“—Bullshit? Yeah! So tell me all about him!” She leans back on the counter with our toaster on it, and lays one bare foot on top of the other. Her toenails need some attention, which means she’s been studying too hard again. Lynette is in college for business and marketing. I wish I had her drive. I’m more of a dreamer.
“What did you guys talk about?” she asks, chowing down.
“Um…” I throw what’s left of my cereal down the garbage disposal and turn it on, to block out this difficult subject. Rinsing out the bowl, I stick it in the dishwasher. All of this is with my back to her.
8
Howard
“If you want the coat check girl to be your first, then let’s go get her!”
Jogging up, I walk backwards to confront Xavier. “I didn’t say that!”
“What’d you say?” Dark eyebrows fly up. “Because I don’t remember you saying anything. I remember you disappearing and me finding you staring at an empty void like you might tear it to shreds.”
“I like her,” I admit with a shrug.
“Yes, Howard, that’s what you do when you like someone. You fuck them. So, let’s get her for you.” He’s not slowing at all, so in order to not have to keep looking over my shoulder to ensure I don’t run into anyone I flip around and match his pace.
“Where are you going?”
Stepping around an arguing, intoxicated couple, he asks me in a low-voice, “You remember what perfume she had on?”
I jump around them, too. “I remember what she smelled like, but I couldn’t tell you the name of the perfume!”
“Velvet Rose by Joe Malone. And her shampoo was Loreal. Not sure which one.” His tone is so matter of fact it stuns me.
“That is amazing! Is that what I have to look forward to?”
Xavier stops dead in his tracks and stares at me as we block the sidewalk. “Look forward to? No. You don’t have to remember all the perfumes ever made.”
“No, not that!” I lean in to whisper so no one can hear, “I’m just getting good at smelling things. Hearing them, too. Like back at the club, I could hear Draik talking to himself when he went after Sandra. So I wanna know—is that what I have to look forward to? Being as good as you?”
“You’re just now getting good at it?” Xavier’s face is contorted as he strains to understand me. “Are you telling me that before that night, when this happened to you…” He motions up and down my body, indicating the change I underwent. “You didn’t have our sense of smell?!! You couldn’t…Wait, is that why you practically shouted at us in the club.”
“Right. I couldn’t do anything that you can. Or that my…friends could.” I refrain from saying the word pack. “I’m starting to now. I think it’s growing stronger.” A grin is on me, but he doesn’t mirror it.
He glances to the sidewalk, speechless for the first time since I’ve known him. My smile fades as I wait for him to say something, anything. Am I really that much of a freak? The hammer is about to fall, the inevitable joke at my being lesser than. My spirits sink in anticipation. I’m so tired of being made fun of. I’m sick of being a target.
Xavier sucks on his upper teeth then says, “You finished Medical School by the time you could legally drink so you made the most of what you had.”
Relief comes over me. “Thanks.”
His troubled gaze shifts to the passing cars. “I’m going to teach you.” My eyes go wide, and he continues on to ask, “Has anyone ever tried?” I shake my head, too moved to speak. “This is all new territory. I’ve never heard of anyone going through what you did, that kind of an adult-transformation so I’m guessing your abilities are growing stronger. I think you’re right about that. If that’s the case then you need guidance, especially since you’ve never had any. Close your eyes.”
“Here?”
“Yeah.” There’s a heavy weight on him, like he’s mad. “I’m going to show you something. Lose the face—don’t worry! Everyone’s too drunk or self-involved to notice. They’ll think we’re wasted, too. Close ‘em. Good. Now breathe in through your nose only. Relax and really breathe in. Keep on it and let your nostrils open. There should be an increase as you focus. Lots more smells. Tune in to them.”
“Boy are there,” I mumble, quickly overcome.
“Like what?”
We keep our volume to a minimum at all times, even though I must look pretty fucking strange standing here whispering with my friend, my eyes squeezed shut for some reason. “Uh…Someone pissed over there to the right, but not today. It’s been sitting awhile.”
