At Dead of Night

by Tony Whelpton

  ‘Oh, right,’ replied Ted, who had also decided not to reveal exactly what he imagined his father’s work would consist of that evening. ‘Is there anything I can do?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so,’ came the reply. ‘Are you going out with Eileen tonight?’

  ‘No, I’m afraid not, Eileen’s got too much work as well.’

  ‘Oh, okay, just go and wash your hands then. We’re eating a bit early this evening because Jean and Emily are going out.’

  ‘Where are they going to then?’

  ‘I think they’re going to a dance, so you and I will have to keep each other company while the two girls go out enjoying themselves, and your dad and Eileen are busy working.’

  ‘Okay, shan’t be a minute,’ said Ted, refraining from voicing the thought that came into his head that it was not just his two sisters who would be bent on pleasure that evening…

  When Ted’s father came home, Ted did his best to avoid seeing him, and made sure over the weekend that he did not find himself alone with him either. His mind was fully occupied with the notion of taking revenge; all that was needed now was to decide exactly what form his revenge would take, and he felt that having a row with either his dad or Eileen would cancel out any satisfaction that revenge might provide him with.

  Ted did not have to wait until the weekend was over before his father provided him with a clue as to how he might take revenge. It was during Sunday evening’s supper that the occasion arose, when Jim suddenly announced that he would be travelling by car to Blackpool the following weekend.

  Jacqueline appeared surprised. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘you don’t usually take the car when you go to Conference.’

  ‘No,’ replied Jim, ‘but it’s a long way away this time.’

  ‘I would have thought that was a good reason to go by train,’ said Jacqueline. ‘You’ve always travelled by train when it’s been in Blackpool before…’

  ‘Ah yes, but this time Ted’s Eileen will be going too, and I know she’s not very well off, so I offered to take her by car, then she won’t have to shell out the train fare beforehand.’

  ‘Don’t you get travel expenses then?’ asked Ted, although he knew the answer already.

  ‘Yes, of course we do,’ said Jim, ‘but it sometimes takes several weeks before the travel expenses are actually paid.’

  ‘And will you both be able to claim First Class rail travel then?’ Ted asked.

  ‘No, unfortunately,’ replied his father, ‘it’s only because I’m a Shop Steward that I have the right to claim that. Eileen will get Second Class fare.’

  ‘Sounds very democratic!’ Ted commented.

  Jim started to defend this inequality of treatment in a political party which prided itself on being ‘democratic’, but he was interrupted by his wife, whose agenda was not quite on the same wavelength as her son’s. ‘And when are you travelling then?’ she said. ‘I’m sure you’ll have the Friday off anyway, because you’re a Shop Steward, but I’m positive Eileen won’t be able to get the day off from the shop!’

  ‘No, she’s fixed it already. They’re okay with it.’

  ‘Really? And are you okay with it, Ted?’

  ‘I didn’t know anything about it before, but it looks as if I’m going to have to be okay with it, doesn’t it?’

  With that, Ted got up, left the table and went out, preferring to keep his powder dry.

  In the course of the next few days, just before the Party Conference began on the Saturday, Ted did a lot of research with a view to exacting his revenge in the most effective way possible, but he still refrained from mentioning the matter to Eileen or to his father. On the Friday, however, when Jim and Eileen were already well on their road to Blackpool, he telephoned the police, and managed to arrange a meeting with a senior representative of the Fraud Squad.

  Armed with as much evidence as he could muster, he went to Sherwood Lodge, the headquarters of the Nottinghamshire County Police, travelling by bus, which meant undertaking a complicated journey from his home on the Clifton Estate, involving several bus routes. He arrived just in time for his two o’clock appointment, and was shown into a room where, after a five minute wait, a young man not much older than he was himself came in and introduced himself as Inspector Donaldson.

  ‘How can I help you, Mr Wilson?’

