Resonance (Marauders #4)

by Lina Andersson

  “He looks a lot like Zach.”

  “Yeah, but there’s some of you there, too. Like the nose and his eye color.”

  “Maybe.” He was still looking at the picture.

  “I’m sorry, Tommy. I really am. I know that doesn’t mean much to you, or change anything.”

  “No.” He put the picture back into the envelope. “You’re not exactly my favorite person right now, but I guess we need to try to keep it civil. Just keep any talks about Felix.”

  It sounded strange hearing Felix’s name coming from his mouth, and he looked strange when he said it. Like it felt odd to him or didn’t fit, and his words hurt. I didn’t blame him, but that didn’t make them any easier to hear.

  “Okay,” I said. “Do you have any other questions, or are you ready to go?”

  “I’m ready.” He stood up and tried to hand me the envelope.

  “You can keep it,” I said, shaking my head. As we walked outside, I remembered one more thing. “Mom’s there. Just so you know.”

  “How’s Leah?”

  “Good. She’s looking forward to seeing you.”

  Mom met us in the hallway when we arrived at the house, and she immediately took Tommy in her arms.

  “It’s so good to see you, Tommy,” she mumbled into his chest. “Really good.”

  “It’s good to see you, too, Leah.”

  “I won’t keep you,” Mom said and took a step back. “He’s in the kitchen.”

  Tommy pointed down the hall with raised eyebrows.

  “Yes,” I confirmed. “That way.”

  “You coming?” he asked me, and I nodded.

  We walked into the kitchen. Felix was by the table, drawing, and he looked up when we came inside. He stared at Tommy for a few seconds, then he jumped down from the chair and walked straight up to him. He extended his right hand.

  “Pleased to meet you, sir. I’m Felix Jensen.”

  Tommy chuckled and squatted down in front of Felix to take his hand.

  “I’m really glad to meet you, Felix, but you really don’t have to call me sir.” He tugged Felix’s t-shirt. “That’s a really cool tee you got there, kiddo.”

  “Yeah.” Felix beamed. “You like it?”

  “Very much.”

  Felix gave me a proud smile before turning back to Tommy. “I’m drawing. Would you like to draw with me?”

  “Yeah, sure.” Tommy stood up, and he looked stunned when Felix took his hand to lead him to the table. “What are you drawing?”

  “Airplanes. Grandpa taught me.”

  I stood there and watched them for a while, and then decided it was best to just leave them alone. Tommy would be more comfortable if I wasn’t around.

  Mom was waiting for me in the hallway.

  “You’re doing the right thing, honey. It’s not right to keep a child from his dad.”

  “I know, Mom.”

  “We’ve been telling you for a long time that you should—“

  “Mom!” I interrupted her. “Not today. You can have another go at me tomorrow about what I should or shouldn’t have done, but right now I can’t handle it.”

  “Okay.” She kept studying me. “It was nice seeing him again.”

  I just nodded. I already knew she thought the sun shone out of Tommy Miles’s ass, and I wasn’t getting into another discussion about him with her that day. I just couldn’t.

  oOo

  TOMMY HAD BEEN SCARED when he walked into the house to meet the kid. Billie’s long list of things he needed to be prepared for fucking scared him to death. It sounded as if he was about to meet a little kid lying on his deathbed—skinny, pale, and bruised. He’d been surprised when the little blond kid jumped down from a chair, strolled up to him, and extended his hand. It was a Jensen kid all right. Down to the black t-shirt with an airplane on it. Tommy was pretty sure he’d seen both Zach and Billie in similar tshirts when they were kids—he knew he’d had them. Luckily, he’d remembered what Billie’d said about Felix having chosen clothes carefully, so he’d told him he liked the tee. The kid had looked really proud when he said that.

  Now he was sitting next to him drawing cars, airplanes, and bikes. He kept looking at the little guy, but it didn’t exactly feel like it was his son. He liked him, though. Billie’d been right about him being a great kid, and he was wicked smart. That was probably from the Jensen genes, too.