He eggs me on. “That’s right. That’s the most pungent one. Go deeper.”
“Uh…the couple arguing back there, the guy’s afraid. He smells like fear.”
Xavier’s heart is picking up speed. I can hear it now that I’m focused. “He’s either afraid she’s going to leave him, or afraid she’s going to find out about something.”
I nod. “Or that she already has. He’s denying being with some other girl.”
“Good! You can hear that, too. Excellent. I didn’t want to push you, but that’s great. Now, what else.” He grabs my bicep and I start to open my eyes. “No! Keep ‘em closed. What else do you smell?”
I concentrate harder and my chest expands as I catch what he’s leading me to. “It’s not just the perfume or shampoo.” I take a very deep breath. “It’s her.”
“Yeah, see, I knew what kind they were because she reminded me of Linda. Not in looks, but her beauty products.”
“Who’s Linda?” I ask, distracted by the coat-check girl’s scent.
“A woman who stuck. They don’t all stick, Howard. But you’ll find that out soon enough.” Xavier smacks my arm and says with subtle pride, “Good job.” Leaning forward, he says, right in my ear, “Now, follow that scent.”
My eyes fly open and suddenly I’m moving. Just like back at the club, my legs are in control. I’m just here for the ride. Then everything else rushes to march with them—my blood, my breathing, the twitch in my fingers. I’m advancing up the street at a brisk pace. She went this way, and not that long ago.
“This way!” I turn left, and move faster.
“Howard, easy boy. Slow down.” Xavier grabs my suit jacket and pulls me back.
I look over at him and demand, “What’s your problem?”
His eyes go wide with surprise at my tone and he tightens his grip. Quiet enough for only me to hear, he warns me, “You are moving too fast. Get it?”
He’s talking slowly like you would when confronting someone who won’t give you their keys when they’ve had too many. I don’t listen. My head swings away and my eyes glaze over as I catch her on the wind, like the buildings are soaked in her. I resume the search, sniffing the air like a wild animal.
9
Alisa
“I’m waiting,” she sighs.
“We talked about my smile,” I shrug and head for my room.
She calls after me, “What smile?” with the kind of friendly sarcasm only someone who really loves you can use.
“Har har har.”
Shutting the door, and her out with it, I plop down in the chair I’ve strategically placed beside my solo window. This is where I come to think. Watching the city of Chicago pass by our apartment building is peaceful to me. I get to watch silent conversations, the expressions always indicating whether or not something important is being said. Then I guess at their relationship, add a little drama, some backstory, and voila! It’s like the world is a movie with me its enraptured audience member. I like books and movies more than I’d admit to a stranger…. and maybe even to my friends.
Since our apartment building sits on the corner of a busy-ish intersection, there are at least twenty people walking out there at any given moment. Groups of two’s, three’s and more head in different directions tonight. A whimsical smile appears as I lean forward to enjoy the show.
Where is everybody going? Those two are probably heading for a hotel—she’s too young and
he looks too rich. The three over there with the conservative dresses, matching pumps and purses, are probably coming from a play at Steppenwolf. I bet they’ve decided to be wild and hit a bar before going home. Knock back a few crazy glasses of Chardonnay. The one in the middle is the gregarious one, and by her triumphant grin, she talked them into it. Who else do we have? Hmm…Those two hot guys walking up the sidewalk toward my apartment are…wait a minute.
“Holy shit!” I hoarsely whisper. Jumping off the chair I run out of my room, whisper-yelling, “Lynnie! Lynnie!!!!”
She bursts out of her room. “What?! What is it?”
Frantically I point toward the window in our living room. “He’s outside! He’s down there.” My eyes are wide and my heart is slamming in my chest as I hiss at her, “On the streeeeeet!”
She’s staring at me like I’m acting like a nutcase. Which I am. “What are you freaking out about, Alisa? The guy from Spybar? So go talk to him!”
