Rock Him

by Rachel Cross

  Maddy twisted her fingers nervously.

  “Asher, are you sure … ” her voice trailed off as she caught his expression and she laughed.

  “I know. I know. You can handle one five-year-old girl.” She smiled and his heart rate doubled.

  What was wrong with him?

  Why did he keep having to remind himself she was off limits? He liked her for Christ’s sake. More than that, he needed her. Ella loved her. The libido would stay in check. There were plenty of women available to him, but Madeline Anderson was not one of them.

  “Have a great time. We will,” he said dismissively, turning on his heel.

  He stalked into the kitchen where Ella was coloring at the table.

  She looked up. “Has Maddy left?”

  “She’s in the hallway.”

  Ella scooted out of her chair and rushed to find her. The child returned moments later smiling, resumed her seat and finished coloring her picture, singing to herself.

  He opened the fridge to find his Coke and sitting on the top shelf was a plate with plain chicken, brown rice and broccoli covered in plastic wrap, a note on top.

  The note instructed him to zap the plate in the microwave for thirty seconds. He rolled his eyes, grabbed the soda, poured it out into a glass sitting on the island and found another note.

  “Bedtime: eight P.M.”

  He balled it up and considered setting the damn thing on fire. She didn’t give him any credit. Then again, he had made a mess of things the first few weeks. He still wouldn’t win any parenting awards, but he was improving. He didn’t need a series of notes coaching him.

  “Ella, want to go out for dinner?”

  Her eyes lit up. “Pizza?”

  “Steak?”

  She considered him. “With ketchup?”

  “Ketchup,” he agreed, shuddering. It was criminal the way the child adulterated food.

  He glanced at his watch. Almost six. They’d leave in a few minutes. He’d just brought the soda to his lips when his phone rang. He inspected his screen. Ah, Spade’s new producer. He’d been anticipating this call all day. “Ella, want to watch a show?”

  He took the call as he set up the TV program for her in the living room.

  When he finally got off the phone, he glanced at his watch again. Almost an hour had passed. He collected Ella and her jacket, pulled on his own then snagged his keys and phone. They were finally sitting down at the restaurant close to eight. Ella was complaining and he remembered what Maddy had said about kids getting hungry so he asked the waiter for some rolls.

  The rolls arrived but one glance told him Ella wouldn’t eat them. They had seeds. Her whining amplified. He stopped another server.

  “Dude, got any plain rolls, bread … anything plain?”

  “Something wrong with the rolls?” He picked up the basket and examined them.

  Ella’s tears began and with them came the attention of most of the restaurant patrons. He glanced up and caught glares from the well-coiffed older couple at the next table. He scanned the room. No other kids. He was that guy now. The guy who tainted fine dining ambiance with a whiny kid.

  He opened a sugar packet and leaned across the table to pour it in to Ella’s mouth. Her tears dried up. Ah, the magic of sugar. He’d poured eight sugar packets into her mouth by the time their food arrived. He pretended not to notice the withering looks from the people sitting around him as the mountain of empty sugar packets grew in front of him.

  He was halfway through his meal when he noticed Ella pushing food around on her plate. “I don’t like it.” Her eyes drooped a bit at the corners and he glanced at his watch. Approaching nine. He set to finishing his meal, accompanied by the increased fretting of his dinner companion. To quiet her down, he ordered a soda.

  She sucked it down in a minute flat, giggled and belched, then groaned and gripped her stomach. Belched again.

  Fork halfway to his lips, he watched her mouth form a perfect O of surprise as a fountain of Coke, sugar and bile spewed onto her shirt, plate and tablecloth.

  Dropping his utensil, he moved to her side. She was sobbing uncontrollably. Jesus. What a mess. He reached in his back pocket; pulled a few hundreds out of his money clip to drop on the table; gathered the tiny, sticky, smelly, figure into his arms and headed for the restaurant door.

  Once home, he stripped off her clothes and put her in a warm bath. By the time she was out and dressed in her pajamas, it was after ten and she could barely keep her eyes open.

  “Uncle Asher, stay with me,” she insisted sleepily, eyes listless with fatigue.

  He stripped off his shirt, toed off his shoes and laid on top of the covers next to her, listening to her suck her thumb, blanket in hand as she faded off into sleep. He was aware of her warm body, snuggled in close, the strawberry scented shampoo, the intermittent sucking noises. He closed his eyes, drowsy in the dark room, and smiled. Ella brought out every protective instinct he had ever experienced and turned it up to eleven. He thought he loved his sister’s child before, but that was nothing compared to how much he loved her now. Not a day went by that he didn’t mourn the loss of Dee, but lately, being with Ella erased some of the grief and brought solace. He hadn’t realized how much one person could care for another until Ella came to stay.

  • • •

  Maddy arrived back at the house after midnight. Her friends had met her at a restaurant near campus before heading out to a local bar to play darts and chat. She wasn’t forthcoming about her new job — she’d confessed to quitting the coffee shop and taking a nanny gig but gave no details. Her friends were trustworthy, but she didn’t want to spend the evening answering questions about Asher Lowe.

