Aberrant (short)

by Jo-Anne Sieppert

  * * * * *

  2

  Jack

  “So Delilah, why do you come out to the island all by yourself?”

  “I like it out here, and I don't really have any friends.” Something about Jack seemed to cause me to have verbal diarrhea, like seriously, is nothing sacred? Am I really just unable to keep my big mouth shut, or am I actually trying to scare him off?

  “Why not? What's wrong with you?”

  “What's wrong with me?” Was he kidding, or just stupid? ‘What's wrong with me?’ As if it was my fault, as if I chose not to have any friends, to be teased and tormented, and to be lonely.

  “I'm different.” I said. Way to go Delilah, that’s telling him.

  “So what? Everyone is different.”

  “Well, I guess I'm just too different.”

  “Don't you ever get lonely?” Something in his voice told me that he knew a lot about loneliness.

  “Sometimes I suppose. But I read a lot, and I have more than enough time to focus on my school work. I keep myself busy.”

  “Can't you read and do your school work at home?” he asked.

  “Why, is this your island? Are you trying to tell me you don't want me to come here? Because I don't see your name on it anywhere!” I wanted to scream at him to come out of the bushes and make me. For once I was ready to stand up for myself. I think, maybe.

  “That's not what I meant Delilah, I just don't want you to get hurt, it’s not safe to come out here by yourself.” Not safe? What was he talking about, I hadn't seen anything more than a bug flying around, there's no animals or even rodents on the island, well at least here on the beach. Unless, was he saying that he was dangerous? Highly unlikely, he hadn't even come out of the damn bush yet. Maybe he's scared on the island, but then why would he come here?

  “I'm a big girl Jack, but thanks.” I guessed he was probably just mad that he had to share the island with me.

  “Don't your parents get mad that you come here alone?”

  “They don't know that I come here. What about your parents, do they get mad at you for coming here alone, or is it okay ‘cause you’re a boy?”

  “My mom’s dead, she died giving birth to me,” he said like it was no big deal.

  “Oh Jack, I'm so sorry.” But it was a big deal, at least I thought so. I wanted to run in to the bushes and wrap my arms around him, but I managed to hold myself back, I didn't want to freak him out.

  “What about your dad?” I asked hesitantly.

  “My dad’s ashamed of me, so he pays me to stay away from him.” Was he joking this time? What kind of dad would do that? I felt guilty now for ever complaining about my life, I didn't have things anywhere near as bad as poor Jack did. It seemed strange how open he was with me. Why would he share so much like that when we had just exchanged names? Maybe it was a boy thing? Maybe he was telling me the truth. He must be suffering from the same case of verbal diarrhea as me.

  “Jack, I don't know what to say. I just want to hold you, and tell you everything will be okay.” As soon as the humiliating words left my mouth, I covered it with my hand, preventing any further escapes. I couldn’t believe I said that out loud. What the hell was wrong with me? “I'm sorry, I'm too weird. I shouldn’t have said that.” For some reason, it was impossible for me to control what I was saying. It had to be nerves, I had never had this much of a conversation with a boy before.

  “Delilah, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” My heart stopped. Only for a second or two, but it definitely stopped.

  “So, do you come to the island to get away from your dad?”

  “No, my dad is far away from here. I came here because you came here.”

  “What?” It is him that's dangerous, he followed me here and is going to rape me and kill me. I guess my mom will never get her container back, she’s going be pissed. How pathetic that that's my last thought. At least he would put me out of my misery.

  “I didn't know at first that it was you that drew me here, I only came to that conclusion a few moments ago.”

  I shifted uncomfortably, twirling my hair around my finger. Twirling and untwirling. Shifting from foot to foot. Staring out at the murky water as it moved slightly in the breeze.

  “I'm sorry Jack but I don't know what you’re talking about.” That annoying sensible voice in my head - the one that I'm sure sounds just like my mom would have at my age - was telling me to run, get in the boat and row, row like my life depended on it, because it probably did. But I didn't, maybe I was stupid, reckless, suicidal even, but whatever the reason, I was paralyzed. The thought that someone- not just someone, a boy - was drawn to me, made my stomach flip-flop. I was used to repelling others, not drawing them to me. What had I done differently?

  The thought that I may have drawn a psychopath or serial killer only annoyed me, so I put it as far back in my mind as I could manage.

  “I don't really understand it myself. I mean you’re not the sort of girl I am used to. I mean, really Delilah, look at yourself,” and there it was, just what I was used to.

