Pushing Send

by Ally Derby

She snaps her finger in my face. “Don’t get sidetracked, sister. I need you. I promise to let you come spend all day in here tomorrow, looking at the marble floors and walls, but first, get me ready for Joey ‘Freaking’ White.”

  I laugh. “How about I get you ready for you?”

  “That, too.” She giggles as she sits down on the vanity chair. “Let’s do this.”

  And so we do.

  When we come out of the bathroom, Mrs. Jamison smiles as tears form in her eyes. “You look stunning, baby girl.”

  “Told you she rocks,” Lana grumbles. “Dress time.”

  Her mother opens the closet, and I see the dress for the first time. The ball gown is a deep blackberry color. The bodice is a corset covered in glistening sequins with a sweetheart neckline. The skirt is tulle and has a few sparkling sequins on it.

  “Gorgeous,” I whisper.

  Her mother takes the little baggy off the hanger. “Intimates first.”

  chapter four

  The beginning of my end…

  I stand on the porch as the black stretch Hummer pulls away from the curb.

  “They look amazing,” Dr. Jamison says as he kisses his wife’s head, then walks inside.

  I nod. “They really do.”

  “Thank you for helping her, although I thought she was perfect.”

  “Girls, right?” I smile.

  “Yes, I suppose.” She smiles. “The teenage years…”

  “Well, thank you,” I say, as I step down the first step.

  “Wait, honey, can you take something to your father for me?”

  “My father?”

  “Yes. He has been working on our fence this week. He built a little gate in the back section and replaced a few of the boards.”

  “He did?” I ask, completely shocked.

  “Yes, he also built the Adirondack chairs and glider. He is extremely talented.”

  “Right.” I smile, even though I am stunned stupid.

  “Give me one minute.” She slips inside and returns with an envelope. “Tell him thank you and we need the back deck fixed up next week if he can fit us in.”

  Fit them in? I laugh to myself as I take the fat envelope. “Will do.”

  I walk down the rest of the steps and to my house, where Mom is on the front porch, looking through a magazine. She looks up when I step onto our porch steps, and they creak under my feet.

  “Ahh, there you are, Hadley! I saw the limo leave and figured you’d be home soon enough.”

  “Yeah, Lana just wanted me to help her out with some last minute stuff and fix her hair.”

  She cringes. “Was it bad?”

  “It definitely wasn’t prom ready. Maybe ten year class reunion.”

  “Ouch. Glad you could help her.”

  “Me, too. Oh, I almost forgot. Mrs. Jamison told me to give this to Dad.” I show her the envelope. “Do you know where he is?”

  “He’s resting.”

  “Do you know anything about him working?” I ask.

  “He’s been taking on odd jobs here and there around town. He’s getting better, Hadley. Getting better every day.” She beams. You can tell she’s proud of him. She always has been, though.

  “That’s good. Should I leave this with you or bring it to him, then?” I ask

  “Leaving it with me is fine. I’ll give it to him when he comes down.”

  I hand her the envelope, then head inside where I grab an apple and head to my room to read. When I reach my room, I fall on my bed and try to think of what to do. I can’t text Lana or go to her house. I could role-play with Skylar or Bee, but they probably don’t want to.

  I scroll through Instagram aimlessly and spot some prom pictures. They are at the lake to take pictures? There’s one of Claire and Lana standing on the banks of the inlet. Claire’s hair is just as I left her. Lana’s hair is still beautiful, too, and I personally think Lana looks better.

  I keep scrolling and stop when I see a picture of Pax and Claire, of course posted by Claire. The comment is With da bae #BlueValleyProm. His eyes and their calming effect take hold, and any silly jealously I might have had before washes away like the tide swept through.

  There are also pictures of Pax, Claire, Lana, and Joey ‘Freaking’ White. Claire and Lana seem to be getting along. There are even a few pictures posted of just the two of them.

  I scroll and scroll, and before I know it, it’s ten thirty.

  I head into the 80s bathroom, apply mascara and lip gloss, and then sit on the drab wooden stool in front of the mirror. I comb through my hair and frown.

