Until My Heart Stops Beating

by Tonya M Barber

  “You didn’t want this drink did you?”

  “No. I wanted to surprise you with these,” referring to the flowers.

  “Inhaling as she closed her eyes she said, “They smell great. Thank you.”

  “So, does this mean I get a second date?”

  She chortled. “You think flowers buys you another date?”

  “No, but I damn sure was hoping it would.”

  They resumed walking as he retrieved his phone from his pocket. He called the driver informing him of their location and telling him he was ready for pick up. Standing not far from the store, they made small talk as they waited for their ride. Glancing down at his hands, she realized he still was holding onto her bag and the portrait of her that was made not long ago.

  “Would you like me to take the bag?”

  “No, but thank you for the offer. I can manage,” he smiled.

  They stood in silence for a few minutes.

  “Well, do I get an answer to my question?”

  “What question?” She pretended not to remember.

  “Will I ever get to take you out again?”

  Holding her head up as she looked to the sky, she pondered his question. “Yes.”

  Elated, Declan threw a fist pump in the air. Makeba smiled as he placed his hand at the small of her back ushering her to their approaching ride. The driver got out of the car attempting to run around to the passenger side to open the door for them but stopped in his tracks when Declan assured him it was ok and that he’ll take care of it. Once inside they pulled off into traffic on their way back to Jersey.

  Forty minutes later they pulled up in front of Makeba’s house. Again, Declan told the driver to stay inside the car. He got out first and held the door open for Makeba then escorted her to the door.

  “I had a wonderful time tonight Declan. Thank you much.”

  Handing her the flowers he’d purchased for her earlier he said, “So did I.”

  After retrieving the bouquet, she fumbled in her purse for the house keys. Once she found them she unlocked the door pushing it slightly ajar. “Good night Declan.”

  “Good night Makeba and thanks for a lovely evening.”

  “No, thank you. I’m glad you kidnapped me after all.”

  They laughed.

  “Kidnapped you?”

  “Isn’t that what you did? Anyone else in that situation would have called it just that. I mean you were supposed to take me to get coffee and only coffee. I assumed the length of time of our outing would be about an hour and somewhere local but instead it was in another state and several hours, I might add.”

  “And if it made me feel like I do right now at this moment, I would do it again.”

  “You know what?”

  “What?”

  Shaking her head she said, “I don’t think I’d like it any other way.”

  “Neither would I.” He descended the stairs. “Makeba.”

  “Yes.”

  “Can I call you later tonight?”

  She smiled. “You better.”

  Nodding his head, he jogged to the car, got in and the driver pulled off.

  Rushing upstairs passing her parents’ bedroom Makeba could faintly hear conversation as the television played in the background. Entering her bedroom, she began peeling off her clothes and throwing them in the hamper. She walked over to the dresser to retrieve a clean pair of pajamas to put on after she got out the shower. Quickly, she showered then crawled under the covers of her bed. Suddenly, she was saddened at the realization that she left her bag in his car. She made a mental note to let Declan know when he called.

  An hour later her cell phone rang just as she began dozing off. Glancing at the screen and seeing that it was Declan, she pushed the accept call button as she smiled.

  “Hello.”

  “I guess you didn’t like my gift as much as you pretended.”

  “That isn’t true. I loved it.”

  “Then why am I sitting in my hotel room right now staring at it as I cradle it in my hand?”

  “Because I forgot it and I really would like to get it back.”

  “I think I can arrange that.”

  “How so?”

  “Have dinner with me tomorrow”

  She hesitated for a few moments then said, “I don’t know.”

  “C’mon, have dinner with me. I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”

  “There’s no such thing as a perfect gentleman.”

  “Wow! I thought I was the perfect gentleman tonight.”

  She chuckled. “You came pretty close.”

  “Then you must give me a chance to redeem myself.”

  Sitting up in the middle of the bed, she giggled like a high school girl at his comment. “Really, Declan?”

  “Really.”

  “Hmmm,” pretending to give his request for another date deeper thought. “Yea I think I will give you the opportunity to redeem yourself after all.”

  “Thank you."

  “You are welcome.”

  Makeba and Declan continued to converse till the wee hours of the morning, losing track of time. When there was no response to his last question and he heard heavy breathing emanating from the other end of the phone, he glanced down at his watch, frowning, when he saw it was 4:30 in the morning. After numerous attempts of trying to awaken her, he gave up, whispered good night not expecting a response, then ended the call feeling like he had scored a third home run in the world series. The moment he’d get to see her again couldn’t come fast enough. He was so anxious, he couldn’t fall asleep.

  The following morning Makeba was awakened by the pain of her cell phone pressing into her side. “Holy smoke,” she whispered after realizing she had fallen asleep with Declan on the phone. Immediately, she went into her contacts and dialed his number. The call went straight to voicemail. After tossing the phone on the other side of the bed she got up strutting towards her dresser to look for something to wear on her date, stopping suddenly when she heard a knock on the door.

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s dad. Can I come in?”