  Maddy crept up the stairs, finding her way in the darkness to Ella’s room. She pushed the door open silently, her gaze taking in the sight on the bed: Ella curled up into Asher’s shirtless, jean clad body, burrowed into his warmth. She moved into the room, wrinkling her nose at the faint sour smell. Was that vomit?

  Moving to the side of the bed, she stared down at Asher then bent over, sniffing him. She pulled back slightly, her gaze traveling up his heavily muscled chest with its light furring of brown hair, up the column of his neck, lingering on his strong jaw line and perfectly shaped lips, examining those enviable cheekbones … she gasped.

  His eyes were wide open, staring intently.

  She drew herself up and moved back as he sat up, careful not to disturb Ella.

  He gestured toward the door and Maddy tiptoed out of the room. He followed, pulling the door shut behind him.

  “Are you sick?” she whispered.

  “No.” He turned toward his room.

  She reached out to stop him, her fingers barely skimming his bare back. His smooth skin radiated heat. He flinched and she pulled her hand away. He spun back to face her, and she wasn’t familiar with the expression on his face but it looked pained.

  “Is Ella okay?”

  He nodded.

  “Asher, were you drinking?”

  He made a low sound, between a grunt and a groan, and didn’t meet her eyes. “No. I haven’t been drinking. Yes, Ella threw up. Too much cola, too fast.”

  She groaned inwardly. Really? She was pretty sure “soda” hadn’t been on the list she’d left for him. For a smart guy, he was hitting some low notes in the parenting department.

  “She’s fine. I promise.”

  Her eyes narrowed.

  He was hiding something and refusing to make eye contact.

  She stepped closer, worried, and he finally raised his head, giving her a glimpse of the hot longing in his eyes. She froze. An answering heat swept through her, triggering a wave of dizziness.

  He grunted and moved toward her, closing the gap in one stride.
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  Maddy stood rooted to the ground.

  He yanked her into his arms with a growl and lowered his head. Leaning in, he licked his way inside her mouth, devouring her.

  Maddy had been kissed plenty. But this was more than a kiss. This was conflagration. His lips and tongue were hotly demanding, and she answered his need with her own. She moaned, a sound of lust mingled with frustration, muffled by his mouth. His grip on her hips tightened and she became aware of his raging erection as it pressed, almost painfully, against her belly. She squirmed, one hand threading through the thick, satiny hair at his nape, the other pressing against his hips, wild to get closer.

  It took her a few seconds to realize he was pulling away, pulling her from him. Shame washed through her, heating her cheeks. What had she done?

  He backed up two steps, hands up, palms facing her. “I’m sorry, Maddy. That was totally inappropriate. I promise it won’t happen again.” He took another step back. Maddy held a hand to her forehead, body rigid with humiliation. He’d practically had to peel her off of him. God.

  “No, I’m sorry. I … I — ”

  “Let’s just forget it, okay? It’s late, we’re tired.”

  “Okay,” Maddy whispered. She stood, frozen in the middle of the hallway, until his retreating back disappeared into his darkened bedroom.

  • • •

  Maddy closed her laptop after she sent her mother the email with her flight information and Christmas plans. She had finished her final paper and hit the send button early this morning. Graduation was just a technicality now.

  It had been a week since that kiss in the hallway. No matter how hot he was, no matter what her feelings toward him, he was her boss. The kiss, earthshaking as it was to her, was probably an imperceptible tremor to him.

  She rose from the kitchen table to prepare for the trek to the bus stop to collect Ella when the sound of someone clomping down the stairs drew her attention. He’d been home a lot more lately, in his study most of the day, on the phone or in virtual meetings. Apparently, there was a lot more to being a successful rocker than just showing up for recording sessions and tours.

  “Asher.”

  “Hey, Maddy, I thought I’d pick up Ella.” He fixed an assessing gaze on her.

  She was getting used to his intense looks. Unfortunately, her feelings for him were not limited to sexual interest. She loved watching his interplay with Ella. Even the therapist had told Maddy this week that she’d noticed a perceptible change in their relationship.

  She’d had a chance to meet some of the band members and management team now that Asher was working from home more. She had seen his charming manipulations as he conducted business a handful of times. This megastar Asher was nothing like the Asher she knew. Rock god Asher never lost his cool, even when the fine lines of tension around his mouth illuminated his stress like a beacon. It disturbed her on some level that she could read him so well, but what was more disturbing was the inner turmoil he created in her. Living with him since that kiss created a dizzying mixture of lust and compassion. Straight lust would be so much easier to squelch.

  Maybe that was what Justin had been warning her about. Not the arrogant, charming manipulative cad Asher was in public, but the oddly vulnerable, fascinating man he was in private. If so, she was in deep trouble. It was no longer so easy to dismiss him as a shallow playboy. This Christmas break away from him would be good for her, though she dreaded the time away from Ella.

  “Ok. I wanted to let you know about my travel plans … ” she trailed off at the look on his face and bit her lip. His expression seemed lost, somehow. It would be lonely for him and Ella without Dee and sharing the holiday with Sterling was out of the question.

  “Can you walk with me? I’d rather not discuss it around Ella,” he replied, looking away.

  “Sure.”

