Do Not Disturb

by Lisa Ballenger

  “Yes. The fund is Kelly’s.“

  “I just want it finished.” The muscles in her body relaxed inch by inch. “I don’t want to send them to jail.”

  “I had a feeling you’d say that. I’ll wrap up all the details and the money should be transferred over to you by the end of the year. You’ll be in charge of it until Kelly is eighteen, but the money can only be spent on her.”

  “I understand.”

  She sagged over her desk.

  “Allison? You still there?”

  “Yes. Oh, thank you so much, Michael. I’m so relieved.”

  “You’re welcome. Have a nice holiday and I’ll be in touch with the final paperwork.”

  She hung up. It was over.

  Everything was solved but her promise to take Kelly to see her father’s grave. She hadn’t had the courage to tell her that it was impossible.

  Allison picked up the photo of Kelly from her credenza. Kelly had suffered enough with her father dying and Allison just couldn’t find a way to explain James’ parents and their selfishness. But she had come up with a way for Kelly to pay tribute to her father. Placing the picture down, she smiled at her daughter. Something his parents couldn’t stop.

  She rose from her chair and walked to the window. It was a beautiful day. Clear blue skies and warm. A perfect day to go on a boat. A perfect day to celebrate.

  She pressed a hand over her heart.

  Brett would tell her to leave work early. Take the day off, pack a picnic, pick up the girls from school and go to the beach. Then later tonight they would sneak out to the back deck, in the dark. Leave the girls inside.

  Brett always found a way for them to be alone and sneak in an earth shattering kiss.

  She wrapped her arms around her stomach. Cold hands. Not warm and strong like Brett’s.

  The beautiful day suddenly seemed empty. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she cleared away the haze left by unshed tears.

  She wouldn’t cry anymore.

  She drifted back to her desk and opened a file.

  She might as well work.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Allison rolled over in the tangled sheets and stared at the clock. It was six on Saturday morning and she was wide awake. She threw back the covers and fumbled her way to the bathroom in the dark, groping for the light switch.

  After squinting for a few seconds while her eyes adjusted to the lights, she leaned into the mirror. The dark circles beneath her eyes spoke the truth – she had slept very little. After hearing the news from Michael yesterday, she thought she’d feel better.

  Sliding her toothbrush and toothpaste out of the drawer, she started her morning rituals.

  She’d been counting on the resolution of the lawsuit to lift her spirits and finally get some sleep. But she’d had crazy dreams all night. Brett, James, her job, everything all jumbled up as she raced from place to place trying to solve problems. Getting nowhere.

  Slapping cold water on her face, she pushed the dreams into her subconscious. She didn’t want to analyze them or what they meant. It was probably just all the pressure of the last few weeks anyway. Shoving her hair out of her face, she grabbed her robe and tip-toed to the kitchen.

  Ten minutes later she was sitting on the floor in her family room with a cup of instant coffee and a shoebox.

  “Ughhh.” She set the coffee on the carpet next to her and tried not to think of Brett’s delicious brew. “Better get used to instant again, Allison.” She folded her legs under her and lifted off the box top.

  The first picture was of Kelly and James about six months earlier. Underneath was another photo of them at the beach last summer. As she sifted through the contents, Allison reconstructed all the years Kelly had spent with her father.

  He had started taking pictures when she was small and then gave her a camera when she was in first grade. They had chronicled every visit, persuading strangers to take the pictures of them together. Interspersed were clippings James had sent of his trips overseas on medical missions.

  Allison sat back and stared. It was hard to remember him as her boyfriend. She closed her eyes and thought back to college. Was he ever really like a boyfriend? He seldom held her hand, hugged her. Never called her darling or honey like...

  He was so different than Brett.

  Was she different then? Why was she attracted to James? Visions of them together rolled across her brain. Studying in the library. Breaks in the cafeteria. Back in the library. Occasionally going to bed.

  She sat up straighter. How often did they actually have sex anyway? Seemed like they spent more time studying than anything else. And very little time talking. About the only thing they discussed was how to meet their career goals. And the most efficient way to get there.

  Did they ever do anything fun?

  She leaned over the pictures and selected a few of the best shots of James and Kelly through the years and then placed everything else back in the box.

  Holding the photo close, she stared again. She admired him and what he wanted to do with his life and medicine, but she never did love him, she was sure of that now. The only thing she felt when they broke up was lonely, but not for him, just for the companionship.

  Unlike now. She’d never ached like she did now. That cold, hollow pain that stayed with her day and night.

  She snatched the box and stood. Grabbing her briefcase, she walked to the kitchen table. She removed a folder from her case and dumped the contents on the table, spreading lists and photos of children in front of her.

  Kelly would be excited about this. Allison just hoped it would help ease the pain of not being able to visit to her father’s grave.

  Through the medical society that planned James’ mission, Allison had obtained information on the children in the village where James was working. They had even sent pictures and clothing sizes.

  She and Kelly would buy them Christmas presents, wrap them and write a letter explaining that Kelly was Dr. James’ daughter. They would get duplicates of the photos of James and Kelly and send them along, too.

