by Sarah Morgan
“You’re telling me to be selfish.”
“Doing something for yourself doesn’t make you selfish. My students tell me it’s called self-care. Are you hungry? I could fry bacon.”
“You won’t keep that hot body if you keep eating bacon, Professor.”
“I need to keep my strength up, to keep you satisfied.” He topped up her coffee. “Talking of which, we should probably pick your underwear up from the floor.”
“My—” She turned her head and gasped. “They must have seen it when they walked in.”
“You’d think it might have given them a clue. Good job Katie is a doctor and not a detective. Criminals would be able to act without fear of reprisals.”
“This is not funny.” She scurried across the room and scooped up their discarded clothes. “It is a little strange that she didn’t realize what was going on.”
“She thought we were faking it. She probably thought those sounds of utter bliss that came from your mouth were exaggerated for effect, whereas in fact it was a response to my sexual prowess.”
She flung her bra at him and he caught it one-handed.
She felt strange—a combination of giddy teenager and anxious mother. She knew life did that—it dished out good and bad on the same plate and you were expected to eat it all up. She knew from experience that it was possible to smile and cry at the same time. To grieve and rejoice in the same breath.
Her phone pinged and she whirled around, searching for it.
“That will be one of the girls. Where did I leave it?”
“Try looking down the back of the sofa.”
She rummaged and found it. “It’s not the girls. It’s Catherine. She’s inviting me to join her for breakfast in town. You’re invited.”
“I don’t know. I can excavate ancient remains, but digging my way out of emotional situations is different. That’s your territory.”
“It’s obviously a crisis meeting—she wants to talk about the wedding. Perhaps it would be easier if I went on my own. But I wanted to talk to the girls.”
“Rosie will be talking to Dan. At least, I hope she will.”
“But Katie—what about Katie?”
“I’ll go and find her. Talk to her.”
“You? But you never—” She bit her lip. “Sorry. That’s probably on the list of things you’re not supposed to say to your partner, isn’t it? You never, along with you always. I didn’t mean it that way, it’s just that I’m the one that usually talks to the girls when there’s a problem.”
“I know, and I think it’s time that changed, don’t you? I may not have had as much practice as you, and no doubt I’ll say totally the wrong thing, but at least they’ll know I care. I want them to know that.”
“Oh Nick, they know you care—”
“I’ve always taken the easy parts of parenting and left you with the hard parts. I’m having that conversation with Katie. And if she yells, at least she’ll be yelling at me.”
Maybe Maggie was partly responsible for the fact that the girls turned to her. She’d always assumed she’d be better at it. She’d taken that role without considering whether it was a role that should be shared.
“You’re right, you should do it. Let her talk, Nick. Don’t try to fix it.”
“Should I punch Jordan?”
“You’ve never punched anyone in your life. Why on earth would you punch poor Jordan?”
“For hurting my daughter.” There was a fierce look in his eyes that she couldn’t remember seeing before.
“We don’t know he hurt her.” She softened. “You’re in good shape, Nick, but I think he might get the better of you. And then there’s the fact that I think Katie likes him. If it turns out that we’ve wrecked Rosie’s relationship, I’d rather we didn’t also wreck Katie’s. No, a conversation with your daughter is all that’s needed. One where she does most of the talking, and you do the listening.”
“I can do that. Good luck with Catherine.”
“I don’t know which part I’m dreading most. Admitting our relationship was fake, or explaining why Dan stormed out and canceled the wedding.”
“Our relationship isn’t fake anymore. Maybe you don’t have to mention it.”
“If I don’t tell her that we were pretending, none of the rest of it makes sense.” She rubbed her fingers over her forehead. “No, I have to tell the truth. It’s the only way we’re going to stand a chance of unraveling this.” She sighed. “I was dreading meeting her, I felt so intimidated, but the truth is I like Catherine. I like her a lot.”
“I like her, too. Go and talk to her. I’ll clear up here and then find Katie.”
Maggie bundled up and trudged through the snow to the trail that led to Snowfall Lodge.
When she saw Catherine waiting in the car, she felt a flicker of nerves.
She knew how much work Catherine had put into planning this wedding, and how badly she wanted it to go ahead. She was probably furious with Maggie.
Oh well—
Bracing herself for a difficult conversation, she opened the car door and slid inside.
Catherine looked immaculate as ever, her eyes shielded by oversize sunglasses.
“I’m so happy you’ve come.” She waited for Maggie to fasten her seat belt and then headed toward town. “We have to talk.”
“I know.” Maggie leaned her head back against the seat. “Catherine—”
“Let’s wait until we get to the coffee shop. I didn’t want to risk being disturbed in the lodge. Dan took a snowmobile out somewhere, but I suppose he’ll be back at some point and I didn’t want to risk being interrupted.”
“He took a snowmobile?” Maggie slumped in the seat. “I was hoping he and Rosie would be talking about their issues.”
“He’ll be back. When Dan is hurt or has something to work out, he often takes himself off. His father was the same. There are so many things I want to say, but I need to focus and the roads are terrible after yesterday’s blizzard. And I’m dying for a soy latte.”
