“David. Caleb was right. I shouldn’t have taken him away from you. He needs to be with you where he’s safe.” His voice was smooth, almost practiced.
Cold fire shot into her gut, causing her stomach to roil. She craned her neck and there under the edge of the tarp was David’s blanket from his bed. The truck was full of . . . “What’s back there?” she snapped.
“Just hear me out. David needs to be somewhere stable. He needs a mom—”
“He needs us both. Don’t you even think about ditching us right now. Don’t do it, Miah. I swear, you will ruin him.” She couldn’t breathe. She was going to throw up. Gray pushed the window button and threw the contents of the coffee cup out into the cold morning air.
“You said I couldn’t ruin him. You said he was strong.”
“He’s not strong enough for this. Miah, I’m begging you. This will destroy him. Please.” She had to make him understand. David loved him. She loved him. No, no, this wasn’t happening. She wouldn’t let their future, David’s future, be ripped from him again.
Miah sailed into her driveway and threw the truck into park. “I almost killed him, Gray.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
He turned and gripped her shoulder. “Whose fault was it? It’s my lodge, my snowmobile. Everywhere I look there is nothing but danger for him.”
“Miah, you’re not making any sense. He’s a kid. Those are all things kids do.”
“Not kids like David. You told me yourself that it was all new to him. He’s used to museums and the symphony. Those are safe, Gray. All I can offer him is opportunity to get hurt, and maybe next time we won’t get so lucky. Maybe next time—”
His hand bit into the flesh at her shoulder, but it paled by comparison to the despair unleashed in her heart. But she could make him understand; she had to. “David ran off. You couldn’t have stopped him. He’s going to make choices, and the best we can do is try to be there to help him know which choices to make.”
Miah released her. “He’s better off with you.”
No. The very thought that he could walk away right now caused heat to rush over her from the neck down. Suddenly, she was light-headed, ready to pass out as if his words had stolen the blood and oxygen from her brain. She shook her head to clear the fear from her mind. “I know it scared you. Miah, it scared me, too, but he’s your son and he needs you now more than ever. He needs you to do the right thing.”
“I am.” He stormed out of the truck and slammed the door.
Stubborn McKinley pride. She followed him and gripped his arm as he began untying the tarp. “Miah, don’t leave us again.” Us. So many years before, on that fateful night, with her clothes still drenched and her heart filled with hope, he’d destroyed everything she’d seen in their future. He’d run a wrecking ball through her heart. This was just the same and as she watched him refuse to even look at her, she knew.
Miah was doing this. Period. There was no stopping him because he was a McKinley and once his mind was made up, that was it. He was leaving them. Leaving her. Once again, Jeremiah was shattering her heart and this time he’d shatter David’s as well.
She threw her hands in the air. “Unload his stuff,” she ordered, then stomped into her house, trying to outrun the tears and the pain that had stayed dormant for thirteen years. But there was no escaping it. She went into the bathroom and shut the door. There in the mirror was a scared, alone, eighteen-year-old girl with a problem that was bigger than the world. And there was no one to help her through it.
Beyond the bathroom door, she heard him filling her house with David’s things. How many nights had she cried back while she was pregnant, and alone, a tiny, innocent child growing in her stomach? A child who would look to her for nourishment, life, hope. Somehow, she’d survived those desperate months. She would survive this. She had to; in just a few hours, she’d have a brokenhearted twelve-year-old boy here and he’d need her to be strong.
When she knew Miah was finished placing David’s belongings in her house, she steeled herself and exited the bathroom to find him standing by the front door. Her voice was a rasp when she said, “It’s not too late to change your mind, Miah.”
“I’ll call to check on him later today.” Between his fingers, he gripped the stuffed Ninja Turtle.
She pointed at the door. “Then go. If you’re not willing to fight for him, you don’t deserve him.”
He took a step forward and she had to remind herself this was the man who’d broken her heart. His eyes were misty, his mouth tipped into the saddest frown, so sad that if she wasn’t so angry, so furious, she could almost be persuaded to invite him to sit down, to talk it through. But the fact remained, Jeremiah was giving up on them.
He placed the stuffed animal gently on the couch as if it might break, then his gaze scanned over the things he’d brought in. A stack of manga books, a video game system, a backpack. Haunted eyes landed on Gray and as he took a step toward her, she put both hands out to stop him.
“Gray,” he pleaded, the single word dragging out as if it alone could speak volumes.
“Unless you’re willing to take all of this back to the lodge, just go.” Her voice was solid, firm, riding on the fury that fueled her. She could collapse once he was gone, but right now, she had to be strong. Especially since he was running away.
He lifted and dropped his hands in a gesture that read utter despair. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered, his eyes locked on the floor.
Part of her heart fractured and swirled around in her mind. She knew that feeling, knew it so well, but that couldn’t matter because he was taking the easy way out. Instead of stepping toward him, she crossed her arms over her chest and waited for him to go.
A solitary tear dropped from his face and she watched it land on her floor. Miah tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m doing what’s right for David.”
And now he was an expert? She wanted to scream at him, but he didn’t look solid enough to take the abuse. He swayed as he reached for the door.