  “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Not that I didn't know, it was everything, the way I dress, the fact that my hair isn't styled, I don't wear makeup, I'm not a girly girl. I'm not a Perfect.

  “Forget it, that came out all wrong. I will go. I didn't mean to ruin your visit to the island. I am sorry.”

  “No wait! Jack, don't go.” I wanted him to stay more than anything, I didn't care if I wasn't his type, we could still be friends. Couldn't we?

  “I really didn't mean how it came out,” he sounded sincere.

  “So, what made you decide it was me that you were drawn to?” I hoped moving on was the right solution to the misunderstanding.

  “Because I can't leave, nor do I want to,” Jack's answer was whispered. I wondered if he was embarrassed, ashamed, or sickened by this. Somehow Jack being forced to stay here with me took the flip-flops and replaced them with a sick feeling. I struggled to ignore that mom voice in my head again.

  “That didn’t clear anything up at all Jack. What do you mean ‘can’t’, I certainly am not keeping you here. If you want to go, go!” If I could see him I would have slapped him, I think.

  “I told you, I don’t want to.”

  “Well, maybe I want you to leave. Maybe I don’t want you to have to stay.” I didn’t want him to go; I just wanted to hurt him, as he hurt me.

  “If you want me to go, I will.” I think it worked. He sounded hurt. I felt awful. This was the first time I ever hurt someone on purpose, and I hated the way it made me feel. It was worse than when I got hurt.

  “Do you really want me to go Delilah?” Jack asked, as though he heard my thoughts.

  “No,” was all I could say.

  We were silent for a while. I listened carefully to hear the comforting familiar sound of birds chirping, but was disappointed by their silence. I could hear the breeze blowing through the trees, and the distant hum of the town. I sighed, relieved that the island was so deserted. I picked up my book and started reading, Jack didn’t make a sound at all until I put my book down.

  “What are you reading?” he asked.

  “Just the assigned reading for my English class, Lord of the Flies.”

  “That’s a great book. It just shows you what humans are really like.” Humans? I thought, interesting choice of words.

  “So you have already read it? Does that mean you are in Grade Eleven?” I wanted to know something about him, anything. Everything if I could.

  “You’re in high school right?”

  “Yes.” Why did I answer, I should have waited, insisted he answer my question first.

  “I am in High school also, but I have read that book already. I read a lot.” I was unable to hold back my smile, I hope he didn’t see, but it made me feel a bit relieved that he was the same age as I was. I didn’t think there were very many sixteen-year-old serial killers. And he liked to read; we had something in common.

>   “There’s not many sixteen year old boys that like to read Jack.”

  “I’m not like most sixteen-year old boys.” Something else we might have in common. Could it be possible that he and I were alike? Could we possibly be friends? It seemed likely.

  “I’m not really like anyone,” Jack said quietly.

  “I know what you mean.” I knew all too well what he meant. I couldn’t imagine Jack being tortured the same way I was, in fact, the thought of it made me feel angry.

  “What else do you like to do Jack?” There was a slight rustling in the bushes. I thought for a moment that he was going to come out, but he didn’t. He must have just been shifting his position.

  “I like music.”

  “That’s it? Books and music?” It seemed like a generic answer, what teenager doesn’t like music?

  “What about you Delilah?”

  “I like, uhm…” Great, now my answer seemed stupid. I tried to think of a lie, something that other teenage girls liked. The problem was, I didn’t have a clue what other teenage girls liked.

  “Books, and music,” I whispered, probably too quiet for him to even hear.

  “That’s another two things we have in common.” He sounded almost happy at the idea.

  “It seems that way doesn’t it, but the real question is, do we like the same kind of music?” This was most unlikely, the chances of him listening to Bach and Mozart were slim at best. I had grown up listening to classical music. The older I got, surprisingly, the more I liked it. I also loved Broadway music, Sarah Brightman singing The Phantom of the Opera was my absolute favourite.

  “I doubt we listen to the same music,” he agreed. “But I’m not going to tell you what I listen to.”

  “Why not?” I regretted saying that as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I sounded like a pouting child.

  “Because I don’t want to be laughed at,” he admitted.

  “Trust me, I wouldn’t laugh. Besides, it probably isn’t anywhere near as bad as what I listen to.”

  “Well you tell me first?”

  “No, you first this time,” I insisted.

  “Well then, we will just have to wait.”

  “Wait for what?”

  “Wait until I know I can trust you.” He couldn’t trust me yet? What had I done? Had I given him a reason not to trust me?