  This way Kelly could do something in honor of James and carry on his work in a small way.

  “Mom.”

  Allison turned at Kelly’s voice.

  “What are you doing?”

  By the time Allison had explained the project, Kelly was racing around the room ready to go to the mall.

  “It’s too early Kelly.” Allison began stacking the papers and pictures and dropping them into the folder.” Maybe we’ll eat breakfast first.” She picked up a pen and pad of paper. “And then we can plan what we need to buy and which stores we want to visit so we won’t get mixed up in the crowds and---“

  “No, mom.” Kelly grabbed the pad from Allison’s hand. “Don’t make me plan Christmas shopping. We’ll just walk from store to store.” She twirled around in a circle. “It will be great, just shopping and shopping. We can stop where we want and...” She pushed her mother toward the back of the house. “Hurry up and get dressed. I can’t wait.”

  “But it will be a madhouse and we’ll never get anything done if...”

  She heard the water from Kelly’s bathroom and gave up trying to talk to her daughter. Making a mental list of what they needed to do, she visualized the shops in her head as she strolled to her bedroom.

  They had to have some kind of plan.

  Didn’t they?

  “And by the time we got home, I could barely move.” Allison shifted Ellen, Joan’s daughter, to her other arm.

  “It sounds wonderful.” Joan finished nursing Eric, Ellen’s twin brother and handed him to Allison. She dropped her nursing pad on the floor next to her rocker. “It sounds like Kelly liked your idea about the gifts.”

  “She was thrilled.” Allison smiled as she observed her friend surrounded by all the frippery of the babies’ nursery. Yellow ducks waddled across the walls, bluebirds flew from a mobile and green frogs hopped along the sides of matching bassinets and chests.

  Certai
nly different than the board room at the bank, but Joan looked contented. And she understood the feeling. “I was so proud of her. She didn’t want to even talk about anything for herself. All she could think about was those poor children James had worked with.” She rocked the babies up and down as they drifted off to sleep. “She’s already talking about what we’ll do for their birthdays.”

  “You have a special daughter.”

  “I do.” She shook her head. “Nothing like me, it seems, but wonderful.”

  “She has a lot of your qualities.” Joan buttoned up her shirt. “Just maybe not some of your more obsessive ones.”

  Allison’s head jerked up. “What do you mean?”

  Joan leaned over and ran her finger down the Ellen’s arm, then did the same for Eric while she continued talking. “Why did you and Brett break up?”

  “How do you know we broke up?”

  Joan glanced up at her friend and then stood. “Because you haven’t mentioned him and that dreamy look is gone from your face.” She rolled the bassinets over to Allison and placed the babies in their beds.

  “I did not have a dreamy look.”

  Joan sank back in the rocker across from Allison. “You looked more relaxed and happier than I had ever seen you the weeks you were dating Brett.” She pointed a finger. “And don’t even try to deny it. I’ve known you too long.”

  Allison sighed and dropped her head. “Am I too controlling, Joan?”

  Her friend hesitated before answering. “Did Brett say you were?”

  “Not exactly.” Allison twisted her watchband around and around her wrist. “But he did talk about my trying to plan my life...and how things can’t always be controlled.”

  “Oh.”

  “But I have to keep in control, Joan.” Allison looked up. “Look what happened when I didn’t back in college.”

  “You had a wonderful daughter that you can’t imagine living without,” Joan said softly.

  “Not fair.” Allison picked up a magazine from the table next to her and flipped the pages through her fingers. “You know what I mean.”

  “I know you believe that horrible things will happen to you if you don’t plan your life.”

  “I need the control.” She rolled the magazine in her hands and looked up. “I need it.”

  “Then that’s the way you have to live, Allison.” Joan moved forward and touched Allison’s knee. “But be sure that’s what you need more than...” she grabbed the magazine and tapped Allison’s leg, “a little surprise every once in a while, a kiss from Brett, his support...”

  Joan sat back. “You know, Allison, we can always learn from each other, change a little...and if you and Brett are really meant to be,” she sighed. “in the end, you’ll both be happier.”

  “Like you and Brad?”

  “We are different you know.”

  “But—“

  “Just think about it, Allison, and make sure what you’re keeping is worth more to you than what you’re giving up...and be sure there’s not a way to have what you both need.”

  “But—“

  “And no, it’s not always easy,” she rapped Allison’s leg again with the magazine. “But it is definitely worth it if you love him.”

  Allison narrowed her eyes. “I never said anything about love.”

  “I know you didn’t.” Joan grinned and nodded her head.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Allison curled her feet under her legs and stuck her hands under the afghan, stuffing it up under her neck. She couldn’t stop shivering. Even her teeth were chattering.

  “Allison, you sure you’re not sick.” Her mother lay a hand on her forehead. “I know it’s an unusually chilly Christmas, but you’re shaking and pale.”

  Allison smiled weakly as she looked at her mother. Ruth Hill wore her Santa apron and a pin of bells jingled each time she walked. The apron was new every few years, when it became too stained from holiday dinners, but the pin had been passed on from her Grandmother to her mother and she was sure she’d be receiving it soon.