  A while later, Felix got fed up with drawing and went to get a deck of cards so they could play Go Fish. Around the same time, Billie came back into the kitchen. He was glad she’d left them alone for a while, but he figured she wanted him out by then.

  “Mommy, come play with us!” Felix said when he saw her.

  “I can’t, little guy,” she said and squatted down next to Felix’s chair. “I have to get to work. I just wanted a kiss before I left.”

  “Can Dad stay?”

  That was when something tugged his heart for the first time, when the kid called him ‘Dad.’

  “Sure,” Billie said with a smile. “He can stay. Grandma’s gonna come and give you some food in a while. Promise me to try to eat a little.”

  “I will.”

  “And give me my kiss.”

  Felix threw his scrawny arms around Billie’s neck and gave her a kiss. They hugged while whispering things to each other, and then Felix giggled and gave her another kiss before he let go. She stood up and turned at him.

  “I’ll call you when I get back from work tonight,” she said. “We’ll figure this out.”

  “Yeah,” he answered, but kept his eyes on Felix. “We will.”

  Once she was gone, Leah came into the kitchen and sat down with them. He’d always gotten along well with her. His own mom’d had a bunch of psychological problems since before Tommy was born, and her husband had been her entire life. He had no idea why she’d bothered with children, but he assumed it was his dad who’d wanted kids. She’d always done anything for him—except loving the children they’d had together.

  Leah, on the other hand, had been a super mom. She’d stayed at home, took care of her family, and seemed to like it. He’d always felt welcome at the Jensen house, so when it had been decided that he should go live with them, it had been a relief to get away from his own mom. When he’d arrived at their house, Zach and Leah had been waiting for him outside on the stairs, and Leah’d given him a long hug, telling him how happy she was to see him. He was fifteen at the time, and already taller than she, but the tiny woman had still managed to surround him when she held him.

  She played cards with Felix and him for a while before starting dinner. He shouldn’t have been surprised when she put a plate in front of him, but he actually was. He’d forgotten her obsession with making sure everyone was full the entire time.

  “Do you want me or Tommy to read to you when you’re feeding?” she asked once they’d finished dinner.

  Felix looked at him. “Would you?”

  “Sure,” he said and wondered what the fuck ‘feeding’ was.

  He followed them upstairs, and his heart sank a little when he saw the kid’s room. It looked like a hospital room, there was even an IV pole in the corner next to the bed, but at the same time he could see that they’d done what they could to make it look more homey. Leah unlocked a cabinet, and hung something on the IV before going over to Felix with a big syringe in her hand. When she pulled up the t-shirt, Tommy took a deep breath, and he hoped Felix didn’t notice it. There was a tube sticking out of the kid’s stomach. Leah did something with the tube, but Felix didn’t even seem to notice, just kept on playing with his cars, which reminded Tommy of something.

  “Hey, kid, I got you some presents. Would you like to see them?”

  “Yes!” he yelled and clapped his hands, still completely ignoring his grandma fiddling with his tube and the huge syringe right next to him. The kid’d done this a lot, and that was as disturbing as the white plastic tube disappearing under the soft skin of his swollen stomach. “I like presents.”
>
  “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

  Tommy went downstairs to his backpack, and once there he sat down on a stool for a few seconds and took a few deep breaths. The seconds soon turned to minutes.

  “How are you doing?” Leah said, and she startled him. He hadn’t heard her coming. “I guess this is a lot to take in for you.”

  “Yeah.” He grabbed the two gifts and stood up. “How are you dealing with all this?”

  “I enjoy being with him, he’s a great kid, and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. But most of the time I just enjoy him. He’s such a wonderful little boy, and I figure as long as he’s fighting, then I have to fight, too. And when he’s too tired to fight, I have to fight even harder.”

  “Yeah. You’ve always been a fighter,” Tommy smiled.

  “It’s really good to see you. I’m so very glad you’re here, Tommy. I’ve missed you.”

  He gave her a hug, or more like she was giving him one. She still had the ability to surround him and make him feel safe. Felix was a lucky kid to have someone like her fighting for him.

  “I’ve missed you, too, Leah.”