  “Okay, then we wait,” I said, picking up my book again hoping to hide my pout. I wasn't actually reading, but I did turn the page a few times, the words just wouldn’t make their way into my mind. How could they? There was no room in there, it was already filled with thoughts of Jack. What did he look like? Why wouldn't he show himself? Why was he drawn to me? Why all the secrets?

  I turned the page again, a bit rough this time, ripping the corner. The sound brought me back.

  “Why were you crying the other day?” Jack asked.

  “I was just upset, nothing major,” I lied.

  “Why were you upset?”

  “Some kids at school were being mean to me that's all. It’s no big deal.” I felt embarrassed, why had I told him that? Why wasn't he saying anything? It was more than embarrassment, I was ashamed. Like it was my fault, I deserved it, and that was wrong of me.

  “What did they do?” His voice was shaking slightly, it would have been far easier to read him if I could see him.

  “I'd rather not have to explain it Jack. It’s embarrassing.”

  “Please Delilah, it’s important.” I thought he sounded angry, but I couldn't see why. I had no idea why it would be important either, but I explained what had happened at school the first day I came to the island. I turned slightly from the bushes, hiding the shame on my face. When I finished, there was more silence. It was broken by the sound of something being crushed, then falling to the ground in sand-like crumbs. I waited for him to speak.

  “How do you handle it Delilah, I mean, without killing them all?”

  “I do my best to ignore them Jack. They are mean and hurtful, but I can't spend all my time crying about it, it won't change anything.”

  “But they need to be taught a lesson, they can't treat people that way, especially not you.” He mumbled the last part; I wasn't entirely sure I heard him correctly.

  “I don't think I will be the one to teach them that lesson though. But I don't want to spend my whole weekend worrying about them.” I made a point not to think about the Perfects on the weekends, the break helped me deal with the five days that always followed.

  He promised not to speak of the Perfects for the rest of the weekend. We talked about literature that we liked and didn’t like, movies we have seen and want to see, current and past events, and every other conversational topic we could come up with. I was surprised that we avoided discussing the weather. It was strange how much we had in common. He still hadn't told me what types of music he listened to, but I figured he would when he was ready.

  “It’s getting late Delilah, shouldn’t you be going home?” Jack asked when the sun had completely set.

  “I’m not going home.” I stated.

  “Are you going to sleep here on the island tonight?”

  “That was my plan; I brought my sleeping bag and pillow.”

  “Delilah, it’s not safe on the island, especially after dark. You really should go home. You could always come back tomorrow.”

  “No way! There’s nothing on the island that can hurt me. I will be fine,” I insisted.

  “You will get cold.”

  “No I won’t. This is a really good sleeping bag, it’s good for camping in the winter.” Not that I had ever been camping in the winter, but that’s what it had said on the package.

  “What if you roll into the lake in your sleep?”

  “I’m sure the water will wake me up.” I slipped into my sleeping bag. I wasn’t about to give in, I had made up my mind to spend the night on the island and that was that.

  “Good night Jack.”

  “Good night Delilah,” he replied. Then it dawned on me, was he going to spend the night on the island to? It did make me feel safer, but what if I talked in my sleep, or snored, or worse, farted. I would just die! How will I ever sleep now, knowing that he is right there in the bushes? Great. I would have to stay awake all night. I hoped he wouldn't stay here all night, maybe he would go home.

  It was chilly on the island, but I had stayed warm all night in the winter-graded sleeping bag. Staring up at the stars, I began trying to make out as many constellations as I could remember. It was so peaceful on the island at night, as long as I didn't look behind me at the wall of trees, and didn't think about them, or what could be lurking in them, I wasn't even that nervous about sleeping outside. The silence was hard to get used to, no clock ticking away, no cars on the road, or even the gentle hum of the electronics in my room, there was no noise at all, it was almost unnerving. Jack hadn't said a word, he must have left, maybe I just didn't hear him. I decided to count the stars, that didn't take long to send me in to slumber.

  I dreamt of Jack. He was holding me while I slept, his body pushed up against mine, he felt strong. His hand stroking my hair, his breath felt warm, he was so close. It felt so real when he was kissing my cheek, holding me like he would never let go. It was a great dream. One that made me wish I could have stayed asleep forever.