  Christmas at her parents had been the same since she was a child. Only she’d gotten older and discovered the world wasn’t always the nice, secure place she had known growing up.

  Unfortunately she hadn’t been able to protect Kelly from the nasty sides of life. But at least her parents had always been the perfect grandparents for Kelly, loving her, spoiling her at every opportunity. She used to think they tried to make up for what was lacking in James’ parents, but they were the same with her brothers’ children.

  The lines in her mother’s face deepened with worry. Kelly was lucky to have them. She was lucky to have them.

  “I’m fine, Mom. Really. I just want to rest for a while.” She edged the rocker back with her shoulders until it moved. “Too much food probably.”

  “I don’t think that’s it, Allison.” Ruth shook her head. “I know you don’t like me to interfere in your life --”

  “Mom,” Allison pleaded.

  “I’ll just say this one time and then promise never to mention it again.” She lowered her voice. “Sometimes it’s good to be involved with someone who isn’t exactly like you. Just look at your Dad. We’re not at all alike, but we’re good for each other.”

  Her mother clapped her hand over her heart in her usual dramatic fashion. “Why everyone thought I was crazy when we started dating in high school. Couldn’t believe we’d ever make it.” She sighed and looked over Allison’s head, lost in her own world. “But even though it took compromises on both our parts, I can’t imagine my life without him.”

  Allison closed her eyes. She didn’t know if she could bear this.

  “And it’s also all right to admit you’re wrong and change your mind on how you want to live your life.”

  “Mom...” She stopped. What did she want to say? She couldn’t say she was happy. She wasn’t. She’d thought getting pregnant in college was the most painful thing she would ever live through. But this was worse.

  She had so much, but felt so empty.

  “That’s all, Allison.” She patted her daughter’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you alone now, but I want you to think about what’s really important to you. And decide what makes you happy. You’re a smart girl, but right now I’m not sure you’re thinking straight.”

  Allison nodded her head, making the rocker move faster. She kept her eyes closed. If she opened them, the tears would escape. And she couldn’t cry. It was Christmas. A time of joy. Happiness.

  And she was so miserable.

  “Thanks, Mom” Her voice quavered. “Thanks for always being there for me.” She huddled down tighter into a ball.

  “You know we love you, Allison. And I don’t mean to pry, but I saw how happy you were and now...”

  “I know, Mom. I know.” She clenched her teeth to keep her lips from shaking.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Allison snuck through the side door of the school cafeteria. The January PTO meeting had already started. She slipped quietly onto a chair in the back row.

  Sitting back she relaxed, ready to listen to the president. The time she’d spent eating a leisurely dinner with Kelly was worth being a few minutes late. Amazing how much easier it was to concentrate when she wasn’t hungry or rushed.

  It only took one glance around the room to spot the top of Brett’s head. She leaned slightly to her left to get a better view between the couple in front of her.

  Brett rolled his shoulders, then his head. Must have been sitting a lot during the day, she thought. His muscles were tight.

  She shifted her eyes to the other side of the room as the image of his bare chest crept into her mind. Had it only been a little over six weeks since she’d touched that chest? It seemed like years.

  How many times had she picked up the phone to call him and stopped? She didn’t know what to say. Where to begin. Had he even thought about calling her?

  “Allison, I’m glad to see you’re here.”

  She
shot her attention to the front of the room. Sara was talking to her.

  “If you could possibly spare a few minutes after this meeting, I’d love for you and Brett to meet with the Spring Carnival committee and explain how you two created such a successful Halloween carnival last fall.” The president nodded toward to her left. “Brett’s already agreed.”

  Her eyes darted in his direction. He’d turned to look at her. He smiled briefly and nodded.

  She wanted to smile back, but her lips felt frozen. He looked away and her heart sank.

  “Sure,” she answered, barely eking out the word. She cleared her throat. “Of course, Sara,” she said louder. She twisted the strap on her purse that lay in her lap and took deep breaths. Calm down, it’s only a meeting about the carnival.

  Thirty excruciating minutes later the meeting ended and she hadn’t heard a word. She wiped her damp palms on her slacks and dragged herself to the front of the room where the committee gathered, each step sending her blood pressure up another notch.

  Three women and two men arranged chairs in a semi-circle with two other chairs placed in front.

  Brett talked to one of the men, his back to Allison, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his khaki slacks, the fabric tight across his butt. Suddenly he leaned his head back and laughed.

  How many times had she seen him stand like that? Laugh like that? She wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and rest her head on his broad warm back. He would then grab her hands and turn around...

  “Allison, you sit here and Brett next to you.”

  Janet, the new carnival chairperson pointed to the two chairs shoved side-by-side. Inches apart.

  Brett turned to Allison.

  “Hi,” he said softly. His eyes focused first on her face, then her hair. He raised a hand toward her then dropped it.

  Was he going to touch her hair?

  “It’s down.”

  She nodded, automatically reaching up to shove the wild curls behind one ear.

  “Don’t.” His voice was low, intimate. “It looks great.”

  His eyes then dropped down her body and back up. “No suit tonight?”

  She shook her head slowly. “I didn’t work today.” Her dry throat made swallowing impossible.