  What am I going to do with this mop? I think to myself.

  I return to my room and pull a white tank top and a blue, green, and purple floral skirt along with a denim jacket and a pair of white flip-flops from my small closet. Returning to the bathroom, I sit back down, still thinking. I scroll online until ten forty-five, and after putting in and taking out about five hairstyles, I settle for a milkmaid braid.

  As I sit on my bed, the demon cat jumps up, scaring the living daylights out of me. Then he looks at me, seems to roll his eyes, and licks his paws.

  “Yolo, get off my bed,” I say, snapping my fingers.

  He plops down and rolls over, as if he wants me to rub his belly.

  “Nice try, fat cat. I know what happens if I fall for that again.”

  I go back to the task at hand and am spraying my hair when I get a text from Claire.

  The limo is almost at my place. U coming?

  Yeah, I’ll be right there! :D I text back

  I run downstairs and show Mom the text. She nods then grabs the keys to Dad’s truck.

  “Mom, that thing is ancient. Can’t we just take your car?” I plead. I’m not usually embarrassed, but after seeing Lana’s bathroom and how it seems that the others are arriving in a limo…

  “I’m sorry, Hadley. My car is in the shop.”

  “Right, okay, let’s just go.” I smile convincingly.

  We drive to Claire’s house on a private road, listening to the radio and chatting sometimes. When we arrive at the crossroad, I exhale.

  “Mom, can you just drop me off here, and I’ll walk?” I ask.

  “Sure, sweetie.” She smiles. “Don’t do anything stupid,” she sing-songs while laughing and unlocking my door.

  “Love you, Mom.” I smile, then walk to Claire’s house.

  I notice the music coming from behind the house and follow the Tiki torches lining the sidewalk that leads to a massive pool and outdoor oasis.

  Wow.

  The entire place has been transformed into a tropical paradise. There are raffia skirts circling the food tables and bar. Everyone is wearing leis; some people are sporting beachcomber hats and grass skirts.

  I see Lana and Joey ‘Freaking’ White. He is whispering in her ear, and her smile is as big as the moon. She doesn’t see me. As a matter of fact, I am certain she doesn’t see anyone except him.

  I look around, noticing it seems like it’s only couples there, and immediately feel out of place.

  “Hey, new girl.” I look to my left and see Pax walking toward me. His hair is still styled like it was for the prom, but he is in a pair of swim trunks and a tank top. I have never seen him like this, never realized just how built he is. “You having fun?” he asks, breaking my stare.

  I nod then shrug, fumbling yet again.

  “Just got here.” I nod to Lana. “She have fun?”

  “She seemed to have a great time. She and Claire even got along.” He mockingly gasps.

  I smile. “I saw the pictures on Instagram.”

  “Yeah, I have about had it with the number of selfies I’ve had to endure tonight.”

  “The joys of Hashtag-BlueValleyProm.” I look up at him. “The pictures are great.”

  He doesn’t say anything as he looks at me, and it honestly makes me uncomfortable.

  “Teenage girls.” He smirks.

  “Wretched creatures.”

  “Hashtaggers.”
He grins.

  I smile and nod.

  “Fine,” he grumbles.

  “Fine, what?” I ask, as I watch him pull his phone out from his pocket.

  “No, don’t try to stop me. I know, I know.” He throws his arm around my shoulder and holds out his phone. “Say cheese.”

  “No.” I try to squirm away, but he holds tighter.

  “You were just as much a part of Hashtag-BlueValleyProm as the rest of us.”

  “Was not.” I cover my face as he snaps a picture.

  “You were behind the scenes. Now smile, Hadley.”

  “If I refuse?”

  “I will keep taking them until you do,” he warns.

  “You are impossible.” I uncover my face and smile to appease him.

  He gets closer and pushes his face against mine, and my eyes automatically close.

  “Hadley, open your eyes and smile.”

  I do, knowing he won’t let up, and he snaps a few more.

  “Now, your phone.”

