Memories of You

by Austin Bates

  “Honestly, there wasn’t much else we could do. As it was, at the wedding they both had bruises and black eyes. It was embarrassing to be honest. But they never touched each other after that. They still fought, but as long as they’re not killing each other, I’m happy.” Melinda sighed and sank back into the couch cushions.

  “You could have at least warned me about it,” said Hunter, gently prodding Luke in the ribs with a finger.

  “The look on your face was too perfect,” said Luke. “You didn’t warn me the first time you brought me over for a family gathering. I’m sure I was just as shocked as you were just now. And you laughed and told me you had wanted to see how I’d react.”

  “Revenge for something I can’t even remember? That’s too cruel.” Hunter sighed. There was a slight flutter in his stomach as the baby began to move. He rested a hand on his belly. “Looks like someone just woke up.”

  “Can I feel?” asked Melinda, her face brightened considerably as she leaned forward. “I’ve been trying to keep from asking you questions all day, but I just can’t hold back anymore.”

  Hunter’s heart swelled at the sight of the pure joy on his mother’s face. She was ready to be a grandma. He couldn’t have possibly denied her request.

  “Here.” Hunter took her hand and laid it on the last spot the baby had kicked.

  A moment later, a wide grin spread across her face. “He kicked, I felt him kick me. Oh, now that’s a healthy baby.”

  “Have you found out the gender yet?” asked Leonard.

  Hunter shook his head. “The doctor asked us if we wanted to know at our last scan, but I said no.”

  “Why don’t you want to know!?” Melinda sounded exasperated. “I want to crochet all kinds of neat little baby things but I don’t know what color to use.”

  “Yellow,” said Luke before Hunter could answer. “It’s bright and cheery and reminds me of spring.”

  Hunter thought for a moment and nodded his head in agreement. “Yellow is a nice color.”

  “Yes, but why don’t you want to know?” Melinda seemed completely baffled.

  What would she think if he told her the truth? It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know, it was just that he didn’t really care. What would she think if she learned he didn’t plan on being a part of his child’s life?

  He and Luke had talked and agreed that both sets of grandparents deserved to see and spend time with their grandchild. Just because Hunter had chosen not to take part didn’t mean they had to suffer as well. He still didn’t think his parents would understand his choice in this situation.

  “We just wanted to be surprised,” said Luke, interrupting Hunter’s thoughts. “I’m going to love this child no matter what it turns out to be. So why does it matter if we find out what it’s going to be now or three months from now?”

  “Yes, exactly,” agreed Hunter.

  Melinda sighed, but seemed satisfied with the answer. “I still think you should find out, but it’s your child. I guess I’ve got to go buy some baby yellow yarn now.” She chuckled to herself. Despite her complaints, she still looked thrilled by the prospect of being a grandparent.

  “I hate to cut this short,” said Luke, glancing out the window, “but unfortunately, we’ve got a long drive back and it’s getting dark. I’d like to get us on the road soon.”

  “Awww, I wish you could just stay here until this little one is born,” said Melinda, laying her hand on Hunter’s belly once last time.

  “Unfortunately, Mom,” said Hunter as Luke helped him to his feet, “I’ve got a job and commitments to meet.”

  “You’re just about, what? Twenty four weeks? You really should go on paternity leave soon,” said Melinda as she followed after him and Luke.

  “I’m not sure if I’m going to take leave,” said Hunter. They reached the front door and he paused. “My job isn’t too demanding, and my boss is really understanding. He’s actually throwing me a baby shower in a few weeks.” Hunter reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the invitation Allen had ordered him to give to her.

  Melinda looked overjoyed. “Of course I’ll be there. I might drag a few other family members along as well. We’ll make sure you’ve got everything you need for the baby. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  Hunter forced a smile. He didn’t really like the idea of a baby shower in the first place, but dragging his crazy overwhelming family into the mix was making him dread it even more.

