Rock Him

by Rachel Cross

  “Asher?” Maddy said, in hushed tones, “can you talk about it?”

  He shook his head, but his hands moved from fists at his sides, to curl around her hips and hold her. Despite the love and support he got from Dee, they were never equals. He was always the big brother. The one she counted on, not the other way around. They had been everything to each other. Dee was the first person he loved.

  He worried about her when she was away at boarding school, and as they got older, he was the one who arranged for them to spend holidays together. Then she went through that partying stage, and he’d been well aware that she was dancing on the edge of a cliff with a dangerous crowd. He’d been exposed to that, hell, he brushed up against it on a daily basis in his career — there were a hundred and one paths of self-destruction on the way to that cliff and he’d learned just how close he could get without going over. Since his work ethic didn’t allow for endless partying, he’d always been able to manage that aspect of the life.

  The pregnancy saved her. But they were never as close after Ella came. It wasn’t that Ella supplanted him in Dee’s affections. It was more that he wasn’t sure how to adapt to their changed status. After she gave birth to Ella, she had renewed confidence, a focus to her life, and he was too busy to cement the bond with Dee and Ella. She’d tried to bring him into her new life, but he’d floundered.

  The final straw had been her forgiveness of Sterling. Asher gritted his teeth at the betrayal. If only Dee had been able to see his father for what he was. Anger welled up in him, his grief mixed with rage. His body shook.

  He couldn’t say a word, couldn’t trust himself.

  Her hand at his shoulder tightened, but her fingers moved through his hair tenderly. He could feel her embrace pulling all the despair and rage out of him until he was limp.

  How long had they been out here? She must be freezing. He pushed her hips away and lifted his head to meet her gaze. Her cheeks were tearstained, her gaze full of concern.

  “That damn song and those people with their damn candles,” he said, with a shaky laugh.

  “Yeah.”

  “Ready?” he asked.

  Maddy shook her head and moved to sit next to him on the bench, taking his hand. Hers was freezing. He took it between his two warm ones. “We need to get you back inside. It’s cold out here, it can’t be good for — ”

  “Tell me about Dee.”

  He gulped and turned his head away. “Please, Maddy. I can’t. Not now. I’m hanging by a thread here.”

  “I know, but you need to. And Ella needs to hear about her. Part of helping her through her grief is acknowledging her mother, talking about your memories.”

  “I can’t.” He turned slightly away and freed a hand to rake it through his hair, eyes downcast.

  “Can you at least tell me why you were so overcome in the church?”

  “Guilt.”

  “Guilt about what?”

  Raising his head, he met her concerned gaze and suddenly he couldn’t stop the words. “You name it. That she had a lonely childhood. That after she had Ella, things were awkward, our relationship changed and I wasn’t sure how to handle it so I … I avoided her. But mostly because, when she died I was angry with her for having a relationship with that son of a bitch we call a dad.” His voiced cracked and he covered his face with a hand hoping Maddy couldn’t see his tears.

  “Do you think she understood where you were coming from?”

  He groaned. “I don’t know, Maddy. All I know is we weren’t close and she died before I had a chance to fix it.”

  “But you were there for her, for years and you loved her. I’m sure she knew that.”

  He rubbed his lips together. “Yeah. But she wouldn’t listen to me about Sterling. I all but asked her to make the choice and she kept him.” God this was hard. He could barely get the words out. “She started spending holidays with him, trying to bring about our reconciliation. You have to understand, Maddy, even as a kid she always wanted to see the best in people. She got hurt a lot — I couldn’t protect her from that, but I was always there to pick up the pieces. I could never understand why she let our dad into her life. And after all we’d been through, what he put us through, that was unforgivable. And you know the worst part Maddy? I’m still angry with her. Still. And she’s dead. And some days I’m so sorry I didn’t have a chance to sort it out and some days I’m just furious.”

  He looked up almost afraid to meet her eyes.

  She had the heel of her hand pressed to her mouth, struggling to hold back sobs.

  “And I’m afraid to talk to Ella. Afraid she’ll see through me, see my anger and my self-disgust.”

  “She won’t, you know,” Maddy said. “She’ll only see how much you loved her mom.”

  He stood and took her in his arms, his eyes dry and burning.

  She gripped the wool covering his back and held him tightly, grounding him.

  “Is that the most fucked up thing you’ve ever heard?” he asked, shakily.

  She shook her head and leaned back to look up at him. “No. It’s just really freaking sad. And I don’t know what to say, only, I’m sure she loved you. It’s obvious how much you loved and tried to protect her and I have no doubt that you communicated that to her while she was still alive, even if you disagreed about your father. You would have worked it out if you’d had more time.”

  He was silent, watching his exhalation cloud the air over her head.

  A shiver shook through her.

  “Maddy, you’re freezing. Let’s go back in.”

  He almost lost it again watching Ella play the role of Magi. No matter how it had been explained to her, she’d insisted she was a queen and not a king. He gazed heavenward, blinking gathering moisture from his eyes, praying his sister could be aware of this moment.