  Ted told him that he was an accountant, and that he had come across what appeared to him as falsely claiming expenses. He explained the circumstances without identifying the parties concerned, fearing that it would damage his case if he revealed that the main person involved was his father, and that his father’s chief accomplice was his girlfriend. He had even sought out the details of the travel and subsistence allowances that his father would be likely to claim, what rail fares he would be eligible to claim, and what his journey would be likely to cost him in reality, given the type of car he drove; here again he provided full details. His figures revealed that his father would be likely to benefit from his fraud by not much less than a thousand pounds.

  ‘Mr Wilson,’ Inspector Donaldson said, ‘thank you for setting out your allegations with such clarity, but, although nine hundred odd pounds might appear to be quite a lot of money, I have to say that if we were to take on a case such as this, it would involve spending far more money from public funds than it would recoup. Moreover, if we reacted to every case of fiddling of expenses that we get wind of, we would probably find ourselves arresting most public servants, and most of our colleagues too.’

  ‘What?’ Ted exploded. ‘Are you telling me that the whole of society is corrupt? That’s appalling!’

  ‘To say that the whole of society is corrupt would be going a bit far, sir,’ said the inspector, ‘but in truth we have to judge what we might gain from pursuing any given case, and from what you have told me, what we would gain from this would be very small, so small as to be insignificant. But please leave your documents with me, and my colleagues and I will have a look at them again, and if we do decide to act, I will be in touch.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Ted, rather disappointed. ‘Here you are.’

  The inspector glanced at the documents briefly as Ted passed them to him. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘I’ve just noticed that the person you are informing upon is also named Wilson. Is he any relation at all?’

  ‘Yes, he’s my father,’ Ted admitted.

  ‘And the woman?’

  ‘She’s my girlfriend.’

  ‘Given those circumstances, Mr Wilson, I’m afraid I have to say there is really very little chance of our taking action. Let me explain. If it were to come to court, for instance, you would have to be called as a witness, and the lawyers acting for the defence would undoubtedly have a very strong defence in alleging that the motivation for bringing the case had more to do with sexual jealousy than with actual fraud, I’m sorry. Is sexual jealousy involved?’

  ‘Of course it bloody is!’ Ted shouted. ‘What young man wouldn’t react like that when he finds that his dad is sleeping with his girlfriend?’

  ‘I’m sorry, sir, but that’s domestic, it’s not fraud. It’s all part of normal life, I’m afraid. It’s not very nice for you, but what they are doing is not actually a crime! Well, technically, I suppose, they are involved in a sort of fraud, but on a very small scale, and if we followed that up, we wouldn’t have the resources to follow up on the really big cases.’

  ‘I see,’ said Ted, ‘and I do understand. I’m sorry I reacted the way I did.’

  ‘That’s understandable,’ said Inspector Donaldson. ‘Thank you for coming in.’

  So saying, he shook Ted by the hand, and then Ted had to make the complicated bus journey again, but this time in reverse.

  By the time Ted returned home, his father, and also Eileen, he assumed, had set off for Blackpool. As it happened, Emily and Jean, Ted’s two sisters, were also out for the evening, leaving Ted and his step-mother Jacqueline alone to have their evening meal together.

  Ted had already thought about the conversati
on he would have with Jacqueline, providing he was able to get her on her own for a few moments; now, however, he found himself not only alone with her but with far more time at their disposal than he had imagined.

  The first decision he took was that he would say nothing to Jacqueline about what he was convinced was her husband’s infidelity, not because he felt embarrassed, but because he simply thought it was not the sort of thing that a stepson should discuss with his stepmother. Strangely, he felt on safer ground when it came to the matter of his having reported his father to the fraud squad, partly because he felt less emotional about it, partly because, as an accountant, he possessed an almost evangelical zeal in his opposition to any kind of fraud; he was deceiving himself, however, if he really believed that his judgment on that matter was totally unclouded by emotion.

