exactly the same nasty green colour as the lady’s dress.
“Frankie, what have you done?” Rosie gasped.
“Me!” I said indignantly. “It wasn’t my fault. Thanks a lot, Kenny.”
“Sorry, Fliss,” Kenny muttered. “I didn’t know that was going to happen, did I?”
Fliss was almost crying.
“My mum’s going to kill me. That ornament cost eighty pounds!”
“Calm down, Fliss,” I said. “We might be able to fix it.”
“Where’s the head gone?” Lyndz asked.
“I think it rolled under the dresser,” I said.
Kenny climbed off the sofa.
“I’ll have a look.” She lay down on the carpet, and pushed her arm under the dresser as far as it would go. “Got it!”
She pulled the lady’s head out, and we all crowded round to look at it. Apart from the fact that it wasn’t attached to her body anymore, there wasn’t any other damage.
“Look, it’ll be easy to repair it,” Lyndz said, taking the head from Kenny and the body from me. “It broke off right around the neckline of the dress.”
We all looked. Lyndz was right. It had been a clean break.
“We can fix it, Fliss,” Lyndz said kindly, “And your mum will never even notice it’s been broken, I swear.”
“Really?” Fliss sniffed.
“No problem,” said Lyndz. “But we need some glue.”
Fliss frowned. “I’m not allowed to use the superglue,” she said. “But I’ve got a Pritt stick in my school bag. Will that do?”
Lyndz nodded, and Fliss went out to fetch it.
“You seem to know a lot about mending things, Lyndz,” Rosie said admiringly.
Lyndz shrugged. “When you’ve got four brothers, you get used to it,” she said.
Fliss came back with the Pritt stick, and Lyndz carefully rubbed it over the top of the body and the bottom of the head. The rest of us picked up the broken biscuits, and then swept up the crumbs. Then we had to sit and wait for the pieces to stick. It took ages, even though we all took turns at pressing the two halves together. By this time it was 1.30 am, and we were all dead tired.
At last Lyndz said she thought the bits had stuck. We did a few tests like turning the lady upside down ten times in a row to see if the head fell off or not. It didn’t.
Lyndz put the lady gently down on the coffee-table, and we all stood back and looked at it. It was amazing. You just couldn’t tell that it had ever been broken. Well, only if you got down on your hands and knees and took a close look.
“Thanks, Lyndz,” Fliss said gratefully. “You’ve saved my life.”
“So can we please go to bed now?” Kenny said with an enormous yawn.
“We could have gone to bed ages ago if you hadn’t been such an idiot,” Fliss retorted with a sniff.
“OK, OK,” said Kenny. “I said sorry, didn’t I?”
“Sorry isn’t enough,” said Fliss. “You can be my slave for a week.”
Kenny groaned. “Oh, all right then.”
Fliss’s eyes gleamed. I could tell that she was already starting to think up tasks for Kenny to perform.
“I have to go to bed NOW,” said Rosie. “I’m falling asleep on my feet.”
“I’m going to have some squash first.” Kenny picked up the jug, and poured herself a glassful. “Oh, rats, all the ice cubes have melted.”
“I should think you’ve had enough of ice cubes for a while,” I remarked.
“I have,” said Rosie. “And I never want to see You’ve Been Framed again, either.”
“I never want to see a camcorder again,” I said between yawns. “Ever.”
“Where is the camcorder?” Fliss asked suddenly, looking wild-eyed with panic.
“It’s OK, I turned it off when Frankie went over the sofa,” Lyndz said. “I left it over there on the chair.”
Lyndz went over to get it, but just as she bent over to pick the camcorder up, we all got a shock.
The living-room door was flung wide open.
Fliss’s mum was standing in the doorway, blinking at us. We all nearly dropped down dead with shock.
“What on earth are you girls doing down here?” Mrs Sidebotham exclaimed. “It’s a quarter to two!”
“Sorry, Mrs Sidebotham,” we all mumbled. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lyndz sit down carefully in the armchair, so that the camcorder was hidden behind her. Meanwhile, Kenny had moved slightly closer to me, so that we were shoulder to shoulder and blocking Mrs Sidebotham’s view of the china lady in the green dress who
now had a broken neck.
“Well?” Mrs Sidebotham raised her eyebrows at us.
“We woke up and felt hungry,” Fliss said quickly.
“And thirsty,” Kenny chimed in.
“So we came downstairs for some squash and biscuits,” Rosie finished off.
Mrs Sidebotham looked suspicious.
“You haven’t been doing any cooking, have you?” she asked.
We all shook our heads virtuously.
“No, Mrs Sidebotham.”
“Good.” Fliss’s mum looked mightily relieved. “Off to bed then, please. I don’t know what your parents would think if they knew you were up at this time of night.”
Yawning, we all stumbled over to the door. Except for Lyndz. She stayed where she was in the armchair.
“Come on, Lyndsey,” said Fliss’s mum impatiently. “Time for bed.”
Lyndz stood up reluctantly. I guessed she was waiting for Mrs Sidebotham to go out of the room first, so she could grab the camcorder and bring it upstairs with her. But it was obvious that Fliss’s mum wasn’t going anywhere until she’d checked us all one by one.
As Lyndz came over to the door, we all looked anxiously at the chair where she’d been sitting. Fliss was standing next to me and I could feel her shaking in complete panic. But we needn’t have worried. There was no sign of the camcorder anywhere. There was a big, fat, green cushion in the middle of the armchair, and somehow Lyndz must have managed to shove the camcorder behind it.
We all gave such a sigh of relief at exactly the same moment that I’m surprised Mrs Sidebotham didn’t notice it. But then she wouldn’t have. She was too busy staring at her painted china lady in the green dress.
“What have you girls been up to down here?” she asked suspiciously. “You’ve moved my Victorian lady.”
We all froze to the spot. Fliss’s knees were shaking so much, I swear it was only Rosie and me standing shoulder to shoulder on either side of her that held her up. The only one of us who had the nerve to say anything at all was Kenny.
“Oh, sorry, Mrs Sidebotham. That was my fault.”
We all turned to stare at Kenny in amazement, and if looks could kill, Fliss would have murdered Kenny on the spot. But Kenny didn’t take any notice.
“It’s so pretty, I picked it up to have a closer look at it,” she went on. “I hope you don’t mind.”