  Shane accompanied him on the final two songs, their voices rising and falling in perfect harmony to a traditional Christmas favorite and then a pop standard about Christmas and world peace. His gaze lit on Maddy and Ella, smiling and singing along with the crowd and managed a smile, his heart lightened.

  Chapter 12

  “She’ll be fine, honey. More than fine. I’ve got her little friend, Stella, coming over for a play date and tea tomorrow,” Mrs. Anderson said, giving Maddy a little push out the front door.

  “Thanks, Mom,” she replied. “If anything changes, let us know. Otherwise we’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Maddy hugged her mom, then turned to give the rented Dodge a dubious look. “Asher, I dunno about this car, given the weather forecast we may be better off taking my mom’s four wheel drive,” Maddy said.

  “We’ll be fine,” Shane said, getting into the driver’s seat.

  “Maddy, want shotgun?” Asher asked.

  “No thanks, I can direct from back here.”

  Washington D.C. was over an hour away. What would her friends think of adding two celebrities to their night on the town? Who was she kidding — they would be all for it. It would assure them entry and VIP status at any of the clubs.

  Her scene was more sports bars and casual eateries, not fancy dance places. Her friends were a different story; they were at home in the swankiest clubs. She planned to meet them in Dupont Circle, and from there, they would have dinner before going out en masse.

  The trip into the city was uneventful, and Shane parked the car in an underground garage.

  They entered the trendy Dupont bar. It was early — just past seven — when she spotted her two friends sitting with empty martini glasses at a large booth near the front of the bar.

  Kelly and Liz sat next to each other, glancing up when Maddy walked in. The shock was unmistakable. Kelly half rose from her seat.

  Both women stared at Maddy as though they’d never seen
her before.

  Shane laughed. “Maddy,” he made a tsking noise. “You didn’t tell them you were bringing friends?”

  “I did,” she retorted. “I just didn’t tell them who.”

  Asher grinned and made his way to the table.

  Both girls rose, star-struck.

  The men offered hands and introductions. Kelly and Liz stammered their replies before they turned twin accusing glares on Maddy.

  She shrugged and smiled. “Asher’s my boss.”

  Asher rolled his eyes. “Can I get you ladies anything?” he asked, eyeing their drinks.

  They told him what they were drinking, and he went up to the bar. Shane pulled up a chair and sat at the end of the booth.

  Liz grabbed Maddy’s arm. “Missy, you have some ‘splainin’ to do!”

  “Okay, in a minute,” she said with a laugh. But first, she needed to join Asher at the bar. “Not going to take my drink order?” she asked, with feigned petulance.

  He glanced over his shoulder with a grin. “I know what you drink, sweetheart. Shane too.”

  Maddy squelched the thrill that ran through her at his casual endearment.

  The bartender came over and did a double take. “Asher Lowe!”

  Asher shook his hand, put in his order and the guy started on the drinks, sneaking glances between Asher and Shane.

  He put the five drinks on the bar and pointed to Shane. “That guy looks familiar … ”

  Maddy answered for him. “He was in TruAchord.”

  “Don’t know them. They open for Spade?” he asked Asher.

  Asher choked on his first sip of the vodka tonic. “Hell no, man. That was a boy band ten years ago.”

  At the horrified expression on the bartender’s face, Maddy jumped in, “But he’s an actor now. I’m sure you’ve seen him in something.”

  The guy narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, some action movie that’s coming out soon, right?”

  They nodded and Asher gathered up three of the drinks, Maddy the other two.

  Before they even arrived back at their table Maddy noticed the bartender furiously texting.

  Shane had Kelly and Liz eating out of his hand. She slid into the booth next to Asher and gave each of her friends a little kick under the table. They reluctantly pulled their attention from Shane.

  “I can’t believe you,” Kelly said. “Why wouldn’t you tell us?”

  “It’s not her fault, it’s mine. I’m kind of a nut about privacy, at least I have been since my sister died.” Maddy squeezed his knee under the table.

  Asher grabbed it, holding it atop his rock hard thigh.

  She felt a wave of heat sweep through her body. She’d meant to give reassurance but the thick, warm muscles underneath his cotton pants triggered lust. She gave herself a mental shake and tried to withdraw her hand from his calloused palm, but he didn’t release it. She wiggled it, he squeezed back, then flipped it palm down, holding it atop his thigh and with the heavy weight of his hand, kept it there.

  Afraid to move, dizzy with lust, unable to even look at him, she kept her unfocused gaze on Kelly — anywhere but on him. Maddy could feel him observing her and she prayed the bar was dark enough to hide her flushed skin, her shallow breaths.

  She had completely lost track of the conversation.

  Asher shrugged in response to something and he was so close that the upper half of his body moved against her. “Yeah, well, Maddy has been a godsend in helping me care for my niece, Ella.”

  Maddy tried to inch her hand out from under his. He shifted, and her hand slid along the light-weight cotton, dangerously close to the inside of his thigh. She froze, heartbeat thundering in her ears, awash in a riot of lust, her legs clenched together in an attempt to tamp down the aching pulsation between her thighs.

  Liz eyed them curiously and continued, “Yeah. Maddy has always been like the pied piper with children.” What were they even talking about? The pied piper? Focus Maddy.