“Keep your voice down!”
“Oh, he can’t hear me!” She heads for the window. “I’ve gotta check this guy out.”
“Don’t!” I tackle her. We fall onto the couch. “He’ll see you!”
“Okay, you’ve lost your mind,” she laughs, pushing me off of her.
“Stay down!” I hunch over, indicating she must do this, too. To amuse me she bends over. Sitting on the couch our chests are on our thighs so that we’re out of view completely, just in case Mophead and Bearded guy jump up and look inside.
Lynnie asks me, quietly this time, “Why are you freaking out?”
Because I felt something in my chest tonight. Something that made me shake. “Because he’s a fucking stalker, that’s why. He’s dangerous!”
Her curiosity changes to dismay. “Oh my God. You told him where you live?”
I look toward the window and whisper, “Well, he may not be here for me.”
She cocks her head. “Alisa.”
“What?”
“He just happened to walk by, didn’t he? Did you even talk to this guy?”
“Totally. We talked for awhile,” I shrug.
“Liar.”
“So what!”
“You like him, don’t you?”
“Nope.”
She sits upright. “When was the last time you got laid? And get up here—you’re acting bizarrely.”
Rolling my eyes, I sigh and straighten up. “That’s not what this is about.”
“I think it is. I think you saw a guy who…” she pauses to point down. “…made your little girl all tingly and now you’re going bananas thinking someone might actually break her in again.”
Laughing under my breath, I shake my legs out. “My little girl.”
“What do you call her?”
“I don’t.”
“You have to call her something.”
“All the names suck.” My attention goes back to the window. “Is he still out there?”
“Why don’t you check?” She pushes me to get up, but I fight her and lean back.
“Stop it!”
“Get up!”
“NO!”
10
Howard
Xavier grabs my arm, turns me around and makes me face him. I don’t want to. I just want her. “People are looking at us. You’re panting. Cut it out.”
I realize he’s right. I’m showing too much. This hasn’t happened before. My wolf is overtaking me. We can’t ever reveal to society what we are. It would mean death. For them. For us. Maybe for all of our kind.
I lock my jaw and grit my teeth. I can feel my eyes heat up and start to betray me. I wouldn’t even have noticed if he hadn’t nearly knocked me over just now. He yanks me to face the wall so no one can see. He’s still got hold of my arm. If he didn’t, I’d be running. I can feel it.
I whisper, “Something’s wrong with me,” my voice hoarse.
“Ya think?”
“Hey there!” a voice shouts from behind us.
Xavier looks over his shoulder. “Shit.” Then says more loudly, “Is there a problem officers?” He turns around.
I take a couple deep breaths to make sure my eyes are normal. They cool down and I flip around immediately adopting a normal and casual smile. A cop car is stopped in the middle of the road. There are two male, deputy police officers looking at us from inside. People on the sidewalk behind them are walking slowly, curious as to what’s going to happen.
“You guys aren’t peeing on that building, are you?” the officer in the passenger seat asks.
I throw my hands up. “It’s me, Blaney! And no, we weren’t urinating in public! You know I wouldn’t do something illegal.”
Deputy Blaney squints then recognizes me, relaxing his shoulders. “Dr. Peters? You look different!”
“Yeah, I’m not in my lab coat. It’s weird seeing someone out of context.” I shrug, Xavier silent beside me.
Blaney shakes his head like he’s trying to pin point what the real reason is. “Nah, it’s not that. Have you been working out? You look…bigger.”
Xavier side-eyeballs me. As the coroner I’m on a first name basis with most everyone in this district of the Chicago P.D. Xavier used to be a cop, but he worked the suburbs since he was a natural threat to the smaller officers. And by smaller I mean size and minded.
“Yeah,” I shrug again. “I’ve got a trainer.”