  She let him go upstairs alone, and Felix was sitting in a big armchair with a big book in his lap. Tommy noticed the IV pole behind him, and Felix pointed at it.

  “That’s my other food. It goes directly into my stomach. I don’t have to chew or swallow or anything.”

  “Handy,” he said and sat down next to him, but Felix had other plans and climbed into his lap. “What are we reading?”

  “This one. It was my mom’s favorite, too.”

  “Okay. Have some patience with me, kiddo. Don’t think I’ve ever read out loud before.”

  “You haven’t?”

  “No.”

  “It’s super easy. I’ll help you with the different voices.”

  Different voices? He concluded he was in way over his head, but he’d still give it a try.

  *

  He woke up when Billie carefully shook his shoulder.

  “Fuck,” he muttered. “I fell asleep.”

  Felix had asked him to stay and read a nighttime story, too, and he had. He didn’t think he was doing a very good job with the reading, but the kid seemed pleased about it. After that, he’d apparently fallen asleep.

  “What time is it?” he asked.

  “Almost nine o’clock.”

  He got out of the bed and followed Billie outside the room.

  “What do I need to do? With the tests and shit, I mean.”

  “I’ll set up all the appointments for you. I’ll make sure it all runs smoothly.”

  “I want you to call me, you know, if something happens to him.”

  “Sure. If you want, you can come and talk to the doctors at his next appointment. Might be easier for you to ask them questions.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “And you should probably talk to your boss. There’s gonna be a lot of appointments and stuff for you, too.”

  “Yeah.” He started walking down the stairs, and she followed him. “I wanna be able to come by here.”

  “Of course. Just call ahead to make sure someone’s home. He’s got bad days, when he’s really tired, but you could just read or watch a movie with him those days. I work three or four nights a week… if you want to come by when I’m not here.”

  He didn’t have time to answer before Clyde appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen.

  “Tommy! Come here!” Clyde took him in his arms. “Good to see you, son!”

  “Yeah. It’s good to see you, too, sir.”

  “I hope we’ll get to see more of you.”

  “Absolutely, sir, but I need to be on my way now.”

  Billie came up behind her dad and handed him a piece of paper. “This is Mom’s number, and the number to the house.”

  She was letting him know he didn’t have to talk to her to see Felix. He nodded when he took it.

  “Thanks.”

  *

  He didn’t go home or to the clubhouse. Instead he drove up to Brick’s house. All the lights were on in the kitchen, and when he got off his bike, he heard Brick’s voice from the deck surrounding the house.

  “Hey, Tommy. We’re out here.”

  “Okay.”

  “Go by the kitchen and grab a six pack on your way.”

  Melanie was in the kitchen and smiled at him.

  “There’s some leftovers from dinner if you want.”

  He realized that one of the reasons he’d always liked Mel so much was that she reminded him of Leah. No one ever left the Baxter household with an empty stomach.

  “Sure. Thanks.”

  She heated them for him, and he remembered to grab a six pack before walking out on the deck. Brick wasn’t alone out there. Bear, Dawg, and Sisco were with him. It didn’t matter much, since they’d all find out anyway.

  “Need to talk to you,” he said as he handed Brick the beer.

  “In private?”

  “No. It’s okay. Guess you all need to know.” He sat down and started eating. Mel was possibly a slightly better cook than Leah, though. “That chick you kicked out of the clubhouse the other day.”

  “Your friend’s little sister?” Sisco asked.

  “Yeah. Her. I met up with her yesterday, and her kid is sick. He needs a kidney.”

  “Okay?” Brick questioned.

  “Turns out it’s my kid, too. And they can’t donate, so I’m gonna check if I’m a match.”

  The four of them stared at him in silence for a few seconds, then Bear started to chuckle. “You knocked up your best friend’s little sister?”

  “Yeah, the day of his funeral. I’m a class act.”

  “Actually,” Dawg said. “Shit like that tends to happen. That’s how Edie and I ended up fucking the first two times. Second time it was my dad’s funeral.”

  Tommy stared at Dawg. “You’re kidding me.”