A tiny part of her wanted to move forward, just go to him, make him see he was wrong about this. David needed him. Needed to be at the lodge. He’d grown in the weeks he’d been there, branching out of his comfort zone and thriving. But she wouldn’t. Gray had never had many people she could count on. Her nana, of course, until the stroke when Nana reverted to childlike behavior and Gray had to be the grown-up. That was okay; she’d loved her nana and nothing had ever changed that. She’d been able to count on Angela—as long as Gray didn’t reveal David’s existence to his birth father. Gray had herself to depend on. She’d thought she had Miah, but just like last time—when she needed him most—he was saying good-bye.
Once again, David was all she had, and this time no one was going to take him away.
After two weeks, David had settled into a routine at Gray’s house. A routine that included contact with his biological father in snippets of time. Miah would drop by every other day after school and visit, always with a too-bright smile and a too-lax posture. Trying so hard to stitch up some of the wounds he’d caused. She’d watched David carefully in the days since the snowmobile accident. Though he was heartbroken over Miah, he seemed strong. She, on the other hand, was miserable. Heartsick and lonely. Of course, having David there was the biggest blessing she could ever hope for, but still her body ached for Miah. It wasn’t natural. It wasn’t normal. But what in their relationship had been?
Miah was still larger than life, brighter than the sun and stronger than the granite deep in the Ozark Mountain. And she supposed she’d always love him. But she’d decided to stop wasting her time on a fairy tale with no hope of a happy ending.
She stepped out of the bedroom and held up a dress for David’s inspection. “How about this one?”
He rose from the floor in front of the fireplace to lean on his elbow. Volume 49 of
his manga book shifted in his hand. One shoulder tipped up. “Eh.”
She stared at the floral thing in her hands, seeing it through the eyes of a twelve-year-old. “Kind of hideous, huh?”
“You want to sabotage your night, go with that one.”
She dropped the dress and returned to her closet. Earlier in the day, she’d run into the “cat doctor,” as David liked to call him. He’d been friendly, genuinely excited to see her, and for some strange reason when he asked her out for a second date, she agreed. She still couldn’t quite wrap her mind around why she’d so quickly said yes. After all, he’d bored her to tears on their first date, and the only interesting thing that had happened was her chance encounter with the McKinley clan.
Her fingers reached into the closet and closed around the dress she’d worn on Valentine’s night when David had coerced a town into helping him throw his parents together. Her fingers trailed along the soft material as she remembered Miah holding her, his fingertips electric against her skin. He’d sworn to her she’d never lose David. And she hadn’t. He was here to stay. What she’d lost was the man she loved. But that wasn’t her doing; it was his. She was over the mad part of it. What good did anger do for a person, anyway? It only poisoned the body. No, she wouldn’t stay angry with him. He’d jumped into fatherhood headfirst, enthusiasm bursting, hope full. But he’d quickly learned that kids didn’t come with an instruction manual and bad things could happen at any time. Parenthood was terrifying.
On the floor of her closet were the spike-heeled boots she’d been wearing when they’d rescued David and Caleb. She’d scraped the sides and had broken off one of the heels. Still, she hadn’t been able to throw them away. But today, she felt stronger, so she snatched them up and deposited them in the trashcan in the corner of her bedroom. It was a new day. It was time to move on. She’d spent too many years wishing things had been different with Miah. Too many nights wondering what might have happened if he hadn’t left for LA back when they were teenagers, when it seemed the whole world stretched before them, ready to be lived and relished.
Now, she just wanted to move on with her life. She did have a bright future. His name was David. And David understood, too. Which was miraculous, in Gray’s mind. He’d told her he knew Miah loved him, but being a full-time dad was probably scary and he’d tried, but he just . . . wasn’t that good at it yet.
Gray shoved the Valentine’s dress to the back of her closet and pulled out a simple black one that was cut to fit her body and landed just above the knees.
In the living room, David had returned to his book.
“How about this one?”
He inspected it with narrowed eyes. “Yep.”
The smile meant approval and Gray breathed relief. “See? I’m not trying to sabotage it.”
“Yeah. Keep telling yourself that.”
“Okay, mister. That’s enough. Make sure you have your stuff ready, or I’m leaving you here.”
“Stacey and Rick are expecting me.”
Stacey’s brother, Rick, and David had hung out together quite a bit in the last two weeks. Apparently, David’s antics on the snowmobile had spawned a sort of idol worship with some of the other boys. Horrible how a near tragedy could do that. At least something good had come out of it. Everyone forgot about the camping trip gone wrong, too busy chattering about being in the cold water, the rescue, how the incident made it on to the Laver news.
David had gathered his backpack and stood at the front door when Gray came out dressed and fumbling with her heels. When she realized she’d forgotten her earrings, she spun. “Two seconds.”
He groaned. “Ugh. Women.”
Gray clamped a hand on the bedroom door and angled to look at him. “Did you learn that from Jeremiah?”
David grinned in answer. “Yep. He said women’s clocks are broken so they’re not good with time.”