  At Jacqueline’s invitation he sat at the table while she brought the meal in from the kitchen; as he waited, his mind was occupied by thoughts of the best way in which he might introduce the subject. Should he launch straight into it, saying something like, ‘I’ve informed the police that Dad has been fiddling his expenses’, or try a slightly more casual entry: ‘By the way, I’ve been to the police headquarters this afternoon, and I mentioned to them that my dad has been fiddling his expenses…’

  But he did neither, for it was Jacqueline who opened their conversation: ‘So what do you think about your Dad pinching your girlfriend, Ted?’

  This was a bombshell indeed, the last thing he was expecting. Without thinking about the various constructions that one might put on Jacqueline’s question, he replied immediately, and from the very heart of his being.

  ‘He can have her for all I care! She’s finished as far as I’m concerned!’

  Jacqueline was shaken. ‘That’s a bit extreme, isn’t it? They’ve only gone off to a conference together, when all’s said and done!’

  ‘Oh, have they? You think that, do you?’

  ‘Well, I was thinking that! Do you know something that I don’t then?’

  ‘I don’t know what you don’t know…’

  ‘Well, I know that they’re both going to the same conference, and that they’re travelling in the same car…’

  ‘But you said something about Dad pinching my girlfriend!’

  ‘I didn’t mean it like that! It was only a light-hearted way of putting it.’

  ‘It didn’t seem light-hearted to me…’

  Jacqueline looked at Ted and could see that he was deeply upset. ‘Look,’ she said, ‘I can see you’re really upset about something. Are you upset because of the form of words I used, or is there something serious behind it? You are upset, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes, I am,’ he admitted, ‘and it wasn’t just the expression you used either!’

  ‘Now look, Ted, are you upset, or angry?’

  ‘Both!’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I really do think that Dad has pinched my girlfriend. It didn’t occur to me that you didn’t really mean it.’

  ‘But you must have some reason for thinking that. What’s happened?’

  ‘I didn’t mean to say anything about it to you, but when you started talking about Dad pinching my girlfriend I thought you already knew about it…’

  ‘Already knew about what? I don’t know anything.’

  ‘Well, just forget that I said anything.’

  ‘I can’t! You seem to be making a serious allegation, Ted! You must tell me! If there’s something going on, I want to know about it…’

  ‘If you think I’m making a serious allegation, that’s because I am! Well, a few weeks ago, Elaine told me she wouldn’t be able to see me that evening because she’d got to work late at the shop. It so happened that I was walking past her shop at closing time, and I saw her come out. Then Dad’s car turned up – the normal closing time , that is – she got in, and she kissed him.’

  ‘She kissed him? You mean just on the cheek?’

  ‘No, a proper kiss, a really passionate one! Then they drove off. And that wasn’t the only time either. I’ve seen her going off in his car three or four times.’

  ‘Have you now! And have you mentioned it to her?’

  ‘No, I haven’t said a word. Actually, I haven’t really had a chance, because I’ve hardly seen her since the first time I saw her get into his car.’

  ‘And are you planning to speak to her about it when she gets back from Blackpool?’

  ‘Too right I am! I’m going to tell her it’s all over between us. It never occurred to me that she was that sort of girl…’

  ‘What sort of girl?’

  ‘A slut.’

  ‘That’s a hard word!’

  ‘But if she’s been carrying on with my dad in the way that I think she has, I don’t think it is too harsh a word. But you don’t seem to be upset by what’s going on! I thought you’d be much more upset than that!’

  ‘If it turns out that you’re right, then I will be upset. But then I haven’t seen any evidence myself, and until I do have any, I’d prefer to hold fire for a while.’

  ‘Fair enough. But there’s something else as well…’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘I think he’s fiddling his expenses, and I’ve told the police about it.’

  ‘You’ve done what?’

  ‘I’ve been talking to the Fraud Squad.’

  ‘And do you have any evidence?’

  ‘Not hard evidence, because there isn’t any yet, but there will be as soon as he puts in his expenses claim. But you heard what he was saying about it the other week…’

  ‘I don’t remember.’