Maggie had a feeling they were going to need something a lot stronger than a soy latte to make them both feel better, but who was she to argue? And, as Nick had pointed out, alcohol was at least partially responsible for the position they now found themselves in.
She felt awkward. She wanted to tell the truth. She wanted to apologize, but Catherine had made it clear she wanted to postpone the conversation. And underneath it all was a simmering anxiety for both her daughters. Hopefully Nick would speak to Katie and not put his foot in it by saying something tactless, but what about Rosie? Was she on her own and upset somewhere?
“How was your day with Nick yesterday?” Catherine drove confidently. “Was the sledding fun? Was dinner romantic?”
Every word Catherine spoke reminded Maggie how much this woman had done for her. And how much she had to explain. “It was all great, thank you.”
“That’s good to know.”
“The sleigh ride back from the restaurant was magical.”
“It’s a wonderful thing. I once had a man propose to the love of his life on that sleigh ride.” Catherine glanced at her and Maggie noticed how pale she was. As if she’d been crying.
Guilt stabbed her.
“Catherine—”
“Well, look at that—parking, right outside my favorite coffee shop. It’s meant to be.” Catherine eased carefully into a space and the two of them picked their way across the snow and into the warmth.
Catherine picked a small table by the window, close to the fire. “What can I get you?”
“A cappuccino please.” Maggie reached for her bag to pay, but Catherine waved her away.
While Catherine went up to the counter to order, Maggie tried to rehearse what she might say, and then decided that there was no best way to confess that you’d been lying. She needed to come
straight out with it.
When Catherine settled in the seat opposite, she took a deep breath.
“I’m glad we have this chance to talk privately. There are a few important things I have to say.”
“Me too, but can I start by saying thank you to you for at least agreeing to listen. I thought you’d be furious. You probably are furious, and I don’t blame you for that at all. I’m furious with myself. Thank you for at least giving me a hearing.”
Maggie was thrown. “A hearing? I don’t understand.”
“I’m sure you don’t. There are so many things I need to explain, but I thought it was best if we did it somewhere private so we’re not interrupted. I’ve been dreading this all morning. And talking about this morning, I apologize for walking in like that. I was going to slide my envelope with my suggestions for your romantic day under the door and leave the pastries outside, but then the door was open and I saw everyone else inside and assumed you were up and around.”
“That’s the least of our worries.” Maggie wanted to forget about the fact that half of Colorado had seen her in bed with Nick.
Catherine picked up her spoon and poked at her coffee. “This is my fault. I don’t even know where to start.”
“Start by telling me how you can possibly think any of this is your fault. If anyone is to blame, it’s Nick and I.”
Catherine frowned. “Why?”
Maggie didn’t understand why Catherine wasn’t angry, then realized it was because she didn’t have the facts. “You go first. Then I’ll go.”
“All right.” Catherine sat back in her chair. “When my husband died, I—well, let’s say it was a tough time. There were mornings when I didn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t. I lay there, wallowing in misery and self-pity. Why him? Why me? All the usual thoughts that you don’t want to admit to because you’re not proud of them. Dan was away at college, and I knew he was worried about me. I pretended I was fine. I spoke to him in a bright, cheery voice, told him I was keeping busy.”
“But you weren’t.”
“No, and I guess he sensed that. He insisted on coming home, so I knew I had to pull myself together. I’d told him all these lies about how I was keeping busy, so I had to find something to be busy with. I was telling a friend about it and she suggested I help organize her wedding. It was her second marriage, she was working full-time and hating every minute of arranging details. I took everything off her hands. I did it so that Dan wouldn’t worry about me, but within weeks I was feeling better. I had a reason to get up in the morning. Something to work for. I told myself I was doing it so that my friend could carry on working and not have a stress attack, but really I was doing it for myself. I had never imagined work could be therapy, but that’s how it turned out. Also turned out that I was good at it. It was a big wedding. Word spread. I was invited to do more. What began as a hobby turned into a business. Soon I needed an assistant. And I loved what I was doing. I’d never had a career. I met Jonny in college, and Dan arrived almost right away. Jonny was so busy building his business, I wanted to support him. And many would think that was an old-fashioned approach, I know.”
“It was your choice,” Maggie said, thinking of her own life up until this point. “It was what you wanted.”
“Yes. There was nothing I wanted more than to be Dan’s mother, but equally once Jonny died there was nothing I wanted more than to show my son I was okay. He’s very protective. I didn’t want him worrying about me, and doing something stupid like give it all up to come home. You raise a child to be independent. I understood that. You raise them to leave, even though the leaving breaks your heart into pieces.” Catherine rummaged in her bag for a tissue and blew her nose. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I cried for weeks when Rosie left home, but don’t tell her.” Maggie reached across the table and took her hand. “I think you’re inspiring. And brave.”