  Turning on her heels, she walked to the door and opened it standing to the side so he could enter.

  “Morning Dad.”

  “Good morning.”

  Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, she looked at her dad inquisitively. The expression on his face led her to believe that there was some seriousness to whatever he wanted to discuss. Something inside warned her that there was a possibility it was about her date the previous night.

  Taking a seat next to her, Mr. Jones eyed her.

  “Who is the guy you went out with last night?"

  Holding her head to the side with furrowed eyebrows, Makeba was shocked at the question. She was no stranger to dating nor was she underage. In the past her father never had an issue with anyone she dated which made this moment such a surprise to her.

  “His name is Declan. I met him at the airport.”

  “What happened to Melvin?”

  Glancing at him she said, “Dad I haven’t dated Melvin in months. What is this about?”

  “I’m just inquiring about why a white man and his fancy ass car appeared at my home talking about he was here to pick up my daughter.”

  Jumping up from the bed, she grimaced at the words her father spoke.

  “We went out on a date.”

  “What, he couldn’t find anyone of his own kind to go out with?”

  No longer able to hide her anger, she took a few steps away from her dad glaring at him wondering who was this man sitting on her bed. He couldn’t possibly be the man she knew as her father. He sounded like a bigot, something she despised. Never in her lifetime had she seen this side of him and she didn’t like it, not one bit.

  “I’m pretty sure he could dad but he chose to go out with me.”

  Rising, he moved closer to her. “Are you going out with this man again Makeba?”

  She didn’t like his tone at all and she wanted to tell hi
m such but he was still her dad and she had to respect him no matter what. So instead of giving him the response she wanted to she just said, “Yes.”

  His jaw tightened as he gritted his teeth. “I know I can’t choose who you date but I don’t have to like it. I don’t like this Makeba and I hope this is nothing serious.”

  He turned on his heel walking toward the door.

  “Dad.”

  Looking over his shoulders he said, “I’ve made myself very clear. There are plenty of black men out there, good black men. Find one!”

  He walked out closing the door behind him.

  Makeba tried like hell to put the conversation with her father out of her head but she couldn’t. His statement was so matter of fact. When did he become such a racist? She wanted to ask him but she decided against it. This wasn’t about her father, this was about her. She enjoyed her outing with Declan the night before and she was looking forward to going out with him again. She was joking when she told him he wasn’t the perfect gentlemen. He was as perfect as they came.

  A few minutes later her cellphone rang. It was Declan and as bad as she wanted to smile she couldn’t. Her father had put a damper on her mood. At first she started to let the phone go to voicemail but decided not to and was glad she didn’t. After speaking with him she felt better and couldn’t wait for their date to begin. According to Declan, it would be a dinner and dancing kind of night. Just what she needed.

  It was apparent how observant Declan was because he kept asking her if anything was wrong as he glanced across the table at her. She assured him it wasn’t. It was a lie. She loved her dad and it bothered her that he had an issue with who she was dating solely on the basis of the color of his skin but that was his issue, not hers. Two nights in a row, she was treated like a woman of royalty. He even remembered to bring the gift she left in his car the night before which made her very happy. He complimented her on her hair, her lipstick, her earrings and her fresh manicure. He paid attention to the smallest details. That said a lot about the type of man he was. Sitting across from him listening to live Rhythm and Blues as he spoke about his goals and aspirations for the new Hotel he was building in Newark was exciting. Several times between the course of their meals he held out his hands asking for a dance. She accepted every time. The last time on the dance floor he asked for another date and she accepted without reservations.

  Could It Be Love?

  For the next several months things were heating up between Makeba and Declan. His trips to Newark were becoming more frequent and her need to see him intensified. Lately she was experiencing emotions she had never felt before. This left her pondering more and more if she was falling for him. If so, the unsettling feeling embedded deep within her had her questioning if that was a good thing. They hadn’t made love yet and it wasn’t for lack of trying. Every time things would heat up and it appeared that they were going to take the next step in their relationship, Declan would pull away leaving her feeling like a steaming pot threatening to boil over, stopping her the moment she’d begin to peel off a layer of clothing. The last time they were together she tried with everything she had to seduce him but to no avail. Frustrated, she refused to stay the night with him at the hotel.

  She appreciated the intimacy that lying in his arms provided but she wanted more, so much more. A burning desire to have him deep inside her was turning her insides to ash. She needed him, craved him in the worst way. For the life of her she couldn’t understand his lack of interest in her sexually. What kind of game was he playing? That was the million dollar question she had no answer to. He was an enigma that not even Archimedes could solve. One thing was for sure, she was at her wits end and her patience was wearing thin. Feeling like a ball of confusion from being on a merry go round, Makeba decided to bring her concerns to Declan’s attention. This would be the night she would get the answers to her questions and possibly get a reprieve from the smoldering fire that burned so hot inside her. Feelings or not, she was too damn old to play games and she made a decision to tell him so when he arrived tonight.