  ‘It was when he announced that he was going to Blackpool by car, and he was talking about the fact that he could claim First Class rail fare and Eileen could claim Second Class rail fare, and…’

  ‘Oh, I remember now… But I don’t remember there being anything that would justify informing the Fraud Squad!’

  ‘Perhaps I was allowing the fact that I was upset because I’d obviously misjudged Eileen so badly to influence my thinking. But it’s done now…’

  ‘And now the Fraud Squad will be calling on him, will they?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’ve left some documents with them, and they say they’ll examine them…’

  ‘Well, let’s wait and see. Until I know something definite I’d prefer to suspend judgment, I think.’

  ‘That’s your right. I have no problem with that.’

  In the meantime, Jim and Eileen had arrived in Blackpool, where they had checked into a guest house just outside the town, not simply because they wanted to avoid bumping into anybody else from the conference, but because nearly all of the hotels where most of the delegates stayed had negotiated ‘special conference’ terms, which tied in pretty well with the Party subsistence allowance, whereas, at the guest house which Jim had booked, they would actually make much more profit, since the charges were substantially below what they would be able to claim back.

  When they checked in, Eileen was pleased to note that Jim had checked them in as ‘Mr and Mrs Blenkinsop’: for some time now, she had been contemplating that she would eventually bear the name of ‘Mrs Blenkinsop’, although she had previously imagined that it would be as Mrs Edward Blenkinsop, not Mrs James Blenkinsop, and she had always assumed that her husband would be considerably younger than the man with whom she was intending to spend the next few nights.

  As soon as they found themselves alone in the double bedroom which Jim had reserved, Eileen said, ‘As you’ve checked me in as Mrs James Blenkinsop, I assume that you’ll be wanting to claim your conjugal rights straight away, will you?’

  ‘I can’t think of anything I’d like better,’ said Jim. ‘I’m afraid my mind has been fixed on that ever since we drove out of Nottingham! How do you feel?’

  ‘I thought you’d been thinking of that,’ she replied. ‘There was an expression on your face every time you looked at me that made me think of that too!’

  ‘So is that all
right with you, Eileen?’

  ‘I’d got the impression that that was the whole object of the exercise! So come on then!’ she said flirtatiously, as she started to remove her blouse.

  Half an hour later, still lying in bed, Jim suddenly said, ‘Tell me, do you feel guilty at all about what we’ve just done?’

  ‘Because of Ted, you mean? No, not at all! Do you?’

  ‘No, certainly not! We’re consenting adults, after all, aren’t we?’

  ‘Well, I consent anyway, and you certainly didn’t seem reluctant!’

  ‘I’m not! Not in the slightest! But I keep thinking about our future relationship…’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, I mean, I always imagined that you would get married to Ted…’

  ‘Yes, that’s the plan. But if you think that after I’ve married Ted I’m still going to have sex with you, you’ve got another think coming!’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, I seem to remember there’s something in the marriage service which involves me promising to keep myself only unto him…’

  ‘And are you really going to marry him?’

  ‘Well, everybody assumes that he and I are an item now, so I expect we will.’

  ‘And knowing that you’re going to marry my son, you still want to have sex with me?’

  ‘Oh yes! Because he won’t have sex with me until we’re married, and I rather like sex, haven’t you noticed?’

  ‘I’ve noticed!’

  ‘And what about you? Do you feel guilty about Jacqueline?’

  ‘A bit. But I like being with you too!’

  ‘Have you told her that we’re sharing a room… sharing a bed, I mean?’

  ‘I certainly haven’t! I haven’t even told her we’re staying in the same hotel!’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, have you told Ted?’

  ‘Certainly not!’

  ‘So I can ask you the same question. Why not?’

  ‘Because he’s too strait-laced. Anyway, we’re not here to talk about our other halves, are we? As long as we’re here, I’m all yours, so there!’

  ‘I’m glad of that!’