“I don’t know about that. Anyway, when Dan first brought Rosie home I could see right away how much he loved her. He was devastated when he lost his father and seeing him so happy was a huge relief to me. I felt excited, as if we were entering a whole new phase of life.” She pulled her hand from Maggie’s and picked up her coffee. “I’m telling you this because it may have contributed to the way I behaved.”
“I don’t understand.”
Catherine put the cup down. “From the moment Dan proposed, I took over. I was the one who suggested they get married at Christmas. And I did it at a big noisy family dinner, without thinking that it would mean sweet Rosie wouldn’t be able to express her views on it.”
“If she’d had doubts, she would have said so.”
“We both know she probably wouldn’t. She’s a kind, generous girl. And I do believe she loves Dan, otherwise I never would have pushed so hard. I don’t really know why I did, except that getting married at Christmas seemed romantic and I wanted the two of them to start their new happy life immediately.” Her eyes filled again. “I all but hauled her down to that dress shop. Looking back on it, I could see she was a little panicky, but did I hold back? No, I told myself bridal nerves were normal. I didn’t want to think that maybe this was all moving along too quickly. And I didn’t think about you. She’s your girl. Your baby. And I was doing all the things a mother should do.”
“Catherine, please!” Maggie leaned forward. “Stop torturing yourself. I wasn’t here to do those things, so I was grateful to you for doing them. And grateful to you for your kindness to our daughter.”
“I love her. That part isn’t in question. But my affection probably contributed to the fact I railroaded her.”
It wasn’t easy having children, Maggie thought. It wasn’t easy getting the balance right. She saw that so much more clearly now. Love and caring could so easily turn into smothering, and it wasn’t easy to know where to draw the line.
She sat up a little straighter. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. If she’d had doubts, about the relationship or the speed of the wedding, she should have talked to Dan.”
Catherine sniffed. “You think so?”
“Yes.” Maggie said it firmly, to convince both of them. “If they’re adult enough to get married, they’re adult enough to sort out any problems they encounter.”
“You’re so rational and mature.”
Maggie burst out laughing. “I wish. Let’s just say I had an epiphany recently.”
“Dan is as focused and stubborn as I am. When he wants something, he goes for it. It’s a strength, but it’s also a flaw. Maybe Rosie tried to talk, and he didn’t listen. And now he’s in shock.”
Maggie finished her coffee. “I like Dan, a lot. I’m sure he and Rosie will work this out.”
“And if they don’t?”
Maggie tried to ignore the sick lurch in her stomach. Would she ever lose that impulse to reach for her phone and check on her daughter? “Then they both will have learned something from it. And we will pick up the pieces and support.”
“I don’t understand why everyone was in your bedroom this morning. And why so much tension? No one told me anything.”
Maggie fiddled with her coffee cup. “This is the part of the conversation where you’re going to be mad with me.”
“I can’t imagine that ever happening.”
They were about to find out. “About our second honeymoon—”
“I think it’s so romantic.”
“It’s not romantic. It’s fake. Or it was fake. Nick and I have been living separately for months.” She told Catherine everything, from the slow demise of her marriage, to their decision to fake their relationship for a little longer so that they didn’t spoil the wedding.
Catherine listened without saying anything and when Maggie had finally finished, she stirred.
“So I brought you back together?”
“Yes. It’s been years since Nick and I spent time as a
couple. Enjoyed ourselves. Our relationship had turned into something close to an administrative arrangement. Because we were faking this second honeymoon, we were forced to do all the things you’d so kindly arranged. The sledding. The romantic dinner. We haven’t done anything like that in long time.”
“And it turned into something real. You fell in love again.” Catherine pressed her hand to her heart. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. But what does this have to do with this morning?”
“Yesterday, Katie overheard us talking about divorce. Naturally, she was upset. She walked off, and that’s how she ended up spending the night in Jordan’s cabin. But she obviously assumed we would have told Rosie. When she discovered we hadn’t—well, she’s very protective of her sister.”
“Of course she is,” Catherine murmured. “Isn’t that what sisters are for?”
“She seemed to think Rosie was having doubts, and was using our marriage as evidence that a whirlwind relationship could work. Katie felt it was her responsibility to tell her the truth. I assume Rosie didn’t believe her, so Katie dragged her over to our tree house for an honest conversation.”
“But you were in bed, enjoying your new relationship.” Catherine started to laugh and Maggie felt herself blush.
“I can assure you having your grown kids walking in when you’re having sex is not funny.”
“I know, I know.” Catherine wiped her eyes. “But honestly, you couldn’t make this up. But Katie must be thrilled to know you’re getting back together?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t spoken to her. Dan heard her trying to convince Rosie not to use our marriage as reassurance, and he was understandably upset. That’s when you arrived.”
“So do the girls know that you and Nick are together again?”
“They should do. We tried telling them. But it was rather chaotic, and then there’s the fact that Katie doesn’t trust us much right now. She’ll probably never believe a single thing I say ever again. You think this is your fault but I think it’s mine. If I’d told the girls the truth from the beginning, Katie wouldn’t have come charging in this morning, Rosie wouldn’t have followed and Dan wouldn’t have found out she’d been having doubts.”