  “Not necessary,” I say, pulling myself away slowly and hoping it doesn’t offend him.

  “Hadley, necessary. Hand it over.”

  I hand him my phone.

  As he snaps the first picture, I notice Claire behind us, making a silly face, and I laugh. Pax sighs, then lets go of me.

  “Thanks for coming.” Claire smiles and grabs my hand. “Let’s get a drink.”

  As she pulls me away from Pax toward the bar, I am oddly relieved.

  “Selfies with Pax?” she asks, smiling, although something about her smile is less than genuine. I understand the feeling—a tinge of jealousy, the same feeling I felt when I saw the pictures of them at #BlueValleyProm, except for the fact that it doesn’t go away.

  “Yeah, I guess.” I take the drink she hands me.

  “He’s cute, right?” She waves her hand through the air. “Hottest guy here.”

  I feel my face getting more and more heated. “Haven’t really noticed,” I lie.

  She smiles and nods, seemingly appeased.

  “That’s right; you’re a sophomore. You aren’t into boys yet.” She motions toward Lana. “She certainly is.”

  I see Lana smirking and kind of swinging her hips as Joey ‘Freaking’ White whispers in her ear. I then look over to Pax, who seems engrossed in a conversation with the football players. I look back up to find Lana and Joey holding hands, walking toward the house, and I take a step toward them, but Claire’s hand comes up, stopping me.

  “Leave them alone. It’s kind of sweet.”

  “Just wanna let her know I’m here.”

  “Well, I’m sure she’ll be right back. She’s probably using the bathroom.” I side-step her hand and she laughs. “My parents and brothers are inside. I’m sure they’ll help her find it. She’ll be right back out here, and I’m sure she’ll see you then.”

  Her words put me at ease.

  She waves to her normal group of friends and laughs. “Hey, before I go over there, let’s take a selfie.” She holds out her hand. “Your phone first.”

  She takes several with mine and then hers before she walks away. Then I see Pax look over at me, and I shove my phone in my pocket while he looks away.

  Awkward. It is awkward being here.

  I decide to sit down at the bar and drink my punch. As soon as I take a drink, I know something is wrong. It smells and tastes nasty.

  “Wrong punch,” Pax says, grabbing the glass from my hand.

  “Is there alcohol in that?” I gasp.

  “I would guess yes.” He smells it, and then I see him glare at Claire, who shrugs and smirks.

  I am shocked. “Do her parents know?”

  “They took keys when people came in, so my guess is yes. As long as they’re staying the night, it’s all right with them.” He grabs me a bottle of water and sits.

  “Are you drinking alcohol?” I whisper to him.

  “Not my thing.” He smirks and shakes his head.

  “Good,” I say, looking away.

  “It is good. Apparently, I come from a long line of firewater drinking Iroquois Indians.”

  “You’re Native American?” I should have seen it in his features: heavy eyelids, a slight almond shape to his eyes, and high cheekbones. He has a very chiseled look.

  “Half. My mother was raised in the Seneca nation.”

  His mother was, which means his mother is no longer.

  He smiles sadly, “She’s been gone four years.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Me, too.” He leans back in his chair and looks up at the sky. “She’s at peace now.” I have no idea what to say, and obviously, he catches on to this. “It happens, Hadley. Life isn’t a guarantee.”

  “Pax, all I can say is that I’m sorry. I can’t imagine losing my mother, even though she drives me insane with her antics ninety percent of the time.”

  He laughs, sitting forward. “And someday, you’ll have kids of your own who will say the same thing about you.”

  “Someday, like twenty years from now,” I roll my eyes.

  “You don’t want kids … in the future?”

  “The world is a cruel place, and I’m not sure I would want to bring someone into it. I’m also not sure I would be a very good mother.” He looks at me curiously, and I force myself to laugh. “This is a very deep conversation, one I am sure shouldn’t be had at—”

  “Hashtag-BlueValleyProm’s after event?” He smirks.

  “Exactly.”

  When we both fall quiet, I expect him to get up and walk away—I want him to, actually—but he doesn’t.