  “Yeah, she has this immediate rapport with kids. Shane’s that way, too,” Asher finally spoke, but his voice was gravelly.

  “Not just with the kids,” Shane interjected.

  Liz and Kelly turned to him as he launched into an anecdote about his run-ins with moms on the make at TruAchord shows.

  Maddy sneaked a glance through her hair at Asher, who was watching her, jaw set.

  She squirmed in her seat. What if she just slipped under the table? She imagined kneeling on the tile floor, sticky with alcohol, raising her arms to pull his hips forward to the edge of the seat, unzipping the fly of his pants. Her hand tightened involuntarily.

  He grunted, shifting his body so the tips of her fingers came into contact with the thick, ridged mass of aroused flesh constrained against his thigh.

  Shane was saying something but only Liz and Kelly were paying any attention.

  His palm was loose atop the back of her hand. Waiting.

  Pulse pounding, her hand moved incrementally to cover his throbbing erection, her eyes widening as her fingers explored the length and girth of him.

  He let out a sound — a gasp.

  Maddy’s fingers clenched in reaction and Shane’s head whipped toward him.

  “Dude?”

  Maddy snatched her hand back and grabbed her drink off the table, finishing it in three desperate gulps.

  Oh my God. Oh my God.

  Shane stared at Asher. Then at the flood of people entering the bar. “Asher? Didn’t you tip the guy?”

  Asher’s expression turned sheepish and Maddy snuck a glance at him. She didn’t think she’d ever seen that particular look cross his face.

  “Nah.”

  Shane shook his head sadly. “Dude.”

  “Tip him?” she asked confused. “Asher, I’m pretty sure you tipped him generously.”

  “Not that kind of tip, Maddy.” Shane responded. “Money to keep our visit on the down low.”

  The word the bartender put out meant the place was full. It wasn’t just full, it was full of people gawking and crowding, which precluded any kind of privacy.

  Uncomfortable, Maddy said, “Uh … I’m sorry about this. Maybe we should go somewhere else?”

  “Shane and I have been here often enough to know of a few places to have a relatively private dinner.” Asher began checking listings on his phone.

  “That old style place in Georgetown?” Shane asked.

  Asher nodded and looked at the girls in askance. “American food okay with everyone?”

  Of course they’d agree. Maddy was pretty sure they’d agree to eating at the falafel truck outside to keep the evening going. As they made their way out to the cab at the curb, Liz and Kelly continued to marvel at how fast the word spread. It was the only bar on the block with a line at eight P.M.

  Shane got in the front, Liz and Kelly scrambled across the back and Asher held Maddy back. Once the girls were seated he got in, folding his long body, still holding Maddy’s hand. Wordlessly he pulled her in. It was a tight fit and Maddy ended up half sitting on Asher in the back. She struggled to get comfortable on his leg, holding herself up with one arm on the back of the bench seat, trying to minimize contact with his body.

  He reached up with his hand, draped her arm around his neck and settled her onto his lap. She moved, inadvertently grinding her bottom into Asher’s hard thighs. He held her down with a heavy arm across her hips and whispered harshly in her ear, “Stop wiggling.”

  While Liz and Kelly chatted with Shane, Maddy tried to pretend she was anywhere but where she was, sitting on Asher’s lap. She closed her eyes. That didn’t help. He smelled divine. She could never figure out if it was cologne or bath soap or just his smell — leather combined with something vaguely citrusy — but
it wreaked havoc with her libido. Tingling heat washed through her, turning her limbs into a slushy jumble. She pressed into his big, warm body as her heart rate tripled.

  Asher’s hand across her thighs tightened, his long fingers playing at the hem of her dress, lightly resting against the silky material covering her thighs, their tips barely touching her bare flesh.

  Her face was just inches from his as she fought the temptation to rest her head on his shoulder. She shivered at the press of his huge, warm palm at her thigh. The motion of the cab as they made their way across town bumped her body against his and lulled her into relaxing further into him. She opened her eyes.

  Hot, unblinking hazel eyes bored into her until she drew in a shuddering inhalation. His gaze dropped to her lips, which parted on a sigh. The large hand on her thigh pressed her down against him, using her hips to stroke his lap, his erection prodding the curvature where her thighs met her ass. Kelly was pointing out the window at various nightspots along the route, suggesting places for post dinner dancing.

  Maddy shifted, so she was seated on his lap, directly over him, leaning forward, she gripped the seat back in front of her. Her coat covered his hands, which slid beneath the wool, bunching up her dress and stroking up to her thighs, then clamping down on her hips in an iron grip. He rocked her against himself, taking advantage of the combination of lousy suspension and potholes to grind her more tightly against him with every bump. She squirmed and closed her eyes, willing one of his hands to venture down to the apex between her thighs.

  She felt someone’s gaze on her and opened her eyes to find Shane turned in his seat, staring at them. He winked before turning back to Liz and Kelly, who were regaling him with tales of their misspent college days at bars along the route.

  The driver let them out in front of an old, large, two-story brick building, a mansion in this part of town. Maddy exited the cab on shaky legs with a little help from Shane.