by Sarah Morgan
“But then you and Nick might not be together. I think it’s good that Dan found out. They need to find a way of communicating. If you can’t be honest with the person you’re choosing to spend the rest of your life with, then how is that ever going to work? Dan can be very stubborn, and sure of himself, but maybe he needs to learn to listen more.” Catherine finished her coffee. “I need to apologize to Rosie for taking over. For pushing. I made it hard for her to speak up. This whole episode has made me realize a few things about myself, too. I need to give people space to breathe and move, and make their own decisions.” She straightened and glanced at the time. “We should be getting back. I might have a wedding to cancel. Unless you and Nick would like to renew your vows?”
Maggie gave a wan smile. “I don’t think that would be tactful in the circumstances.”
“Or maybe it would be exactly what everyone needs. And it would certainly persuade Katie that this time you’re telling the truth.” She stood up. “Are we really going to give up on this wedding?”
“It’s up to the two of them. I’m not going to interfere even though it half kills me not to.”
“I’m trying not to reach for my phone and call Dan.”
“We need to find something else to do with our hands.” She saw Catherine grin suggestively and felt her cheeks burn. “Catherine Reynolds, you have no shame.”
“You’re right, I don’t. In fact, I’m feeling quite proud. I feel responsible for bringing you and Nick back together. Fate’s a funny thing, isn’t it? Maybe I pushed too hard to have this wedding quickly, but if we’d done it next year you and Nick would have been divorced.”
Maggie felt her heart tumble. She liked to think they would have found the way back together somehow, but maybe they wouldn’t. She reached out and hugged Catherine. “Whatever happens with our children, I hope we can stay in touch.”
“Of course!” Catherine eased away. “I was so nervous about meeting you.”
“You were nervous about meeting me?” Maggie started to laugh. “I was terrified of meeting you. You’re so successful, and you run your own business.”
“I run my own business because I’m far too picky to ever work for anyone else. No one would ever hire me. Why are you staring at me?”
“Because—I never thought of that option. Working for myself.” Why hadn’t she thought about it? Why let others decide whether she’d be a success at something or not?
“You should think about it. There’s nothing like being the boss. You can give yourself a raise, and take tea breaks whenever you like.” Catherine picked up her bag and coat. “We should get back.”
They walked to the door and Maggie paused. “For what it’s worth, I’m sure they’re in love.”
“I’m sure of it, too.”
“She’s changed. She’s more confident. Being with him has made her more confident.” Maggie held the door open. “They’re good together. We have to hope they’ll realize that themselves.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Then it won’t be a very merry Christmas.”
Rosie
“Rosie, wait! Wait.”
Rosie heard her sister’s voice and carried on walking. It was Dan she needed to talk to, not Katie. Katie had already said more than enough.
“Please—” Breathless, Katie caught up with her and put her hand on Rosie’s shoulder. “We need to talk.”
Rosie shrugged her off. “You’ve already said what you wanted to say, and I heard you.” She was desperate to talk to Dan. Where had he gone? The fact that he’d disappeared so quickly worried her more than anything. He didn’t want to be found. She wasn’t even going to be given a chance to fix this.
“Rosie—I need to explain—”
“No, you don’t.” Rosie whirled round to face her sister. “What is wrong with you? I don’t believe for a moment you’d try to intentionally hurt me, so what is this? Are you jealous? Is that what’s going on? Are you envious that I’ve finally found someone I love and who loves me back?”
Katie recoiled. “Of course not. It isn’t that at all.”
“Then what? Because I don’t believe this is all about protecting me. You haven’t protected me from hurt, you’ve given me the hurt. You’ve taken away the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world. I love him, Katie.”
“But you were having doubts—”
“I haven’t once told you I was having doubts. It was you who said that.”
Her sister looked stricken. “But you were using our parents as evidence. I thought—”
“You thought you knew better than I did, even though this is actually my relationship, my feelings.” She stepped closer to her sister. “And do you know what? If I’d had doubts, those would have been my responsibility and handling them would have been my responsibility, too. This is my life, and I’m allowed to feel the way I want to feel. And if I make a mistake and mess up, then that’s on me, too. And what qualifies you to think you know better than I do? When did you last fall in love?” She felt a flash of guilt as she saw the agony in her sister’s eyes.
“You’re right.” Katie’s words were barely audible. “I don’t know anything about love, but I know you.”
“You know one side of me, the side you think is vulnerable and needs protecting. You’ve asked a ton of questions, trying to find a reason why this is the biggest mistake ever, but you haven’t once asked me why I love him. I’m an adult, Katie, and yes, I have a tendency to change my mind about things, but that’s part of who I am. And by the way, I change my mind a lot less since I’ve been with Dan because he doesn’t make me doubt myself the whole time. Being with him is the best thing that has happened to me. I love him, and I won’t be changing my mind about that, but even if I do that has nothing to do with you. I don’t need you to make my decisions for me. And I don’t need you to question the ones I make.”