Deputy Thayer who’s driving the white and blue sedan raises his eyebrows but says nothing. These guys are good cops, not like Lanky and Lenox. Knowing they accept, I take a step forward. “Why don’t you park the car and come have a drink with us?”
They both grin, and Blaney chuckles, “I wish. We’ll see you around.”
“You guys have a good night!” I give them my friendliest smile and a small wave. Thayer puts the car in gear and they slowly drive away, eyeing the dark corners of their patrol. Glancing over to Xavier, I ask, “What? You were a cop! Don’t look at me like I’m friends with the enemy.”
He scratches his beard, runs thick fingers through his hair then crosses his arms. “I’ve got no problems with cops. I’m a big fan. What I’m wondering is what the hell just happened to you?”
“Sorry.” Thinking about it, I have to admit I have no idea what happened so I mutter the only explanation I’ve got. “I’m not used to this stuff yet? I have to get better control, obviously.”
He starts walking. “C’mon.” It looks like he doesn’t really believe me. “Maybe that’s what it is. I’ve never been in this situation before. It could be like dealing with a…teen.”
“You almost said—”
“—I know what I almost said!”
I match his purposeful stride and focus on listening to the sounds of the city around us, distracted from my earlier mission. I’ve lived in Chicago for years but it feels new and different to me now that I’ve acquired these ever-increasing abilities. The city has got an electricity to it I never noticed. Lights are brighter, colors more vivid, shadows filled with glowing outlines of living and dead things…I’m awake to it all.
Xavier is looking grim and when I glance over to tell him I can smell the rats in the sewers, my announcement vanishes. “What’s wrong?”
“Hmm?” He starts at my voice. “Nothing.”
“I’m sorry I got carried away back there.”
“Mmm.” Our footsteps are much louder now that we’re getting further from the action. “Why don’t you come live with me and Draik?”
My jaw drops. “Really?”
From miles away, he nods. “Curragh’s got his own place now. We’ve got room.”
“Wow.” Excited, I start laughing. “WOW!”
“Since Curragh’s not here to say it, I will.” Xavier shoots me a look. “Calm your shit down.”
My laugh freezes in my throat and I nod. “Sorry. That was a pretty good impression, too.”
Xavier stifles a smile. He’s always been the one I’m closest to, even though I revere Curragh in a different way. Draik is lik
e a buddy, the guy who won’t take anything—including you—too seriously, so it’s easy to be around him. But Xavier? His is a friendship I value more than he will ever know. That said, while he might teach me how to become a more fully formed wolf, he will probably never be able to make me cool.
11
Alisa
“What are you scared of?”
Giving her a look, I stand up. “I’m not scared.”
“You look pretty scared to me.” I know she’s manipulating me by feeding into my fear of weakness, but it’s working anyway.
“I’ll just go look.” Heading over, I hear her get up to join me. “No! Stay there. I don’t want you to be the first thing he sees.”
“Now, what’s that supposed to mean?”
She has no idea how beautiful she is. And I’m not going to tell her. “Nothing. Just stay there. Oh God.” I swallow down the vomit that’s threatening to come up.
“Wow, Alisa…you really like this guy, don’t you?”
I can’t hear her, because I’m getting closer and in two seconds I will be able to watch him without his knowing I’m even here. The idea of opening the window and throwing a pillow at his head to get his attention pops in, and I shake my head against the lunacy. The street is coming into view with every step I take, and finally I can see the sidewalk just down below, but he’s not there. “Oh.” My chest caves in as I exhale my suspended breath. “Dammit.”
“What?” She runs over, searching the sidewalk outside. “He’s gone?”
Feeling excitement dying inside me, I mutter, “Guess so.”
There’s a lot of foot traffic down there, but no Mophead or his bearded friend. Lynnie touches our heads together and puts her arm around me. “Sorry bug.”
“I don’t even know him,” I confess, staring out at faces of disappointment, strangers who are not him. “I let him get away.”
Werewolves of Chicago: Howard: The Underdog Page 4