  “I think, honey, the whole reason he waited until now to give it to you is because he doesn’t want anyone else to be there,” Leonard suggested.

  Hunter was beginning to realize his father was a man of reason.

  “Fine,” relented Melinda. “But I’m at least going to bring your grandmothers. They should be there to help celebrate. Your grandfathers aren’t going to be interested so I won’t even try.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine.” Hunter sighed internally. As long as his grandmothers didn’t break into an all-out fight, it shouldn’t be too bad. Right?

  Luke opened the front door so he and Hunter could escape onto the front porch. Twilight had settled over the neighborhood. Crickets were chirping, cool evening air blew gently through the trees, and the flowers bobbed their heads.

  “Be careful driving home,” said Melinda as Luke started down the front steps. “And be careful on those steps.”

  Luke reached out a hand to help him down and Hunter took it. He slowly lowered himself to each step and fear that he would fall gripped the back of his mind. The baby had thrown off his center of balance, and more than once he thought he was going to tumble towards the ground. Thankfully, Luke kept him firmly upright.

  Once both feet were firmly on the ground, Hunter breathed a sigh of relief.

  “You okay?” asked Luke, releasing his hand and gently guiding him towards the driveway.

  “Yeah, just a little unstable on those stairs,” said Hunter, willing his heart beat to return to normal. “Nothing to worry about, I’m fine now.”

  Luke quirked a smile at him, but said nothing.

  Hunter didn’t see the crack in the pavement where the driveway met the path. He didn’t have time to react after tripping. Gravity took over as the world around him seemed to slow down. Luke was desperately reaching for him. Back on the porch, his parents were already rushing down the steps.

  He tried to throw his arms in front of himself or roll to his side, but he couldn’t move quickly enough. He felt as if his entire body was made of lead, so heavy he would crash into the ground at top speed.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Call an ambulance!” Luke heard himself bark as he rushed to Hunter’s side. He didn’t bother looking back to see if Melinda heeded his order. In that moment, all that mattered was the motionless form laying on the ground in front of him.

  It had all happened so fast. He hadn’t had a chance to react, and now he was silently cursing himself for not standing closer and supporting Hunter better.

  Hunter had tried to protect the baby. He’d spun around at the last moment, taking the brunt of the fall and smacking his head against the pavement. He was lying perfectly still, staring up at the sky, barely breathing. Blood had begun to pool around Hunter’s head.

  “Hunter?” Luke asked, kneeling by Hunter’s head and stroking his forehead. “Can you speak? Are you okay?”

  “I...my head hurts.” Hunter’s eyes flicked towards Luke. “Everything hurts. Trying not to move. Don’t want to hurt the baby...”

  “Y-yeah. Good idea.” Luke felt like his entire body had been electrified. He wanted, needed, to do something and yet he was afraid and unable to do anything.

  “The ambulance is coming!” shouted Melinda from the front porch. She quickly approached and knelt on the other side of Hunter. “They’ll be here soon, don’t worry. It’ll all be okay. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

  Luke could sense the worry in Melinda’s voice though. She was trying to reassure herself just as much as anyone else.


  Everything was a blur when the EMTs arrived. The ride to the hospital in the back of the ambulance was a nightmare, the repetition of a dream he thought he’d escaped from. He’d never once imagined he would be sitting there again, watching EMTs desperately working to stabilize Hunter.

  When they reached the hospital, he struggled to keep up with the gurney as medical jargon was flung around his head. At some point, however, a nurse peeled him away and held him back as the gurney was wheeled through a set of doors and out of sight.

  He felt as if his heart was going to break all over again. A familiar sense of helpless disarray settled over him as he was directed to a nearby waiting room. There was nothing to be done. He was here once again, staring at another white wall, and struggling to make sense of the hand fate had dealt him.

  Luke wasn’t sure how long he sat there, alone, before Melinda and Leonard arrived.