“You’re right. And I’m sorry. But our parents—”
“It doesn’t matter to me what’s happening with our parents. Their relationship is their business. I’ll love them and respect them whatever they decide. And my relationship is my business, and I expect you all to love me and respect me whatever I decide. You want to know why I let Catherine arrange the wedding? Because arranging the wedding is making her happy, and I like seeing her happy. Turns out that all the little details don’t matter to me. All that really matters to me is marrying Dan. I don’t care how or where. You’re worried that Dan and Catherine have been bulldozing me, but you’re the biggest bulldozer of them all. And before you say you’re mothering me, remember that there’s a single letter separating mother from smother. From now on if you want to interfere with a relationship, get one of your own.” She turned sharply and walked away, her legs shaking so badly from the encounter that it was challenging to put one foot in front of the other.
She was close to tears. She’d never confronted Katie before. This was her sister, her sister, whom she loved with her whole heart. And she’d hurt her, but she was hurting, too. Usually she avoided confrontation, but being with Dan had given her the confidence to believe in her opinions and stand up for herself. And although part of her wanted to run back to Katie and beg her forgiveness, she wasn’t going to do that. Katie had to respect her decisions, and right now her priority was Dan. Her relationship with Dan. She was willing to fight to protect that, even if doing so felt horrible.
She started to cry, but crying made it harder to walk fast and breathe, so she forced herself to calm down. There was no way she was going to have an asthma attack now, in this crucial moment of her life.
She had to talk to Dan, or even the fight with Katie would have been for nothing.
She arrived back at the lodge, only to find that he’d taken a snowmobile out on one of the trails.
She’d been hoping for a private conversation in a cozy, private place like the kitchen at Sn
owfall Lodge, but it seemed there was no chance of that.
Could he have made it more obvious that it was over between them?
Tears stung her eyes. How could he not want to talk to her?
They were supposed to be getting married in forty-eight hours. Surely he at least owed her a conversation?
She ignored the little voice in her head reminding her that her inability to talk to him was the reason they were in this mess.
She had to talk to him. She had to explain, and it couldn’t wait. She didn’t want him to think it through without at least hearing her side of the story. But if she wanted to talk to him, she was going to have to go to him.
She sweet-talked Rob, who looked after the snowmobiles for the lodge and sometimes took guests out.
“You want to take a snowmobile?” He scratched his head. “You shouldn’t ride alone.”
“I won’t be riding alone. I’ll be with Dan. We were supposed to go together, but I was held up.” She delivered her most charming smile, pulled on a snowmobile suit and climbed onto the snowmobile with as much confidence as she could muster.
She tried to remember what Dan had taught her. She was pointing in the right direction, the key was on and the emergency kill switch was up.
Trying to look confident, she jerked her way along the track that led away from the hotel.
Chances were that Dan would have taken the same route they’d taken the other day. She knew he loved the area around Maroon Bells. Her guess was confirmed when she saw what had to be his tracks.
She opened the throttle and went a little faster. The fresh snowfall created a powdery dust as she traveled, reducing visibility. Nerves flickered through her. She was going to put the damn thing in a ditch, or maybe she’d break through ice and drown. Did this trail cross water? She tried not to think about the fact that she’d failed her driving test five times.
There was no sign of Dan, but that didn’t surprise her. He always drove too fast. If she wanted to catch up with him, she was going to have to do the same. She had to do this. She had to talk to him.
She went faster, the snowmobile cutting through the snow. The sky was blue, the trail was empty. Had it been a different day she might have thought this was bliss.
Finally, she reached the frozen lake and there, standing on the shoreline, was Dan.
He must have heard her approach, but he didn’t turn until she’d walked up behind him.
“Dan?”
“I came here for some space. I needed to think.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. But—” She reached out and touched his arm, and felt something close to physical pain when he shrugged her off. “We have to talk. Please. You owe me that.” She felt cold. So, so cold and she knew it had nothing to do with the outdoor temperature.
“You’re urging me to talk? Do you see the irony of that?” He turned to look at her and there was a hardness in his face she’d never seen before.
“Of course I do.” Her chest felt tight. Was it misery and distress, or the beginnings of an asthma attack? One sometimes led to the other. She wished she’d remembered to put her inhaler in her pocket. She pulled her scarf over her mouth. “I understand why you’re angry, but I need you to know I love you. I really love you, Dan.”
His eyes didn’t soften. “You wouldn’t tell me if you didn’t.”
She thought of all the things she’d said to her sister. “I’d tell you.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me you were having doubts?”
“I tried a few times but you—you misunderstood me, and—”
“So it’s my fault?” He didn’t yield. He didn’t give an inch, but neither did she.
Even though she hated confrontation, she was prepared to do whatever it took to make him at least understand her feelings. “I’m not saying it’s anyone’s fault. Only that I didn’t find it easy to say, and every time I tried you thought I was saying something else, so in the end I didn’t say anything at all and honestly I wasn’t even sure my doubts were real. I was doubting my doubts.” She tried to laugh, but her body refused to cooperate. She felt as if she was fighting for her life. She was certainly fighting for her love. For their love.