  “Are you bored?” I finally ask.

  “Am I boring you?”

  I shake my head. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to sit here. Go have fun.”

  “Fun is overrated and so is prom.” He smiles. “But this is actually nice.”

  “This?” I ask, realizing I sound like I am fishing for attention or affirmation.

  “Conversation with someone who doesn’t seem to have to be the center of attention”—he points to the football team, who is now pushing each other in the pool—“or act foolishly for attention. You know, just sitting here, having a conversation, and breathing.”

  “Breathing?”

  “Yes.” He nods with conviction.

  “Breathing is underrated”—I smile—“something we take for granted.”

  “Something we don’t even realize we are doing,” he adds with a quick grin.

  “Breathing is definitely underrated.”

  “Exactly.” He sits back and looks around, taking in the scene with his feet under him. He then looks up at the sky, seeming completely at peace, comfortable, and content.

  I decide to take his lead and do the same.

  There isn’t a cloud to block the twinkling stars in the heavens as I put myself in Pax’s place for a moment. I imagine his mother looking down at him, smiling at the boy she raised and the calm, yet ever present force, he seems to carry with him.

  I gasp when I see a shooting star, and he does the same. I look over at him and can’t help grinning.

  He smiles at me. “Quick, make a wish, Hadley.”

  A wish.

  He closes his eyes, and then his mouth moves before he opens them.

  “Did you make yours yet?”

  I shake my head.

  “You better hurry. A shooting star wish is like the five second rule; you have to hurry.”

  “I guess—”

  He covers my mouth with his hand. “You have to say it in your head and close your eyes.” He pulls his hand away.

  “There certainly are a lot of rules to this wish making—”

  “Four … three … two…” He stops when I close my eyes.

  I have no idea what to wish for. None. What kind of girl doesn’t have a wish?

  I internally battle with how utterly boring I am. I could wish for Gayle Forman to have woken up the day she killed off Mia’s entire family or that John G
reen could have let Augustus Waters live, but that’s not gonna happen. Then I decide to make my wish for him, to give him my wish, whatever he wanted.

  Give him my wish, I whisper to the universe.

  I open my eyes to find him staring at me.

  In the black of night, beneath the brilliant lights in the sky, surrounded by a tropical wonder in the middle of Blue Valley, Pax’s magnificent eyes are still the most effervescent sight I have ever seen. He is staring at me, and I am staring at him.

  He squints his eyes shut and shakes his head. “Wish I knew what the hell you just wished for, Hadley.”

  “Well…”

  “No, can’t tell me—”

  “Another rule?” I joke.

  “Yeah, but damn if whatever it was didn’t look important.”

  I smirk and nod. “I bet it is.”

  “Pax, come on in. The water is warm, man,” Ryan, Pax’s best friend, yells to him.

  He looks over at me, appearing to be contemplating his next move.

  “The waters warm, man.” I smile as I stand up. “And I am going to see where Lana is.”

  I don’t wait for him to respond, walking briskly toward the house.

  “Wait up,” Claire yells from behind me, but I don’t stop, realizing Lana has been gone for more than half an hour.

  I begin to wonder where she is.

  “Do me a favor?” Claire says as she catches up.

  “Sure,” I say, continuing to walk.

  “Videotape me?”

  “Okay?” I say as I pull my phone from the pocket and glance behind me to see Pax running and jumping into the pool.

  Claire snaps her fingers in front of me, bringing my attention back to her. “Okay, I am doing a mock-umentary,” she says. “Let everyone who wasn’t invited to this kick-ass party see what they’re missing.”

  Against my better judgment, I hit record.

  “Hey there, Blue Valley, this is Claire, junior at Blue Valley High and your prom queen. I want to thank you all for the votes and give you a tour of my pad.” She throws the door open, and I follow her in. “My family’s kitchen.” She waves her hand through the air. “Dining room.” I continue recording as I follow her. “Family room.” She waves and continues walking quickly through the house until she throws open a closed door. “Guest bedroom.”

  “What the?” Joey yells and throws a blanket over himself.