  Leonard was loaded with a duffel bag of supplies. He’d learned to be prepared after Hunter’s last incident. He’d brought snacks, pillows, blankets, and even books and magazines.

  Luke politely declined all of it. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep. Right now, the danger centered around not just Hunter, but their unborn child as well. Right now, two of his greatest loves were in harm’s way and he could do nothing but wait.

  “HOW IS HE? IS HE OKAY?” blurted Luke when the doctor finally approached the waiting area where they were all sitting. “And the baby? Is the baby okay?”

  “Hunter is sleeping peacefully. He probably won’t wake up for another hour or two,” said the doctor, holding up his hands reassuringly. “There was a wound on the back of his head that we’ve managed to repair. Other than some slight bruising on the rest of his body he appears to be okay, but we’d like to keep an eye on him for a few days to make sure there’s no damage to the brain this time.”

  “And the baby?” Melinda asked.

  “The fall caused Hunter’s body to enter labor prematurely. We were forced to perform an emergency C-section or you would have potentially lost them both,” the doctor explained. “Before you panic, the baby has been transferred to the NICU. He’s very premature, though. You’ll have to talk to the neonatologist in order to get more details on his current condition.”

  “Where?” asked Luke, rising from his chair. “Where is the NICU?”

  THE NEONATAL INTENSIVE Care Unit was located several floors up from where they were currently located. It was eerily quiet despite the flurry of activity from doctors and nurses. Prominently posted signs near the entrance forbid cell phone usage. Luke had hesitantly shut down his phone. The lights were low, strange equipment was everywhere. On some level, it looked like a hospital from a completely different planet.

  His baby was in here somewhere.

  “Can I help you?” asked one of the nurses, approaching Luke as he cautiously moved further into the wing.

  “I-I was told my baby was brought here,” said Luke.

  “What’s the name?”

  “I...” they hadn’t chosen a name. They had decided to wait. He doubted Hunter had been able to pick anything in the middle of the procedure. He didn’t even have the slightest idea of where to begin.

  “The last name,” said the nurse, reassuringly.

  “O-oh, right. That makes sense,” said Luke. His nerves felt raw. He wanted to bolt or pinch himself and hope he woke up in bed with Hunter at his side. None of this should’ve been happening. “The name is Kilder.”

  “Let me check for you,” said the nurse as she turned and made her way towards the nurse’s station.

  Luke followed after her uncertainly.

  “Are you Luke?” asked the nurse, looking up at him.

  Luke could only nod in response.

  “Okay, we’ve got you down as the alpha party. Is that correct?”

  “Y-yes,” said Luke with another nod.

  “Okay, your baby is just through here.” The nurse led him towards a nearby room.

  The room was almost dark, save for a single diffused lamp that cast its light towards a wall. The dimness of the room was unsettling at first, but after a moment of trying to get his bearings, Luke adjusted.

  Sitting almost in the middle of the room was a strange looking machine. The most prominent feature of it was a tiny bed enclosed on all sides by plastic. Two holes, covered by tightly sealed plastic doors, sat in the sides of the enclosure.

  Lying almost motionless on the tiny bed, surrounded by plastic was the tiniest little baby. The tiny pink form was almost hidden beneath the mess of cables, tubes, and monitors that seemed to be stuck to him.

  “The doctor will be around shortly, but for now I can try to answer any questions you might have...” said the nurse.

  “He’s so little,” said Luke, stepping towards the middle of the room.

  “He is, that’s why he’s in the isolette. Its temperature and humidity are all optimized to keep him warm and healthy,” explained the nurse.

  Fear gripped Luke’s heart. “Is he going to survive?”

  “That’s a question for the doctor. I can’t speculate on survival rates. What I can tell you is that I’ve seen babies younger than him leave here perfectly healthy. So there’s no reason to give up hope.” The nurse smiled at him softly. “If you want you can sit there beside him and watch him. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to wait to touch him until the doctor gives the go ahead.”