  The American Airline flight he was on was due to arrive at 10:27 pm. The end of her shift was 11:00 pm. She knew he strategically scheduled his flight at that time so they could meet up at the airport. Usually, that would have excited her but due to the circumstances not so much this time.

  After wiping down the bar and filling up the beverage refrigerator, Makeba was more than ready to cash out. Pulling her drawer and placing the end of the night sales receipts on top, she began to walk toward the back of the restaurant.

  “The most beautiful sight I’ve laid my eyes on all night.”

  Quickly she spun around holding her bank in her hand. She tried not to smile but the sight of him sent a sensation through her body that defied her desires. What made it most difficult for her was the fact that he was not dressed in his normal business attire. This time he had on a pair of jeans, a button up shirt and a pair of tennis shoes. Loving the look and the new style of the man that stood before her, she smiled as she watched him intently as he made his way toward her. Laying her bank down on the counter, she waited anxiously for him to come closer. Standing just a few inches away from each other they both leaned forward allowing their lips to touch engaging in a kiss that made the most intimate part of her throb with desire. Reluctantly, she pulled away taking a deep breath.

  “Hey beautiful,” he smiled then licked his lips.

  Beaming like the morning sun she said, “Hello handsome.”

  “Almost ready?”

  Looking down at her, then back up at him, she replied, “Give me a few minutes.”

  “Damn Makeba c’mon. I’d like to go ho-“

  They turned in the direction from where those words came from and chuckled at the surprised look on her face when she noticed that her and Makeba were not alone.

  “Hello Rasheeda!” Declan greeted.

  “Hello,” she grinned, turning on her heels retreating back to where she had come from.

  Observing Declan ogling her, Makeba leered at him hoping he’d comprehend exactly what she was implying although there was no words spoken.

  “I want you,” he mouthed.

  Yup, he got the message and she was ecstatic. Closing her eyes, she meditated on his words. This was what she had been waiting for. Earlier she swore she wasn’t spending the night with him tonight but that’s when she thought he wasn’t going to give in to her demands and she had some demands all right. Now that it was confirmed that they desired the same thing, she couldn’t wait to get out of there and into the comfort of a bed with him doing any and everything imaginable to her.

  Although her knees trembled and her hands shook, she retrieved her bank, turned on her heels and headed towards the back of the restaurant. Stopping short of the threshold separating the bar from the back, she looked over her shoulders and gave him a look so seductive it made his blood rush through his veins like a tidal wave causing his manhood to elongate alongside his leg like a space shuttle preparing to blast off. Flushed, he surveyed the restaurant elated that it was closed and saved him from the embarrassment of having being seen with a big bulge in the front of his jeans.

  Fifteen minutes later, Makeba walked out to the front of the restaurant with her purse draped over her shoulders. Declan’s forehead creased as he frowned upon seeing that she did not have an overnight bag with her. Perhaps she had forgotten it. That’s what he was thinking.

  “Ready?”

  With questioning eyes he asked, “You didn’t bring an overnight bag?”

  Nervously she peered at him. “No.”

  “Hmm, is there something you need to share with me?”

  “I didn’t bring one because I hadn’t planned on staying the night. I’ll explain in further detail when we get to the hotel,” she replied noticing Rasheeda was listening.

  “Well, I can’t wait to hear this explanation.”

  Frowning, she glared at him, bid Rasheeda good night, and left with him following clos
e behind her.

  ~*~

  After retrieving his luggage, Declan grabbed Makeba by the hand and rushed to the arrival level where his car awaited them. The driver popped the trunk. Freeing Declan from his luggage, he placed the bags in the car then rushed around to open the door for them to get in. Once comfortably seated inside, the driver entered the car and cautiously pulled off into traffic.

  Declan laid his head back and closed his eyes pondering what could possibly be wrong with Makeba. He went over a million things in his head trying to come up with what the problem could have been but he couldn't come up with anything. He thought they were in a good place. Obviously, he was wrong. At least that’s what he was telling himself.

  Twenty minutes later they were entering suite 623 at the Marriott Hotel, the room he always booked when he visited Newark. Quickly, he put away his clothes then returned to the living area joining Makeba on the sofa. He wanted so bad to kiss her, touch her, feed on her like she was his first meal after years of famine but he wasn’t sure if he should. He wouldn’t be able to take rejection very well so instead, he remained quiet waiting for her to speak.

  It had been a few minutes and still no words escaped her lips. No longer able to stand the tension between them, Declan grabbed her hands and cradled them in his while gently rubbing the backs.

  “We’re good right? We’re ok?”

  The worried look in his eyes caused her heart to sink. Making him feel bad wasn’t her intention at all.

  Staring into his eyes she began to speak. “I want to be honest with you. Since your last visit, I had been seriously pondering whether I should continue to see you beyond tonight.”

  Her words not only shocked him but it pricked his insides like he was stuck with a straight pin. He was ready to speak until she stopped him by placing her finger on his lips.

  “Let me finish, please.”

  He nodded.

  “There’s no worst feeling in the world for a woman than the feeling of being undesirable.”