  She preceded him through the door and down the steps. They walked down the long circular driveway and Asher entered the gate code.

  “I have plans to be gone for eight days.”

  Asher sighed.

  “I’ll leave the day before Christmas Eve, and be back two days after New Year’s.” She met his eyes and twisted a strand of hair. “I’d hate for Emma to have a setback. Promise you’ll call if she needs me?”

  “Her therapist seems to think she can handle it. That reminds me, I upgraded your phone.”

  Maddy stopped walking, hands on her hips. “Damn it, Asher.”

  He stopped and turned around, then held up a hand at the expression on her face.

  “Your cell is ancient. I got you a phone like mine so Ella can see you while you’re away.”

  Oh. As long as it was for Ella’s sake. Still, the car, the phone. What was next? It was uncomfortable having your life upgraded by the employer you had the hots for. “I wish you’d just talk to me about this stuff. My mom has a computer we could use.”

  “This is easier. We can use our phones.”

  Reaching out he gave her hand a tug. “It’s just communication, Maddy.”

  “It’s just another expense, Asher.”

  He studied the sky, deliberately ignoring her.

  “I know you don’t get it, Mr. I-have-a-gazillion-dollars, but all these expenses add up, and it’s not necessary.”

  “It is.”

  “And I’ll have that plan long after you guys don’t need me anymore.”

  But she didn’t even want to think about that. Living with them was fulfilling needs she wasn’t even aware she had. That ridiculous mansion even seemed like home now, but long term?

  “Asher — ”

  “Can you please just stop worrying about the money? It’s getting old.”

  “I’m sorry if my relative poverty makes you uncomfortable. I was raised by a single mother in a small town. I learned early in life to be conservative with money, Asher. This isn’t something I can switch on and off. It’s who I am.”

  “You should have told me you were booking a flight. I could easily send you in the jet.”

  “Are you even listening to me?”

  “I’m tuning you out,” he replied.

  Two rapid steps took her around and in front of him, and he walked into her upraised arm. “Damn it. This is what I’m talking about! Between scheduling my doctor appointments, getting me a car, a new phone … even my own mother is not this controlling! You need to stop doing this stuff without checking with me. I moved three thousand miles to get away from one overprotective person. I don’t need you as a replacement.”

  He scoffed at this. “You’re stubborn, unreasonable, and miserly to a fault.”

  What an asshole! This from the son of a billionaire who had never known a moment’s concern about bills or loans or any of it.

  “Go on, Asher, tell me how you really feel!”

  He walked around her arm.

  She wrapped her arms around herself, stomach twisted into a knot. Should she go back to the house? Screw that. Putting her shoulders back, she continued on to the bus stop, a few steps behind him.

  Once they arrived, Asher stood next to her arms folded across his chest.

  She avoided his glances, her body stiff.

  “Maddy, I’m sorry, but you push every button with that ‘silver spoon’ crap. I grew up with money and affluence, so, yeah, I’ve had more than my share of advantages, a great education and a last name that opens doors. But I’ve been on my own since I turned eighteen. I’ve never taken a penny of his money and I never will.”

  She turned to face him. “Oh.”

  “Being his son has been equal parts handicap and asset in my life.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward him, giving her a brief hug.
She cudgeled her body’s traitorous reaction to his heat, his casual touch.

  One long, callused finger trailed down her cheek, lingered under her chin and lifted it, forcing her gaze to meet his. “I’m sorry,” he said, again. “I’ll check with you, okay? But can you try not to be so high handed?”

  “That’s the pot calling the kettle black!”

  He laughed, perfect white teeth flashing.

  She tried to calm her racing heart.

  “I’ll try, Maddy, but I’ve had a lifetime of getting my way.”

  Chapter 10

  Screaming woke Asher from a dead sleep in the wee hours of the morning. He stumbled out of bed in his boxer briefs and was halfway to the door before the origin of the horrible noise registered.

  My God. Ella.

  He hit the hallway at a dead run and burst into Ella’s room. It took him a second to find her amid masses of pink and blue pillows and what must’ve been fifty stuffed animals. He gathered her shrieking figure into his arms. The therapist warned him he might be in for a few rough nights as she adjusted to Maddy’s absence.

  He switched on the bedside lamp and dug her blanket out from beneath the covers, offering it to her. Scooting back he positioned himself against the headboard. Sadie, the cat, hopped up on the bed and curled herself into a ball.

  Ella lay sobbing in his arms, trying to find comfort with her thumb, but the tears made it impossible. Her eyes glittered in the dark room. She finally fitted her thumb in, her body jerking against his with the occasional hiccough. After a few minutes she tilted her head back to gaze up at him. “Why did Maddy leave me?”

  “Christmas is coming, sweetie, and she has her own family.”

  “But I want her.”

  “I know, honey but she has a mommy who misses her and friends — ”

  “Does my mommy miss me?”

  Asher’s gut churned, a hollow emptiness in his core. Every time this kid asked about Dee it was some question he didn’t know how to answer.

  “What does Maddy tell you when you ask that question?”

  “She tells me my mommy is watching over me so she doesn’t miss me, but I can’t see her so I miss her.”