  When I woke the next morning, I was alone in my sleeping bag, as I new I would be, but wished I wasn't. I snuck off to the trees to go to the bathroom before Jack came back. If he was coming back today. I brushed my teeth and ate the breakfast I packed. I was quite surprised at how well rested I felt, considering I slept outside, on a rocky beach, with nothing but a sleeping bag and pillow. The cool morning air was fresh; it felt invigorating to breathe it in. I watched the sunrise over the water. It was breathtaking. I had seen it before on many occasions, but never from this side, never from the island. It slowly crept up behind the sleeping town, saturating the sky in marvellous shades of orange and red. Illuminating the town, a shiver went thro
ugh me as I realized from where I was standing, the town looked red. My own little piece of hell now wore its true colour.

  “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Jack said. Snapping me back to reality. I was thrilled he had returned.

  “It is. I never get tired of watching the sunrise.”

  “Did you sleep well?” he asked.

  “Very well actually, better than I’ve slept in a long time. I may have to do this more often. How about you?” I was trying not to sound too smug, but I wasn’t sure I succeeded.

  “Like a baby,” he laughed.

  “What are you planning to do today?” Jack asked.

  “Well I explored the trees a little yesterday-”

  “You did what? Do you have any idea how unsafe that was? You could have been killed!”

  “Jack seriously? I was just hiking.” I couldn’t believe how much he was overreacting, what did he care anyway?

  “Delilah, promise me that you will stay out of the trees?”

  “Why?” I was not going to make that promise without good reason.

  “It is not safe, that’s why.”

  “Well I am sorry Jack, but that is not good enough. I didn’t see any reason, except maybe due to the uneven ground, for the trees to be considered unsafe.” I said. He really was being rediculous.

  “Animals.”

  “Animals Jack? What kind of animals?” I hadn’t even heard a bird flying over the island, I found it hard to believe there was anything more than bugs that called the island home.

  “Bears.”

  “Jack really? Bears?”

  “Delilah, please trust me, just stay out of the trees, so that I don’t have to worry that I will come here and find you injured, or worse, your remains.” I had no reason to trust him, I couldn’t even say that I knew him. To give credence solely in a voice with a name and no face was absurd at best. However, I was weak, or foolish maybe, because I was unable to refuse. Jack already seemed to have some control over me that I couldn’t resist nor understand.

  “Fine, I will stay out of the trees, until you agree to come with me.” I said. Throwing my own condition in made me feel a little better.

  “Thank you Delilah.” Jack sounded truly relieved, I couldn’t help but turn slightly, looking over my shoulder as if I was going to see a large black bear standing there, confirming Jack’s claim. “So, like I asked, what are you going to do today?”

  “I was planning on taking a walk around the beach. If that’s not too dangerous?” I asked, bitterly.

  “Well I would prefer if you just remained here on the beach where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you are safe, but I am aware that may be a little too much for me to ask.”

  “You’re right, that is too much for you to ask. Not without a good enough reason at least.” The lack of response I decided to take as permission, not that it was needed, for me to go ahead.

  “You know Jack, you could just come with me?” I said, as I set off walking.

  I waited for a moment to hear a response, and then started walking, when none came.

  The water was quite clear, close to the beach, I could see all the different coloured rocks that lined the bottom of the lake. The beach seemed to go on forever, which made me think that seeing the island from the shore was deceiving, of the actual size. I looked towards the town, trying to make out what I was able to see, I couldn’t see people, only buildings and cars moving along the road. I felt confidant that I was free to be on the island without being noticed. The further I walked I realized that it all just looked the same, water on one side, a wall of trees on the other, and rocks below it all. It didn’t take me long to miss Jack, so I turned around, what else could there be on the island anyway?

  “Did you see all you wanted to see?” Jack asked.

  “For now,” I said, the only thing I was actually interested in seeing was Jack.

  “Just don’t forget what you promised me.”

  “I won’t,” I said, turning slightly to look at the trees again. Something strange happens when you are told to stay away from somewhere, and uncontrollable desire to go there seems to take over. I would keep my promise, I was just frustrated at how much harder he had made it.

  Considering I sat on the beach and Jack stayed hidden in the bushes, and all we did was talk, the time seemed to go by so quickly. Before I knew it I was packing up my things to go back home.

  “Will you be back after school tomorrow?” Jack asked. I was so glad that he did. My stomach flopped, I suddenly felt more aware of myself. I ran my fingers through my hair in an awkward and sad attempt to make myself more presentable.

  “I will do my best, I have to think of something to tell my mom.” I didn't want to leave at all, so I knew I would do whatever it took to come back as soon as possible.

  “Well, I'll be here Delilah,” Jack said. It sounded very much like a guarantee.