She slipped the small hoops into her ears. “What does that mean?”
His eyes sparkled with mischief. “If a woman says it will take her fifteen minutes to get ready that means thirty at least. If she says she’s only going to shop five more minutes, it will be an hour because her watch is broken so no matter how long she shops, five minutes is always five minutes away.”
“He’s completely corrupted you.” Maybe she should stay angry a while longer.
David plopped down on the bench on her front porch as she locked the front door. “I’m sorry about everything, Gray. You know, about you and Miah.” His face was smooth, the concentration causing a line between his brows.
She sat, too, and pulled him into a side hug. “It just wasn’t meant to be,” she said. “But we’ll both be here for you. That’s what matters. And we both love you.” That, she was certain of. That was undeniable. David would have them for the rest of his life. One day, she’d find a good man who could be a good stepdad for David. And she supposed one day, Miah would marry. The thought of him loving another woman bit into her heart. But it was inevitable.
David watched her for several seconds. The sun had set behind them, its last glow throwing an orangey hue onto the yard. He pointed to the sky. “See that star?”
She followed his gaze. “The bright one that twinkles?”
“That’s the Eye of God. As long as you can see it, it means He’s watching over you. It means everything is going to be okay. It means things are going to work out like they’re supposed to.”
She squeezed his shoulders. “I’m so proud of you, David. You’ve been through a lot in the last several months and I’m constantly amazed at your ability to handle all the things thrown your way.”
“It’s your fault, Gray.”
She tilted to look at him.
He smiled, the shine from the streetlight snagging on his dark head. “It’s your fault I’m so strong. You’ve always been there for me. Always. You taught me to never give up. You’ll see. Things are gonna work out like they’re supposed to.”
The image of Miah fanning a billow of smoke in the kitchen at the lodge skittered through her mind. She forced it down into the pit of her stomach where all her sorrows lay in clumps surrounded by the could-have-beens. She smiled through the sorrow, then rested the side of her head on David’s, where they could sit for a few minutes and gaze at the Eye of God.
Caleb had returned home after four days in the hospital. He’d begged for a couple weeks off from therapy and reluctantly, Miah had agreed. Besides, it hurt too much to see Gray right now, especially here at the lodge. He kept telling himself it would get better, but every time he’d show up at her door, the flu-like pain racked his system anew.
Around the house, things were back to some pseudosense of normalcy even though the house was too quiet without David and Gray lighting up the place. The fact was Miah wanted both of them more than he wanted his next breath. Unfortunately, his knee-jerk reaction had cost him everything. Now he understood why good parents never, ever gave up on their kids. He wanted to be a full-time dad. And would gladly accept all the risk that came with that title. If only it wasn’t too late.
Caleb had cooked spaghetti for dinner. Miah was clearing dishes and knew his younger brother’s eyes were on him. Finally, Caleb cornered him at the sink. “Dude, you gotta snap out of it.”
Water ran in rivulets down the sink, creating a spaghetti-orange miniwhirlpool at the drain. “Huh?”
Caleb slapped a hand on the counter. “That’s what I’m talking about. You’re lost, dude. Like a brainless robot going through the motions of daily life, but not feeling any of it.”
Not feeling any of it? Was he kidding? Miah felt everything, as if his entire system was in hypersensitive mode. Every pain, every memory, every thought. All of them intensified to the point of torture. Two weeks ago, he almost lost his son permanently. Now, he’d lost not only his son but also the woman he loved. In one night, everything had changed. In one night, his
whole world had crumbled. But it wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own. He’d pushed Gray away. He’d made the call to send David to live with her. He carried the full brunt of the decision. And that choice was eating away at him, like acid corroding his body. And that right there was why he’d never get to carry the full-time dad label where David was concerned. Miah had already blown it.
For the first few days, David wouldn’t even talk to him, refused to see him, then one day, Miah had shown up and David was cordial, not friendly, but tolerant. He’d tried to make him understand and David had rallied. But there was a deep hurt in Gray’s eyes that opened the wounds that she’d sealed twelve years ago. Kids were more forgiving, he supposed. Gray, well, Gray was Gray and she didn’t allow people to trouble the deep waters of her heart. But when someone did, she’d close them off completely. He couldn’t blame her. He deserved the treatment he got.
He still loved her. Now, he’d have to live with the pain of his actions. He guessed he deserved that, too. He raised his head to find Caleb snapping his fingers under Miah’s nose. “You gotta fix this.”
He wrung his hands on a dishtowel. “I don’t think I can, Caleb.”
“No. You don’t get it. I’m not making a suggestion. You and Gray deserve this chance.”
“I had my chance. I blew it.”
“You totally blew it.” Caleb sank his hands in his pockets, head shaking. “She’s more than you think she is.”
“What?”
Caleb slapped him on the back and started to walk out of the kitchen.
Miah stopped him. “What do you mean?”
His younger brother turned, came back slowly. “Do you have any idea how tedious it was for her to watch me do my therapy? Day after day, exercise after exercise. Constant. Over and over. It would have been boring for a snail.”
Down the Hidden Path Page 27