He turned away again, as if looking at her hurt too much. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“So—what?” Her throat felt thick. “This is it? You don’t love me anymore.”
He gave a humorless laugh. “You think I can switch it on and off? I wish I could. I still love you.”
“Then—” She spread her hands. “I don’t get it. Why can’t we talk about this and move on?”
“Because what happens next time, Rosie?” His voice was raw. “Next time you have an issue you want to talk about, something that is worrying you, something that maybe threatens our marriage, are you going to talk about it? Or are you going to hold it inside until it gradually infects what we have. I can’t marry someone who doesn’t feel they can talk to me. It’s fundamental for making a relationship work.”
She couldn’t breathe.
Tears made it hard for her to see him. She felt strange. If he’d told her he didn’t love her anymore, maybe she could have accepted it but to tell her he loved her but was still breaking it off—it was like being kicked hard in the chest. She felt broken. “I can’t believe you’re being so stubborn.”
“I’m doing what I feel is best.”
She made a last desperate attempt to understand. “Is this about your dad? Are you scared?”
“This is about us, not my dad.”
She didn’t believe him. There had to be more going on, surely? But if he wouldn’t talk to her, what could she do?
Underneath the thick blanket of misery, she felt the stirrings of anger. Anger that he wasn’t prepared to talk it through with an open mind. Anger that he was so easily throwing away what they had.
“Don’t do this, Dan. Seriously, don’t do this. You said you knew me. If you truly know me then you’ll know I struggle with confrontation and difficult conversations. I’m working on it. I’ve probably made more progress in the last day than I have in the last ten years, but you have to be patient.” She swallowed. “I’m asking you to be patient.”
He turned away. “It’s over, Rosie.”
In that single moment anger eclipsed misery. “Yeah? Well, it’s good to know that what we had was worth fighting for. You say you can’t marry someone who won’t talk to you, well, I can’t marry someone who won’t listen and is so inflexible.” She stomped away and somehow made it back to the snowmobile. Scrubbing the tears from her eyes, she jammed the helmet back on her head and sped back down the trail. She wanted to find somewhere warm to sob in comfort. Frozen tears were no one’s idea of fun. And she could feel herself wheezing. If she went to the main lodge she ran the risk of bumping into Catherine. She couldn’t handle her parents right now. Which left the tree house she’d been sharing with her sister.
With luck, Katie wouldn’t be there.
She delivered the snowmobile safely back and made it to the tree house.
The first thing she saw was the Christmas tree glistening, and the second thing was her sister. She was wearing her coat and scarf, and pacing across the living room.
So luck wasn’t on her side.
With a sigh, Rosie tugged open the door and was instantly enveloped by her sister.
“I’ve been so worried. You didn’t answer your phone.”
She hadn’t even heard her phone. “I was busy. Why are you wearing your coat indoors?” And then she noticed the suitcase. “You’re leaving?”
“I—I’ve ruined everything.” Katie stopped hugging her and took a step back. “You’re mad at me, and I don’t blame you. And Mum and Dad are probably mad, too, because of my performance earlier. And I’m not even going to think about what Dan and Catherine probably think. It’s best if I leave, but I couldn’t l
eave before checking on you first. How are you doing?”
“Your wish came true. The wedding isn’t going ahead.”
Katie’s skin color matched the snow beyond the windows. “That wasn’t my wish. I didn’t want that. I wanted you to be sure, that’s all. I didn’t mean this to happen. I’m so, so sorry. You didn’t find him?”
“I found him, but the conversation didn’t go the way I wanted it to.” Rosie peeled off her coat and hung it up. “Maybe I should fly home with you. We could all fly home and have Christmas in Honeysuckle Cottage.” Once, that would have sounded so appealing, but for some reason it no longer did. She felt sick and a little panicky. She’d lost something she knew she’d never get back. She was frustrated, miserable and a little angry, but mostly she was sad.
“We’re not flying home.” Katie looked horrified. “We’re going to fix this. You’re getting married. Do you want to get married?”
“Of course! But it’s too late.”
“It can’t be too late. He’ll change his mind.”
Rosie thought about Dan. “He’s not going to change his mind. And you don’t think I should be marrying him anyway.”
“I do. All I ever wanted was to make sure this was what you wanted. That night on the phone when I was working, and you told me he was perfect—it freaked me out a little. I’d come from dealing with a woman in an abusive relationship. At the beginning she thought the guy was perfect. He made damn sure of it until he’d reeled her in. I suppose I don’t believe in perfect people, and then you used that word and it worried me.”
“I never said Dan was perfect. No one is perfect. I said—” Rosie frowned. What had she said? “I think I said he was perfect for me. That’s not the same thing.”
Katie looked stricken. “You’re right. It’s not the same thing at all. Which proves I should never take personal phone calls when I’m at work because yet again my judgment was flawed.”
“It’s done so now let’s drop the subject. I’m cold, and I need to warm up.”