  Luke could only nod in reply. He felt numb as he approached the chair beside the isolette. Right now, it was hard to imagine that tiny little baby ever growing up into a child. It was so small that even the tiny diaper they had put on him seemed far too large.

  The rhythmic beeps and hums of the hospital equipment slowly faded into background noise for him. He sat down and could only stare at his child while silently praying to whoever was listening for a miracle.

  When the doctor finally entered the room, he nodded a hello to Luke and briefly checked the monitors and their readouts before turning to Luke.

  “I’m going to be honest with you okay, Luke?” said the doctor, holding his clipboard close to his chest. “Your son is what we call a micro-preemie. Those are babies that are on the very edge of what we consider viable. A viable baby is one with a halfway decent chance to survive and eventually grow up with minimal complications.”

  “Now, there are still potential complications in his future, but your son does have a few things on his side. First, it looks like your partner was having a fairly healthy pregnancy. There were no deficiencies in Hunter’s blood work and that means your baby here didn’t start off with any either. Second, despite the fact that he’s premature, there’s not actually anything else wrong with your baby. Your partner took the brunt of the fall, and despite being jostled around a little, the baby doesn’t appear to have taken any injuries.”

  “What this means is that his little body can completely focus on growing. His organs are still not fully developed and getting him through these next few weeks is going to be rough. We’ve got a lot of technology and medicine on our side to keep him healthy though, so there’s every reason to believe he’s going to make it.” The doctor was nodding to himself as he talked, but paused once he’d finished speaking.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” said a nurse, popping her head in the door. “I just got a call for Luke. They wanted me to tell you that Hunter is awake.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “Luke!” Hunter practically shouted as Luke entered the room.

  His entire body ached. His head felt swimmy, his midsection felt like it had been ripped open, and his back felt like it must be covered in bruises. Despite these aches and pains, however, two burning desires had taken root in his chest.

  He threw out his arms, gesturing for Luke to come to him and pulled him into a hug.

  “You have no idea how happy I am to see you,” said Luke softly.

  “At least as happy as I am to see you,” said Hunter.

  Melinda was sitting near the
foot of the bed with a book in her hands. When Hunter and Luke parted, she was smiling softly.

  “I’m just happy to see you two together,” she sighed. “I’ve always said that you two were meant for each other.”

  “Where’s Leonard?” asked Luke, glancing around the hospital room.

  “He went home. He’s got work in the morning so he’s going to get some sleep. I already told the nurse there’s no way they’re kicking me out while my son is in the hospital.” Melinda looked proud of herself.

  “Never mind that,” said Hunter, somewhat rudely. The other burning desire in his chest would not be silenced. He needed answers. He needed to know the truth. “Luke? The baby. How is our baby. They said he was fine, but I need you to tell me. Be honest with me.”

  Luke sighed and glanced towards Melinda. She too looked eager for news.

  “The doctor in the NICU said he’s relatively healthy. He doesn’t have any other complications besides being extremely premature,” continued Luke. “He said it’s going to be a long road ahead and keeping the baby healthy is going to be a challenge, but without any other complications he’s confident that he can survive.”

  Melinda let out an audible sigh of relief. “That’s a load off of my mind. That’s wonderful news, Luke.”

  Hunter, however, felt his heart tighten at each of Luke’s words. He hoped his burning desire would be quenched by a report, but if anything it had been fueled to even greater intensity.

  “I need to see him, Luke,” said Hunter, throwing back the blankets on his hospital bed and starting to rise. “I need to see him.”

  Pain tore through him as he moved, but he was willing to endure it. He needed to go to where that baby was being kept. This overpowering desire he couldn’t name and hadn’t expected, was making him almost irrational. He needed to see his baby and nothing else mattered.

  “Hunter, Hunter, wait, wait!” Luke laid restraining hands on his shoulders and forced him back down onto the bed. “Just wait. Okay? The NICU’s pretty far from this wing. You’re never going to make it in your current condition.”