  “Nah. Think it’s that you need to feel alive, or something. That’s her theory, and she’s a lot smarter than me.”

  “He’s right,” Brick said. “She’s a lot smarter than him, and she’s right about the other thing, too. Think that’s it. So, how did you two go from fucking each other to you yelling you have nothing to say to each other anymore?”

  “We… A lot of harsh shit was said.”

  “Okay,” Brick nodded. “I get it, that’s your business.”

  “Hang on,” Sisco said. “Isn’t this, like, over six years ago? She didn’t tell you about the kid until now? And the only reason she told you now is that the kid needs a kidney?”

  He nodded.

  “Wow,” Bear muttered. “That’s a cunt move.”

  “I know.” He’d finished the food, so he put down the plate and picked up a beer.

  “I hope you also know it doesn’t change the main facts here,” Brick said.

  “I know that, too. He’s still my kid. I met him today.”

  “How was it?” Dawg asked.

  “Great. He’s really sick. He’s got some shit that means his kidneys are growing cysts, or something. There were a lot of problems.”

  “Tends to be when the kidneys fail,” Bear nodded. “Good kid?”

  “Small for his age, but still in a good mood. Funny, too. And smart.”

  “Does he know who you are?” Bear wondered.

  “She’s told him the truth about me. That’s what the entire family is like. They don’t dodge bullets or cut corners.” He cleared his throat and turned his attention to Brick. “I’ll do the tests and see if I’m fit to donate. If I am, I’m going to need time off and… probably a lot of time off.”

  “No problem. Let us know if you need any other help.”

  He’d been thinking about it a lot during the day, and on his way from Phoenix back to Greenville. If he couldn’t donate to Felix, it honestly didn’t look like he’d live for that long. The kid was really sick, and Tommy had already missed almost six years. Maybe it would’ve been easier to not get
attached, but he didn’t want that. Being in the Marauders meant caring about your family. They were all about that, and telling them about Felix had been a way to strengthen the resolve about being a part of Felix’s life. No one might’ve said anything if he’d told them he didn’t want anything to do with him, but they would’ve thought less of him. Fuck, he would’ve thought less of himself for it. He wanted it cemented that he had a kid. Felix was his kid. His son.

  “I will.”

  “Should bring him to a family dinner,” Brick said. “If he’s okay enough for it.”

  “I will. Thought I’d get to know him first.”

  “And the mom? What’s her name?” Bear asked.

  “Billie. Don’t think I’ll be bringing her.”

  “Shame. She was hot,” Sisco mumbled.

  “Fuck’s sake,” Brick growled. “You’re not gonna hit on another member’s woman, former or present, unless he says it’s okay.”

  “Wasn’t gonna hit. Just look.”

  “She was never my woman,” Tommy shrugged. “Not sure I want you as my kid’s stepdad, though.”

  Sisco just laughed, but Brick looked pissed.

  “It’s okay,” Tommy assured him. “I’m pretty pissed at her, so I don’t really give a shit about her right now. We’re keeping it civil, but that’s about it.”

  He stayed there for a few hours, but they didn’t talk about him or Felix anymore. Only time was when he remembered he had a picture of him and showed it to the others. When he left, Brick repeated that all he had to do was ask. He liked that. Somehow, it felt like he belonged a little more when he had a family. They’d proved he was one of them by extending their protection outside just him.

  CHAPTER THREE

  A Good Thing

  oOo

  I WORKED AT A veterans center for women. It was privately funded, and to a rather large extent it was funded by my mom’s family. That wasn’t the only reason they’d given me a job there, but I was sure it had helped.

  It had been Mom who’d suggested that I’d work at the center, and I’d been very reluctant. At the time, I thought I had enough on my plate with Felix, and I’d wondered why on earth my time away from home should be spent dealing with even more misery. She’d insisted and thought it would make me feel better if I helped someone, and she’d thought I’d be able to deal with it without breaking apart. For once, my ice queen qualities could be of some use, as long as I didn’t seem unsympathetic. Then I’d grown to like the idea.